July 2, 2024

How To Feel Better About Getting Older And Confront The Fear Of The Unknown

How To Feel Better About Getting Older And Confront The Fear Of The Unknown

Ever feel like time is speeding up and life is moving faster and faster toward the finish line? If you're grappling with the realization that you're not as young as you used to be, join the club! This episode dives into the emotional rollercoaster of...

Ever feel like time is speeding up and life is moving faster and faster toward the finish line?

If you're grappling with the realization that you're not as young as you used to be, join the club! This episode dives into the emotional rollercoaster of aging, from aching joints to teenage mood swings, and everything in between.

You'll gain a fresh perspective on embracing your "seasoned" status, find comfort in knowing you're not alone in this wild ride, and discover ways to turn your midlife crisis into a midlife opportunity. Plus, you'll learn how to cultivate gratitude for this crazy journey we call life – wrinkles, gray hairs, and all!

Hit play now and turn that midlife frown upside down – your future self (and your creaky knees) will thank you!

Takeaways

  • Getting older can be a challenging experience, as it brings reminders of mortality and physical changes.
  • Reflecting on the passing of time and the growth of loved ones can evoke feelings of grief and nostalgia.
  • It is important to find gratitude for the experiences and pain that come with aging.
  • Uncertainty about what comes after death can be unsettling, but it is a normal fear.
  • Sharing struggles and seeking support from others can help navigate the challenges of getting older.
Chapters
 
00:00 - Introduction and Sharing the Struggle
00:53 - Physical Changes and Reminders of Aging
05:02 - Confronting the Fear of the Unknown
07:28 - Finding Gratitude in the Midst of Pain
09:54 - Reaching Out and Conclusion
Transcript

1
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Hey, what's up?

2
00:00:21,506 --> 00:00:23,656
Thanks so much for taking a few minutes to
hang out with us here.

3
00:00:23,656 --> 00:00:26,626
And by us, I mean me because Zach is off
today.

4
00:00:26,626 --> 00:00:29,626
And I just wanted to share something with
you that I've been struggling with lately.

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Maybe it sounds like something that you've
gone through recently or dealing with

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yourself.

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And so I thought, you know, together sort
of working this out in real time, that we

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could lean on each other, share this this
pain together.

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And maybe by the end of my rambling here
for the next few minutes, we'll come to

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some sort of a solution or resolution.

11
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to deal with this problem.

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And the thing that I've been dealing with,
the thing that I'm having the hardest time

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with right now is...

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Not so much my mortality, but just getting
older.

15
00:00:57,253 --> 00:01:01,713
And I say that as a 47 year old guy in
2024, right?

16
00:01:01,793 --> 00:01:04,320
Like live longer than ever for the most
part.

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I mean, we have, I have a long life ahead
of me, but my body seems to want to

18
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constantly remind me that I'm getting
older.

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My eyesight wants to remind me, my ears,
my pain in my knees, the frequent visits

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to the doctor.

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They're all reminding me of how much older
I'm getting and how quickly it's coming.

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And I think, you know, when I look back, I
think it started a few weeks ago when I

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was in the gym, I was doing what I
normally do, throwing heavy stuff around

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by myself because I go to this gym where
there's never anybody there, which is

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pretty amazing.

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I'm going to be honest, but I'm sitting
there, I'm lifting stuff and I look in the

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mirror and for whatever reason, man, the
face I saw in that mirror showed me all 47

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years of the life that I've lived.

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I just felt, I just felt it, man.

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Like in my bones, I felt old and part of
it might've been,

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you know, I'm sitting there doing this and
I'm fairly new to a regular gym routine,

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right?

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So I'm like, the weights aren't huge.

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I'm not super impressed with what I'm
doing.

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But, you know, it's it's growing.

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It's getting better day by day.

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But while I'm doing it, the playlist
that's on in my head is, you know, the

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fucking super hits of the 90s, which was,
you know, my my youth, my teenage years,

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my early 20s.

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When I was a much younger, you know, a
much younger man just just felt better in

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my body.

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in some ways, but you know, I guess
psychologically and others, if I'm being

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honest, but but from a health perspective,
I you know, I did, I just felt younger.

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And I look back on it now with with some
grief with first with some grief for that

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time being gone, and not being able to do
it again, right, not be able to relive it.

46
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But it's not like, you know, those were
the good old days, man, like, those were

47
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the times it's really just more like, I'm
kind of sad that I only got to do it once,

48
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right?

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I only got to do this first half of my
life once I won't get to do it again.

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It's, it's like when you when you lose a
friend when you lose a loved one, and you

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just wish you could get a little bit more
time with them or do one more thing with

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them or just have one more experience
like, I don't know, it's a weird thing to

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put into words, but it's

54
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It is a form of grief, I think it's it's
feeling a loss of who I once was.

55
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And don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade
who I was for who I am now.

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I'm a much healthier, better version of me
now than I was then.

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But it's just kind of this reminder of the
impermanence of all of this and how how

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short this trip really is.

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And if that's not enough, you know, I'm
looking at my daughter's getting older,

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I've got a teenager now who's in full on
teenager mode, which sometimes is great.

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And sometimes fucking pisses me off.

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But in all the ways that it appropriately
should, I think, right.

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My eight year old is getting more
independent, her vocabulary is growing,

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her sense of humor is getting really
dialed in.

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So that relationship that I have with her
is getting more sophisticated.

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Which again, is great.

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It's awesome.

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I'm very happy about that.

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But I'm also sad for the little baby, the
little girl who day by day drifts farther

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and farther into my past.

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And I already mentioned, you know, the
body shutting down today, I was at the eye

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doctor, doing all the tests, looking at
all the different letters, trying to pick

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them out, which ones are blurry, which
ones are clear.

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And it's just, you know, that's a reminder
of time just slipping away.

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And I'm doing it with a bad knee and a bad
foot and a bad back, like all these age

76
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related problems that I didn't have, I
don't think as much in my 20s.

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Maybe I glorify it.

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Maybe maybe I'm glorifying my youth and
maybe I was in constant pain then to

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Certainly emotional pain, but maybe not as
much physical pain as I think I deal with

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now.

81
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But again, just reminders of the
impermanence of this experience.

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And it's not like I'm worried about death.

83
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It's not some morbid fear of my mortality.

84
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In a lot of ways, I'm kind of OK with it.

85
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It's something I've never experienced,
something you've never experienced.

86
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So it's scary.

87
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Who knows what happens?

88
00:04:58,023 --> 00:04:59,503
Who knows what that's going to feel like?

89
00:04:59,503 --> 00:05:02,774
It scares me, I think, in all the normal
ways that it scares anybody.

90
00:05:02,774 --> 00:05:08,058
But I think the thing that bothers me
about it is the not knowing.

91
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the not knowing of what part of this
continues, if it does, right?

92
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I mean, there are those that believe that
you do sort of maintain some sense of who

93
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you were here.

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And what bothers me about it is...

95
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how when it ends, it's the end of my
family's story.

96
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Like, I think sometimes about the whole
past life idea.

97
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Like, what if we do live other lives?

98
00:05:31,414 --> 00:05:32,584
What if we go on to something else?

99
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What if this is just the latest in a
series of lives I've lived in some form or

100
00:05:36,944 --> 00:05:37,384
another?

101
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What if I've had other families, other
kids, other pets, other experiences, and I

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don't remember any of them?

103
00:05:45,604 --> 00:05:47,554
How fucking sad is that?

104
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Like, if that happens with this, right?

105
00:05:51,024 --> 00:05:52,218
If I, if I,

106
00:05:52,341 --> 00:05:58,341
go on to whatever happens after this, if
there is an after this, and I don't get to

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bring any memory of what this experience
was with my kids, with my wife, all this

108
00:06:03,401 --> 00:06:09,180
stuff that I've spent the last 47 years
doing, and however long I have left,

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00:06:09,641 --> 00:06:10,841
what's it for?

110
00:06:10,841 --> 00:06:14,901
Like, if you don't get to hang on to any
of it, it's just, it just is really sad to

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me.

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It just really, it breaks my heart to
think about not having this because I've

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had it for so long.

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And maybe it's that.

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I don't know.

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Again, I'm working this out in real time.

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Help me out here.

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So yeah, if you can't tell, I think I'm
having a bit of a midlife crisis and I'm

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living it out here in real time for you to
enjoy.

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I hope you're enjoying it.

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But look, some of this, again, these just
little sort of reminders that pop up.

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The other night I was watching an episode
of Queer Eye with my family and there was

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this great line with the woman who was
being made over.

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She was an older woman with gray hair and
you know, she's in the salon getting her

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hair done and she was adamant that they
not change her hair color, her very, very

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gray hair color.

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she said she didn't want to change her
hair color because she'd lived long enough

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to earn it.

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00:07:00,652 --> 00:07:03,832
And I thought that's that's fucking
beautiful, man, to be able to hang on to

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that and to wear your age with pride and
to know that you got to this point.

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And you want to celebrate it?

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How many people do you know that haven't
had that experience like I have tons of

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loved ones that died much too young that
would love the opportunity to grow into

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gray hair and grow into knee pain and back
pain and all the things I'm sitting here

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whining to you about and They never got
that chance and that's also heartbreaking

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So I guess where I'm landing as we work
this out together is, you know, the

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ability to or the or the attempt I'm
trying to make here to have some gratitude

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for the pain that I experienced for the
sadness that I experienced, the grief that

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I'm carrying around, the questions I have
about what's going to come next after all

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of this.

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With all of that, I have to have a little
bit of gratitude to be able to even have

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this experience because I've had plenty of
people in my life that know what happens

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when it's all over.

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Unfortunately, they can't really tell me
because they've already lost their lives.

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So I guess the piece of advice I'm trying
to give myself in recording this for me to

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hear, for me to say out loud and hopefully
for you to hear and to somehow benefit

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from is that if you are in any way dealing
with what I'm dealing with in this weird

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midlife, what's it all about stuff and all
the pain that comes along with it is to

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try to have a little bit of gratitude for
having the gift that is this experience

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all the way through.

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Now, does that put a smile on my face?

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Does that make me happy?

153
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Does that solve the problem?

154
00:08:39,923 --> 00:08:41,923
Honestly, right now, no, it doesn't.

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It's but yeah, it doesn't.

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It doesn't solve the problem.

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But it's something for me to work on and
perhaps something for you to work on too.

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So that's it, that's what I've got for you
this week.

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I'm going to go put some heat on my knee
and on my foot.

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Probably take a little vitamin A.

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I know Advil's bad for you, but I'm
probably gonna take it anyways, because

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I'm in a lot of pain.

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And I'm going to try to stop being mad at
my kids for a minute and give them a hug

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because again, gratitude for the pain in
the ass that they can be sometimes is the

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thing I need to focus on.

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The gratitude for the literal pain in my
ass that I'm old enough to experience.

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And the gratitude I need to work on having
just a little bit more for the life that I

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have and all that I get to experience.

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It's all, it's all homework for me.

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It's all stuff that I need to work on.

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Maybe you need to work on it as well.

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So yeah, that's me shouting into the void,
shouting into this microphone, hoping that

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you've heard it.

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If any of this resonated with you, I would
love to hear if, if you're going through

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the same thing, if you're feeling the same
feelings, if you've asked yourself these

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same questions and dealt with the same
stuff and how you got through it, or maybe

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you're still getting through it now.

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You can always comment on any of our posts
and social media about this episode or any

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other.

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Feel free to email us.

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You can always send an email to info at
the fit mess .com.

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But reach out, we'd love to hear from you.

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And if not you, if you know someone who's
going through this kind of thing and maybe

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they're lonely in that struggle.

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Maybe share this episode with them.

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Maybe they need to hear someone else
working through these feelings in real

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time, just like they're probably doing.

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You can do that by going to our website,
thefitmass .com, And that's where we'll be

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back next week with a new episode.

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Thanks for sitting through my one man
therapy session so that I can try and sort

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some of this out in my head and hopefully
help you too.

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Thanks for listening.

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