How to Face Your Fears with Nick Bracks

1
00:00:01,941 --> 00:00:04,422
would people describe you as someone with
privilege?

2
00:00:04,422 --> 00:00:06,223
Would they look at you and think to
themselves,

3
00:00:06,223 --> 00:00:08,471
What does that guy have to be depressed or
anxious about?

4
00:00:08,471 --> 00:00:12,311
I know I've been perceived that way by
friends and even some of my own family

5
00:00:12,311 --> 00:00:13,011
members.

6
00:00:13,011 --> 00:00:16,590
When I shared with them that I suffered
from and was treated for depression with

7
00:00:16,590 --> 00:00:19,611
different medications and different
strategies, they were shocked.

8
00:00:19,611 --> 00:00:22,715
They had no idea because from the outside
looking in,

9
00:00:22,715 --> 00:00:25,088
They saw someone who seemed to have it all
going for him.

10
00:00:25,088 --> 00:00:28,631
It's a common misconception that is shared
by a lot of men around the world.

11
00:00:28,767 --> 00:00:30,147
of them is my guest today.

12
00:00:30,147 --> 00:00:31,587
His name is Nick Bracks.

13
00:00:31,587 --> 00:00:33,228
Growing up, Nick was a shy kid

14
00:00:33,228 --> 00:00:35,817
and a pretty standard working class family
upbringing.

15
00:00:35,817 --> 00:00:39,843
That is until his dad was elected as a
powerful politician in Australia.

16
00:00:39,843 --> 00:00:41,901
living in that shadow and under that
spotlight.

17
00:00:41,901 --> 00:00:45,721
brought to the surface a lot of underlying
mental health conditions that Nick was

18
00:00:45,721 --> 00:00:47,421
dealing with and didn't even know about.

19
00:00:47,421 --> 00:00:49,392
struggling to cope with all that.

20
00:00:49,392 --> 00:00:53,632
developed an obsessive relationship with
athletic competition and eventually

21
00:00:53,632 --> 00:00:54,616
alcohol abuse.

22
00:00:54,616 --> 00:00:58,696
That alcohol abuse led to Nick's rock
bottom, which was a car crash that nearly

23
00:00:58,696 --> 00:01:00,991
killed him and his lifelong friend.

24
00:01:00,991 --> 00:01:04,752
That terrifying incident was the catalyst
for a lot of change in Nick's life.

25
00:01:04,752 --> 00:01:07,033
leading him to become a successful actor.

26
00:01:07,033 --> 00:01:13,993
public speaker, contestant on Dancing with
the Stars, and now a leading mental health

27
00:01:13,993 --> 00:01:14,427
advocate.

28
00:01:14,427 --> 00:01:17,987
helping people all over the world try to
find better coping mechanisms to deal with

29
00:01:17,987 --> 00:01:21,607
their mental health struggles than the
ones they're currently using.

30
00:01:22,380 --> 00:01:25,780
some time with Nick the other day to hear
more about his story and what he's doing

31
00:01:25,780 --> 00:01:30,760
now to help people like you and me to
overcome the obstacles that we face every

32
00:01:30,760 --> 00:01:31,420
day.

33
00:01:53,444 --> 00:01:57,904
I don't normally start with people's
stories because I think that a lot of

34
00:01:57,904 --> 00:02:01,844
listeners are coming for solutions and
less about stories, but I think yours is

35
00:02:01,844 --> 00:02:02,664
particularly impactful.

36
00:02:02,664 --> 00:02:03,756
I know that.

37
00:02:03,756 --> 00:02:06,996
Millions of people around the world have
probably heard it, but for those in our

38
00:02:06,996 --> 00:02:09,416
audience that have not, I do want to find
out a little bit more about your

39
00:02:09,416 --> 00:02:14,016
background, particularly your upbringing,
because I know when you were young, you're

40
00:02:14,016 --> 00:02:18,296
the son of a well -known family, which
I'll let you explain, but there was a lot

41
00:02:18,296 --> 00:02:20,016
of shyness and sort of hiding as a kid.

42
00:02:20,016 --> 00:02:24,216
So tell us a little bit about that, about
growing up in the environment you did and

43
00:02:24,216 --> 00:02:25,764
kind of the kid that you were.

44
00:02:26,113 --> 00:02:27,433
Yeah, sure, sure, sure.

45
00:02:27,433 --> 00:02:29,203
And it's a, it is a pretty long story.

46
00:02:29,203 --> 00:02:32,213
So I'll try and like give a bit of an
abbreviated version of it.

47
00:02:32,213 --> 00:02:37,653
But I grew up, like you're saying, in a
family where my dad became the premier of

48
00:02:37,653 --> 00:02:38,083
Victoria.

49
00:02:38,083 --> 00:02:42,093
So I'm presuming most of your listeners
are in the US.

50
00:02:42,093 --> 00:02:45,953
So that would be the equivalent of say,
having your dad be the governor of

51
00:02:45,953 --> 00:02:46,453
California.

52
00:02:46,453 --> 00:02:49,333
So he was, you know, everyone knew who our
family was.

53
00:02:49,333 --> 00:02:51,953
He got in when I was 12 years old, I was
the eldest.

54
00:02:51,953 --> 00:02:54,565
Our family was then in the spotlight.

55
00:02:54,765 --> 00:02:59,445
very much so, you know, one of the most
known people in the state that we lived

56
00:02:59,445 --> 00:03:00,685
in.

57
00:03:00,785 --> 00:03:06,185
And I, leading up to that, but especially
from then onwards, had, you know, pretty

58
00:03:06,185 --> 00:03:08,775
severe undiagnosed mental health issues.

59
00:03:08,775 --> 00:03:14,375
I always was very obsessive and compulsive
and that manifested in sport.

60
00:03:14,375 --> 00:03:20,205
All I wanted to do for my whole sort of
adolescence was play, be a professional

61
00:03:20,205 --> 00:03:20,929
athlete.

62
00:03:20,929 --> 00:03:25,229
And it became a compulsion where I'd be
training for, you know, six hours a day as

63
00:03:25,229 --> 00:03:26,469
a 11, 12 year old.

64
00:03:26,469 --> 00:03:28,869
And that went on for about five years.

65
00:03:28,869 --> 00:03:32,649
And, you know, it had a whole lot of
impacts where it stunted my physical

66
00:03:32,649 --> 00:03:33,329
development.

67
00:03:33,329 --> 00:03:36,679
I didn't actually hit puberty till I was
16, almost 17.

68
00:03:36,679 --> 00:03:38,649
It delayed that whole process.

69
00:03:38,649 --> 00:03:40,559
I was isolating myself.

70
00:03:40,559 --> 00:03:45,069
I felt shame, embarrassment, and didn't
know what was going on.

71
00:03:45,069 --> 00:03:46,329
I didn't know who to talk to about it.

72
00:03:46,329 --> 00:03:50,881
And that was coupled with and, you know,
amplified from the fact my...

73
00:03:50,881 --> 00:03:55,761
family were known in that way and I was
known as the son of this person and it was

74
00:03:55,761 --> 00:04:01,041
when I finished at high school that the
problems really went out of control, out

75
00:04:01,041 --> 00:04:04,331
of control, which I can tell you about if
you'd like to hear about that.

76
00:04:04,331 --> 00:04:05,931
Yeah, well, I want to get there.

77
00:04:05,931 --> 00:04:06,621
I'm curious.

78
00:04:06,621 --> 00:04:11,451
I know you said when you were a kid, you
were shy and kind of tried to sort of stay

79
00:04:11,451 --> 00:04:14,811
out of the spotlight, which is ironic
being in a family that is sort of in the

80
00:04:14,811 --> 00:04:15,711
spotlight.

81
00:04:15,711 --> 00:04:19,551
How much do you think that or I guess
where do you think that came from?

82
00:04:19,551 --> 00:04:21,472
Is that maybe a learned behavior?

83
00:04:21,472 --> 00:04:25,792
Yeah, I think it was low self -esteem was
the main thing.

84
00:04:25,972 --> 00:04:30,412
Because it's kind of interesting that when
I was really young, I was actually, you

85
00:04:30,412 --> 00:04:33,072
know, the real version of me is quite out
there.

86
00:04:33,072 --> 00:04:41,452
And I would say still I'm an introverted
person, but also the kind of person that

87
00:04:41,452 --> 00:04:46,072
is actually wanting to be in situations
where I'm, you know, the center of

88
00:04:46,072 --> 00:04:49,552
attention, whether that and that that's
actually what when I eventually worked

89
00:04:49,552 --> 00:04:50,800
through all this stuff.

90
00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:55,720
where my life ended up going where I've,
you know, public speaker, actor, all of

91
00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:57,090
these different things that I now do.

92
00:04:57,090 --> 00:05:02,200
But the big chunk in between was when I
think the self -esteem was so low, the

93
00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:05,980
mental health issues took over, isolated
myself.

94
00:05:06,180 --> 00:05:10,700
And the biggest thing of my life to this
day, I'm much better with, but it's still

95
00:05:10,700 --> 00:05:16,700
there has been identity issues where, you
know, you grow up from 12 until my early

96
00:05:16,700 --> 00:05:19,136
twenties being referred to as your.

97
00:05:19,136 --> 00:05:21,976
the son of Steve Bracks, your dad this,
your dad that.

98
00:05:21,976 --> 00:05:26,136
And it made me think, well, hang on, what
about Nick Bracks?

99
00:05:26,136 --> 00:05:27,816
You know, do you wanna know who he is?

100
00:05:27,816 --> 00:05:33,716
And I felt like I had to do something
bigger than my father to prove that I was

101
00:05:33,716 --> 00:05:34,176
worthy.

102
00:05:34,176 --> 00:05:36,386
And you know, that urge is still inside
me.

103
00:05:36,386 --> 00:05:40,876
I've learned how to deal with that in a
more healthy way, but it's still there,

104
00:05:40,876 --> 00:05:43,160
but it's really formed a huge part of my
life.

105
00:05:44,170 --> 00:05:49,450
And so I'm curious, coming from a family
of privilege, I assume it was a pretty

106
00:05:49,450 --> 00:05:55,410
wealthy situation growing up like that,
were a lot of things done for you?

107
00:05:55,410 --> 00:05:59,210
Because I know for myself, a lot of the
mental health stuff that I have just in

108
00:05:59,210 --> 00:06:04,450
the last decade been able to deal with,
I've overcome through facing hard things

109
00:06:04,450 --> 00:06:08,110
and doing them, overcoming those fears and
those challenges.

110
00:06:08,170 --> 00:06:12,193
And so as I'm learning about you, I'm
trying to figure out like,

111
00:06:12,681 --> 00:06:15,701
Were you in a situation where so much was
done for you that you were never really

112
00:06:15,701 --> 00:06:19,681
tested and never really had to face
anything hard until later in life?

113
00:06:19,681 --> 00:06:22,177
Did that, was that a factor at all for
you?

114
00:06:23,265 --> 00:06:27,045
to a degree there was a part, like I mean,
I was very sheltered.

115
00:06:27,045 --> 00:06:32,725
I grew up in a family where I wouldn't say
there was privilege, there was perceived

116
00:06:32,725 --> 00:06:35,573
privilege, but you know, I definitely
had...

117
00:06:35,613 --> 00:06:39,973
things from the sense of privilege of
being, you know, we got to go to all these

118
00:06:39,973 --> 00:06:42,153
different events and having your dad in
that position.

119
00:06:42,153 --> 00:06:46,213
But, you know, my parents are very much
from a working class background and they

120
00:06:46,213 --> 00:06:48,633
raised us in that way.

121
00:06:48,753 --> 00:06:53,013
But, you know, there's also a lot of shame
where I bottled things up and I had great

122
00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:55,373
parents, but they weren't emotionally
open.

123
00:06:55,373 --> 00:06:57,763
And I didn't know how to be emotionally
open.

124
00:06:57,763 --> 00:07:02,713
And I felt shame and embarrassment if I
had even the thought of talking about

125
00:07:02,713 --> 00:07:03,357
something.

126
00:07:03,357 --> 00:07:07,357
personal and I felt that like that might
be mean I get judged or I'm complaining

127
00:07:07,357 --> 00:07:12,237
too much or whatever it was so things got
bottled up and that that got amplified as

128
00:07:12,237 --> 00:07:18,057
well because you're in this weird
situation where your parents by product of

129
00:07:18,057 --> 00:07:24,417
being in the position of my dad being that
politician the this paranoia about you

130
00:07:24,417 --> 00:07:27,657
can't say this you can't behave publicly
like this you can't do that you can't do

131
00:07:27,657 --> 00:07:28,125
this

132
00:07:28,125 --> 00:07:31,585
This is drummed into us from these
developmental years, like I was saying

133
00:07:31,585 --> 00:07:33,704
from when I was 12 till my 20s.

134
00:07:33,704 --> 00:07:39,625
So you feel shame on that amplified level
on top of having these quite severe mental

135
00:07:39,625 --> 00:07:40,665
health issues.

136
00:07:40,665 --> 00:07:47,205
And that created a really big problem
until it hit a life and death situation

137
00:07:47,205 --> 00:07:50,385
essentially where I had to make a change.

138
00:07:50,385 --> 00:07:52,437
It really was that breaking point.

139
00:07:52,501 --> 00:07:53,531
Yeah, let's talk about that.

140
00:07:53,531 --> 00:07:55,741
I imagine you're talking about the car
crash.

141
00:07:55,741 --> 00:08:00,351
Yeah, so basically what happened was I had
all of the problems I'm talking about,

142
00:08:00,351 --> 00:08:05,701
wanted to be this athlete, was competing
at a very high level, body broke down at

143
00:08:05,701 --> 00:08:10,481
the end of high school, hadn't developed
socially, had all of these issues and then

144
00:08:10,481 --> 00:08:11,921
I just fell apart.

145
00:08:11,921 --> 00:08:16,241
I sort of like went overseas for a bit,
came back, dropped out of university,

146
00:08:16,241 --> 00:08:21,161
discovered alcohol, abused alcohol, was
getting in life -threatening situations,

147
00:08:21,161 --> 00:08:23,921
you know, every week, blacking, black out
drunk.

148
00:08:23,921 --> 00:08:25,373
Looking back I...

149
00:08:25,373 --> 00:08:29,853
you know, really do feel like it's a
miracle I actually survive that whole

150
00:08:29,853 --> 00:08:33,653
thing when I think about how many of these
situations I was in.

151
00:08:33,653 --> 00:08:39,353
And it did, but it came to a head when I
had a car crash, had my best friend that

152
00:08:39,353 --> 00:08:44,313
I'd grown up with, my oldest friend in the
back seat of the car, and I was going

153
00:08:44,313 --> 00:08:49,393
along a main road, hit a traffic island as
I tried to turn and span out of control,

154
00:08:49,393 --> 00:08:51,073
got crushed in half.

155
00:08:51,153 --> 00:08:54,237
He should have probably been killed had he
not like lifted his head up.

156
00:08:54,237 --> 00:08:56,257
had a reflex action.

157
00:08:56,277 --> 00:08:58,257
He still had to get surgery.

158
00:08:58,677 --> 00:09:02,807
It was became the biggest story in the
country for about a week.

159
00:09:02,807 --> 00:09:04,317
I couldn't leave the house.

160
00:09:04,317 --> 00:09:09,797
I developed notoriety became famous myself
through that, which eventually led to, you

161
00:09:09,797 --> 00:09:13,497
know, being on television shows and a
whole lot of other things in my career.

162
00:09:14,537 --> 00:09:20,197
And yeah, it was sort of that wasn't the
that was a catalyst for starting to

163
00:09:20,197 --> 00:09:20,357
change.

164
00:09:20,357 --> 00:09:22,281
It wasn't actually the.

165
00:09:22,781 --> 00:09:27,881
I didn't change overnight, but that
onwards led to really assessing this and

166
00:09:27,881 --> 00:09:30,195
looking at, okay, I've got to do
something.

167
00:09:30,468 --> 00:09:31,718
So what did you do?

168
00:09:31,718 --> 00:09:34,328
Because that's The thing that I think a
lot of people come to shows like yours and

169
00:09:34,328 --> 00:09:39,068
shows like ours for is, you know, looking
for normalizing their situation, the pain

170
00:09:39,068 --> 00:09:43,328
they're in, their lack of ability to cope
in ways that are effective, trying to find

171
00:09:43,328 --> 00:09:44,248
what's the nugget.

172
00:09:44,248 --> 00:09:48,168
And I heard you say something in your TED
talk about, you know, the things you talk

173
00:09:48,168 --> 00:09:49,778
about are not, it's not groundbreaking.

174
00:09:49,778 --> 00:09:51,328
It's not brand new information, right?

175
00:09:51,328 --> 00:09:53,368
It's stuff that's been around forever.

176
00:09:53,368 --> 00:09:56,419
But I know in my case, and a lot of our
listeners,

177
00:09:56,419 --> 00:09:58,379
They just need to hear the right thing at
the right time.

178
00:09:58,379 --> 00:10:01,199
They might've heard it a hundred times
before, but when they hear it this time,

179
00:10:01,199 --> 00:10:02,899
for whatever reason, it sinks in.

180
00:10:02,899 --> 00:10:07,643
So what was that process for you of kind
of clawing your way out of that?

181
00:10:08,621 --> 00:10:12,161
yeah, it's, and it's kind of interesting
that, yeah, like you're saying there, it's

182
00:10:12,161 --> 00:10:16,821
not rocket science, but it is like, I
think really if you boil it down, it's

183
00:10:16,821 --> 00:10:18,821
like just taking, taking the first step.

184
00:10:18,821 --> 00:10:20,101
And that could be literally anything.

185
00:10:20,101 --> 00:10:21,401
There's no right or wrong step.

186
00:10:21,401 --> 00:10:26,681
It's actually just getting things in
motion and developing momentum.

187
00:10:27,101 --> 00:10:32,121
and I've always said when it comes to
mental health, there's only one thing that

188
00:10:32,121 --> 00:10:33,721
you should not do.

189
00:10:33,721 --> 00:10:34,877
And that's nothing.

190
00:10:34,877 --> 00:10:37,837
So just literally anything, like talking
to someone.

191
00:10:37,837 --> 00:10:41,667
And for me, it was that car crash
happened.

192
00:10:41,667 --> 00:10:43,117
I said that I was gonna make changes.

193
00:10:43,117 --> 00:10:46,397
I tried to, but I wasn't really admitting
how bad I was.

194
00:10:46,397 --> 00:10:50,377
And it got to a point where I was almost
catatonic and my mum had to drag me to see

195
00:10:50,377 --> 00:10:51,617
a psychologist.

196
00:10:51,617 --> 00:10:57,407
And through that, I found out how severely
depressed I was and started taking steps.

197
00:10:57,407 --> 00:11:02,237
But really, if I look back on all of it
and how things slowly improved.

198
00:11:02,237 --> 00:11:03,907
I had no idea what I was doing.

199
00:11:03,907 --> 00:11:07,397
I was listening to all the advice I was
getting from the psych and from everything

200
00:11:07,397 --> 00:11:11,897
else and just took tiny steps and I still
wasn't happy in those steps but one step

201
00:11:11,897 --> 00:11:14,077
led to another thing, led to going back to
university.

202
00:11:14,077 --> 00:11:18,616
Still wasn't what I wanted to do but that
led to having to do public speaking when I

203
00:11:18,616 --> 00:11:21,937
was afraid of my own shadow, you know,
vomiting, talking in front of five people

204
00:11:21,937 --> 00:11:25,797
and then having to do it so many times
that I got over this fear of speaking and

205
00:11:25,797 --> 00:11:28,957
started to build self -esteem, met a group
of friends, started to...

206
00:11:28,957 --> 00:11:32,177
develop more confidence, started to
actually open my eyes up to where I could

207
00:11:32,177 --> 00:11:36,937
go, started to find a passion for helping
in mental health and then, you know, a

208
00:11:36,937 --> 00:11:40,177
public speaking career, then taking a
chance of doing acting that I wanted to

209
00:11:40,177 --> 00:11:40,557
do.

210
00:11:40,557 --> 00:11:45,657
But it was all a chain of events because
of just taking a step forward, a step

211
00:11:45,657 --> 00:11:46,987
forward, a step forward, a step forward.

212
00:11:46,987 --> 00:11:49,467
So it doesn't, it could be the completely
wrong steps.

213
00:11:49,467 --> 00:11:50,297
It doesn't really matter.

214
00:11:50,297 --> 00:11:52,197
And I think that's in life in general.

215
00:11:52,197 --> 00:11:56,957
As long as you're moving forward, that's
going to eventually lead somewhere if you

216
00:11:56,957 --> 00:11:57,617
have that mindset.

217
00:11:57,617 --> 00:11:58,845
So I'd say just do.

218
00:11:58,845 --> 00:12:03,405
absolutely anything, you know, go on
Google free mental health helpline, call

219
00:12:03,405 --> 00:12:07,125
them, talk to a friend, talk to like
whatever you feel comfortable with, just

220
00:12:07,125 --> 00:12:08,213
do anything.

221
00:12:08,579 --> 00:12:14,299
What I love about your series of events is
that it started with an act of

222
00:12:14,299 --> 00:12:16,849
vulnerability, which sounds like it was
forced vulnerability.

223
00:12:16,849 --> 00:12:18,969
Like your mom had to drag you to the
therapist to make it happen.

224
00:12:18,969 --> 00:12:23,659
But as soon as you shared what was going
on, there was somebody on the other end of

225
00:12:23,659 --> 00:12:28,099
that who received that, who helped steer
you to the next thing.

226
00:12:28,119 --> 00:12:31,709
Talk about the importance of being
vulnerable and opening up and sharing,

227
00:12:31,709 --> 00:12:32,679
especially for guys, right?

228
00:12:32,679 --> 00:12:35,899
Like that's what we're talking about here
is like guys struggling to...

229
00:12:36,227 --> 00:12:40,267
cope and do this, live this life in a
slightly healthier way.

230
00:12:40,267 --> 00:12:44,527
So much of it I've found comes from just
being open about the struggle and not

231
00:12:44,527 --> 00:12:48,059
worrying so much about what the world sees
from the outside.

232
00:12:48,477 --> 00:12:49,727
Yeah, exactly.

233
00:12:49,727 --> 00:12:50,367
It's critical.

234
00:12:50,367 --> 00:12:55,837
I mean, I think it is it's the biggest
thing and you know, I've been public

235
00:12:55,837 --> 00:13:01,637
speaking for close to 15 years 13 years I
think it is or 14 years and I still do the

236
00:13:01,637 --> 00:13:06,537
same core thing now which is just go up on
the in front of people and tell my story

237
00:13:06,537 --> 00:13:11,637
and then try and make it relatable listen
to theirs and I think there's nothing more

238
00:13:11,637 --> 00:13:16,637
powerful because like you're saying
Especially as men we shame ourselves we

239
00:13:16,637 --> 00:13:17,277
don't

240
00:13:17,277 --> 00:13:20,777
we often can't talk to our friends about
it, because they haven't dealt with this

241
00:13:20,777 --> 00:13:21,777
stuff as well.

242
00:13:21,777 --> 00:13:26,777
So as soon as we can hear someone else
telling us a story that we can relate to,

243
00:13:26,777 --> 00:13:29,347
we think, hang on, maybe I'm not broken.

244
00:13:29,347 --> 00:13:31,977
Maybe this is actually something other
people go through.

245
00:13:31,977 --> 00:13:37,577
And so being vulnerable and being able to
open yourself up to talking, admitting

246
00:13:37,577 --> 00:13:42,717
that you've got a problem and talking or
seeking help, it very quickly makes you

247
00:13:42,717 --> 00:13:46,037
realise that, that, hey, this isn't even
that big of a deal.

248
00:13:46,037 --> 00:13:46,333
I'm...

249
00:13:46,333 --> 00:13:50,913
I'm a human, everyone goes through
versions of this and yeah, I think it's

250
00:13:50,913 --> 00:13:53,397
the most important step of it.

251
00:13:53,858 --> 00:13:59,418
We see so often that when you do put it
out there to the universe, the friend, the

252
00:13:59,418 --> 00:14:03,478
therapist, that the solution that you're
looking for, that you're overthinking your

253
00:14:03,478 --> 00:14:07,598
way away from, presents itself because
they have experience.

254
00:14:07,598 --> 00:14:12,378
If you believe in a mystical universe of
some sort, it hears and provides what

255
00:14:12,378 --> 00:14:13,898
you're needing in that moment.

256
00:14:13,898 --> 00:14:15,938
So I couldn't agree more.

257
00:14:16,458 --> 00:14:19,878
I know part of your struggle was
overcoming some of those voices, those

258
00:14:19,878 --> 00:14:23,266
stories that you tell yourself about not
being worthy, not being good enough.

259
00:14:23,266 --> 00:14:25,166
Is that something you still struggle with?

260
00:14:25,166 --> 00:14:29,050
And I know it's gotten better, but is that
something you still still deal with?

261
00:14:29,629 --> 00:14:31,639
Yeah, absolutely, still deal with that.

262
00:14:31,639 --> 00:14:33,149
I've gotten better with it.

263
00:14:33,149 --> 00:14:37,589
But yeah, there is that voice on so many
different levels saying, you know, the

264
00:14:37,589 --> 00:14:41,309
main thing for me is projecting into the
future and getting overwhelmed thinking,

265
00:14:41,309 --> 00:14:42,459
you know, is this going to happen?

266
00:14:42,459 --> 00:14:43,059
What about this?

267
00:14:43,059 --> 00:14:43,659
What about that?

268
00:14:43,659 --> 00:14:44,929
Should I be doing this?

269
00:14:44,929 --> 00:14:46,829
But I've gotten much better.

270
00:14:46,829 --> 00:14:51,669
It used to be debilitating and it used to
be, I guess the main example I use was

271
00:14:51,669 --> 00:14:56,209
when I got into the, when I was in
university having to do these talks, my

272
00:14:56,209 --> 00:14:58,653
voice in my head at that point was so
severe.

273
00:14:58,653 --> 00:15:01,583
when I'd try and just do a talk in front
of five people that it was, you know,

274
00:15:01,583 --> 00:15:04,893
Nick, you're not good enough, you've got
nothing good to say, no one wants to hear

275
00:15:04,893 --> 00:15:07,733
from you, et cetera, to the point where
you're actually vomiting.

276
00:15:08,093 --> 00:15:12,693
So getting through that and then the next
thing after that that wasn't too long

277
00:15:12,693 --> 00:15:19,233
after was Being on Dancing with the Stars
and then having to do something that I was

278
00:15:19,233 --> 00:15:21,483
even more fearful for, which was dancing
in front of people.

279
00:15:21,483 --> 00:15:24,413
And I thought, this is a joke, I can't do
this.

280
00:15:25,533 --> 00:15:26,822
And, same.

281
00:15:26,822 --> 00:15:27,841
it.

282
00:15:27,841 --> 00:15:31,501
even dance if I'm like, my girlfriend got
angry at me at my sister's wedding.

283
00:15:31,501 --> 00:15:35,181
I don't drink now, so maybe if I was drunk
I would have done it, but at my sister's

284
00:15:35,181 --> 00:15:39,181
wedding, yeah, last year at my sister's
wedding, she's trying to dance and I just

285
00:15:39,181 --> 00:15:42,321
was refusing to go and do it, because I
hate it, I just can't stand it.

286
00:15:42,321 --> 00:15:46,430
But, yeah.

287
00:15:46,430 --> 00:15:49,910
that is one of those fears that as much as
I preach, you know, the obstacle is the

288
00:15:49,910 --> 00:15:52,660
way I face your fears, overcome things
that and roller coasters.

289
00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:53,620
I'm just I'm just out.

290
00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:54,461
I'm not doing.

291
00:15:54,461 --> 00:15:59,641
Well, you know what, like on the topic of
vulnerability, you sharing that piece of

292
00:15:59,641 --> 00:16:04,021
vulnerability with me makes me feel better
because I fucking like can't get over that

293
00:16:04,021 --> 00:16:05,661
fear of dancing as well.

294
00:16:05,661 --> 00:16:06,661
So I'm glad.

295
00:16:06,661 --> 00:16:11,256
I feel a bit better about the fact that I
can't get past that one.

296
00:16:11,256 --> 00:16:11,466
right.

297
00:16:11,466 --> 00:16:11,876
That's right.

298
00:16:11,876 --> 00:16:13,266
We're here to support each other.

299
00:16:13,266 --> 00:16:14,077
That's how this works.

300
00:16:14,077 --> 00:16:17,797
Exactly, and even going on the dancing
with the stars, it still didn't help me

301
00:16:17,797 --> 00:16:20,108
get over that fear, but I got it.

302
00:16:20,108 --> 00:16:21,028
that's the thing for me.

303
00:16:21,028 --> 00:16:25,908
Like so often I find, and sorry, we're
sidetracking now, but like so often I find

304
00:16:25,908 --> 00:16:28,668
that like whatever the thing is that I'm
afraid of, the more that I do it, the more

305
00:16:28,668 --> 00:16:32,188
I face it and overcome it, suddenly it's
not a big, I used to hate flying, flying

306
00:16:32,188 --> 00:16:33,168
terrified me.

307
00:16:33,168 --> 00:16:36,408
Now it's like I have a little ritual where
I put my hand on the plane and once I do

308
00:16:36,408 --> 00:16:36,888
that, I'm good.

309
00:16:36,888 --> 00:16:38,568
I can sit on the plane and everything's
fine.

310
00:16:38,568 --> 00:16:42,908
I would think dancing on TV every week in
front of millions of people, you'd be

311
00:16:42,908 --> 00:16:44,568
like, I can dance anywhere.

312
00:16:44,568 --> 00:16:46,848
That's wild to me that that didn't.

313
00:16:46,944 --> 00:16:48,876
to help you overcome that issue.

314
00:16:48,957 --> 00:16:50,897
Well, I totally agree with what you're
saying though.

315
00:16:50,897 --> 00:16:54,097
I think immersion, you know, therapy for
me has been the biggest thing, just doing

316
00:16:54,097 --> 00:16:57,157
things that are so uncomfortable and
eventually you get fine with them.

317
00:16:57,157 --> 00:17:02,817
I guess like the dancing thing is just so
unnatural to me that it's not something I

318
00:17:02,817 --> 00:17:04,757
really, you know, if I had to do it, sure.

319
00:17:04,757 --> 00:17:10,017
But what it did actually help with was I
did something that I was just so

320
00:17:10,017 --> 00:17:14,477
uncomfortable doing that I thought, you
know what, whatever comes up in life, you

321
00:17:14,477 --> 00:17:15,637
know, that's uncomfortable.

322
00:17:15,637 --> 00:17:17,717
If I just think back to how...

323
00:17:17,853 --> 00:17:22,173
terrified I felt on that first episode
dancing in front of live audience, live

324
00:17:22,173 --> 00:17:23,133
television.

325
00:17:23,133 --> 00:17:24,813
It can't be as bad as that.

326
00:17:24,813 --> 00:17:29,793
And that helped me to really just
continually go out of the comfort zone and

327
00:17:29,793 --> 00:17:32,083
just remind yourself what's the worst that
can happen here.

328
00:17:32,083 --> 00:17:33,569
It's like never that bad.

329
00:17:33,569 --> 00:17:34,849
I think that's so important.

330
00:17:34,849 --> 00:17:36,579
That's you know, I talk a lot about cold
therapy.

331
00:17:36,579 --> 00:17:41,749
I love going in cold rivers, cold lakes,
you know, whatever I can do because it

332
00:17:41,749 --> 00:17:45,389
creates that situation in your head where
whatever awful thing you have to do,

333
00:17:45,389 --> 00:17:47,729
you're like, if I can do that, I can do
that.

334
00:17:47,729 --> 00:17:49,859
Like, I think there's a lot to be said.

335
00:17:49,859 --> 00:17:52,689
And I think that's kind of what I was
getting at earlier with with the idea that

336
00:17:52,689 --> 00:17:58,429
I think a lot of kids, myself included,
are raised with not having to face tough

337
00:17:58,429 --> 00:17:58,849
challenge.

338
00:17:58,849 --> 00:18:00,269
I was the youngest of three boys.

339
00:18:00,269 --> 00:18:02,880
My mom, you know, said yes to every
request.

340
00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:06,090
request I had, and I think it kind of made
me a little soft.

341
00:18:06,090 --> 00:18:08,980
And so I've had to kind of undo a lot of
that my whole life.

342
00:18:08,980 --> 00:18:12,700
And so I think that the more that you can
intentionally expose yourself to something

343
00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:18,520
difficult, challenging, whatever, that's
in a safe space, it allows you to face

344
00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:22,080
those big challenges when they come at you
and they're unexpected and they feel

345
00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:22,960
dangerous.

346
00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:26,360
You're more prepared because you've done
the training to build the mental

347
00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:27,727
resilience to overcome.

348
00:18:27,965 --> 00:18:32,425
100 % totally relate to what you're saying
there, you know, like having, and I've,

349
00:18:32,425 --> 00:18:37,325
you know, again, got a great family, but
having the comfort zone of that really

350
00:18:37,325 --> 00:18:41,015
held me back from doing things that were
difficult from making the hard decision.

351
00:18:41,015 --> 00:18:45,155
I always knew that, you know, I could get
away with making the easier decision.

352
00:18:45,155 --> 00:18:50,705
So it wasn't until I made that concerted
effort to really go and take initiative

353
00:18:50,705 --> 00:18:56,505
myself to make those changes that more
growth started to happen.

354
00:18:56,505 --> 00:18:57,405
So it's a, it's a.

355
00:18:57,405 --> 00:19:01,245
It's a tough thing, you know, it's really
hard and I think if you're not forced into

356
00:19:01,245 --> 00:19:05,965
that kind of situation, you really do have
to make that concerted effort to be honest

357
00:19:05,965 --> 00:19:10,385
with yourself, try and get people around
you, mentors or friends that are going to

358
00:19:10,385 --> 00:19:13,165
hold you accountable that will not just
appease you.

359
00:19:13,165 --> 00:19:16,025
And I had too many of these kinds of
people that were just telling me how great

360
00:19:16,025 --> 00:19:17,905
I was and it's okay.

361
00:19:17,905 --> 00:19:21,465
And if I complained about something, I get
it, you know, that's fine.

362
00:19:21,465 --> 00:19:21,975
That's normal.

363
00:19:21,975 --> 00:19:26,557
When it wasn't, you know, I was like just
saying what I wanted to hear rather than.

364
00:19:26,557 --> 00:19:29,297
having someone say, no Nick, you're
bullshitting yourself, you're talking out

365
00:19:29,297 --> 00:19:31,877
of your ass right now, this is what you
need to do.

366
00:19:31,877 --> 00:19:36,477
If you don't do that, then I don't wanna
talk to you anymore because, you know,

367
00:19:36,477 --> 00:19:37,507
it's a cop out.

368
00:19:37,507 --> 00:19:39,647
Like you need to be accountable.

369
00:19:39,647 --> 00:19:41,307
Yeah, absolutely.

370
00:19:41,868 --> 00:19:46,228
I think people that know you now know you
for that vulnerability and know you for

371
00:19:46,228 --> 00:19:48,708
your struggles and how you've overcome
them.

372
00:19:48,768 --> 00:19:51,428
The old you, they might have thought, what
does this guy have to be?

373
00:19:51,428 --> 00:19:52,628
He's on Dancing with the Stars.

374
00:19:52,628 --> 00:19:55,608
He comes from a political family.

375
00:19:55,787 --> 00:19:59,858
It's the stereotypical, what do you have
to complain about?

376
00:19:59,858 --> 00:20:01,608
What do you have to be depressed about?

377
00:20:01,608 --> 00:20:02,556
I think that that...

378
00:20:02,556 --> 00:20:06,916
really gets in the way of a lot of deeper
connection for people because they can't

379
00:20:06,916 --> 00:20:11,576
accept that somebody in a position of
perceived privilege can struggle.

380
00:20:11,676 --> 00:20:15,636
So what's been your experience with that
sort of being now on both sides of it

381
00:20:15,636 --> 00:20:19,176
where you were seen as one way and now
you're probably seen another way?

382
00:20:19,176 --> 00:20:21,300
What's that experience been for you?

383
00:20:21,882 --> 00:20:28,062
Yeah, I think the core of it is that, you
know, anyone can, like mental health

384
00:20:28,062 --> 00:20:31,042
doesn't, you know, it can affect anyone.

385
00:20:31,042 --> 00:20:34,002
It's not about whether you're in a certain
position.

386
00:20:34,002 --> 00:20:36,692
So it doesn't discriminate, you know.

387
00:20:36,692 --> 00:20:42,982
So I think just my experience through that
was feeling an extra level of shame that,

388
00:20:42,982 --> 00:20:44,942
hang on, I'm meant to be from privilege.

389
00:20:44,942 --> 00:20:47,682
I must be even weaker that I'm struggling.

390
00:20:47,682 --> 00:20:50,586
And I feel embarrassed to complain about
this.

391
00:20:50,586 --> 00:20:53,766
and I feel like people are judging me so
then I was even more scared of being

392
00:20:53,766 --> 00:20:59,546
myself to other people so it was difficult
but at the end of the day I think what

393
00:20:59,546 --> 00:21:06,746
people need to understand is everything's
relevant so it's not about comparison

394
00:21:06,746 --> 00:21:11,886
someone might be going you know someone
might be on the street and have lost their

395
00:21:11,886 --> 00:21:16,546
family and be a drug addict and you know
that's incredibly unfortunate and they

396
00:21:16,546 --> 00:21:19,770
need help and someone you know

397
00:21:19,770 --> 00:21:25,410
might have a billion dollars but be
wanting to kill themselves and that's also

398
00:21:25,410 --> 00:21:25,800
relevant.

399
00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:27,620
They need severe help as well.

400
00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:30,380
So it's just not about any comparison.

401
00:21:30,380 --> 00:21:35,310
It's that if people are suffering, they
deserve to be able to talk about it and

402
00:21:35,310 --> 00:21:36,070
get help.

403
00:21:36,070 --> 00:21:38,674
And I think people need to understand
that.

404
00:21:38,907 --> 00:21:42,367
I think that's something that I, to bring
it back to guys, I think that is something

405
00:21:42,367 --> 00:21:47,607
that guys do particularly struggle with is
that we are supposed to have this

406
00:21:47,607 --> 00:21:50,787
perceived privilege and things are
supposed to come easy to us because we're

407
00:21:50,787 --> 00:21:54,867
the, you know, in a patriarchy and all of
the things, but there is still struggle

408
00:21:54,867 --> 00:21:55,587
underneath that.

409
00:21:55,587 --> 00:21:59,367
That's really hard to talk about without
feeling like you're, you know, making it,

410
00:21:59,367 --> 00:22:00,427
you know, a poor me.

411
00:22:00,427 --> 00:22:04,327
Like I have, I have, you know, the world
is mine to control, but I still struggle.

412
00:22:04,327 --> 00:22:08,240
Like I think that is at the heart of a lot
of struggle for guys.

413
00:22:08,410 --> 00:22:14,150
100 % you know I think it's just an innate
feeling and we feel like we have to do all

414
00:22:14,150 --> 00:22:17,910
of these different things we have to
achieve and you know even if we're not

415
00:22:17,910 --> 00:22:23,850
suffering specifically from a severe
mental health issue there's so much

416
00:22:23,850 --> 00:22:27,890
pressure and we're telling in this modern
world we think we have to be this and we

417
00:22:27,890 --> 00:22:31,010
have to be that even if things are going
well we need more we need more money more

418
00:22:31,010 --> 00:22:35,250
status more social media followers
whatever the hell it is it's just it's so

419
00:22:35,250 --> 00:22:38,266
unhealthy it's such a it's like a drug you
can't

420
00:22:38,266 --> 00:22:40,050
You can't win in that game.

421
00:22:40,090 --> 00:22:41,370
Absolutely.

422
00:22:41,370 --> 00:22:42,670
Nick, you're doing important work.

423
00:22:42,670 --> 00:22:45,270
Tell folks where we can learn more about
your podcast and all the things you have

424
00:22:45,270 --> 00:22:46,120
to offer.

425
00:22:46,458 --> 00:22:47,858
Appreciate it mate.

426
00:22:47,858 --> 00:22:53,278
So they can go to my website which is just
nickbracks .com podcast nickbracks .com

427
00:22:53,278 --> 00:22:59,318
slash podcast My Instagram if you want to
check that out is at nickbracks and you'll

428
00:22:59,318 --> 00:23:02,578
find all the other social media links on
the website So yeah, love it.

429
00:23:02,578 --> 00:23:04,634
If if anyone listening can check that out

430
00:23:04,634 --> 00:23:06,514
And we'll link that in the show notes for
this episode.

431
00:23:06,514 --> 00:23:07,664
Nick, thanks so much for your time.

432
00:23:07,664 --> 00:23:10,574
This has been a great conversation and
keep up the good work.

433
00:23:10,746 --> 00:23:13,146
Thank you so much, and I'd love chatting
to you.

434
00:23:13,143 --> 00:23:14,473
All right, my thanks to Nick Brax.

435
00:23:14,473 --> 00:23:15,573
Appreciate him being on the show.

436
00:23:15,573 --> 00:23:18,643
If you'd like to learn more about him and
his fantastic podcast, you can find the

437
00:23:18,643 --> 00:23:22,463
links to all of that in the show notes for
this episode at thefitmass .com.

438
00:23:22,463 --> 00:23:26,284
That's also where you can leave a review
for this show or better yet share this

439
00:23:26,284 --> 00:23:28,424
episode with someone who might benefit
from the conversation.

440
00:23:28,424 --> 00:23:31,524
and feel a little bit less alone in their
struggle against their mental health

441
00:23:31,524 --> 00:23:31,926
issues.

442
00:23:31,926 --> 00:23:33,046
But that's going to do it for this week.

443
00:23:33,046 --> 00:23:35,586
I thank you so much for your time and for
listening to this episode.

444
00:23:35,586 --> 00:23:39,606
We will be back next week at thefitmass
.com with a brand new episode.

445
00:23:39,606 --> 00:23:41,005
Thanks so much for listening.