How to Build Real Connection in a Disconnected World

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Hey, what's up?

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It's the Fit Mess.

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This is Jeremy.

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Zach's not with me today.

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That's all right.

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It's just you and me and my guest, Adam Dorsey.

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He's a psychologist.

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He knows a thing or two about how to get happy, about how to find your purpose, about how
to figure out what it is to get through this life without loads and loads of pain

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constantly.

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Getting to the end of the year here and I don't know about you, my mental health is on the
brink.

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It's not always great.

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I get a little nostalgic at this time of year, which I don't love.

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I don't love it because it keeps me stuck in the past, which triggers a little bit of
depression, triggers a little bit of feeling sad, missing what's gone, grieving what I've

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lost.

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And it doesn't usually kick in to the happiness, the looking forward, the hope, all of
that sort of kicks in when the sun comes back up in the spring.

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Because that's the other thing, this time of year, the dark.

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the short days, the sunsets at four o'clock in the fucking afternoon.

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Jesus.

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Can we just live with daylight saving time?

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Anyways, enough about that.

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Again, my guest today is Adam Dorsey.

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We're going to talk about his book, Super Psyched Unleashed the Power of the Four Types of
Connection and Live the Life You Love.

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What a cool guy.

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You know, when you do these these sort of interviews all the time, some people you connect
with, some people it's you you kind of talk to them and

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time goes by and you sort of forget you did that interview.

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I think I have a new best friend though because we played best friend bingo sort of
accidentally and we have a lot of pop cultural connections that intertwined and we talked

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about a lot of those while talking about the questions I started with.

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know like trying to figure out what it is to even be a man these days.

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You know there's people throw around toxic masculinity and what it means to participate in
that.

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Talk about being happy.

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It's the elusive being happy, something that you get blips of desperately hang on to and
then it disappears again.

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Maybe that's just me.

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And what it means to be a success, right?

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Like I still don't know that I have a purpose in life beyond being my kid's dad.

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That's the thing that drives me.

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That is my everything.

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And part of me knows that that's unhealthy because one day they'll grow up and

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move out and live their own lives and then I'll be left here trying to figure out what's
next for me.

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And so I'm trying to accept that I'll deal with that when the time comes and just lean
into what needs to be done right now because that's where I usually find the most peace is

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in the moment and trying to just stay focused and grounded on what's in front of me, what
needs my attention right now because there's no guarantee that tomorrow is even coming.

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So be aware, know that it's there.

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prepare as much as possible, but stay focused in the moment.

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In this moment, we have an amazing interview with Adam Dorsey, very cool guy.

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We hit it off immediately.

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And I'm excited to share this conversation with you.

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We were just sort of chit chatting when the conversation got started.

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And he was asking about the origin of this show.

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And so I decided to leave this part in for those of you that may be a new listener, don't
know how we got started.

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We've been around for a few years.

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But I wanted to leave that in just so for those of you that don't know how this show got
started.

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That's where going to pick up the conversation, but we will get into all of the questions
that a lot of people face that I know I face.

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what it means to be a success?

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How do you cope with happiness coming and going?

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What does it mean to be a man?

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These very big questions that I think a lot of people wrestle with.

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I know I do.

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And so I just wanted to share this conversation with you, but again, we'll pick up with
how the fit mess got started.

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started where I think we're in our sixth or seventh year now.

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I've been podcasting for 20 years.

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I worked in commercial radio for 20 years.

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But yeah, about seven years ago, my buddy and I, who I normally do the show with, we were
both on kind of get our shit together journey and having a lot of really open, vulnerable

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conversations.

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And we kind of looked at each other and went, dudes don't do this.

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We should do a show.

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And so we did, we just started basically having the same conversations we were having
around campfires into microphones and built a little following.

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Jeremy, that is an incredible backstory.

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And I'm totally with you in terms of dudes don't do this type of thing, fill in the blank.

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It's like, yeah, can't we though?

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Can't we be straight men and still do these things?

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Right?

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Yeah, it's, I know it's scary and the feelings are terrible.

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And as you've said, you would rather shock yourselves with the electrical devices than
talk about them, but here we are.

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and I mean you actually physically look like one of my friends and even kind of resemble
even his mannerisms who is of this ilk who just gets it and it's like you know what when I

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was a kid we had basically three-ish options I should have included in my book or my TED
talk TEDx talk to be more precise but yet we had like basically James Bond John Wayne and

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Joe Montana

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three J's and I was none of those.

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No, totally, right?

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There was an eye guy too, Indiana Jones, but he's kind of, he's like James Bond.

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it was none of those.

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No, I was I was much more like farm boy Luke Skywalker than Jedi Luke Skywalker.

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I actually think they're the same guy.

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That's a campfire conversation.

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I think they're the same.

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You think they're the same guy?

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Both the Jedi and the farm boy.

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So, how does the farm boy become the Jedi in the modern world?

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Because there are so many cultural poles and a number of directions.

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Most of them are in the manly, know, rub some dirt on it.

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How dare you have feelings path.

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But how does Luke become a Jedi?

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You know, I haven't really given it much thought, I'll tell you my knee jerk.

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see Luke is Jedi in episode six, return of the Jedi.

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When he walks into Jabba's hut and he's a badass, like it is on.

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And yet he maintains his integrity and kindness and decision to not go his father's route.

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And he basically said what

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many of us in our generation said have said and that is this stops with me whatever this
thing is it stops with me and he proceeded you know we see him in seven eight nine people

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have different ideas about you know how good they were actually i guess more like end of
seven and then eight and nine a bit i freaking loved those movies so i get so much shade

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for that

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a Star Wars t-shirt right now.

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And that's how much of a dork I am.

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So.

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I mean, seven, eight, nine, you know, the JJ Abrams, some people give me a lot of shade
for loving those and saying, gosh, know, seven was just basically the same as, you know,

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episode four.

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But you can tell I've given this a lot of thought.

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mean, the cat in the box who's behind me, sadly, who died and his remains remain with me.

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His name was Yoda.

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So you can guess that, you know, this whole idea of this Jungian archetypes that informed
so much of George Lucas's thinking.

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I think are so crucial and I almost consider it required watching at least four, five and
six, which, you know, five in my opinion is the best of the three by a long shot.

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yeah.

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As a young man, I don't remember how old I was, but I specifically remember having a
poster on my wall that had a picture of Yoda and it said, everything I needed to know

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about life I learned from Star Wars.

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And it's like key life lessons that are just listed on this.

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I wish I still had it because it was like a guiding force in my life to have this poster
on the wall.

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But I don't want to make this all about Star Wars.

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Let's make this a little bit more about how you're out there helping guys like us that are
having these struggles.

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And I'm going to warn you, this is very likely to turn into a therapy conversation.

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I literally went to my therapist last night and came home with just like these kind of
open wounds that I've been ruminating on ever since.

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Because a lot of them, think, relate to parts of what a lot of your clients deal with.

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I know you work with a lot of like highly successful, know, very powerful people that
still, like many of them, achieve all the success, but still end up hollow inside.

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Talk to me a little bit about what their struggles are and then I want to sort of contrast
that with my own experience and see where some of the healing can begin.

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Absolutely.

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So the billboards we grew up with, you know, when I was talking about James Bond, John
Wayne and Joe Montana, those were the advertisements we received.

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That's what it meant to be a man.

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And part of that, if you think of all three of them is ignoring your pain, which by the
way, great short term strategy, I'm totally down with getting through the football game, a

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huge Joe Montana fan, loving some James Bond, even though he's a sociopath and probably a
little bit of a psychopath.

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John Wayne, please.

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mean, I don't think that that's a way to go through life in any way, or form that that
version of masculinity may have some elements that are good, but for the most part, not

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really down with it.

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Michael Meade, who's one of my all time favorite thinkers, describes three brothers who
need to go save their father's life.

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And each of them rides off on a horse in succession and each of them passes.

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dwarf at the side of the road who asks them where are going and the first two brothers
basically say f off you know you're just a dwarf I don't need you the third one gets off

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his horse and says I don't know where I'm going and the dwarf says it's really good that
you got off your horse because your brothers actually just rode off a cliff and that's

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really hard for us guys we're supposed to know we're going I mean the old tiring chestnut
of the guy who doesn't want to ask for directions we hear about that guy all the time

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And to some extent I can be that guy too.

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I mean, I'm definitely a guy.

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And we need to get off our horse, get a little bit more introspective, ask ourselves,
where are we going?

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Because generally these successful guys who did amazing things basically sacrificed in
order to get into the best colleges and to the best internships, perhaps graduate school,

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and then work their way up the ladder only to find out.

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that they're still just them.

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Conan O'Brien talks about this a lot in his podcast.

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He's like, you know, you'd expect with all the accolades and all of the incredible things
about being Conan O'Brien would allow him to say, I'm, I'm free.

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I'm emancipated and lo and behold, it still sucks to be Conan in certain ways.

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He describes that.

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So it's not achievement, but it's about following our true path.

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Now, Conan, I'm pretty sure has followed his true path.

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But many of the folks who, you know, married the quote right person, lived in the quote
right neighborhoods, had the right jobs, et cetera, find that those weren't actually the

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things they really wanted from their lives.

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And if they just taken a moment to do what Adam Grant talks about out of Wharton, and that
is not ask themselves who they want to be, but ask themselves what verbs are true for

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them.

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We talk a lot about pronouns, what about our verbs?

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what is it that you really...

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Jeremy, what is it that you really, really love to do?

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What are the verbs that relate to that?

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Come on, man, really?

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was gonna ask you about.

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And quickly, I'm gonna check off my best friend Bingo card over here.

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So far we've talked about Star Wars, Conan O'Brien.

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You're doing very well for yourself.

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And by the end of this, I'm pretty sure we're gonna be best friends.

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I love that and by the way for the listener, I'm not providing therapy.

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is for informational purposes only Jeremy could very well become a very good friend based
on the vibe I'm feeling so and I can't do therapy on friends But but I can have a real

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discussion the way I would over a beer with a friend Which would be something like this

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so this is this is where we landed last night in my therapy session.

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So I have never been one of those guys, one of those driven, ambitious, go to the top
school, get the best job, make loads of money.

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I'm good with just like getting to spin around on this rock for a while.

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Like this is pretty cool.

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And so

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That led me to, you know, just taking the job that fit, that seemed kind of cool, did that
for a while, burned out, got sick of it, moved on, got super intentional a couple of years

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ago about the kind of life I wanted to live, where I wanted to live.

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It made all the jumps to have that happen.

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But what's still missing is that job, right?

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Like that thing that I am to the outside world.

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And

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What's hard about it is trying to wrap my head around your very question.

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Where am I going?

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What do I want to do?

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What do I want to be doing with my life?

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I don't know and I have never known.

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Now I grew up in a house with alcoholism where it was an issue and so there's definitely
some little T trauma issues that came with that and I've lived with depression my entire

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life which is probably a big reason why I have a hard time figuring out what I want to be
and when I grow up and all of that.

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But there is not a single thing that I wake up every day going, I can't wait to do that.

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That let's go.

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I want to be the best at that.

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Like I'm, I'm good.

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Right?

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Like I've, I've got the wife I want, the kids I want.

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live where I want it.

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Like I'm, I'm good, but there's this cultural pull to be the success, to make the money,
to be able to write the check, to pay for whatever my kids want, to provide the life of

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their dreams.

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And

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I'm not driven enough to chase anything hard enough to make their dreams come true, which
ultimately is making my dream come true.

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I want to provide for them, but I can't attach myself to something enough to go be the
best at it.

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So you're dropping a lot of good stuff and a lot of useful stuff for the listeners.

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I'm quite sure that many people will connect with this conundrum that you're in and some
of the things that you've done to alleviate it.

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But of course, none of us ever reaches the top of that mountain entirely and says,

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Finished solved cured.

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it's like we die.

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I mean, like Leonardo da Vinci once said, there's no, you know, art is never finished,
only abandoned.

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And similarly, I think existentially our lives are never, you know, fully finished.

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They, we, we just kind of run the clock, but if we use that dash between our birth date
and our death date really well, and it sounds like you're already doing that.

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And I mean, you are already.

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example to many of the listeners who could benefit from it.

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You're engaging in many of the verbs that you like and many of the verbs that a person
likes are predictive of what they'll want to end up doing.

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I'm guessing that one of the things that you care about is learning that you've got a ton
of curiosity and learning is great for you.

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I'm guessing also that love as a verb is very important to you and these are all true

206
00:15:34,784 --> 00:15:35,644
core strengths.

207
00:15:35,644 --> 00:15:42,144
These are what are referred to in positive psychology as values in action or virtues or
character strengths.

208
00:15:42,144 --> 00:15:45,764
And you're rocking those muscle groups every day.

209
00:15:45,764 --> 00:15:55,244
And that's one of the reasons why I love what Adam Grant talks about is because many of
the jobs that our children want are not yet in business.

210
00:15:55,244 --> 00:15:58,824
We don't even know what the jobs a decade from now will look like.

211
00:15:58,824 --> 00:16:02,524
We didn't know that there would be an AI wrangler just 20 years ago.

212
00:16:02,524 --> 00:16:04,168
And when I was in college,

213
00:16:04,168 --> 00:16:07,461
little over 30 years ago, we did not know what a web designer was.

214
00:16:07,461 --> 00:16:10,974
And now everybody knows what a web designer was and is.

215
00:16:10,974 --> 00:16:14,356
you know, many, in many cases, AI may even be handling that.

216
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So people who love that type of thing may need to also engage their verbs in other ways.

217
00:16:21,382 --> 00:16:31,730
but in terms of what you just described, the idea that we should be doing more, we should
be getting more is social comparison.

218
00:16:32,328 --> 00:16:33,662
I roll up.

219
00:16:33,662 --> 00:16:40,355
to meet my friend and he tells me about all of his massive business successes that are
just, I mean, have so many zeros after them.

220
00:16:41,195 --> 00:16:43,176
And I've got a few options.

221
00:16:43,917 --> 00:16:50,039
One of them is I can celebrate what he's done and cheer him on.

222
00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:56,242
Or I could get really envious or I could do both or themes and variations of other things.

223
00:16:57,283 --> 00:16:59,384
Of course, I might feel a little bit envious.

224
00:16:59,384 --> 00:17:00,344
Wow.

225
00:17:00,628 --> 00:17:01,378
Are you serious?

226
00:17:01,378 --> 00:17:04,158
That many zeros, you never need to worry about money again.

227
00:17:04,158 --> 00:17:05,249
That's amazing.

228
00:17:05,249 --> 00:17:13,031
And I might feel some sense of being inferior or envious or whatever it might be.

229
00:17:14,072 --> 00:17:29,056
And I can claim that inside, but the right answer, I think, with that friend, as much as
possible is to cheer for them and to then ask myself, and what do I got?

230
00:17:29,150 --> 00:17:31,221
And how can I appreciate it even more?

231
00:17:31,221 --> 00:17:34,803
Not get complacent, not go for more if I want to go for more.

232
00:17:35,464 --> 00:17:37,705
But how can I appreciate it more?

233
00:17:37,705 --> 00:17:40,146
What we appreciate appreciates.

234
00:17:40,406 --> 00:17:47,270
And your determination to ride this rock and love what you've got is amazing.

235
00:17:47,270 --> 00:17:48,951
Depression sucks, by the way.

236
00:17:48,951 --> 00:17:50,211
Depression will cloud.

237
00:17:50,211 --> 00:17:57,435
It's like wearing the world's worst pair of glasses because it informs the way we see the
planet and it needs to be addressed.

238
00:17:58,674 --> 00:18:01,365
It can really suck the life out of anything.

239
00:18:01,365 --> 00:18:05,186
can cause us to take less joy in things that we previously found joyful.

240
00:18:05,186 --> 00:18:06,026
It can ruin our sleep.

241
00:18:06,026 --> 00:18:07,587
It can ruin our eating.

242
00:18:07,687 --> 00:18:12,828
It can even cause other more troubling issues like suicidal ideation.

243
00:18:12,828 --> 00:18:21,591
So depression really needs to be handled in some meaningful way, whether it's through
therapy or medicine or both, or something else.

244
00:18:21,591 --> 00:18:24,882
There are even lots of studies that indicate that

245
00:18:25,194 --> 00:18:35,873
doing six days of intensive cardio, as long as it's not medically contraindicated, can
have the same effect as an SSRI medication on depression and anxiety.

246
00:18:35,873 --> 00:18:37,684
So that's really comforting.

247
00:18:37,684 --> 00:18:40,577
Even the American Psychiatric Association has acknowledged that.

248
00:18:40,577 --> 00:18:45,420
And they have a vested interest in seeing that patients take medications.

249
00:18:45,501 --> 00:18:51,476
So coming from them, that's a pretty massive endorsement for engaging cardio.

250
00:18:51,476 --> 00:18:53,327
But for some people, that's not enough.

251
00:18:54,590 --> 00:18:56,873
Yeah, but social comparison's just terrible.

252
00:18:57,001 --> 00:19:07,650
So let me, so on the, there's a couple of roads I wanna go there and one is the social
comparison thing because I probably do compare myself to my peers, my friends and things

253
00:19:07,650 --> 00:19:11,954
more than I even would acknowledge or can think of right now.

254
00:19:11,954 --> 00:19:18,780
But what I do do is compare me now to me 20 years from now.

255
00:19:19,941 --> 00:19:21,822
And that's where I get scared.

256
00:19:21,923 --> 00:19:24,385
I get scared of, because,

257
00:19:24,637 --> 00:19:30,119
I'm looking through the lens of, I've spent the last decade plus getting my shit together.

258
00:19:30,119 --> 00:19:35,760
Like growing up, putting down the bottle, like being a better person.

259
00:19:36,041 --> 00:19:38,801
And so I look back 20 years and go, God, what if I had known?

260
00:19:38,801 --> 00:19:42,362
What if I had known how much better things could be now if I'd started then?

261
00:19:42,803 --> 00:19:50,997
So I get scared looking 20 years into the future going, what are you screwing up right now
that you're gonna wish you had done then?

262
00:19:50,997 --> 00:19:55,517
And that's where a lot of it, because money is like the missing piece of the puzzle for
me, I get stuck there.

263
00:19:55,517 --> 00:19:56,817
It's like, what should you be doing?

264
00:19:56,817 --> 00:19:59,157
You should really be setting yourself up for the future.

265
00:19:59,157 --> 00:20:04,917
And then that's when I kind of just end up in this no man's land of like, don't know.

266
00:20:04,917 --> 00:20:08,927
But that's where I was at 20 going, what are you going to do with your life?

267
00:20:08,927 --> 00:20:10,127
How are you going to take care of yourself?

268
00:20:10,127 --> 00:20:18,901
And rather than deal with it and face my fears and all that, I drank a lot and hung out
with my friends and did dumb crap that kids in their 20s do.

269
00:20:19,303 --> 00:20:28,467
So my comparison is to the fictional version of me in the future that has failed me as
much as, you know, the 20 year old version of me failed me now.

270
00:20:30,729 --> 00:20:32,405
Do what you can with that.

271
00:20:32,405 --> 00:20:41,211
Well, Jeremy, I'm not going to be the only guy who says this, but you just spoke in class
today, except you're not going do what he does at the end of the song.

272
00:20:41,211 --> 00:20:44,733
Eddie Vedder, the greatest, one of the greatest voices of all time.

273
00:20:44,733 --> 00:20:46,134
mean, come on.

274
00:20:46,134 --> 00:20:46,625
All right.

275
00:20:46,625 --> 00:20:54,080
So you're asking yourself, I mean, first of all, you're doing the first thing that you're
doing about comparing yourself to who you were 20 years ago.

276
00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:56,641
I think that's one of the best measures.

277
00:20:57,002 --> 00:20:58,423
We can compare ourselves to others.

278
00:20:58,423 --> 00:21:02,505
We can compare ourselves to what we perceive as norms in society.

279
00:21:02,533 --> 00:21:05,375
Or we can compare ourselves to ourselves.

280
00:21:05,916 --> 00:21:07,157
I like the third one.

281
00:21:07,157 --> 00:21:10,080
The third one is going to give you the biggest ROI.

282
00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:19,818
Because if I compare myself to my buddy Scott, who's got a master's in engineering and has
a very different mind than mine, what's the point of that?

283
00:21:19,818 --> 00:21:21,949
I mean, that's just going to drive me nuts.

284
00:21:22,330 --> 00:21:26,473
So first thing first, compare yourself to yourself.

285
00:21:26,834 --> 00:21:30,157
Compare yourself to who you were 20 years ago.

286
00:21:30,629 --> 00:21:33,770
And think about yourself 20 years from now.

287
00:21:33,870 --> 00:21:41,453
One thing, and this is a big one, the quality of your questions determines the quality of
your life.

288
00:21:41,794 --> 00:21:46,356
So if you ask yourself, Hey Jeremy, what are you screwing up right now?

289
00:21:46,356 --> 00:21:47,616
It's like a Google search.

290
00:21:47,616 --> 00:21:50,457
Like imagine your brain having like a Google search bar.

291
00:21:50,457 --> 00:21:54,419
You're going to get a lot of answers and you're going to feel pretty crappy about it.

292
00:21:54,419 --> 00:21:56,480
It's not going to necessarily inform you.

293
00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:59,435
What if you asked a different question, something

294
00:21:59,435 --> 00:22:06,928
This is not necessarily the right answer for you, but something like, what would you like
to grow over the next 20 years?

295
00:22:07,588 --> 00:22:11,630
Are you making daily deposits toward that growth?

296
00:22:13,051 --> 00:22:18,883
Are you keeping the main thing, the main thing, or are you spending a crap ton of time
doom scrolling?

297
00:22:18,883 --> 00:22:26,346
Cause that's probably not the way you're going to want to rock basically the 1440 minutes
that are in everybody's day.

298
00:22:26,346 --> 00:22:28,319
You've got the same number of minutes.

299
00:22:28,319 --> 00:22:29,950
that anybody's got.

300
00:22:30,350 --> 00:22:35,233
And some of those minutes got to be used for sleeping so that we can, you know, power up
our brain after we've powered down.

301
00:22:35,233 --> 00:22:45,188
But one other thing that I'd like to drop and that is I love this ancient Chinese quote
and that is the best time to plant a tree with was 20 years ago.

302
00:22:45,188 --> 00:22:47,259
The second best time is now.

303
00:22:47,500 --> 00:22:51,162
And it's not to make us feel crappy that we didn't anymore.

304
00:22:51,162 --> 00:22:55,864
Then what if I was to ask you, Jeremy, dude, what's wrong with you?

305
00:22:55,864 --> 00:22:57,409
Why didn't you have an iPhone?

306
00:22:57,409 --> 00:22:58,615
20 years ago.

307
00:22:59,721 --> 00:23:00,562
Right?

308
00:23:00,626 --> 00:23:02,589
Because, yeah, they weren't a thing.

309
00:23:02,589 --> 00:23:04,350
weren't yet invented.

310
00:23:04,431 --> 00:23:08,833
We had this Palm Trio that sucked and died.

311
00:23:08,994 --> 00:23:17,550
If you remember those Palm pilots that were trying to make it made into phones, those were
the early, they called them PDAs back then, not even smartphones or PDA phones, God knows

312
00:23:17,550 --> 00:23:18,220
what.

313
00:23:18,220 --> 00:23:27,647
Sadly, that company, you know, was ahead of its time and, and, but not quite in sync with
the technology, regardless of their story.

314
00:23:28,648 --> 00:23:30,809
We know that

315
00:23:31,521 --> 00:23:40,561
Asking yourselves why didn't you do this 20 years ago is basically the same as asking
yourself why didn't you have that iPhone 20 years ago in 2004 there were no iPhones you

316
00:23:40,561 --> 00:23:56,445
didn't know better and one of my favorite Maya Angelou quotes have a lot of them is the
best you can and when you know better do better boom mic drop love that one She's great

317
00:23:57,533 --> 00:24:01,154
The other path I wanted to go down was depression, because this is another.

318
00:24:02,996 --> 00:24:05,597
This is something that I wrestle with because.

319
00:24:06,818 --> 00:24:14,832
I've tried the meds, they made me either want to kill myself or feel nothing or feel
worse, and they were all trash for me.

320
00:24:14,832 --> 00:24:15,603
They didn't work for me.

321
00:24:15,603 --> 00:24:18,636
If they work for other people, cool, take them, live by them.

322
00:24:18,636 --> 00:24:19,335
God

323
00:24:19,778 --> 00:24:23,212
for me, best medicine I've ever taken is, going to the gym three to five times a week.

324
00:24:23,212 --> 00:24:24,914
Like I go, I lift heavy things.

325
00:24:24,914 --> 00:24:25,986
feel better.

326
00:24:25,986 --> 00:24:26,937
Life's manageable.

327
00:24:26,937 --> 00:24:34,887
I cry a lot when I'm lifting things, not just because it's hard, but because I'm like
doing some inner work through the lifting and it's been great.

328
00:24:34,893 --> 00:24:42,477
I'm struggling with, and I'm sure you've heard this before, the concept of, I sick or is
the world sick?

329
00:24:42,477 --> 00:24:44,438
And I see it for what it is.

330
00:24:45,179 --> 00:24:50,802
Because I don't like the idea of me taking a pill to fit into a world where I don't fit
in.

331
00:24:51,442 --> 00:24:53,803
Because I don't think I'm the sick one.

332
00:24:54,104 --> 00:25:00,407
I think the idea that we have this finite amount of time to spend around on this rock and
we spend it making rich people richer.

333
00:25:01,408 --> 00:25:03,449
Just rots me to my core.

334
00:25:04,807 --> 00:25:06,778
I don't want to live that way.

335
00:25:07,198 --> 00:25:11,320
So then the overwhelm, the comparison, am I doing enough?

336
00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:12,461
Have I come far enough?

337
00:25:12,461 --> 00:25:13,852
Am I, am I enough?

338
00:25:13,852 --> 00:25:18,744
All starts to creep in because socially, culturally, I'm pulled to do these things I don't
want to do.

339
00:25:18,764 --> 00:25:21,406
Financially, I'm pulled to do things I don't want to do.

340
00:25:21,406 --> 00:25:23,166
And we call it depression.

341
00:25:24,047 --> 00:25:27,529
But am I, am I sick or is the world sick?

342
00:25:27,529 --> 00:25:32,472
Yeah so it's a great question and I would say that neither is true.

343
00:25:33,389 --> 00:25:42,588
I would say that we adapt as well as we can and we cope as well as we can and just to
borrow from Nietzsche and Kelly Clarkson what doesn't kill you makes you stronger is

344
00:25:42,588 --> 00:25:52,574
partially true it's actually how we cope with what didn't kill us that might make us
stronger it actually might make us a lot weaker but in terms of am I sick or is the world

345
00:25:52,574 --> 00:25:53,865
sick well first of all

346
00:25:54,229 --> 00:25:56,120
There are at least two realities.

347
00:25:56,120 --> 00:25:59,211
The world has always sucked and the world has always been awesome.

348
00:26:00,352 --> 00:26:06,244
And we have always been sick and many of us have found other ways to adapt.

349
00:26:06,244 --> 00:26:08,595
The question is, where is your attention going?

350
00:26:08,935 --> 00:26:15,328
And are you basically to borrow from going a lot of places from Seinfeld, are you the king
of your domain?

351
00:26:15,328 --> 00:26:17,558
Like, can you recognize?

352
00:26:18,639 --> 00:26:20,174
Yeah, I even got the pen.

353
00:26:20,174 --> 00:26:23,125
I got this, one that Jerry keep the pen.

354
00:26:23,125 --> 00:26:24,466
Why did you keep the pen jury?

355
00:26:24,466 --> 00:26:25,016
I love that.

356
00:26:25,016 --> 00:26:26,306
Love that episode.

357
00:26:27,187 --> 00:26:33,629
but are you in control of your, things that matter most to you?

358
00:26:33,910 --> 00:26:38,231
Are you spending time with the people who matter to you?

359
00:26:38,592 --> 00:26:41,253
Are you paying attention to the things that matter to you?

360
00:26:41,253 --> 00:26:46,955
And are you working on fixing the things that matter to you in the, in the places where
you can be effective?

361
00:26:47,816 --> 00:26:51,137
Because there are things that will suck and will always suck.

362
00:26:51,733 --> 00:26:54,223
that we will never be able to touch.

363
00:26:57,323 --> 00:27:00,754
There are people who we will be able to touch.

364
00:27:00,754 --> 00:27:05,246
We will be able to, you know, connect with and perhaps even grow with.

365
00:27:05,827 --> 00:27:12,219
to your point, by the way, about, antidepressants for some people, that is not an option
for many people.

366
00:27:12,219 --> 00:27:13,400
It's the lifting of weights.

367
00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:23,524
Personally, I used to do long distance cycling and I noticed that when the lactic acid
would build up in my thighs, old memories would come to me painful.

368
00:27:23,524 --> 00:27:26,585
would be, my brain would associate the pain to other pain.

369
00:27:27,295 --> 00:27:35,682
And sometimes I'd yell, sometimes I'd scream, sometimes I'd cry, sometimes I'd have
memories of that mean second grade teacher I had who sucked so bad.

370
00:27:35,682 --> 00:27:42,557
And other voices show up when we're in pain.

371
00:27:43,058 --> 00:27:52,866
asking ourselves more questions, the more questions we can ask ourselves, some of them,
you'll see that the premise of them may not lead us where we want to go.

372
00:27:52,866 --> 00:27:54,908
Do I suck or does the world suck?

373
00:27:54,908 --> 00:27:56,659
I don't think it's complete enough.

374
00:27:57,279 --> 00:28:00,491
I'd ask myself, what do I want to grow once again?

375
00:28:00,669 --> 00:28:02,772
Is that realistic?

376
00:28:02,953 --> 00:28:04,954
What's the timeline for growth?

377
00:28:04,974 --> 00:28:07,675
Where am I focusing my attention?

378
00:28:08,136 --> 00:28:11,659
Are there things that are that are bleeding me rather than feeding me?

379
00:28:11,659 --> 00:28:15,871
Like some of us doom scroll and see all of the awfulness in the world.

380
00:28:17,567 --> 00:28:20,179
And I'd have to ask them, does that feed you?

381
00:28:20,179 --> 00:28:22,360
Is that actually using your dash correctly?

382
00:28:22,360 --> 00:28:28,644
Or is it basically tantamount to a form of porn that goes nowhere?

383
00:28:29,465 --> 00:28:29,812
And.

384
00:28:29,812 --> 00:28:32,400
cheap dopamine hit that you get from the from the phone.

385
00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:32,811
Yeah.

386
00:28:32,811 --> 00:28:37,426
could be a cheap dopamine hit, can be a whole host of things that drive us to do this.

387
00:28:37,727 --> 00:28:40,790
Could be, you know, compassion.

388
00:28:40,930 --> 00:28:45,635
But we also know that there's compassion fatigue, that how dare I live in this world and
not see this.

389
00:28:45,716 --> 00:28:54,035
Then I would ask that person, are there causes you want to work for to make your butterfly
effect?

390
00:28:54,586 --> 00:29:00,659
generously said earlier that perhaps what I'm sharing here relates to many of our
listeners.

391
00:29:00,759 --> 00:29:04,461
God, I hope so, because that's the whole reason I'm doing this thing.

392
00:29:04,461 --> 00:29:07,153
So walk me through some, I love the idea.

393
00:29:07,153 --> 00:29:11,796
This is something that I'm hearing more and more from my coach, people I work with, is
just ask yourself better questions.

394
00:29:11,796 --> 00:29:14,567
That is a hell of a tool to keep in your tool, when you're...

395
00:29:14,577 --> 00:29:18,513
asking the wrong questions and ending up in the same desperate loop.

396
00:29:18,513 --> 00:29:28,001
What are some other tips or I guess tools to have in the toolbox that you recommend to
your clients and people that really moves the needle for them?

397
00:29:28,001 --> 00:29:33,445
one of the things that I try to help people realize is that working on yourself is not
selfish.

398
00:29:33,445 --> 00:29:35,347
It's actually good for the people around you.

399
00:29:35,347 --> 00:29:41,942
All of the stakeholders benefit when we become less intolerable because we all have, I
don't care who we are.

400
00:29:41,942 --> 00:29:46,695
All of us has something within us that is kind of sucks to be around.

401
00:29:46,695 --> 00:29:49,387
None of us is a free lunch.

402
00:29:49,387 --> 00:29:54,217
I remember reading somewhere, I think it was Brad Pitt who said it, one of these great,
you know,

403
00:29:54,217 --> 00:30:04,050
people who could walk into any room and leave with anybody you wanted basically said if
they really really really got to know me they would be surprised and probably disappointed

404
00:30:05,110 --> 00:30:18,934
and you know i've done years of work i still can be shown my ass by my wife who knows me
really well and i'll be like man you're right that sucked yeah and it will remain a work

405
00:30:18,934 --> 00:30:23,055
in progress i will always be working on reducing it so

406
00:30:23,229 --> 00:30:25,550
All of us need to connect with ourselves first.

407
00:30:25,550 --> 00:30:33,423
So the reason I wrote this book about connection and the four ways that we connect is
because I keep hearing that word connection.

408
00:30:33,904 --> 00:30:40,566
I've done, I've provided approximately 20,000 hours of individual and couple therapy.

409
00:30:40,727 --> 00:30:50,971
have conducted well over 200 interviews on my own podcast and I've read tons of books in
every step of the way, whether it's

410
00:30:51,339 --> 00:30:59,378
the therapy that I've conducted or the podcasts I've had or the books I've read, this word
connection keeps showing up, but no one's really defined it.

411
00:30:59,378 --> 00:31:00,419
It's been this nebulous thing.

412
00:31:00,419 --> 00:31:01,639
We all want this.

413
00:31:01,639 --> 00:31:05,399
We're all chasing this thing, you know, and now I'm going to go Lord of the Rings.

414
00:31:05,399 --> 00:31:09,179
mean, my precious is not a ring.

415
00:31:09,179 --> 00:31:11,459
My precious is really connection.

416
00:31:11,459 --> 00:31:18,365
And, and unlike my precious, it doesn't end up killing us, unless we connect with the
wrong things, but

417
00:31:18,763 --> 00:31:19,953
So we connect with ourselves first.

418
00:31:19,953 --> 00:31:20,593
Who are we?

419
00:31:20,593 --> 00:31:22,003
What do we want?

420
00:31:22,003 --> 00:31:24,903
Like what, what creates an important life?

421
00:31:24,903 --> 00:31:27,303
What are the things that make us come alive?

422
00:31:27,303 --> 00:31:31,223
And for each of us, there's a different connection formula for you and me.

423
00:31:31,223 --> 00:31:35,243
I would bet that if you and I were like right out of the chart of the things that bring us
alive.

424
00:31:35,243 --> 00:31:38,153
And by the way, that's the working definition, the short end.

425
00:31:38,153 --> 00:31:44,263
have two pages of a definition of what connection is, but it's whatever brings us alive.

426
00:31:44,263 --> 00:31:46,945
And it's either there or it's not like

427
00:31:46,983 --> 00:31:54,129
I would love to be able to sit with my dad through six hours of Wagnerian opera and say,
wow, that was amazing.

428
00:31:55,371 --> 00:31:59,034
But for me, that would be a very expensive place to sleep.

429
00:31:59,515 --> 00:32:01,857
For my dad, I mean, he comes alive.

430
00:32:01,857 --> 00:32:04,879
For me, I need to be around pets every day.

431
00:32:05,160 --> 00:32:07,842
Every day, I love dogs, love cats, I'm a convert.

432
00:32:08,403 --> 00:32:11,565
Yoda behind us is the guy who jumped me into the cat gang.

433
00:32:11,565 --> 00:32:13,666
I think cats are amazing.

434
00:32:13,807 --> 00:32:18,461
And as an extrovert, they've really taught me a lot about introspection and introversion
in a good way.

435
00:32:18,461 --> 00:32:20,591
They've kind of been, they've been amazing.

436
00:32:20,591 --> 00:32:28,396
I love, love a good cat, a dog like cat, somebody, a cat, not, not a skittish cat, but,
but a really a hands on.

437
00:32:28,396 --> 00:32:28,696
Yeah.

438
00:32:28,696 --> 00:32:30,337
Like so funny.

439
00:32:30,458 --> 00:32:33,019
My cat literally just ran over to me as I said that.

440
00:32:33,235 --> 00:32:37,759
My dad does not need to touch a cat or a dog for the rest of his life or any animal for
that matter.

441
00:32:37,759 --> 00:32:39,650
That is not part of his connection formula.

442
00:32:39,650 --> 00:32:42,842
And each of us has a connection formula.

443
00:32:43,263 --> 00:32:52,410
And the problem also with being a high achiever is oftentimes these high achieving folks
are paid very well to look for problems.

444
00:32:52,410 --> 00:32:59,015
And the problem with looking for problems is that when we come home, we continue to look
for problems rather than to look for what's good.

445
00:32:59,739 --> 00:33:01,429
And that actually interferes with our connections.

446
00:33:01,429 --> 00:33:08,551
So one of the things I did was I looked at connection in all of its dimensions, connecting
with ourselves and then rippling outward, connecting with others.

447
00:33:08,551 --> 00:33:14,683
Like I'm connecting with you or the way I might connect with my wife and kids or the
people who come to see me.

448
00:33:15,023 --> 00:33:21,905
And then connecting with the world, connecting with the world is connecting with art,
nature, work, things like that.

449
00:33:22,205 --> 00:33:23,679
And connecting with something greater.

450
00:33:23,679 --> 00:33:28,901
I don't care if you're an Orthodox atheist, if you go to the Himalayas.

451
00:33:28,901 --> 00:33:36,557
Or to Yosemite or the Grand Canyon, you're going to be like, wow, it's something hits you.

452
00:33:37,618 --> 00:33:40,861
But something greater is also what you and I are doing right now.

453
00:33:40,861 --> 00:33:44,864
You and I, Jeremy, are bigger than me alone.

454
00:33:45,165 --> 00:33:52,111
Like the two of us together, if you and I were like to workshop an idea of like a thing,
we'd come up with better ideas.

455
00:33:52,111 --> 00:33:55,353
That is something greater in and of itself.

456
00:33:55,814 --> 00:33:57,835
The Dodgers has won the World Series.

457
00:33:57,865 --> 00:34:00,116
Shohei Otani did not do it alone.

458
00:34:00,116 --> 00:34:13,942
In fact, there were some other really, as a diehard Giants fan, know, to celebrate these
guys is a little tough, but it was pretty, I saw them, I mean, they executed beautifully

459
00:34:14,382 --> 00:34:16,343
and they did it together.

460
00:34:16,343 --> 00:34:19,584
There was something greater going on and that was teamwork.

461
00:34:19,685 --> 00:34:25,417
And I love, you know, the dream team, not the dream team, I guess it was the miracle.

462
00:34:26,171 --> 00:34:37,316
on ice that took place in 1980 when the US team that was comprised of individuals who were
not necessarily the best of the game, no real stars, but they congealed and created a unit

463
00:34:37,436 --> 00:34:42,758
that blew away the so-called better team.

464
00:34:42,818 --> 00:34:47,880
The underdog won because of something greater and it wasn't necessarily spiritual.

465
00:34:48,080 --> 00:34:55,423
It was a bunch of men converging and doing something bigger and better and saying

466
00:34:55,487 --> 00:34:58,229
the team matters more than any of us individually.

467
00:34:58,369 --> 00:35:00,641
So I really geeked out to this.

468
00:35:00,641 --> 00:35:04,063
spent 20 months writing this book basically every weekend.

469
00:35:04,063 --> 00:35:05,834
I mean, it was really hard.

470
00:35:07,055 --> 00:35:09,497
and there were moments of great fun and flow.

471
00:35:09,497 --> 00:35:17,362
And one of the things I recognized when I was writing this is one of the best ways to
ascertain if this activity is good for you that you're doing, whatever it might be, could

472
00:35:17,362 --> 00:35:24,211
be podcasting and Jeremy, I'm going to bet you five Canadian dollars that

473
00:35:24,211 --> 00:35:26,125
not a lot of money these days.

474
00:35:27,999 --> 00:35:29,171
Sure.

475
00:35:29,418 --> 00:35:39,144
I'm gonna bet you five Canadian dollars, obviously jokingly that you being a podcaster
meets all four criteria that I'm about to drop.

476
00:35:40,086 --> 00:35:42,277
And one of the ways we can do this, these are all research based.

477
00:35:42,277 --> 00:35:44,171
These are not fluffy or new AG.

478
00:35:44,171 --> 00:35:45,789
Nothing in my book is.

479
00:35:46,750 --> 00:35:54,397
Everything's backed by research, but I'm going to guess that this activity really goes

480
00:35:54,397 --> 00:35:58,848
with the acronym FEED, F-E-E-D, FEED.

481
00:35:59,148 --> 00:36:01,729
First one is, it provide you with flow?

482
00:36:01,729 --> 00:36:05,270
Does a 30 minute interview feel like 10 minutes?

483
00:36:05,270 --> 00:36:08,891
Or does it feel like, you know, 10 hours?

484
00:36:08,891 --> 00:36:18,724
If you're experiencing flow, if you're experiencing total immersion, losing yourself, like
Eminem talks about, if you're experiencing that, you're experiencing flow in all

485
00:36:18,724 --> 00:36:21,274
likelihood, if it's challenging you as well.

486
00:36:21,714 --> 00:36:23,839
The second one is, does it energize you?

487
00:36:23,839 --> 00:36:28,357
Does it require energy from you and does it give you energy on the other side?

488
00:36:30,229 --> 00:36:32,260
Third one is educate.

489
00:36:32,640 --> 00:36:34,221
Does it move the needle?

490
00:36:34,221 --> 00:36:37,203
Are you learning something every episode?

491
00:36:37,663 --> 00:36:40,364
And the fourth one is, does it provide depth?

492
00:36:40,805 --> 00:36:44,107
Is there meaning for you in doing this?

493
00:36:44,107 --> 00:36:55,624
And if it provides all four, it's very predictive of being anti-depressing, anti-moment,
at least temporarily, reducing anxiety and boosting fulfillment, happiness, whatever word

494
00:36:55,624 --> 00:36:57,074
you want to use.

495
00:36:57,295 --> 00:36:58,155
So.

496
00:36:58,603 --> 00:37:03,483
that's one of the best ways to connect with yourself and connect with others.

497
00:37:03,483 --> 00:37:11,443
And I talk about connecting with friends and the scenario when you're with a really good
friend and time just flies by and you get in your car and you're just like way taller and

498
00:37:11,443 --> 00:37:13,343
like, wow, I call it the driveway test.

499
00:37:13,343 --> 00:37:16,333
Like, did you drive away feeling bigger and taller and better?

500
00:37:16,333 --> 00:37:18,843
And like, that was an amazing use of time.

501
00:37:18,843 --> 00:37:24,563
Or do you feel like shrunk and they were like talking at you and bringing it all back to
themselves.

502
00:37:24,563 --> 00:37:26,703
It's like, yeah, let me tell you more about me.

503
00:37:26,703 --> 00:37:27,331
And

504
00:37:27,615 --> 00:37:28,466
What do you think about me?

505
00:37:28,466 --> 00:37:36,781
It's like, okay, well, if you, if it's diminishing, that's obviously not a very good use
of time.

506
00:37:36,911 --> 00:37:38,232
and probably is not very feeding.

507
00:37:38,232 --> 00:37:45,347
Anyway, those are some of the thoughts that I have on connection and making sure that
you're connecting with yourself and others.

508
00:37:45,457 --> 00:37:50,911
if in the former one, it would probably go on the feed, probably time goes by fast.

509
00:37:50,911 --> 00:37:53,703
You're probably getting energy back and using energy.

510
00:37:53,703 --> 00:37:56,925
You're probably learning something and it probably is meaningful.

511
00:37:57,459 --> 00:38:01,332
Yeah, I've got a pretty pink Canadian $5 bill here somewhere for you.

512
00:38:01,332 --> 00:38:04,104
I'll dig that up and send it over.

513
00:38:04,965 --> 00:38:13,339
So last question here, on the other side of that, for the person that doesn't have that
thing that feeds them, where do they find it?

514
00:38:13,339 --> 00:38:15,480
They need to find it for themselves.

515
00:38:15,921 --> 00:38:20,455
And it's actually not.

516
00:38:20,455 --> 00:38:34,817
It's actually not because if you see yourself as a human experiment, my friend and one of
my heroes, AJ Jacobs, who uses himself as a human experiment in all of his books, if we're

517
00:38:34,817 --> 00:38:42,973
willing to look at our life as an experiment and have an experimental mindset and realize
it's all an experiment, we don't know the outcome.

518
00:38:43,967 --> 00:38:45,688
But try different things.

519
00:38:46,208 --> 00:38:50,010
Will Schwalbe, who was on my podcast, he's an author, amazing human being.

520
00:38:50,611 --> 00:38:54,113
One of his closest friends is a Navy SEAL and he's an out gay man.

521
00:38:54,113 --> 00:39:00,216
it's like these, he's willing to stretch and be cognitively flexible.

522
00:39:00,877 --> 00:39:07,100
Every week, once a week, he goes to an activity that he thinks will not interest him.

523
00:39:07,100 --> 00:39:10,842
A book reading, an art showing, a play that looks...

524
00:39:10,842 --> 00:39:12,843
Every week he does one thing.

525
00:39:13,429 --> 00:39:15,189
that he thinks will not interest him.

526
00:39:15,189 --> 00:39:17,382
Now I'm not recommending that people do.

527
00:39:17,382 --> 00:39:17,792
right there.

528
00:39:17,792 --> 00:39:18,745
That's commitment.

529
00:39:18,745 --> 00:39:19,690
That's amazing.

530
00:39:19,690 --> 00:39:20,600
love that.

531
00:39:20,600 --> 00:39:24,504
But I'm a big fan of do something different.

532
00:39:24,504 --> 00:39:26,084
Try something else out.

533
00:39:26,665 --> 00:39:27,906
Come up with a laundry list.

534
00:39:27,906 --> 00:39:32,090
Come up with like what we used to use in Netflix when we were renting the DVDs.

535
00:39:32,090 --> 00:39:35,692
Come up with like a queue of things that you can do.

536
00:39:35,733 --> 00:39:37,815
Try them out and see if you come alive.

537
00:39:37,815 --> 00:39:39,176
We don't know.

538
00:39:39,176 --> 00:39:46,340
Now there may be things that interfere with our abilities to come alive like depression
and that would compel us to seek out therapy, possibly medication.

539
00:39:46,340 --> 00:39:48,221
I'm aware that you're not a fan.

540
00:39:48,221 --> 00:39:53,875
of the latter at least, it could be coaching, it could be an exercise regimen, I don't
know.

541
00:39:54,075 --> 00:40:05,333
But if there is depression that will, that can occlude our ability to actually feel joy
due to what's called anhedonia, or it saps our ability to find joy in things that might

542
00:40:05,333 --> 00:40:06,524
otherwise be joyful.

543
00:40:06,524 --> 00:40:12,719
But even for the depressed individual, they may not be entirely shut down to the joy that
they experienced.

544
00:40:12,719 --> 00:40:17,471
One of the things that we know for sure, by the way, if you're experiencing depression is
giving to others.

545
00:40:17,481 --> 00:40:20,071
Volunteering for a cause that matters to you.

546
00:40:20,071 --> 00:40:31,008
I remember when I was I've gone through depression a few times myself and it sucks I mean,
there's a reason why Cancer survivors who also experienced depression When they were asked

547
00:40:31,008 --> 00:40:37,982
afterwards after both were basically in remission They were asked which would they rather
experience the cancer or the depression?

548
00:40:38,103 --> 00:40:46,697
Most of them said very clearly I would rather get the cancer back than the depression
depression sucked that much So depression is no joke

549
00:40:46,931 --> 00:40:50,863
and it can it can ruin our relationships, can be irritable, blah, blah, blah, blah.

550
00:40:50,863 --> 00:40:53,724
It's very, it's a tough thing.

551
00:40:53,724 --> 00:41:03,498
But if we give of ourselves, human beings, we're pro-social, unless we're psychopaths, we
are pro-social, we want to give of ourselves.

552
00:41:03,778 --> 00:41:16,553
I mean, just a little throwaway that's really funny is Ben Franklin, arguably the greatest
relationship maker of all time, knew that if he wanted to convert an enemy into a friend,

553
00:41:16,959 --> 00:41:19,480
he would ask that person a favor.

554
00:41:20,761 --> 00:41:21,861
Sounds counterintuitive.

555
00:41:21,861 --> 00:41:27,443
know like why would an enemy want to do a friend of do a a do a favor for someone.

556
00:41:27,584 --> 00:41:29,724
And the reason is we have these pro social brains.

557
00:41:29,724 --> 00:41:35,053
actually generally care about people and it's like, wow, well, and it also means it's kind
of a compliment.

558
00:41:35,053 --> 00:41:43,130
It's like, wow, Ben Franklin thought I was smart enough to be asked an opinion or asked to
borrow a book or whatever it might be.

559
00:41:43,750 --> 00:41:45,661
And then they start caring about

560
00:41:45,835 --> 00:41:47,275
the cause.

561
00:41:48,044 --> 00:41:52,334
the bottom line is when we give, we feel better.

562
00:41:52,334 --> 00:41:59,204
In fact, even looking at the elderly and one of their biggest complaints is yes, I'm being
given to, but I don't get to give.

563
00:41:59,204 --> 00:42:00,584
I don't feel useful.

564
00:42:00,584 --> 00:42:01,618
Humans want

565
00:42:01,618 --> 00:42:02,109
be useful.

566
00:42:02,109 --> 00:42:10,780
Arnold Schwarzenegger, his book is titled Be Useful and that was you know a mandate from
his father and he's gone on to be very useful I would say.

567
00:42:11,422 --> 00:42:12,703
He's amazing.

568
00:42:12,809 --> 00:42:13,208
Yeah, incredible.

569
00:42:13,208 --> 00:42:15,128
Well, Adam, I'm so glad we did this.

570
00:42:15,629 --> 00:42:17,791
I don't often say yes to interviews.

571
00:42:17,791 --> 00:42:20,863
I'm so glad I did because you have won the Best Friend Bingo game.

572
00:42:20,863 --> 00:42:22,804
So thank you for doing that.

573
00:42:22,804 --> 00:42:30,389
This has been incredibly helpful just to help me reframe some of the stuff that I'm
literally in the middle of trying to cope with right now.

574
00:42:30,389 --> 00:42:32,841
So personally, thank you for the audience.

575
00:42:32,841 --> 00:42:33,213
Thank you.

576
00:42:33,213 --> 00:42:35,382
I think they'll find a lot of value in this too.

577
00:42:35,543 --> 00:42:37,924
The book would be an incredible benefit for them as well.

578
00:42:37,924 --> 00:42:39,205
Where can we find out more about that?

579
00:42:39,205 --> 00:42:39,626
Excellent.

580
00:42:39,626 --> 00:42:39,976
Yeah.

581
00:42:39,976 --> 00:42:46,895
It's available on Amazon, borns and noble audio book is available on audible and, it's
also available on Kindle.

582
00:42:46,895 --> 00:42:49,228
I'm really excited that it's out there.

583
00:42:49,228 --> 00:42:51,360
It's getting really well reviewed.

584
00:42:51,561 --> 00:42:52,622
people love it.

585
00:42:52,622 --> 00:42:56,847
And that makes all of that time that I put into it.

586
00:42:57,048 --> 00:42:58,639
So, so worth it.

587
00:42:59,299 --> 00:43:02,123
Amazing find the link to that in the show notes for this episode Adam.

588
00:43:02,123 --> 00:43:02,947
so much for your time today.

589
00:43:02,947 --> 00:43:04,128
It really means a lot

590
00:43:04,222 --> 00:43:05,932
blast, loved hanging with you.

591
00:43:06,524 --> 00:43:14,344
Alright, that was my conversation with my new best friend Adam Dorsey, a psychologist and
author of Super Psyched Unleashed the Power of the Four Types of Connection and Live the

592
00:43:14,344 --> 00:43:15,024
Life You Love.

593
00:43:15,024 --> 00:43:24,565
You can find the links to him and to the book and to all the things related to him in the
show description of this episode and on our website, thefitmess.com and that's where we'll

594
00:43:24,565 --> 00:43:26,895
be back in just a few days with another new episode.

595
00:43:26,895 --> 00:43:27,885
Thank you so much for listening.

596
00:43:27,885 --> 00:43:28,935
We'll talk to you next time.