May 7, 2024

How To Make Friends As An Adult, With Megan Devito

How To Make Friends As An Adult, With Megan Devito

Have you ever felt alone and struggled to make new friends as an adult? Making friends gets tougher after school and college when we no longer have that built-in social circle. This can lead to loneliness, especially for those working remotely or who...

Have you ever felt alone and struggled to make new friends as an adult?

Making friends gets tougher after school and college when we no longer have that built-in social circle. This can lead to loneliness, especially for those working remotely or who have moved to a new area.

In this episode you'll...

  1. Understand why adult friendships are challenging but possible
  2. Learn practical strategies to put yourself out there
  3. Gain confidence to initiate conversations and make new connections

Listen now to discover actionable tips for making friends that stick, even if you're an introvert who struggles with small talk.

Topics Discussed:

  • Challenges of making friends as an adult
  • Impact of remote work and COVID-19 on socializing
  • Overcoming fear of being perceived as "weird"
  • Finding people with shared interests/values
  • Using childhood interests to rediscover your passions
  • Initiating conversations without small talk
  • Asking intentional questions to build rapport
  • Putting yourself in situations to meet new people
  • Embracing discomfort to facilitate growth
  • Practical first steps to start making friends

----

GUEST WEBSITE:
https://www.megandevito.com/ 

----

MORE FROM THE FIT MESS:

Connect with us on Threads, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and Tiktok

Subscribe to The Fit Mess on Youtube

Join our community in the Fit Mess Facebook group

----

LINKS TO OUR PARTNERS:

 

 

Transcript

1
00:00:00,262 --> 00:00:03,723
you ever felt alone and struggled to make
new friends as an adult?

2
00:00:03,723 --> 00:00:07,463
Making friends gets tougher after school
and college when we no longer have that

3
00:00:07,463 --> 00:00:08,723
built in social circle.

4
00:00:08,723 --> 00:00:12,383
This can lead to loneliness, especially
for those working remotely, or maybe

5
00:00:12,383 --> 00:00:13,469
you've moved recently.

6
00:00:13,469 --> 00:00:16,709
In this episode, you'll understand why
adult friendships are challenging, but

7
00:00:16,709 --> 00:00:17,689
possible.

8
00:00:17,689 --> 00:00:23,381
You'll learn practical strategies to put
yourself out conversations and make new

9
00:00:23,381 --> 00:00:24,070
connections.

10
00:00:24,070 --> 00:00:27,850
So keep listening so you can learn how to
make friends that stick, even if you're an

11
00:00:27,850 --> 00:00:29,651
introvert who struggles with small talk.

12
00:00:51,800.1852387681429 --> 00:00:52,40.18523876814288
All right.

13
00:00:52,40.18523876814288 --> 00:00:54,250.18523876814288
It's a question that I know a lot of
people are dealing with.

14
00:00:54,250.18523876814288 --> 00:00:57,580.1852387681429
I hear about this a lot from other full
grown adults.

15
00:00:57,580.1852387681429 --> 00:01:00,210.18523876814288
How do you make friends as an adult?

16
00:01:00,210.18523876814288 --> 00:01:05,260.1852387681429
How do you just go up to random people and
somehow go from stranger in the coffee

17
00:01:05,260.1852387681429 --> 00:01:07,620.1852387681429
shop to friend you're hanging out with?

18
00:01:07,620.1852387681429 --> 00:01:09,170.18523876814288
I still don't know.

19
00:01:09,170.18523876814288 --> 00:01:12,100.18523876814288
I think I'm getting a little closer to
figuring out a path.

20
00:01:12,460.1852387681429 --> 00:01:16,300.1852387681429
and that's largely because I started this
year with my one word goal of community,

21
00:01:16,300.1852387681429 --> 00:01:16,510.1852387681429
right?

22
00:01:16,510.1852387681429 --> 00:01:21,304.1852387681429
Like I realized how alone I've been, how
lonely I've felt and

23
00:01:21,304.1852387681429 --> 00:01:26,304.1852387681429
I'm aware that I need to put myself out
there and meet people and make friends.

24
00:01:26,324.1852387681429 --> 00:01:33,184.18523876814288
And so yesterday I'm out walking my dog,
dogs, I have two as it turns out, and I'm

25
00:01:33,184.18523876814288 --> 00:01:34,24.18523876814288
doing it alone.

26
00:01:34,24.18523876814288 --> 00:01:37,144.18523876814288
I'm taking my little nature bath alone
with my dogs.

27
00:01:37,144.18523876814288 --> 00:01:42,204.18523876814288
Came home, got in the sauna alone by
myself for 20 minutes.

28
00:01:42,204.18523876814288 --> 00:01:47,236.18523876814288
Then I got in the cold tub for 10 minutes
alone by myself.

29
00:01:47,672.1852387681429 --> 00:01:51,512.1852387681429
Then I'm in the shower realizing like all
these things I'm doing to manage my mental

30
00:01:51,512.1852387681429 --> 00:01:55,252.18523876814288
health, to manage my physical health, to
take care of myself, to expand my

31
00:01:55,252.18523876814288 --> 00:01:57,872.1852387681429
longevity and be a better person and all
of these things.

32
00:01:57,872.1852387681429 --> 00:02:02,872.1852387681429
The most important things I'm doing with
my time, I'm doing them alone.

33
00:02:03,12.18523876814288 --> 00:02:08,292.1852387681429
And it just hit me like, why are you not
including more people in these things that

34
00:02:08,292.1852387681429 --> 00:02:10,572.1852387681429
are the most important part of your life?

35
00:02:10,572.1852387681429 --> 00:02:12,712.1852387681429
And this is no fault of my wife.

36
00:02:12,712.1852387681429 --> 00:02:14,572.1852387681429
She's been begging to do these things with
me forever.

37
00:02:14,572.1852387681429 --> 00:02:16,412.1852387681429
And I'm always just like, no, I'm going to
go run now.

38
00:02:16,412.1852387681429 --> 00:02:17,244.18523876814288
Bye.

39
00:02:17,624.1852387681429 --> 00:02:23,704.1852387681429
And so it just, it was really vivid to me
that like all of the attention I've put

40
00:02:23,704.1852387681429 --> 00:02:28,724.1852387681429
into taking care of myself has been on
isolated activities and you know, very

41
00:02:28,724.1852387681429 --> 00:02:30,44.18523876814288
much the man in the arena, right?

42
00:02:30,44.18523876814288 --> 00:02:34,23.18523876814288
Like I'm here fighting this battle alone
and nobody can help me.

43
00:02:34,44.18523876814288 --> 00:02:40,544.1852387681429
But it was just shocking to me how much I
spend my time doing these super important

44
00:02:40,544.1852387681429 --> 00:02:42,188.18523876814288
things alone.

45
00:02:42,944.1852387681429 --> 00:02:47,284.1852387681429
Yeah, and a lot of them, it is better to
do them alone, right?

46
00:02:47,284.1852387681429 --> 00:02:54,225.18523876811378
I mean, there's an amount of work here
that, I don't necessarily want to sit in a

47
00:02:54,225.18523876811378 --> 00:02:58,75.18523876811378
sauna with anyone and sweat like that.

48
00:02:58,75.18523876811378 --> 00:03:00,705.1852387681138
That's fun alone.

49
00:03:00,785.1852387681138 --> 00:03:04,225.18523876811378
I know being cold, that's something I do
alone.

50
00:03:04,225.18523876811378 --> 00:03:09,769.1852387681138
A lot of this work is important to do
alone to be okay with it first.

51
00:03:10,97.18523876811378 --> 00:03:11,617.1852387681138
then you can share in the experience,
right?

52
00:03:11,617.1852387681138 --> 00:03:19,357.1852387681138
I mean, I wouldn't want to, there's a lot
of self -care things that I don't know if

53
00:03:19,357.1852387681138 --> 00:03:23,297.1852387681138
I would continue them if I started with
another person.

54
00:03:23,297.1852387681138 --> 00:03:27,157.18523876811378
It's, you know, falling in love with
yourself is pretty important to me.

55
00:03:27,157.18523876811378 --> 00:03:35,24.185238768113777
But yeah, no, I spent a lot of days
wondering, like, you know, like I...

56
00:03:35,24.185238768113777 --> 00:03:38,784.1852387681138
just go out into the wild, like leave my
house and be like, why has no one like

57
00:03:38,784.1852387681138 --> 00:03:41,904.1852387681138
glommed onto me and like, you know, made
friends with me?

58
00:03:41,904.1852387681138 --> 00:03:43,684.1852387681138
What's going on?

59
00:03:43,989.1852387681138 --> 00:03:44,759.1852387681138
Am I ugly?

60
00:03:44,759.1852387681138 --> 00:03:46,337.1852387681138
What's going on here?

61
00:03:47,345.1852387681138 --> 00:03:51,325.1852387681138
But it's, it's that, you know, like when
my daughter and I were talking about

62
00:03:51,325.1852387681138 --> 00:03:54,145.18523876811378
snakes the other day and she, she was
like, I'm so scared of the snake.

63
00:03:54,145.18523876811378 --> 00:03:58,45.18523876811378
I was like, look, the snake is probably
more scared of you than you are of it.

64
00:03:58,485.1852387681138 --> 00:04:01,685.1852387681138
And I was like, my God, people are the
same way.

65
00:04:01,685.1852387681138 --> 00:04:07,45.18523876811378
People like if you go out and just expect
somebody to make friends with you, I don't

66
00:04:07,45.18523876811378 --> 00:04:08,25.185238768113777
think it's going to happen.

67
00:04:08,25.185238768113777 --> 00:04:09,345.1852387681138
Like it's rare, right?

68
00:04:09,345.1852387681138 --> 00:04:12,245.18523876811378
To find those people that are comfortable
doing that.

69
00:04:12,925.1852387681138 --> 00:04:16,58.18523876811378
So unfortunately, what's the harder of the
two?

70
00:04:16,465.1852387681138 --> 00:04:18,225.18523876811378
You gotta walk up to the people.

71
00:04:18,225.18523876811378 --> 00:04:19,275.1852387681138
You gotta do the things.

72
00:04:19,275.1852387681138 --> 00:04:20,685.1852387681138
You gotta, right?

73
00:04:20,805.1852387681138 --> 00:04:22,45.18523876811378
It's, I don't know.

74
00:04:22,105.18523876811378 --> 00:04:25,737.1852387681138
It always bothers me when you're like,
ugh, the solution is the hard one.

75
00:04:25,737.1852387681138 --> 00:04:27,747.1852387681138
I know, I know, because it always is.

76
00:04:27,747.1852387681138 --> 00:04:30,417.1852387681138
That's like if the solutions were easy,
there'd be no problems.

77
00:04:30,417.1852387681138 --> 00:04:32,797.1852387681138
That's just simple math.

78
00:04:32,797.1852387681138 --> 00:04:37,57.18523876811378
But it is interesting, you know, the work
that I've been putting in to build that

79
00:04:37,57.18523876811378 --> 00:04:41,437.1852387681138
community, to make those friends has been
very much on this path.

80
00:04:41,437.1852387681138 --> 00:04:44,727.1852387681138
I've been going to this group cold plunge
thing every week.

81
00:04:44,727.1852387681138 --> 00:04:47,317.1852387681138
I'm getting to know those people every
week to where we all sort of look forward

82
00:04:47,317.1852387681138 --> 00:04:48,7.185238768113777
to seeing each other.

83
00:04:48,7.185238768113777 --> 00:04:50,17.185238768113777
It's a nice little social gathering.

84
00:04:50,17.185238768113777 --> 00:04:53,225.18523876811378
So that's one of my wellness things that
is expanding.

85
00:04:53,225.18523876811378 --> 00:04:56,985.1852387681138
And from that, I met a guy who now we go
running two or three times a week up in

86
00:04:56,985.1852387681138 --> 00:04:57,465.1852387681138
the trails.

87
00:04:57,465.1852387681138 --> 00:05:00,85.18523876811378
And so like it's it's interesting how it's
evolving.

88
00:05:00,85.18523876811378 --> 00:05:04,325.1852387681138
And I think part of it is something that
you hinted at at the beginning where, you

89
00:05:04,325.1852387681138 --> 00:05:09,825.1852387681138
know, we do this stuff alone to get OK
with ourselves, to get OK with the voices

90
00:05:09,825.1852387681138 --> 00:05:16,65.18523876811378
in our own heads and the discomfort of not
performing and not being the mask that we

91
00:05:16,65.18523876811378 --> 00:05:17,145.18523876811378
wear for everybody.

92
00:05:17,145.18523876811378 --> 00:05:21,125.18523876811378
But I think I've just gotten to a point
where like I'm actually kind of OK with

93
00:05:21,125.18523876811378 --> 00:05:21,872.1852387681138
me.

94
00:05:21,872.1852387681138 --> 00:05:22,401.1852387681138
Yeah.

95
00:05:22,401.1852387681138 --> 00:05:26,321.1852387681138
I hate myself so much less than I used to,
you know, it's, it's kind of nice.

96
00:05:26,321.1852387681138 --> 00:05:31,41.18523876811378
And so now it, it feels okay to let people
in to this part, to that part of my world

97
00:05:31,41.18523876811378 --> 00:05:36,571.1852387681138
to share it now, because it's, it's not
just about fighting this, this silent,

98
00:05:36,571.1852387681138 --> 00:05:39,971.1852387681138
lonely fight against, you know, sad, angry
voices.

99
00:05:39,971.1852387681138 --> 00:05:43,101.18523876811378
Now it's something that like, I enjoy
doing this stuff and it would be cool to

100
00:05:43,101.18523876811378 --> 00:05:44,385.1852387681138
share it with other people.

101
00:05:44,513.1852387681138 --> 00:05:50,773.1852387681138
Yeah, it's, it is very interesting how so
much of my life and I was like, well, I

102
00:05:50,773.1852387681138 --> 00:05:53,553.1852387681138
can't go do that because I don't know how
to do it yet.

103
00:05:53,553.1852387681138 --> 00:05:57,353.1852387681138
Like, and it defeats the whole purpose of
going to do it.

104
00:05:57,353.1852387681138 --> 00:06:00,893.1852387681138
Like we were all beginners at something at
some point in time.

105
00:06:00,893.1852387681138 --> 00:06:06,353.1852387681138
I think, you know, at the gym the other
day, someone new came in and they're like,

106
00:06:06,353.1852387681138 --> 00:06:09,773.1852387681138
you know, we're all lifting weights and
they, they did it like, you know, with no

107
00:06:09,773.1852387681138 --> 00:06:10,499.1852387681138
weight.

108
00:06:10,833.1852387681138 --> 00:06:13,333.1852387681138
And I made sure to like walk up to that
person and be like, hey, great job.

109
00:06:13,333.1852387681138 --> 00:06:13,913.1852387681138
That was awesome.

110
00:06:13,913.1852387681138 --> 00:06:15,93.18523876811378
You did really awesome.

111
00:06:15,93.18523876811378 --> 00:06:17,873.1852387681138
Like, just like encourage that.

112
00:06:18,173.18523876811378 --> 00:06:22,833.1852387681138
Cause nobody's going like, ugh, what a
loser, right?

113
00:06:22,913.1852387681138 --> 00:06:24,193.18523876811378
They don't know how to do something.

114
00:06:24,193.18523876811378 --> 00:06:25,973.1852387681138
No one's doing that, right?

115
00:06:25,973.1852387681138 --> 00:06:29,193.18523876811378
I mean, and if they are, you don't want to
be friends with them anyway, right?

116
00:06:29,193.18523876811378 --> 00:06:36,553.1852387681138
So it took me a long time to realize, just
go do the thing, regardless of like what

117
00:06:36,553.1852387681138 --> 00:06:40,93.18523876811378
it is or what your skill capacity is.

118
00:06:41,137.18523876811378 --> 00:06:44,217.18523876811378
Just go do the thing and it's going to be
better for you.

119
00:06:44,217.18523876811378 --> 00:06:45,87.18523876811378
But same thing.

120
00:06:45,87.18523876811378 --> 00:06:50,977.1852387681138
Like I am so much more open with what I'm
not good at and just socializing with

121
00:06:50,977.1852387681138 --> 00:06:51,407.1852387681138
those things.

122
00:06:51,407.1852387681138 --> 00:06:55,737.1852387681138
So I'm I will never be good at golf ever.

123
00:06:56,157.18523876811378 --> 00:06:57,777.1852387681138
I've just come to terms with it.

124
00:06:57,777.1852387681138 --> 00:06:59,157.18523876811378
I will never be good at it.

125
00:06:59,157.18523876811378 --> 00:07:01,497.1852387681138
I get pissed off when I'm out there.

126
00:07:01,497.1852387681138 --> 00:07:05,637.1852387681138
But like, you know, I just recently played
with with a friend of mine who is really

127
00:07:05,637.1852387681138 --> 00:07:06,917.1852387681138
good at golf.

128
00:07:07,137.18523876811378 --> 00:07:08,477.1852387681138
And he doesn't care.

129
00:07:08,477.1852387681138 --> 00:07:11,121.18523876811378
Like we just go out there and have a good
time and that's it.

130
00:07:11,121.18523876811378 --> 00:07:12,271.1852387681138
No, I think I think you're right.

131
00:07:12,271.1852387681138 --> 00:07:16,11.185238768113777
Most of the time that friend that you're
playing golf with just wants your company.

132
00:07:16,11.185238768113777 --> 00:07:17,401.1852387681138
They're not out there for the competition.

133
00:07:17,401.1852387681138 --> 00:07:19,51.18523876811378
They're not out there trying to one up
somebody.

134
00:07:19,51.18523876811378 --> 00:07:20,601.1852387681138
They just want to spend time with you.

135
00:07:20,601.1852387681138 --> 00:07:23,651.1852387681138
A friend of mine who went through a
similar situation moving to a new place,

136
00:07:23,651.1852387681138 --> 00:07:28,61.18523876811378
knowing nobody intentionally was like, I'm
going to be somebody else when I get

137
00:07:28,61.18523876811378 --> 00:07:28,461.1852387681138
there.

138
00:07:28,461.1852387681138 --> 00:07:31,881.1852387681138
I'm going to be the person that goes up to
the other parents at school to pick up my

139
00:07:31,881.1852387681138 --> 00:07:35,701.1852387681138
kid and just talk to them because they
they need that interaction as much as I

140
00:07:35,701.1852387681138 --> 00:07:36,181.18523876811378
do.

141
00:07:36,181.18523876811378 --> 00:07:38,857.1852387681138
But I'm going to be the one brave enough
to start it.

142
00:07:38,993.1852387681138 --> 00:07:43,573.1852387681138
And I admire the shit out of that because
that is not something that I am

143
00:07:43,573.1852387681138 --> 00:07:44,433.1852387681138
comfortable doing.

144
00:07:44,433.1852387681138 --> 00:07:48,33.18523876811378
I probably could do it, but I overthink
the conversation.

145
00:07:48,33.18523876811378 --> 00:07:50,603.1852387681138
I worry like, I don't know this person.

146
00:07:50,603.1852387681138 --> 00:07:51,363.1852387681138
I barely know me.

147
00:07:51,363.1852387681138 --> 00:07:52,213.18523876811378
What are we going to talk about?

148
00:07:52,213.18523876811378 --> 00:07:57,343.1852387681138
I don't know what to do here, but it is so
important to, we're social creatures.

149
00:07:57,343.1852387681138 --> 00:07:58,523.1852387681138
That's what we're designed to do.

150
00:07:58,523.1852387681138 --> 00:08:04,993.1852387681138
And we are evolving a planet and a society
that is more and more isolated and relying

151
00:08:04,993.1852387681138 --> 00:08:06,609.1852387681138
on fake connection.

152
00:08:06,609.1852387681138 --> 00:08:10,909.1852387681138
And so the loneliness just gets worse and
worse and worse because we just jump onto

153
00:08:10,909.1852387681138 --> 00:08:12,529.1852387681138
Instagram and become friends that way.

154
00:08:12,529.1852387681138 --> 00:08:12,709.1852387681138
Right.

155
00:08:12,709.1852387681138 --> 00:08:16,389.1852387681138
Like we're not actually out there, out
there interacting and creating real bonds

156
00:08:16,389.1852387681138 --> 00:08:17,949.1852387681138
and real connection with people.

157
00:08:17,949.1852387681138 --> 00:08:21,789.1852387681138
And I'm seeing it, the, the little bit of
effort that I'm putting in and the

158
00:08:21,789.1852387681138 --> 00:08:25,729.1852387681138
friendships I'm making are making me so
much happier and making me feel so much

159
00:08:25,729.1852387681138 --> 00:08:26,309.1852387681138
better.

160
00:08:26,309.1852387681138 --> 00:08:32,189.18523876811378
So I just, I wanted to figure out a way to
help our listeners get to the point where

161
00:08:32,189.18523876811378 --> 00:08:33,529.1852387681138
I'm trying to get to.

162
00:08:33,529.1852387681138 --> 00:08:34,641.1852387681138
And coincidentally,

163
00:08:34,641.1852387681138 --> 00:08:38,181.18523876811378
I was listening to the More Than Anxiety
podcast the other day, a show that you and

164
00:08:38,181.18523876811378 --> 00:08:40,721.1852387681138
I were lucky enough to be on with the
host, Megan Devito.

165
00:08:40,721.1852387681138 --> 00:08:44,341.1852387681138
She did a show all about this, about how
to make friends.

166
00:08:44,341.1852387681138 --> 00:08:47,341.1852387681138
So I reached out to her and said, hey,
Megan, come on our show and help us make

167
00:08:47,341.1852387681138 --> 00:08:49,488.2830569151556
friends, because it's getting lonely over

168
00:08:49,998.2830569151556 --> 00:08:50,818.2830569151556
what's the deal?

169
00:08:50,818.2830569151556 --> 00:08:54,6.283056915155612
Why is it so hard for us as adults to
figure out how to make friends?

170
00:08:54,780.2830569151556 --> 00:08:58,640.2830569151556
My theory on this really, and it's funny
because the whole conversation, my whole

171
00:08:58,640.2830569151556 --> 00:09:02,840.2830569151556
podcast episode came from a conversation
with my 23 year old son, who was like,

172
00:09:02,840.2830569151556 --> 00:09:06,720.2830569151556
there's literally no one in my age racket
who has the same interests of me and all

173
00:09:06,720.2830569151556 --> 00:09:07,420.2830569151556
of Indianapolis.

174
00:09:07,420.2830569151556 --> 00:09:09,800.2830569151556
And I'm like, I don't think that's true,
man.

175
00:09:09,800.2830569151556 --> 00:09:11,540.2830569151556
But he and I'm like, you're 23.

176
00:09:11,540.2830569151556 --> 00:09:12,490.2830569151556
You went to college there.

177
00:09:12,490.2830569151556 --> 00:09:13,290.2830569151556
I know there's people.

178
00:09:13,290.2830569151556 --> 00:09:15,160.2830569151556
And he's like, no, I think they all left.

179
00:09:15,160.2830569151556 --> 00:09:16,20.283056915155612
They didn't leave.

180
00:09:16,20.283056915155612 --> 00:09:21,600.2830569151556
So my theory on this, I'm like, OK,
listen, here's what's going on for 20, 20

181
00:09:21,600.2830569151556 --> 00:09:22,360.2830569151556
years.

182
00:09:22,360.2830569151556 --> 00:09:24,819.2830569151556
You've been in this artificial like.

183
00:09:25,147.2830569151556 --> 00:09:27,227.2830569151556
microcosm of friendship, right?

184
00:09:27,227.2830569151556 --> 00:09:31,127.28305691515561
Like we go to preschool, we go to
kindergarten, all the way through high

185
00:09:31,127.28305691515561 --> 00:09:35,887.2830569151556
school with these kids where we grow up
and are, you know, what you like to do.

186
00:09:35,887.2830569151556 --> 00:09:37,547.2830569151556
They're on the same sports teams as you.

187
00:09:37,547.2830569151556 --> 00:09:39,177.2830569151556
You eat lunch with them.

188
00:09:39,177.2830569151556 --> 00:09:44,247.2830569151556
You're with them all the time, like seven
hours a day, five days a week for

189
00:09:44,247.2830569151556 --> 00:09:48,337.2830569151556
sometimes 12 or 15 years with these same
kids.

190
00:09:48,337.2830569151556 --> 00:09:51,67.28305691515561
I mean, if you're from a little town like
I am.

191
00:09:51,67.28305691515561 --> 00:09:54,367.2830569151556
And it's like, of course you're friends
with them because you've basically

192
00:09:54,367.2830569151556 --> 00:09:58,607.2830569151556
inherited siblings or cousins or just
people that you're with all the time.

193
00:09:58,607.2830569151556 --> 00:10:02,667.2830569151556
And then you graduate high school and
suddenly it's like, whoa, what happened?

194
00:10:02,667.2830569151556 --> 00:10:06,387.2830569151556
But then you go to college where you live
in a dorm with them or you join a

195
00:10:06,387.2830569151556 --> 00:10:08,767.2830569151556
fraternity or a sorority or you share an
apartment.

196
00:10:08,767.2830569151556 --> 00:10:14,427.2830569151556
And again, you're going through things
with these people and then you graduate.

197
00:10:14,447.2830569151556 --> 00:10:18,737.2830569151556
And then it's really, whoa, where did
everybody go?

198
00:10:18,737.2830569151556 --> 00:10:21,235.2830569151556
Because we don't have that.

199
00:10:22,587.2830569151556 --> 00:10:26,7.283056915155612
fake community, which I guess is really,
it's really a real community.

200
00:10:26,7.283056915155612 --> 00:10:29,627.2830569151556
We don't have that handed to us community
anymore.

201
00:10:29,627.2830569151556 --> 00:10:32,727.2830569151556
And suddenly it's like, you're on your own
kid, get out there and go find some

202
00:10:32,727.2830569151556 --> 00:10:33,407.2830569151556
friends.

203
00:10:33,407.2830569151556 --> 00:10:36,7.283056915155612
But suddenly it's like crickets and
nobody's there.

204
00:10:36,7.283056915155612 --> 00:10:40,167.2830569151556
And you do think that nobody is in the
state of, you know, nobody's in the city

205
00:10:40,167.2830569151556 --> 00:10:44,207.2830569151556
of Indianapolis who's anything like you,
but those same people who you lived with

206
00:10:44,207.2830569151556 --> 00:10:49,367.2830569151556
just like one year ago live in the same
city, but things are different.

207
00:10:49,403.2830569151556 --> 00:10:50,723.2830569151556
So I think that's what makes it hard.

208
00:10:50,723.2830569151556 --> 00:10:53,163.2830569151556
It's like all of a sudden we're self
-conscious, we don't know where to find

209
00:10:53,163.2830569151556 --> 00:10:57,619.2830569151556
people, we can't talk because we're not
with them all the time anymore.

210
00:10:57,664.2830569151556 --> 00:11:01,744.2830569151556
And then, and then I'm just, you know,
I've loved to hear you elaborate a little

211
00:11:01,744.2830569151556 --> 00:11:02,394.2830569151556
bit more, right?

212
00:11:02,394.2830569151556 --> 00:11:08,44.28305691515561
Because we would graduate and like when I
graduated college, I went to a job and I

213
00:11:08,44.28305691515561 --> 00:11:10,694.2830569151556
went into an office and I made friends in
the office.

214
00:11:10,694.2830569151556 --> 00:11:16,204.2830569151556
So like there was that additional piece,
but now I work from home and more people

215
00:11:16,204.2830569151556 --> 00:11:16,824.2830569151556
work from home.

216
00:11:16,824.2830569151556 --> 00:11:17,994.2830569151556
We're not going into the office.

217
00:11:17,994.2830569151556 --> 00:11:22,944.2830569151556
Like I know a few people who their first
job out of college is at home and all

218
00:11:22,944.2830569151556 --> 00:11:23,444.2830569151556
alone.

219
00:11:23,444.2830569151556 --> 00:11:25,234.2830569151556
So like, talk about that.

220
00:11:25,234.2830569151556 --> 00:11:25,894.2830569151556
Tell me about that.

221
00:11:25,894.2830569151556 --> 00:11:27,8.283056915155612
Like is that.

222
00:11:27,8.283056915155612 --> 00:11:28,856.2830569151556
That's just increasing it, right?

223
00:11:28,987.2830569151556 --> 00:11:29,847.2830569151556
It is.

224
00:11:29,847.2830569151556 --> 00:11:35,327.2830569151556
And we're coming off that, I mean, I hate
going back to this, but God, we're going

225
00:11:35,327.2830569151556 --> 00:11:36,257.2830569151556
to keep going back to it.

226
00:11:36,257.2830569151556 --> 00:11:36,827.2830569151556
COVID.

227
00:11:36,827.2830569151556 --> 00:11:39,987.2830569151556
Well, I mean, let's talk about the fact
that we all were homebound, right?

228
00:11:39,987.2830569151556 --> 00:11:45,447.2830569151556
And in that place of not only becoming
terrified that we were going to die if we

229
00:11:45,447.2830569151556 --> 00:11:50,87.28305691515561
went out or saw somebody face to face, but
really it became secure to be at home.

230
00:11:50,87.28305691515561 --> 00:11:54,947.2830569151556
And it did some big time damage to how we
socialize with people, especially, I

231
00:11:54,947.2830569151556 --> 00:11:56,155.2830569151556
think, for

232
00:11:56,155.2830569151556 --> 00:11:59,935.2830569151556
kids who were in that place of like brain
development where they really were trying

233
00:11:59,935.2830569151556 --> 00:12:03,735.2830569151556
to figure out how to become who they were
or how to socialize with people, but also

234
00:12:03,735.2830569151556 --> 00:12:06,675.2830569151556
for adults where we lost track of people.

235
00:12:06,675.2830569151556 --> 00:12:09,815.2830569151556
Some people didn't go back to the same
places like the people we were friends

236
00:12:09,815.2830569151556 --> 00:12:10,595.2830569151556
with at work.

237
00:12:10,595.2830569151556 --> 00:12:15,235.2830569151556
And then for people who are partially
remote or fully remote, we don't have

238
00:12:15,235.2830569151556 --> 00:12:18,225.2830569151556
those connections that we used to have.

239
00:12:18,225.2830569151556 --> 00:12:23,175.2830569151556
And somewhere along the line, we just
broke that pathway in our brains where

240
00:12:23,175.2830569151556 --> 00:12:24,35.28305691515561
it's like,

241
00:12:24,443.2830569151556 --> 00:12:28,433.2830569151556
I know, I go up and I say, hey, did you
see the game last night?

242
00:12:28,433.2830569151556 --> 00:12:29,233.2830569151556
you like that game?

243
00:12:29,233.2830569151556 --> 00:12:29,953.2830569151556
I like that game.

244
00:12:29,953.2830569151556 --> 00:12:32,63.28305691515561
Or I went to this new restaurant.

245
00:12:32,63.28305691515561 --> 00:12:37,43.28305691515561
Those casual conversations became awkward.

246
00:12:37,43.28305691515561 --> 00:12:42,163.2830569151556
And they became like, well, that's what I
do on Instagram, or that's what I do on

247
00:12:42,163.2830569151556 --> 00:12:43,413.2830569151556
Twitter or threads or whatever.

248
00:12:43,413.2830569151556 --> 00:12:46,483.2830569151556
I talk to people on there because they
can't see me.

249
00:12:46,483.2830569151556 --> 00:12:47,493.2830569151556
And I don't have any idea.

250
00:12:47,493.2830569151556 --> 00:12:50,443.2830569151556
I could never just walk up to somebody and
be like, hey, did you see the game?

251
00:12:50,443.2830569151556 --> 00:12:52,121.28305691515561
Because that would be weird.

252
00:12:52,422.2830569151556 --> 00:12:54,2.283056915155612
so two things there, right?

253
00:12:54,2.283056915155612 --> 00:12:55,642.2830569151556
One, I'm very much an introvert.

254
00:12:55,642.2830569151556 --> 00:12:57,382.2830569151556
That's why I do an audio podcast, right?

255
00:12:57,382.2830569151556 --> 00:13:01,602.2830569151556
My social interaction is all audio
recorded and shared that way.

256
00:13:01,862.2830569151556 --> 00:13:06,82.28305691515561
So A, small talk just kills me.

257
00:13:06,82.28305691515561 --> 00:13:09,562.2830569151556
I could give two shits about the game,
right?

258
00:13:09,562.2830569151556 --> 00:13:12,142.2830569151556
I could give two shits about how was your
weekend.

259
00:13:12,142.2830569151556 --> 00:13:15,482.2830569151556
I don't tell them what happened to you
when you were six that you're still

260
00:13:15,482.2830569151556 --> 00:13:16,72.28305691515561
traumatized by.

261
00:13:16,72.28305691515561 --> 00:13:16,802.2830569151556
Let's go deep.

262
00:13:16,802.2830569151556 --> 00:13:19,42.28305691515561
I know we just met, but come on, what's
the deal here?

263
00:13:19,42.28305691515561 --> 00:13:20,482.2830569151556
That's where I want to live.

264
00:13:20,482.2830569151556 --> 00:13:21,51.28305691515561
I can't.

265
00:13:21,51.28305691515561 --> 00:13:22,711.2830569151556
do the small talk.

266
00:13:22,731.2830569151556 --> 00:13:26,991.2830569151556
So that in combination with being an
introvert and then having that

267
00:13:26,991.2830569151556 --> 00:13:31,211.2830569151556
highlighted, you know, with COVID, the
idea of going up to some rando in a coffee

268
00:13:31,211.2830569151556 --> 00:13:34,71.28305691515561
shop and going like, Hey, we both come
here a lot.

269
00:13:34,71.28305691515561 --> 00:13:34,821.2830569151556
What's your deal?

270
00:13:34,821.2830569151556 --> 00:13:41,51.28305691515561
Like just every part of that to me is like
red flag, no run the other way.

271
00:13:41,771.2830569151556 --> 00:13:43,571.2830569151556
So, so help me out here.

272
00:13:43,571.2830569151556 --> 00:13:44,431.2830569151556
What do I do with this?

273
00:13:44,431.2830569151556 --> 00:13:46,51.28305691515561
I'm a mess.

274
00:13:46,107.28305691515561 --> 00:13:49,687.2830569151556
So as a coach, my first thought is, is it
true that you really can't come up and ask

275
00:13:49,687.2830569151556 --> 00:13:50,397.2830569151556
somebody about something?

276
00:13:50,397.2830569151556 --> 00:13:51,767.2830569151556
Because I don't think it is true.

277
00:13:51,767.2830569151556 --> 00:13:55,406.2830569151556
I think that it's harder for people who
are introverted because we are kind of

278
00:13:55,406.2830569151556 --> 00:13:59,547.2830569151556
like, one of my friends this morning had
posted that her neighbor was like, my

279
00:13:59,547.2830569151556 --> 00:14:01,227.2830569151556
gosh, do you want to come over and see my
turtle?

280
00:14:01,227.2830569151556 --> 00:14:01,877.2830569151556
It's grown so much.

281
00:14:01,877.2830569151556 --> 00:14:03,327.2830569151556
And she was like, no, I don't.

282
00:14:03,327.2830569151556 --> 00:14:04,637.2830569151556
So and I'm like the same way.

283
00:14:04,637.2830569151556 --> 00:14:06,167.2830569151556
I'm like, no, I don't want to.

284
00:14:06,167.2830569151556 --> 00:14:08,447.2830569151556
I don't want to talk about your stupid
turtle.

285
00:14:08,447.2830569151556 --> 00:14:11,277.2830569151556
Yeah, but we do.

286
00:14:11,277.2830569151556 --> 00:14:13,527.2830569151556
But we really do do that, though.

287
00:14:13,527.2830569151556 --> 00:14:14,715.2830569151556
It's not.

288
00:14:14,715.2830569151556 --> 00:14:19,235.2830569151556
we're not to the point where we can't be
like, hey, nice shoes or something like

289
00:14:19,235.2830569151556 --> 00:14:19,385.2830569151556
that.

290
00:14:19,385.2830569151556 --> 00:14:21,795.2830569151556
You know, we don't want to talk about your
shoes for hours.

291
00:14:21,795.2830569151556 --> 00:14:23,745.2830569151556
We don't want to like we don't need that.

292
00:14:23,745.2830569151556 --> 00:14:24,635.2830569151556
Like, thanks.

293
00:14:24,635.2830569151556 --> 00:14:25,445.2830569151556
I bought them here.

294
00:14:25,445.2830569151556 --> 00:14:26,355.2830569151556
And it was this.

295
00:14:26,355.2830569151556 --> 00:14:27,945.2830569151556
But we can do it.

296
00:14:27,945.2830569151556 --> 00:14:30,545.2830569151556
But we have thoughts about who we are when
we do it.

297
00:14:30,545.2830569151556 --> 00:14:30,744.2830569151556
Right.

298
00:14:30,744.2830569151556 --> 00:14:32,915.2830569151556
Like, I don't want to know.

299
00:14:32,915.2830569151556 --> 00:14:33,586.2830569151556
Yeah.

300
00:14:33,586.2830569151556 --> 00:14:37,466.2830569151556
a guy, like there's a lot of me that that
holds back in that way because I don't

301
00:14:37,466.2830569151556 --> 00:14:39,366.2830569151556
want to be seen as like some weird dude,
right?

302
00:14:39,366.2830569151556 --> 00:14:40,716.2830569151556
Like, what's this guy talking about?

303
00:14:40,716.2830569151556 --> 00:14:43,346.2830569151556
My shoes like like my wife.

304
00:14:43,886.2830569151556 --> 00:14:46,626.2830569151556
Yeah, my wife could go up to anybody and
say cool shoes.

305
00:14:46,626.2830569151556 --> 00:14:48,666.2830569151556
She did that to Macklemore one time,
didn't know it was him.

306
00:14:48,666.2830569151556 --> 00:14:52,766.2830569151556
But like if I went up to him like, hey,
bro, cool shoes like he's going, what's

307
00:14:52,766.2830569151556 --> 00:14:53,196.2830569151556
his angle?

308
00:14:53,196.2830569151556 --> 00:14:53,936.2830569151556
What's this guy's deal?

309
00:14:53,936.2830569151556 --> 00:14:54,696.2830569151556
Like what's going on?

310
00:14:54,696.2830569151556 --> 00:14:58,986.2830569151556
Like that's that's what's going on in my
head is why are you talking to me?

311
00:14:58,986.2830569151556 --> 00:15:00,267.2830569151556
That's bizarre.

312
00:15:00,267.2830569151556 --> 00:15:01,267.2830569151556
Yeah.

313
00:15:01,338.2830569151556 --> 00:15:06,798.2830569151556
But I think to your point, and you talk
about this in your show, if it's a shared

314
00:15:07,198.2830569151556 --> 00:15:10,738.2830569151556
interest thing, and this is what I've been
doing, I've found a cold plunge group.

315
00:15:10,738.2830569151556 --> 00:15:13,398.2830569151556
So every Sunday we go and we get in cold
water for half an hour together, and it's

316
00:15:13,398.2830569151556 --> 00:15:13,688.2830569151556
awesome.

317
00:15:13,688.2830569151556 --> 00:15:18,17.283056915155612
And so we talk about, yeah, yeah, yeah,
it's pretty awesome.

318
00:15:18,718.2830569151556 --> 00:15:22,718.2830569151556
But there's plenty of conversation that
comes up there because we're all basically

319
00:15:22,718.2830569151556 --> 00:15:24,890.2830569151556
trying to distract each other from the
pain, right?

320
00:15:24,890.2830569151556 --> 00:15:28,809.2830569151556
So when there's that shared thing that
brings you together, that's the familiar,

321
00:15:28,809.2830569151556 --> 00:15:29,810.2830569151556
hey, I did this in school.

322
00:15:29,810.2830569151556 --> 00:15:31,70.28305691515561
We all have to be here.

323
00:15:31,70.28305691515561 --> 00:15:32,370.2830569151556
Let's get through this together.

324
00:15:32,370.2830569151556 --> 00:15:34,30.283056915155612
Work, hey, we all have to be here.

325
00:15:34,30.283056915155612 --> 00:15:35,330.2830569151556
Let's get through this together.

326
00:15:35,330.2830569151556 --> 00:15:39,810.2830569151556
So if you can choose what's the thing we
all have to be here doing, it's because

327
00:15:39,810.2830569151556 --> 00:15:40,740.2830569151556
you want to be there.

328
00:15:40,740.2830569151556 --> 00:15:43,90.28305691515561
You're not being forced into this
situation.

329
00:15:43,90.28305691515561 --> 00:15:47,610.2830569151556
I think that is sort of the natural,
pardon the pun here, but icebreaker that

330
00:15:47,610.2830569151556 --> 00:15:49,600.2830569151556
helps you create those relationships.

331
00:15:49,724.2830569151556 --> 00:15:50,344.2830569151556
Yeah.

332
00:15:50,344.2830569151556 --> 00:15:53,624.2830569151556
And you can be in the cold plunge for a
half hour, which blows my mind, first of

333
00:15:53,624.2830569151556 --> 00:15:53,824.2830569151556
all.

334
00:15:53,824.2830569151556 --> 00:15:57,104.28305691515561
But you all have something in common
already.

335
00:15:57,104.28305691515561 --> 00:15:59,104.28305691515561
You're there for cold plunge, right?

336
00:15:59,104.28305691515561 --> 00:16:04,944.2830569151556
At school, I think that surviving the pain
is a really good analogy, because a lot of

337
00:16:04,944.2830569151556 --> 00:16:08,364.2830569151556
people are at school don't want to be
there.

338
00:16:08,364.2830569151556 --> 00:16:12,224.2830569151556
I mean, especially kids that are like, I
mean, have you seen what's going on

339
00:16:12,224.2830569151556 --> 00:16:12,554.2830569151556
outside?

340
00:16:12,554.2830569151556 --> 00:16:13,204.2830569151556
I want to be outside.

341
00:16:13,204.2830569151556 --> 00:16:15,204.2830569151556
I want to be in this classroom doing math
right now.

342
00:16:15,204.2830569151556 --> 00:16:18,747.2830569151556
So there is like that shared pain
experience too, which.

343
00:16:18,747.2830569151556 --> 00:16:21,87.28305691515561
especially for introverts, if you can
share about your pain.

344
00:16:21,87.28305691515561 --> 00:16:23,687.2830569151556
That's quality introvert conversation,
right?

345
00:16:23,687.2830569151556 --> 00:16:25,167.2830569151556
Like, let's talk about your inner child.

346
00:16:25,167.2830569151556 --> 00:16:30,427.2830569151556
But there is that level of when you're
thinking about where do I find these

347
00:16:30,427.2830569151556 --> 00:16:33,347.2830569151556
people who I could actually be friends
with?

348
00:16:33,347.2830569151556 --> 00:16:34,987.2830569151556
They're everywhere.

349
00:16:34,987.2830569151556 --> 00:16:38,867.2830569151556
But we put ourselves kind of in this catch
-22 where I don't want to look like a

350
00:16:38,867.2830569151556 --> 00:16:40,287.2830569151556
weirdo if I talk to them.

351
00:16:40,287.2830569151556 --> 00:16:43,707.2830569151556
But how do I know if I'm ever going to
connect with them if I'm not really

352
00:16:43,707.2830569151556 --> 00:16:47,900.2830569151556
willing to go out there and be a weirdo
for a second and say,

353
00:16:47,900.2830569151556 --> 00:16:51,380.2830569151556
nice shoes or how you doing?

354
00:16:51,380.2830569151556 --> 00:16:53,40.28305691515561
Like really just like how you doing?

355
00:16:53,40.28305691515561 --> 00:16:54,260.2830569151556
And everybody's like fine.

356
00:16:54,260.2830569151556 --> 00:16:55,620.2830569151556
But what if we didn't?

357
00:16:55,620.2830569151556 --> 00:16:56,690.2830569151556
What if we didn't say fine?

358
00:16:56,690.2830569151556 --> 00:17:00,20.283056915155612
What if we said I'm freaking amazing
today?

359
00:17:00,320.2830569151556 --> 00:17:02,980.2830569151556
I mean, what would happen if we answered
like with how we really felt?

360
00:17:02,980.2830569151556 --> 00:17:04,730.2830569151556
Maybe that opens that introvert corridor.

361
00:17:04,730.2830569151556 --> 00:17:05,350.2830569151556
I don't know.

362
00:17:05,350.2830569151556 --> 00:17:10,360.2830569151556
But that that idea of if you can really
connect with somebody, if you're like

363
00:17:10,360.2830569151556 --> 00:17:14,638.2830569151556
really showing up and you kind of like
knock them over with your answer.

364
00:17:15,324.2830569151556 --> 00:17:17,584.2830569151556
then you start learning about them.

365
00:17:17,584.2830569151556 --> 00:17:23,774.2830569151556
And I guess for, like my advice to my kid
really was like, what do you want to do?

366
00:17:23,774.2830569151556 --> 00:17:24,984.2830569151556
Like, what do you like to do?

367
00:17:24,984.2830569151556 --> 00:17:30,444.283056915272
Because you are not the only person in
your location who likes that.

368
00:17:30,444.283056915272 --> 00:17:31,794.283056915272
Like you were doing that before.

369
00:17:31,794.283056915272 --> 00:17:35,924.283056915272
There are other people there, but they're
not going to like pop in out of the sky

370
00:17:35,924.283056915272 --> 00:17:40,104.28305691527203
and say, hey, you like this, I like this,
we should go like this together.

371
00:17:40,104.28305691527203 --> 00:17:41,524.283056915272
You have to find them.

372
00:17:41,524.283056915272 --> 00:17:43,612.283056915272
And I think that's really the challenging
part.

373
00:17:43,612.283056915272 --> 00:17:46,432.283056915272
And when we tell ourselves they're not
there, then our brains are automatically

374
00:17:46,432.283056915272 --> 00:17:50,12.283056915272027
switching into, no, they're not, because
your brain will believe anything that you

375
00:17:50,12.283056915272027 --> 00:17:50,712.283056915272
tell it.

376
00:17:50,712.283056915272 --> 00:17:54,592.283056915272
So every time we say, nope, there's nobody
out there that's like me, I don't have any

377
00:17:54,592.283056915272 --> 00:17:56,772.283056915272
friends, it's hard to do, it gets harder.

378
00:17:56,772.283056915272 --> 00:18:00,52.28305691527203
We see less people and we're less likely
to go do it because we've convinced

379
00:18:00,52.28305691527203 --> 00:18:03,392.283056915272
ourselves that that's the truth and it's
not.

380
00:18:03,392.283056915272 --> 00:18:06,212.28305691527203
Yeah, I so I want to touch on that.

381
00:18:06,212.28305691527203 --> 00:18:08,782.283056915272
So the gym that I go to, like that is my
community.

382
00:18:08,782.283056915272 --> 00:18:13,432.283056915272
And that's where the area that I moved to,
that's where I made all of my friends.

383
00:18:14,372.283056915272 --> 00:18:17,912.283056915272
And in there on a pretty regular basis,
people will be like, hey, how's it going?

384
00:18:17,912.283056915272 --> 00:18:20,312.283056915272
I'll be like fucking amazing.

385
00:18:20,732.283056915272 --> 00:18:27,172.28305691527203
And every single time they're like, huh,
wait, how did you get there?

386
00:18:27,172.28305691527203 --> 00:18:31,172.28305691527203
And then and then we just start talking
like.

387
00:18:31,552.283056915272 --> 00:18:35,432.283056915272
And it's so interesting because I'll put a
little blurb about me out there of like,

388
00:18:35,432.283056915272 --> 00:18:37,452.283056915272
this is how I got amazing.

389
00:18:37,452.283056915272 --> 00:18:38,882.283056915272
And then it turns around to them.

390
00:18:38,882.283056915272 --> 00:18:42,532.283056915272
And then I just ask questions, ask
questions, ask questions, ask questions.

391
00:18:43,732.283056915272 --> 00:18:49,712.283056915272
So I am curious, at what point when you
are trying to make these friends, like

392
00:18:49,712.283056915272 --> 00:18:53,452.283056915272
you're trying to have these conversations
and you're saying cool shoes, like we all

393
00:18:53,452.283056915272 --> 00:18:56,492.283056915272
want to talk about ourselves, right?

394
00:18:56,812.283056915272 --> 00:18:59,358.283056915272
But if you talk about yourself,

395
00:18:59,520.283056915272 --> 00:19:03,110.28305691527203
You are not like the other person won't
exactly like you as much.

396
00:19:03,110.28305691527203 --> 00:19:07,340.283056915272
If you let them talk about themselves,
they'll like you because you let them talk

397
00:19:07,340.283056915272 --> 00:19:08,660.283056915272
about themselves.

398
00:19:08,660.283056915272 --> 00:19:10,830.283056915272
Like there's such a science to that.

399
00:19:10,830.283056915272 --> 00:19:12,632.283056915272
Can you talk about that a little bit?

400
00:19:12,700.283056915272 --> 00:19:16,250.28305691527203
Yeah, I think you, I mean, really
everybody wants to talk about themselves.

401
00:19:16,250.28305691527203 --> 00:19:18,380.283056915272
That's why we always have a story.

402
00:19:18,940.283056915272 --> 00:19:19,220.28305691527203
Right.

403
00:19:19,220.28305691527203 --> 00:19:23,900.283056915272
I mean, and that's why when someone is
talking, at least for somebody like me,

404
00:19:23,900.283056915272 --> 00:19:29,200.28305691527203
that's like not interrupting, sometimes
it's really hard to like, but I have this

405
00:19:29,200.28305691527203 --> 00:19:30,460.283056915272
story about myself too.

406
00:19:30,460.283056915272 --> 00:19:38,480.283056915272
So yeah, it's kind of that it is an art,
but being able to listen to respond as

407
00:19:38,480.283056915272 --> 00:19:41,500.283056915272
opposed to listen to let me tell you this
other cool thing about me.

408
00:19:41,500.283056915272 --> 00:19:45,80.28305691527203
so that the other person's not just
standing there going, yeah, yeah, yeah.

409
00:19:45,80.28305691527203 --> 00:19:48,540.283056915272
And kind of asking those leading questions
too.

410
00:19:48,540.283056915272 --> 00:19:53,700.283056915272
I mean, if we know what we're trying to
know and not to be manipulative or like a

411
00:19:53,700.283056915272 --> 00:19:57,320.283056915272
weirdo about it, be like, hey, I'm just
trying to find somebody that likes the

412
00:19:57,320.283056915272 --> 00:19:57,849.283056915272
same thing in me.

413
00:19:57,849.283056915272 --> 00:19:59,620.283056915272
Let's talk about this thing.

414
00:19:59,620.283056915272 --> 00:20:04,600.283056915272
And asking them a question like, hey, I
really like this guy because you said,

415
00:20:04,600.283056915272 --> 00:20:06,716.283056915272
Jim, I really like this.

416
00:20:06,716.283056915272 --> 00:20:10,396.283056915272
whatever it is that you like to do there
because it does this, but what do you like

417
00:20:10,396.283056915272 --> 00:20:10,746.283056915272
to do?

418
00:20:10,746.283056915272 --> 00:20:12,76.28305691527203
Why do you like that?

419
00:20:12,76.28305691527203 --> 00:20:13,516.283056915272
And then they have to ask you.

420
00:20:13,516.283056915272 --> 00:20:18,696.283056915272
And then it creates more of a conversation
as opposed to information exchange.

421
00:20:18,876.283056915272 --> 00:20:22,16.283056915272027
We are exchanging information, but we
don't want it to just be a business card

422
00:20:22,16.283056915272027 --> 00:20:24,766.283056915272
transaction where we're like, here, this
is about me.

423
00:20:24,766.283056915272 --> 00:20:26,816.283056915272
Here's a small blurb about me.

424
00:20:26,816.283056915272 --> 00:20:28,576.283056915272
Now, tell me everything about you.

425
00:20:28,576.283056915272 --> 00:20:32,736.283056915272
We can ask them leading questions that can
make them wonder more things.

426
00:20:32,736.283056915272 --> 00:20:33,596.283056915272
Like when you.

427
00:20:33,596.283056915272 --> 00:20:36,356.283056915272
When they ask you and you say fucking
amazing and they're like, nobody ever

428
00:20:36,356.283056915272 --> 00:20:38,236.28305691527203
answers that way, what is up with this
guy?

429
00:20:38,236.28305691527203 --> 00:20:40,76.28305691527203
Like what really happened that was that
great?

430
00:20:40,76.28305691527203 --> 00:20:41,136.28305691527203
I thought everything sucked.

431
00:20:41,136.28305691527203 --> 00:20:45,436.283056915272
If that's really what they're thinking,
then you can like, they right away asked

432
00:20:45,436.283056915272 --> 00:20:46,946.283056915272
you a question, right?

433
00:20:46,946.283056915272 --> 00:20:47,936.283056915272
Like what?

434
00:20:47,936.283056915272 --> 00:20:49,396.283056915272
Nobody feels that way.

435
00:20:49,396.283056915272 --> 00:20:51,66.28305691527203
Especially if you answer that way.

436
00:20:51,66.28305691527203 --> 00:20:54,16.283056915272027
Like if you said everything sucks, they'd
be like, yeah, me too.

437
00:20:54,396.283056915272 --> 00:20:56,823.283056915272
But when you said amazing, they're like,
what?

438
00:20:56,823.283056915272 --> 00:20:58,913.283056915272
Like maybe there's commonality there.

439
00:20:58,913.283056915272 --> 00:21:00,243.28305691527203
Like, yeah, it sucks for me, too.

440
00:21:00,243.28305691527203 --> 00:21:02,899.283056915272
Can you connect on that level without
making it weird?

441
00:21:03,420.283056915272 --> 00:21:04,620.283056915272
Yeah, I think so.

442
00:21:04,620.283056915272 --> 00:21:07,420.283056915272
I mean, I don't know if we want to
commiserate all the time, but I do think

443
00:21:07,420.283056915272 --> 00:21:12,240.28305691527203
that like being able just to have that
contrast of saying, yeah, it's terrible.

444
00:21:12,240.28305691527203 --> 00:21:13,860.283056915272
Like my dog got run over.

445
00:21:13,860.283056915272 --> 00:21:17,630.283056915272
Whatever something terrible happened to
you, you know, like tell them to be like,

446
00:21:17,630.283056915272 --> 00:21:18,110.28305691527203
you know what?

447
00:21:18,110.28305691527203 --> 00:21:20,40.28305691527203
But yesterday was really good.

448
00:21:20,40.28305691527203 --> 00:21:23,90.28305691527203
Or I mean, maybe I just think it's bad
because my good days are like this.

449
00:21:23,90.28305691527203 --> 00:21:24,960.283056915272
Like this is what a good day looks like
for me.

450
00:21:24,960.283056915272 --> 00:21:26,310.283056915272
And I don't know.

451
00:21:26,310.283056915272 --> 00:21:27,760.283056915272
I have like just today.

452
00:21:27,760.283056915272 --> 00:21:28,440.283056915272
Today's terrible.

453
00:21:28,440.283056915272 --> 00:21:29,560.283056915272
I just feel awful today.

454
00:21:29,560.283056915272 --> 00:21:31,860.283056915272
And being able to have that and.

455
00:21:32,572.283056915272 --> 00:21:38,872.283056915272
not having to have that canned response,
but also not being afraid to say it.

456
00:21:38,872.283056915272 --> 00:21:39,2.2830569152720273
Right?

457
00:21:39,2.2830569152720273 --> 00:21:42,652.283056915272
Like some people are, I mean, I think
you're right, especially for people who

458
00:21:42,652.283056915272 --> 00:21:46,182.28305691527203
are introverted or people who are worried
about how someone's going to respond.

459
00:21:46,182.28305691527203 --> 00:21:49,492.283056915272
The more we worry about how they're going
to respond, the less likely we are to say

460
00:21:49,492.283056915272 --> 00:21:52,992.283056915272
anything because we're planning a
conversation that hasn't had, hasn't been

461
00:21:52,992.283056915272 --> 00:21:53,432.283056915272
had yet.

462
00:21:53,432.283056915272 --> 00:21:54,962.283056915272
Like, what do I say next?

463
00:21:54,962.283056915272 --> 00:21:56,702.283056915272
But if they say that, what would I say
next?

464
00:21:56,702.283056915272 --> 00:21:58,102.28305691527203
Well, we don't even know what they're
going to say.

465
00:21:58,102.28305691527203 --> 00:21:59,859.283056915272
We're just making it all up.

466
00:22:01,659.283056915272 --> 00:22:07,179.28305691527203
So one of the things you also talked about
on your podcast is basically self

467
00:22:07,179.28305691527203 --> 00:22:11,179.28305691527203
-awareness, knowing your values and how
that can be sort of the roadmap to finding

468
00:22:11,179.28305691527203 --> 00:22:12,139.28305691527203
these people.

469
00:22:12,139.28305691527203 --> 00:22:15,259.283056915272
But for a lot of people, where's my
mirror?

470
00:22:15,259.283056915272 --> 00:22:16,759.283056915272
They're still figuring that out, right?

471
00:22:16,759.283056915272 --> 00:22:18,799.283056915272
Like what are their values?

472
00:22:18,799.283056915272 --> 00:22:25,199.28305691527203
Like I've talked about this with people,
the few friends I have now, and it's just

473
00:22:25,199.28305691527203 --> 00:22:27,199.28305691527203
this idea of, well, what are you
interested in?

474
00:22:27,199.28305691527203 --> 00:22:29,119.28305691527203
And my mind just goes blank.

475
00:22:29,119.28305691527203 --> 00:22:30,124.28305691527203
I'm just like.

476
00:22:30,779.283056915272 --> 00:22:34,479.283056915272
I kind of do the same like I'm a parent
right I'm busy I've got stuff that I have

477
00:22:34,479.283056915272 --> 00:22:38,199.28305691527203
to do all the time I don't even know what
I want to do anymore because that's a

478
00:22:38,199.28305691527203 --> 00:22:43,359.283056915272
luxury I can't afford so how do you figure
that out how do you start to map that out

479
00:22:43,359.283056915272 --> 00:22:45,468.283056915272
so you can find the people in the right
place?

480
00:22:45,468.283056915272 --> 00:22:52,128.28305691527203
Yeah, I think that part of it for me, I
don't know if your values and what you

481
00:22:52,128.28305691527203 --> 00:22:54,508.283056915272
spend your time doing are always the same
thing, right?

482
00:22:54,508.283056915272 --> 00:22:59,168.28305691527203
Like when we have kids and it's our
responsibility to keep them fed alive and

483
00:22:59,168.28305691527203 --> 00:23:09,148.28305691527203
hopefully not screaming, then our values
are maybe quiet and family and providing

484
00:23:09,148.28305691527203 --> 00:23:09,618.283056915272
those things.

485
00:23:09,618.283056915272 --> 00:23:10,140.28305691527203
But when we.

486
00:23:10,140.28305691527203 --> 00:23:13,390.283056915272
think about what we actually like to do
and we think that's a luxury.

487
00:23:13,390.283056915272 --> 00:23:15,480.283056915272
I don't really have time to go do the
things.

488
00:23:15,480.283056915272 --> 00:23:16,620.283056915272
Like, what do I like to do?

489
00:23:16,620.283056915272 --> 00:23:21,140.28305691527203
I like to go to the beach by myself and
like hang out for a while and look at the

490
00:23:21,140.28305691527203 --> 00:23:22,730.283056915272
water and just not have anybody to talk to
me.

491
00:23:22,730.283056915272 --> 00:23:24,180.28305691527203
Is that my value?

492
00:23:24,180.28305691527203 --> 00:23:29,380.283056915272
I don't know if those are values, but I
guess what I value is having time to think

493
00:23:29,380.283056915272 --> 00:23:31,80.28305691527203
or deep thinking.

494
00:23:31,80.28305691527203 --> 00:23:33,800.283056915272
I value, you know, being in nature.

495
00:23:33,800.283056915272 --> 00:23:38,556.283056915272
I value connecting, you know, with friends
like.

496
00:23:38,556.283056915272 --> 00:23:40,616.283056915272
I don't need to connect with all my
friends at once.

497
00:23:40,616.283056915272 --> 00:23:41,986.283056915272
I need to connect with one friend.

498
00:23:41,986.283056915272 --> 00:23:44,556.283056915272
I would be perfectly happy with one
person.

499
00:23:44,556.283056915272 --> 00:23:46,296.283056915272
I value deep conversations.

500
00:23:46,296.283056915272 --> 00:23:49,396.283056915272
So it's not necessarily what we're doing,
I think, that are our values.

501
00:23:49,396.283056915272 --> 00:23:51,56.28305691527203
It's why we do those things.

502
00:23:51,56.28305691527203 --> 00:23:54,356.283056915272
And I think a lot of times, another way, I
mean, if we want to go back to our

503
00:23:54,356.283056915272 --> 00:23:58,256.283056915272
interests, I'm always like, what did you
do when you were a kid?

504
00:23:58,436.283056915272 --> 00:24:02,52.28305691527203
Because a lot of times, if we can circle
back to,

505
00:24:02,108.28305691527203 --> 00:24:05,678.283056915272
I coached a woman on this a while ago, and
she was so stressed out.

506
00:24:05,678.283056915272 --> 00:24:07,338.283056915272
She's like, I think I'm going to go for a
promotion.

507
00:24:07,338.283056915272 --> 00:24:09,88.28305691527203
And the next week, she's like, I think I'm
going to quit my job.

508
00:24:09,88.28305691527203 --> 00:24:10,668.283056915272
And I'm like, whoa, hey, what?

509
00:24:10,668.283056915272 --> 00:24:12,528.283056915272
We were just talking about a promotion
last week.

510
00:24:12,528.283056915272 --> 00:24:13,728.283056915272
Now you're going to quit.

511
00:24:13,728.283056915272 --> 00:24:14,828.283056915272
And I was like, what's up?

512
00:24:14,828.283056915272 --> 00:24:17,48.28305691527203
And she's like, I don't know.

513
00:24:17,48.28305691527203 --> 00:24:17,998.283056915272
I don't know myself.

514
00:24:17,998.283056915272 --> 00:24:19,848.283056915272
And I was like, well, what did you like to
do when you were a kid?

515
00:24:19,848.283056915272 --> 00:24:22,398.283056915272
She's like, I liked safari animals and
soccer.

516
00:24:22,398.283056915272 --> 00:24:23,968.283056915272
And I'm like, then that's what we're going
to do.

517
00:24:23,968.283056915272 --> 00:24:30,408.283056915272
And we built an entire way for her to get
a promotion based on soccer and safaris,

518
00:24:30,408.283056915272 --> 00:24:31,379.283056915272
which was

519
00:24:31,420.283056915272 --> 00:24:32,360.283056915272
crazy.

520
00:24:32,360.283056915272 --> 00:24:35,600.283056915272
But I think if we do look back at like,
what you like to do when you were a kid?

521
00:24:35,600.283056915272 --> 00:24:36,930.283056915272
Why did you like that?

522
00:24:36,930.283056915272 --> 00:24:38,0.28305691527202725
That's pretty telling.

523
00:24:38,0.28305691527202725 --> 00:24:42,480.283056915272
And a lot of times we end up in some sort
of that path.

524
00:24:42,480.283056915272 --> 00:24:45,150.28305691527203
I think most of us know where we're going
automatically.

525
00:24:45,150.28305691527203 --> 00:24:49,220.28305691527203
It's like, we try to forget, we try to
change that path, but we end up somewhere

526
00:24:49,220.28305691527203 --> 00:24:49,920.283056915272
on that path.

527
00:24:49,920.283056915272 --> 00:24:53,980.283056915272
So I think it's kind of a curious thing to
think about, like, why did I do that?

528
00:24:53,980.283056915272 --> 00:24:54,811.283056915272
Why did I love that?

529
00:24:54,811.283056915272 --> 00:24:59,431.283056915272
This might be my limiting beliefs talking,
but I think it was my time spent watching

530
00:24:59,431.283056915272 --> 00:25:01,981.283056915272
professional wrestling and playing video
games that got me into this mess.

531
00:25:01,981.283056915272 --> 00:25:03,492.283056915272
If I'm being honest.

532
00:25:03,492.283056915272 --> 00:25:05,52.28305691527203
but for real!

533
00:25:05,712.283056915272 --> 00:25:07,892.283056915272
But what did you like about that?

534
00:25:07,892.283056915272 --> 00:25:08,840.283056915272
Why?

535
00:25:08,840.283056915272 --> 00:25:09,760.283056915272
how do I do that?

536
00:25:09,760.283056915272 --> 00:25:13,90.28305691527203
Where I like, hey kids, let's watch two
grown men pretend to beat the crap out of

537
00:25:13,90.28305691527203 --> 00:25:14,602.283056915272
each other for an hour.

538
00:25:14,812.283056915272 --> 00:25:16,72.28305691527203
Yeah, but what if you did?

539
00:25:16,72.28305691527203 --> 00:25:17,402.283056915272
I mean, why did you like it?

540
00:25:17,402.283056915272 --> 00:25:18,801.283056915272
I mean, I think that's really the
question.

541
00:25:18,801.283056915272 --> 00:25:21,632.283056915272
Not that you liked it, but there was
something about it.

542
00:25:21,632.283056915272 --> 00:25:25,812.283056915272
Either it was who you were with or how you
felt or what was interesting about it.

543
00:25:25,812.283056915272 --> 00:25:28,322.283056915272
I think if you stop and like, be like, why
did I like that?

544
00:25:28,322.283056915272 --> 00:25:32,612.283056915272
And maybe it was just a way to disconnect
and to be able to be like, yeah, I was

545
00:25:32,612.283056915272 --> 00:25:33,472.283056915272
totally escaping.

546
00:25:33,472.283056915272 --> 00:25:34,582.283056915272
Like it was it was fun.

547
00:25:34,582.283056915272 --> 00:25:35,892.283056915272
I love that video games.

548
00:25:35,892.283056915272 --> 00:25:36,972.283056915272
I don't know.

549
00:25:36,972.283056915272 --> 00:25:41,912.283056915272
I am still amazed that people become like
YouTube stars.

550
00:25:41,912.283056915272 --> 00:25:44,316.283056915272
Like I know I need to get over it and be
like,

551
00:25:44,316.283056915272 --> 00:25:47,396.283056915272
One time my kid told me that and I'm like,
no, that's not a real thing.

552
00:25:47,396.283056915272 --> 00:25:49,851.283056915272
And now I'm like, dang, I should have told
him to go for that.

553
00:25:49,851.283056915272 --> 00:25:52,531.283056915272
one of the most popular answers for kids
of what they want to be when they grow up

554
00:25:52,531.283056915272 --> 00:25:54,31.283056915272027
as a YouTube star.

555
00:25:54,911.283056915272 --> 00:25:55,656.283056915272
Right.

556
00:25:55,656.283056915272 --> 00:25:57,946.283056915272
I don't know if eSports are sports, but
they are.

557
00:25:57,946.283056915272 --> 00:25:59,6.283056915272027
I mean, they are.

558
00:25:59,6.283056915272027 --> 00:26:00,216.28305691527203
It's a whole thing.

559
00:26:00,216.28305691527203 --> 00:26:02,376.283056915272
So, you know, maybe it is, maybe it is
your value.

560
00:26:02,376.283056915272 --> 00:26:05,886.283056915272
Maybe there is where we like where that
was leading you all along.

561
00:26:05,886.283056915272 --> 00:26:08,16.283056915272027
I think that that's always an interesting
question to look at.

562
00:26:08,16.283056915272027 --> 00:26:09,587.283056915272
Why did you like what you liked?

563
00:26:09,600.283056915272 --> 00:26:10,20.283056915272027
Yeah.

564
00:26:10,20.283056915272027 --> 00:26:13,659.283056915272
Well, my question for you is I liked Star
Wars and Sleeping, so how can I get a

565
00:26:13,659.283056915272 --> 00:26:15,80.28305691527203
promotion out of that?

566
00:26:15,80.28305691527203 --> 00:26:15,964.283056915272
Right?

567
00:26:15,964.283056915272 --> 00:26:19,24.283056915272027
Surely I'm positive there's a way maybe
you could like go sleep at the space

568
00:26:19,24.283056915272027 --> 00:26:20,784.283056915272
station volunteer for NASA.

569
00:26:20,844.283056915272 --> 00:26:22,964.283056915272
I mean there could be a thing there.

570
00:26:22,964.283056915272 --> 00:26:26,924.283056915272
I bet they need somebody to know how that
works for somebody that's not trained.

571
00:26:26,924.283056915272 --> 00:26:28,764.283056915272
I don't know.

572
00:26:29,924.283056915272 --> 00:26:31,964.283056915272
I don't know.

573
00:26:32,459.283056915272 --> 00:26:35,999.283056915272
in in preparation for all this one of the
things you talked about and this sort of

574
00:26:35,999.283056915272 --> 00:26:40,339.283056915272
ties in his purpose and Literally last
night while I was listening to your

575
00:26:40,339.283056915272 --> 00:26:45,39.28305691527203
podcast and then kind of thinking about
all this I was reminded of a clip I'm sure

576
00:26:45,39.28305691527203 --> 00:26:47,739.283056915272
you guys have both seen it and I'm sure
people watching it have seen this but it's

577
00:26:47,739.283056915272 --> 00:26:50,979.283056915272
Simon Sinek was talking about how to find
your why Well, they had to find your

578
00:26:50,979.283056915272 --> 00:26:54,259.283056915272
purpose and so I just want to share this
because it hit me like a ton of bricks

579
00:26:54,259.283056915272 --> 00:26:55,634.283056915272
when I watch this again

580
00:29:24,409.6392540386878 --> 00:29:26,459.6392540386878
I just thought that was incredibly
powerful.

581
00:29:26,459.6392540386878 --> 00:29:30,489.6392540386878
And as it was happening, I was imagining
that having that con I didn't have to have

582
00:29:30,489.6392540386878 --> 00:29:31,39.639254038687795
the conversation.

583
00:29:31,39.639254038687795 --> 00:29:33,249.6392540386878
I imagined having that conversation with
my friends.

584
00:29:33,249.6392540386878 --> 00:29:39,849.6392540386878
And I landed on very much what we do here,
trying to help people not suffer.

585
00:29:39,969.6392540386878 --> 00:29:47,369.6392540386878
And if I can build relationships around
helping people not suffer, how I mean, how

586
00:29:47,369.6392540386878 --> 00:29:50,797.6392540386878
much more rewarding of a life does that
provide?

587
00:29:51,34.639254038687795 --> 00:29:52,194.6392540386878
Yeah.

588
00:29:52,534.6392540386878 --> 00:29:53,165.6392540386878
Yeah.

589
00:29:53,165.6392540386878 --> 00:29:57,185.6392540386878
think that exercise can be so powerful if
you can go through it.

590
00:29:57,185.6392540386878 --> 00:30:01,105.6392540386878
Like for me, I didn't have to, but the
idea of asking people, what is it about

591
00:30:01,105.6392540386878 --> 00:30:01,235.6392540386878
me?

592
00:30:01,235.6392540386878 --> 00:30:05,565.6392540386878
That's how you get to know yourself is ask
them to hold up the mirror and tell you,

593
00:30:05,565.6392540386878 --> 00:30:08,645.6392540386878
this is what I see in you, because it'll
be reflected back in how they feel about

594
00:30:08,645.6392540386878 --> 00:30:09,392.6392540386878
you.

595
00:30:10,138.6392540386878 --> 00:30:11,358.6392540386878
Yeah.

596
00:30:11,598.6392540386878 --> 00:30:13,218.6392540386878
And it's funny, I was doing the same
thing.

597
00:30:13,218.6392540386878 --> 00:30:15,778.6392540386878
I was picturing one of my best friends for
my entire life.

598
00:30:15,778.6392540386878 --> 00:30:16,708.6392540386878
Like, what do I love her?

599
00:30:16,708.6392540386878 --> 00:30:18,478.6392540386878
Like, what do I love about her?

600
00:30:18,478.6392540386878 --> 00:30:22,838.6392540386878
And sometimes I feel like it fills that
gap in yourself too sometimes, right?

601
00:30:22,838.6392540386878 --> 00:30:25,838.6392540386878
Like, wow, I love this because that's what
she brings out of me, that part of me that

602
00:30:25,838.6392540386878 --> 00:30:27,618.6392540386878
I wish I had more of.

603
00:30:27,618.6392540386878 --> 00:30:31,518.6392540386878
That when I'm with her, I'm like, yeah,
let's do that.

604
00:30:31,518.6392540386878 --> 00:30:34,158.6392540386878
Whereas if it were me by myself, I'd be
like, absolutely not.

605
00:30:34,158.6392540386878 --> 00:30:35,258.6392540386878
So it is.

606
00:30:35,258.6392540386878 --> 00:30:38,161.6392540386878
It's such a cool thing to think about.

607
00:30:38,366.6392540386878 --> 00:30:41,856.6392540386878
I know, I was thinking about Jeremy and I
was like, well that's a great question.

608
00:30:41,856.6392540386878 --> 00:30:43,550.6392540386878
I don't know about that guy.

609
00:30:46,361.6392540386878 --> 00:30:48,11.639254038687795
All right, so Megan, where do we start?

610
00:30:48,11.639254038687795 --> 00:30:48,941.6392540386878
We want to make friends.

611
00:30:48,941.6392540386878 --> 00:30:53,454.6392540386878
What's what's step one to at least get us
on the path to making friends as adults?

612
00:30:54,42.639254038687795 --> 00:30:55,562.6392540386878
Go where you like to go.

613
00:30:55,562.6392540386878 --> 00:31:00,172.6392540386878
I think the first start is really like
step one, leave your house, right?

614
00:31:00,172.6392540386878 --> 00:31:02,342.6392540386878
Like, I mean, we can social media all day
long.

615
00:31:02,342.6392540386878 --> 00:31:03,602.6392540386878
You can do it at two o 'clock in the
morning.

616
00:31:03,602.6392540386878 --> 00:31:04,672.6392540386878
And those people are great.

617
00:31:04,672.6392540386878 --> 00:31:08,12.639254038687795
I have some great friends who I've met on
social media.

618
00:31:08,12.639254038687795 --> 00:31:11,242.6392540386878
But if we really want to make friends, I
don't think we're looking for somebody to

619
00:31:11,242.6392540386878 --> 00:31:15,402.6392540386878
talk to on Twitter or X or whatever at two
o 'clock in the morning.

620
00:31:15,402.6392540386878 --> 00:31:17,982.6392540386878
I think we're looking for somebody that
you can go have a beer with, right?

621
00:31:17,982.6392540386878 --> 00:31:20,332.6392540386878
Like I want to call someone that I'd be
like, do you want wine?

622
00:31:20,332.6392540386878 --> 00:31:22,762.6392540386878
I know it's Tuesday, but can we just do
that?

623
00:31:22,762.6392540386878 --> 00:31:23,264.6392540386878
But.

624
00:31:23,264.6392540386878 --> 00:31:25,310.6392540386878
a but what are you doing right now?

625
00:31:25,310.6392540386878 --> 00:31:26,180.6392540386878
mimosas, right?

626
00:31:26,180.6392540386878 --> 00:31:28,650.6392540386878
We could go for the like, now, can we go?

627
00:31:28,650.6392540386878 --> 00:31:32,290.6392540386878
Those are the people, but you have to go
out and you have to be willing to put

628
00:31:32,290.6392540386878 --> 00:31:33,30.639254038687795
yourself out there.

629
00:31:33,30.639254038687795 --> 00:31:37,130.6392540386878
And sometimes that's really uncomfortable,
whether it's because you haven't done it

630
00:31:37,130.6392540386878 --> 00:31:41,930.6392540386878
in a long time because you've been working
remotely or you've been isolated or you're

631
00:31:41,930.6392540386878 --> 00:31:48,50.639254038687795
in this place where you're questioning
what do I offer people?

632
00:31:48,130.6392540386878 --> 00:31:52,794.6392540386878
But I think that it has to be like that
moment of like, no, I'm

633
00:31:52,794.6392540386878 --> 00:31:54,474.6392540386878
I'm going to go out.

634
00:31:54,474.6392540386878 --> 00:31:59,174.6392540386878
And when you start to go out and you start
to notice that, like, wait a minute, I've

635
00:31:59,174.6392540386878 --> 00:32:01,714.6392540386878
been here before and I think I saw that
person the last time I was here.

636
00:32:01,714.6392540386878 --> 00:32:03,494.6392540386878
There's a reason you guys are both there.

637
00:32:03,494.6392540386878 --> 00:32:05,534.6392540386878
It's because you're both interested in the
same thing.

638
00:32:05,534.6392540386878 --> 00:32:10,14.639254038687795
So maybe it's the gym and maybe it's like,
well, we're both here at the same thing.

639
00:32:10,14.639254038687795 --> 00:32:10,684.6392540386878
Like, they're at the gym.

640
00:32:10,684.6392540386878 --> 00:32:11,324.6392540386878
I'm at the gym.

641
00:32:11,324.6392540386878 --> 00:32:12,764.6392540386878
Obviously, this is a connection.

642
00:32:12,764.6392540386878 --> 00:32:16,194.6392540386878
And maybe it doesn't go any further than
that, but you aren't going to know unless

643
00:32:16,194.6392540386878 --> 00:32:17,214.6392540386878
you put yourself out there.

644
00:32:17,214.6392540386878 --> 00:32:19,574.6392540386878
And it was so easy when we were little.

645
00:32:19,574.6392540386878 --> 00:32:22,98.6392540386878
And I think my best example was like,

646
00:32:22,554.6392540386878 --> 00:32:24,974.6392540386878
with the new kid that comes to school.

647
00:32:24,974.6392540386878 --> 00:32:27,564.6392540386878
And it's like vultures on this kid.

648
00:32:27,564.6392540386878 --> 00:32:31,414.6392540386878
This poor kid comes in, like everybody's
been in this situation where either you

649
00:32:31,414.6392540386878 --> 00:32:34,294.6392540386878
were the new kid or you go and there's
like, my God, there's a new kid in class

650
00:32:34,294.6392540386878 --> 00:32:34,604.6392540386878
today.

651
00:32:34,604.6392540386878 --> 00:32:35,794.6392540386878
That one's mine.

652
00:32:35,794.6392540386878 --> 00:32:38,954.6392540386878
And we're all like, no, no, no, I'm going
to be that kid's friend.

653
00:32:38,954.6392540386878 --> 00:32:42,154.6392540386878
We ran over there like, my gosh, this is
me.

654
00:32:42,154.6392540386878 --> 00:32:43,4.639254038687795
I love this.

655
00:32:43,4.639254038687795 --> 00:32:43,604.6392540386878
You love this.

656
00:32:43,604.6392540386878 --> 00:32:44,94.6392540386878
We love this.

657
00:32:44,94.6392540386878 --> 00:32:44,884.6392540386878
We should hang out.

658
00:32:44,884.6392540386878 --> 00:32:45,414.6392540386878
Star Wars.

659
00:32:45,414.6392540386878 --> 00:32:45,694.6392540386878
Yes.

660
00:32:45,694.6392540386878 --> 00:32:46,214.6392540386878
Wrestling.

661
00:32:46,214.6392540386878 --> 00:32:46,674.6392540386878
Yes.

662
00:32:46,674.6392540386878 --> 00:32:47,804.6392540386878
Let's do all the things.

663
00:32:47,804.6392540386878 --> 00:32:49,634.6392540386878
Do you want to spend the night at my house
this weekend?

664
00:32:49,634.6392540386878 --> 00:32:51,418.6392540386878
We weren't shy.

665
00:32:51,418.6392540386878 --> 00:32:54,818.6392540386878
But somewhere as adults, we've gotten to
this, like, I mean, I'm awkward, and I'm

666
00:32:54,818.6392540386878 --> 00:32:57,898.6392540386878
introverted, and they're going to think
I'm weird.

667
00:32:57,898.6392540386878 --> 00:33:01,658.6392540386878
And those are just stories that we're
telling ourselves because we're afraid

668
00:33:01,658.6392540386878 --> 00:33:02,908.6392540386878
that that's what we are.

669
00:33:02,908.6392540386878 --> 00:33:05,98.6392540386878
But they may not see us that way at all.

670
00:33:05,98.6392540386878 --> 00:33:09,838.6392540386878
We made new friends so easily when we were
little because we were like, whatever,

671
00:33:09,838.6392540386878 --> 00:33:10,618.6392540386878
here I am.

672
00:33:10,618.6392540386878 --> 00:33:13,958.6392540386878
And that really comes with being like,
yeah, sometimes I'm weird.

673
00:33:14,18.639254038687795 --> 00:33:18,718.6392540386878
Sometimes I'm a weirdo, and sometimes I
don't feel like talking, and sometimes

674
00:33:18,718.6392540386878 --> 00:33:20,673.6392540386878
I'll talk to you forever about.

675
00:33:21,434.6392540386878 --> 00:33:25,44.639254038687795
random things, but when we're OK with
ourselves and we're willing to say, yeah,

676
00:33:25,44.639254038687795 --> 00:33:27,634.6392540386878
I'm just going to go out there and I'm
going to do it.

677
00:33:27,634.6392540386878 --> 00:33:29,914.6392540386878
But it does take that moment of bravery,
right?

678
00:33:29,914.6392540386878 --> 00:33:34,874.6392540386878
Especially as adults, which is weird,
because it's like we've unlearned things

679
00:33:34,874.6392540386878 --> 00:33:37,934.6392540386878
that we needed to know when we naturally
did them when we were little.

680
00:33:37,934.6392540386878 --> 00:33:40,274.6392540386878
It was just natural.

681
00:33:40,274.6392540386878 --> 00:33:43,874.6392540386878
And we just have to get back to that place
where you're like, I'm going to make a

682
00:33:43,874.6392540386878 --> 00:33:44,224.6392540386878
friend.

683
00:33:44,224.6392540386878 --> 00:33:46,94.6392540386878
We just knew we were.

684
00:33:46,474.6392540386878 --> 00:33:48,64.6392540386878
And I think that's part of it.

685
00:33:48,64.6392540386878 --> 00:33:50,705.6392540386878
We just have gotten to this very like,

686
00:33:51,130.6392540386878 --> 00:33:53,410.6392540386878
I can't kind of place, which none of it's
true.

687
00:33:53,410.6392540386878 --> 00:33:54,680.6392540386878
It's just what we're saying to ourselves.

688
00:33:54,680.6392540386878 --> 00:33:56,70.6392540386878
And like I said, that's uncomfortable.

689
00:33:56,70.6392540386878 --> 00:33:59,100.6392540386878
And as we've learned over the years of
doing this, the more we lean into the

690
00:33:59,100.6392540386878 --> 00:34:01,146.6392540386878
uncomfortable is where we find the most
growth.

691
00:34:01,146.6392540386878 --> 00:34:08,86.6392540386878
Yeah, I have a friend and he his quote is
always like, I make myself like I am.

692
00:34:08,86.6392540386878 --> 00:34:11,746.6392540386878
It wasn't a good day unless I was
completely uncomfortable most of the day.

693
00:34:11,746.6392540386878 --> 00:34:13,496.6392540386878
Like he's like, that is how I do it.

694
00:34:13,496.6392540386878 --> 00:34:14,426.6392540386878
And he's amazing.

695
00:34:14,426.6392540386878 --> 00:34:15,916.6392540386878
He's out there just every day.

696
00:34:15,916.6392540386878 --> 00:34:17,886.6392540386878
He's like, I want to be as uncomfortable
as possible.

697
00:34:17,886.6392540386878 --> 00:34:19,106.6392540386878
And I'm like, my God.

698
00:34:19,106.6392540386878 --> 00:34:20,686.6392540386878
But how are you not exhausted?

699
00:34:20,686.6392540386878 --> 00:34:22,606.6392540386878
But he does it like he lives his life that
way.

700
00:34:22,606.6392540386878 --> 00:34:23,586.6392540386878
He's out there all the time.

701
00:34:23,586.6392540386878 --> 00:34:26,643.6392540386878
Like, no, like all day long, be
uncomfortable.

702
00:34:26,643.6392540386878 --> 00:34:31,403.6392540386878
got a, I've got a quote on like every part
of my house that says the magic is in the

703
00:34:31,403.6392540386878 --> 00:34:32,233.6392540386878
work that you're avoiding.

704
00:34:32,233.6392540386878 --> 00:34:38,23.639254038687795
And it's like, like across the board work
-wise, you know, making friends, things

705
00:34:38,23.639254038687795 --> 00:34:39,83.6392540386878
like that.

706
00:34:39,83.6392540386878 --> 00:34:42,763.6392540386878
If it's hard, if it's something that you
want to avoid, that's usually where you

707
00:34:42,763.6392540386878 --> 00:34:44,303.6392540386878
need to lean in.

708
00:34:44,362.6392540386878 --> 00:34:44,762.6392540386878
yeah.

709
00:34:44,762.6392540386878 --> 00:34:45,692.6392540386878
And we don't want to.

710
00:34:45,692.6392540386878 --> 00:34:50,302.6392540386878
We really have gotten to this place where
everything's pretty cushy and we like it

711
00:34:50,302.6392540386878 --> 00:34:50,732.6392540386878
that way.

712
00:34:50,732.6392540386878 --> 00:34:53,322.6392540386878
Everything's just a little bit too easy.

713
00:34:53,802.6392540386878 --> 00:34:56,342.6392540386878
And maybe that's to our detriment.

714
00:34:56,342.6392540386878 --> 00:34:58,742.6392540386878
Maybe we've just gotten to a point where
we've made things too easy.

715
00:34:58,742.6392540386878 --> 00:35:02,162.6392540386878
I don't know, but I like it that way.

716
00:35:02,162.6392540386878 --> 00:35:04,82.6392540386878
I'm not complaining.

717
00:35:04,102.6392540386878 --> 00:35:07,742.6392540386878
But really, I mean, we have to get back to
that place where we're willing to put

718
00:35:07,742.6392540386878 --> 00:35:08,638.6392540386878
ourselves out there.

719
00:35:08,638.6392540386878 --> 00:35:12,178.6392540386878
All I can think of is the movie Wall -E
where all the people are just floating in

720
00:35:12,178.6392540386878 --> 00:35:14,358.6392540386878
the chairs drinking their big sip.

721
00:35:14,358.6392540386878 --> 00:35:18,358.6392540386878
Like, you know, life just got so easy and
they're like, and we don't do anything

722
00:35:18,358.6392540386878 --> 00:35:18,970.6392540386878
anymore.

723
00:35:18,970.6392540386878 --> 00:35:21,783.6392540386878
Yeah, yeah, we're kind of there.

724
00:35:21,783.6392540386878 --> 00:35:22,693.6392540386878
it was catastrophic.

725
00:35:22,693.6392540386878 --> 00:35:24,93.6392540386878
So that's where you have to test, right?

726
00:35:24,93.6392540386878 --> 00:35:27,773.6392540386878
Like you have to do hard things safely so
that when it happens and it's not safe,

727
00:35:27,773.6392540386878 --> 00:35:31,162.6392540386878
you're prepared and you're strong and
you're resilient and you can face it.

728
00:35:31,162.6392540386878 --> 00:35:31,942.6392540386878
Yeah.

729
00:35:31,942.6392540386878 --> 00:35:32,302.6392540386878
Yeah.

730
00:35:32,302.6392540386878 --> 00:35:33,422.6392540386878
And we are resilient people.

731
00:35:33,422.6392540386878 --> 00:35:36,662.6392540386878
And I think that's an important thing to
remember, too, that as much as we can joke

732
00:35:36,662.6392540386878 --> 00:35:41,702.6392540386878
about the pandemic killing everything for
everyone, we are resilient because we're

733
00:35:41,702.6392540386878 --> 00:35:42,422.6392540386878
still here.

734
00:35:42,422.6392540386878 --> 00:35:48,982.6392540386878
And we're getting to a place where I think
we are going to hit this level of post

735
00:35:48,982.6392540386878 --> 00:35:50,412.6392540386878
-pandemic normalcy.

736
00:35:50,412.6392540386878 --> 00:35:51,932.6392540386878
And everybody's like, it's never going to
be normal.

737
00:35:51,932.6392540386878 --> 00:35:52,642.6392540386878
I'm like, no, it is.

738
00:35:52,642.6392540386878 --> 00:35:54,282.6392540386878
It's just going to take time.

739
00:35:54,462.6392540386878 --> 00:35:56,982.6392540386878
But human beings, for the most part, are
resilient people.

740
00:35:56,982.6392540386878 --> 00:35:58,982.6392540386878
I mean, we are a resilient species.

741
00:35:58,982.6392540386878 --> 00:35:59,601.6392540386878
And.

742
00:35:59,866.6392540386878 --> 00:36:03,426.6392540386878
We just have to start feeding our brains
the things that we need to believe about

743
00:36:03,426.6392540386878 --> 00:36:05,16.639254038687795
ourselves instead of the things that we
fear.

744
00:36:05,16.639254038687795 --> 00:36:06,866.6392540386878
And right now, we're afraid we can't find
friends.

745
00:36:06,866.6392540386878 --> 00:36:07,966.6392540386878
We're afraid that we can't do this.

746
00:36:07,966.6392540386878 --> 00:36:09,426.6392540386878
I'm afraid to talk to people.

747
00:36:09,426.6392540386878 --> 00:36:13,286.6392540386878
But if we just would change our internal
dialogue, it would make such a huge

748
00:36:13,286.6392540386878 --> 00:36:13,716.6392540386878
difference.

749
00:36:13,716.6392540386878 --> 00:36:15,866.6392540386878
I mean, beyond friendship.

750
00:36:15,866.6392540386878 --> 00:36:17,592.6392540386878
Beyond friendship, it really would.

751
00:36:17,592.6392540386878 --> 00:36:17,982.6392540386878
Yeah.

752
00:36:17,982.6392540386878 --> 00:36:20,782.6392540386878
This is what you help people with in your,
in your coaching and in your podcast.

753
00:36:20,782.6392540386878 --> 00:36:23,406.6392540386878
Tell us more about you, your work and the
podcast.

754
00:36:23,406.6392540386878 --> 00:36:25,46.639254038687795
Yeah, I'm a life coach.

755
00:36:25,46.639254038687795 --> 00:36:29,766.6392540386878
And I help people who have really big
things that they want to do, but then they

756
00:36:29,766.6392540386878 --> 00:36:33,706.6392540386878
overthink and they get anxious and they
talk themselves out of it, like making

757
00:36:33,706.6392540386878 --> 00:36:36,966.6392540386878
friends or asking for raises or anything
else like that.

758
00:36:36,966.6392540386878 --> 00:36:40,486.6392540386878
So anybody that's got these like really
big ambitions, like I know I can do it,

759
00:36:40,486.6392540386878 --> 00:36:42,993.6392540386878
but my God, I don't know that I can do it.

760
00:36:43,322.6392540386878 --> 00:36:45,82.6392540386878
Those are the people I love to work with.

761
00:36:45,82.6392540386878 --> 00:36:46,562.6392540386878
And so, yeah, I have a podcast.

762
00:36:46,562.6392540386878 --> 00:36:47,802.6392540386878
It's called More Than Anxiety.

763
00:36:47,802.6392540386878 --> 00:36:52,582.6392540386878
And I talk about all the anxiety things
about how you feel, what you think, what's

764
00:36:52,582.6392540386878 --> 00:36:55,182.6392540386878
going on, lots of different topics.

765
00:36:55,462.6392540386878 --> 00:36:58,12.639254038687795
And so, yeah, they can find me at More
Than Anxiety.

766
00:36:58,12.639254038687795 --> 00:36:59,422.6392540386878
It's on all the podcast platforms.

767
00:36:59,422.6392540386878 --> 00:37:00,542.6392540386878
It's on YouTube.

768
00:37:00,542.6392540386878 --> 00:37:02,142.6392540386878
And my website is just my name.

769
00:37:02,142.6392540386878 --> 00:37:03,852.6392540386878
It's just megandevito .com.

770
00:37:03,852.6392540386878 --> 00:37:06,228.6392540386878
And you can connect with me there, too.

771
00:37:06,538.6392540382221 --> 00:37:11,278.63925403822213
Our thanks to Megan DeVito, the host of
the More Than Anxiety podcast, one in

772
00:37:11,278.63925403822213 --> 00:37:15,138.63925403822213
which I truly love because anxiety's kinda
my thing.

773
00:37:15,566.6392540382221 --> 00:37:19,227.63925403822213
You can find out more about her and what
she does in the show notes

774
00:37:19,227.63925403822213 --> 00:37:20,863.6392540382221
for this episode at thefitmass .com.

775
00:37:20,863.6392540382221 --> 00:37:26,203.63925403822213
And Jeremy, that was such a good interview
and I had a lot of reflection as I was

776
00:37:26,203.63925403822213 --> 00:37:27,173.63925403822213
talking with her.

777
00:37:27,173.63925403822213 --> 00:37:30,843.6392540382221
I know, you know, anyone who's listened to
us for a while knows that, you know, my

778
00:37:30,843.6392540382221 --> 00:37:38,243.63925403822213
wife and I split a few years ago and with
any divorce, right, the friends split too,

779
00:37:38,243.63925403822213 --> 00:37:38,903.6392540382221
right.

780
00:37:38,903.6392540382221 --> 00:37:46,743.6392540382221
And I don't, you know, I don't know if I
knew it was coming or something was like

781
00:37:46,743.6392540382221 --> 00:37:49,215.63925403822213
we had a lot of shared friends and.

782
00:37:49,215.63925403822213 --> 00:37:52,475.63925403822213
we actually moved back into her hometown.

783
00:37:52,475.63925403822213 --> 00:37:54,415.63925403822213
So it's not my hometown.

784
00:37:54,495.63925403822213 --> 00:37:56,875.6392540382221
And I didn't know anyone here for the most
part.

785
00:37:56,875.6392540382221 --> 00:37:59,635.6392540382221
And anyone I did know were her friends.

786
00:37:59,635.6392540382221 --> 00:38:04,695.6392540382221
So like when the split happened, I had
this community of people that I knew that

787
00:38:04,695.6392540382221 --> 00:38:09,195.63925403822213
I had built up through going to things
that I'm interested in and just meeting

788
00:38:09,195.63925403822213 --> 00:38:12,935.6392540382221
people who happen to have that same
interest.

789
00:38:12,935.6392540382221 --> 00:38:16,720.6392540382221
So I was just reflecting on.

790
00:38:17,311.63925403822213 --> 00:38:21,431.63925403822213
how bad it could have been when I got
divorced, how few friends I could have had

791
00:38:21,431.63925403822213 --> 00:38:27,311.63925403822213
if I didn't have that community of people,
if I didn't have like that network that I

792
00:38:27,311.63925403822213 --> 00:38:31,811.6392540382221
put time into building, whether I saw this
coming or I just needed, you know, like I

793
00:38:31,811.6392540382221 --> 00:38:34,311.63925403822213
moved into a new area and I didn't have my
own friends.

794
00:38:34,331.63925403822213 --> 00:38:35,571.6392540382221
That's exactly what I had to do.

795
00:38:35,571.6392540382221 --> 00:38:39,311.63925403822213
I had to go out and find those places
where those people were that were doing

796
00:38:39,311.63925403822213 --> 00:38:41,491.63925403822213
the same things that I wanted to do.

797
00:38:41,491.63925403822213 --> 00:38:45,814.6392540382221
And, you know, at the end of the day, I've
got a pretty good community of friends.

798
00:38:46,335.63925403822213 --> 00:38:51,495.63925403822213
where I am and I just can't tell you how
much I just kept reflecting back on that

799
00:38:51,495.63925403822213 --> 00:38:55,815.6392540382221
going like, my God, if I hadn't done that,
where would I be?

800
00:38:55,815.6392540382221 --> 00:38:57,205.63925403822213
I would have had no one.

801
00:38:57,205.63925403822213 --> 00:38:59,703.6392540382221
Like that would have been atrocious for
me.

802
00:38:59,703.6392540382221 --> 00:39:03,863.6392540382221
Especially given the modern way things
are, you've been working from home the

803
00:39:03,863.6392540382221 --> 00:39:04,563.6392540382221
whole time.

804
00:39:04,563.6392540382221 --> 00:39:07,672.6392540382221
So to Megan's point, you don't have that
forced environment.

805
00:39:07,672.6392540382221 --> 00:39:09,103.63925403822213
That's, that's something I've been
struggling with.

806
00:39:09,103.63925403822213 --> 00:39:13,343.63925403822213
Most of the friends I've had over my life
are coworkers and their colleagues and

807
00:39:13,343.63925403822213 --> 00:39:15,703.6392540382221
moving to this new place and working fully
remote.

808
00:39:15,703.6392540382221 --> 00:39:17,623.6392540382221
My wife and I are home together all day.

809
00:39:17,623.6392540382221 --> 00:39:23,83.63925403822213
We don't have coworkers to share, you
know, an experience in another place.

810
00:39:23,83.63925403822213 --> 00:39:26,743.6392540382221
And so I remember my therapist very
clearly before we moved, he said, give it

811
00:39:26,743.6392540382221 --> 00:39:28,823.6392540382221
two years before you decide if it's.

812
00:39:28,823.6392540382221 --> 00:39:31,883.6392540382221
like if you're going to stay or go because
it takes two years to really like settle

813
00:39:31,883.6392540382221 --> 00:39:32,683.6392540382221
in.

814
00:39:32,683.6392540382221 --> 00:39:36,343.63925403822213
And I think, you know, add COVID, add
remote work environment that extends.

815
00:39:36,343.63925403822213 --> 00:39:39,823.6392540382221
And now we're at that three year mark and
it's finally starting like my, my

816
00:39:39,823.6392540382221 --> 00:39:41,433.63925403822213
daughters are really like gelling.

817
00:39:41,433.63925403822213 --> 00:39:42,983.6392540382221
They're finding their community.

818
00:39:42,983.6392540382221 --> 00:39:43,923.6392540382221
That's inspiring me.

819
00:39:43,923.6392540382221 --> 00:39:47,563.6392540382221
I'm starting to find mine and it is, it's,
it, you have to be intentional.

820
00:39:47,563.6392540382221 --> 00:39:51,703.6392540382221
And in many ways it's better because by
being intentional and putting yourself out

821
00:39:51,703.6392540382221 --> 00:39:55,263.63925403822213
there and doing the things you're
interested in to find the community there,

822
00:39:55,263.63925403822213 --> 00:39:56,791.6392540382221
it's way better than.

823
00:39:56,791.6392540382221 --> 00:40:00,511.63925403822213
hey, we work in the same building every
day for eight hours, we might as well

824
00:40:00,511.63925403822213 --> 00:40:02,271.63925403822213
learn to tolerate each other.

825
00:40:02,271.63925403822213 --> 00:40:07,571.6392540382221
And then you suddenly have that, you know,
kind of forced grade school relationship

826
00:40:07,571.6392540382221 --> 00:40:08,251.63925403822213
again.

827
00:40:08,251.63925403822213 --> 00:40:14,611.6392540382221
I just think it can't be overstated, can't
be overstated how important it is to

828
00:40:14,611.6392540382221 --> 00:40:19,271.63925403822213
intentionally build community and not just
rely on the one that you're handed because

829
00:40:19,271.63925403822213 --> 00:40:20,649.6392540382221
of your circumstance.

830
00:40:21,108.63925403822213 --> 00:40:27,768.6392540382221
on the flip side of it too, like I have
very actively, you know, decided to cut

831
00:40:27,768.6392540382221 --> 00:40:30,728.6392540382221
people out of my life that weren't serving
my interest.

832
00:40:30,728.6392540382221 --> 00:40:37,288.63925403822213
So there were, there were definitely a few
people that were in my life that because I

833
00:40:37,288.63925403822213 --> 00:40:42,568.6392540382221
was lonely, because I didn't have anyone
else, I kind of latched onto them to some

834
00:40:42,568.6392540382221 --> 00:40:43,648.6392540382221
extent.

835
00:40:44,268.63925403822213 --> 00:40:47,400.63925403822213
And that was hard.

836
00:40:47,400.63925403822213 --> 00:40:52,480.63925403822213
That was really hard to just kind of walk
away from those those few people.

837
00:40:52,620.6392540382221 --> 00:40:56,420.63925403822213
But they just weren't serving me in the
way I needed to be served.

838
00:40:56,420.63925403822213 --> 00:40:56,660.6392540382221
Right.

839
00:40:56,660.6392540382221 --> 00:41:01,380.63925403822213
There was all the situations were
different, but it just wasn't what I

840
00:41:01,380.63925403822213 --> 00:41:02,400.63925403822213
wanted.

841
00:41:02,460.63925403822213 --> 00:41:05,520.6392540382221
And unfortunately, I had to walk away from
a few of those.

842
00:41:05,700.6392540382221 --> 00:41:07,260.63925403822213
So.

843
00:41:07,260.63925403822213 --> 00:41:10,500.63925403822213
I mean, to sum it up, like.

844
00:41:11,0.6392540382221341 --> 00:41:14,960.6392540382221
Love the people that you love and make
sure that you you stay in touch with them

845
00:41:14,960.6392540382221 --> 00:41:17,159.63925403822213
and your friends with them, but.

846
00:41:17,159.63925403822213 --> 00:41:20,579.6392540382221
Make sure you're not hanging on to
somebody just because you're lonely and

847
00:41:20,579.6392540382221 --> 00:41:22,783.6392540382221
it's not the right person who's serving
you.

848
00:41:23,92.63925403822213 --> 00:41:24,512.6392540382221
yeah, 100%.

849
00:41:24,512.6392540382221 --> 00:41:25,892.6392540382221
All right, well, great advice there.

850
00:41:25,892.6392540382221 --> 00:41:29,912.6392540382221
And again, the key point, I think, is
leaning into the discomfort.

851
00:41:29,952.6392540382221 --> 00:41:32,332.63925403822213
What's the quote you have on your wall?

852
00:41:32,332.63925403822213 --> 00:41:35,143.63925403822213
The magic is in the work you're avoiding.

853
00:41:35,143.63925403822213 --> 00:41:37,88.63925403822213
The magic is in the work that you're
avoiding.

854
00:41:37,88.63925403822213 --> 00:41:37,578.6392540382221
magic.

855
00:41:37,578.6392540382221 --> 00:41:42,548.6392540382221
So keep that in mind with whatever
challenge you're facing trying to overcome

856
00:41:42,548.6392540382221 --> 00:41:43,168.63925403822213
something.

857
00:41:43,168.63925403822213 --> 00:41:46,508.63925403822213
If it's uncomfortable, that's probably the
path you need to go down.

858
00:41:46,528.6392540382221 --> 00:41:47,448.63925403822213
Thank you so much for listening.

859
00:41:47,448.63925403822213 --> 00:41:49,868.6392540382221
If you've gotten any value out of this
episode, please do share it with somebody

860
00:41:49,868.6392540382221 --> 00:41:50,788.6392540382221
who could benefit from it.

861
00:41:50,788.6392540382221 --> 00:41:55,268.63925403822213
You can do so by just hitting that share
button in your social media player or your

862
00:41:55,268.63925403822213 --> 00:41:58,688.6392540382221
podcast player, whatever you want to do,
but share this out and help other people

863
00:41:58,688.6392540382221 --> 00:42:00,548.6392540382221
to be a little bit less lonely.

864
00:42:00,548.6392540382221 --> 00:42:02,548.6392540382221
I hope this episode helps you and helps
them.

865
00:42:02,548.6392540382221 --> 00:42:03,458.63925403822213
Thanks so much for being here.

866
00:42:03,458.63925403822213 --> 00:42:06,808.6392540382221
We'll be back next week with a brand new
episode at thefitmess .com.

867
00:42:07,271.63925403822213 --> 00:42:07,911.6392540382221
See you everyone.

Megan Devito Profile Photo

Megan Devito

I'm a life coach for high achievers who struggle to achieve their goals because of anxiety.