This year, I set a one-word mission for myself: "Community."
It seemed like the perfect antidote to the loneliness I've felt in recent years, especially after moving away from my previous friend circle. However, as I reflected yesterday on my solitary lifestyle routines of walking my dogs, using the sauna and cold tub, and showering, I realized much of what I do to maintain my mental and physical health happens entirely alone.
The contrast highlighted why I've struggled so profoundly with loneliness.
When we're children, friendships are basically forced upon us at school and through community activities. But as adults, especially after college, keeping up meaningful connections requires a consistent effort that can feel draining amidst career, family, and personal responsibilities.
In our 20s, 30s, and 40s, it's shockingly easy to look up and find all our friends have drifted away, moved to new cities, or become absorbed in their own lives and relationships. So many modern habits exacerbate this isolation - staying home and endlessly distracting ourselves with social media, burying ourselves in work, or accidentally letting a sense of busyness crowd out time for genuine socializing.
Workplace "friends" rarely fill the void, as those relationships often feel obligatory rather than naturally cultivated. Even if we find people we click with at the office, those connections rarely extend beyond work events and proximities.
So how do we build an authentic community as adults in the loneliness epidemic?
Part of the solution involves getting clear on our values and interests to identify our "tribe" - the type of people we'd genuinely enjoy spending time with. What lights you up and energizes you? What commonalities might you share with potential new friends?
I recently revisited a Simon Sinek clip about finding your "Why" - the driving purpose behind what you do. For me, it's about helping people not suffer from the crippling isolation I've experienced. With that clarity, I'm trying to put myself in environments where I'm likely to encounter others on a similar wavelength, whether through interest-based social meetup groups, religious organizations, political activities, hobby clubs, or anywhere else people congregate around shared passions.
Deeply ingrained limiting beliefs can sabotage these efforts.
You may find yourself facing doubts that your "tribe" even exists in your area or that you're worthy of belonging. It's vital to reject those mental barriers and operate from a mindset of knowing there ARE people out there who would cherish your friendship and everything you'd bring to the relationship.
For me, slowly but surely, I'm finding that community through meetups like the cold water plunge group and having a new trail running partner. While initially daunting to put myself out there, each new connection brightens my overall sense of belonging.
Building a robust community network as an adult requires proactivity, vulnerability, and perseverance through the inevitable rejections or failed attempts. But the rewards of not going through life's trials and joys alone make every ounce of effort worthwhile. I hope my journey this year inspires others feeling the loneliness plight to have faith - your tribe of kindred spirits is out there, and you deserve to find them.
Listen to our podcast episode for further insights on this topic.
