How to Face Your Insecurities Head-On, with Matt Gilhooly

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Hi there and welcome to another episode of
the Fit Mess podcast.

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Today we're gonna talk about some topics
that many of us grapple with, but not many

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of us actually discuss openly.

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I'm talking about body image, self
-acceptance, and grief.

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In just a few minutes, we'll talk with
fellow podcaster Matt Gilhuli.

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He runs the Life Shift podcast.

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He's going to share his lifelong struggle
with body shame and his current journey

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through the heart wrenching process of
grief that he's dealing with.

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I believe you'll find his raw honesty
about hiding behind hoodies and battling

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self -doubt will really resonate with you
or anyone who's ever felt uncomfortable in

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their own skin.

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But this isn't just a conversation about
personal struggles.

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It's a powerful reminder of the strength
that comes from vulnerability, the

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connections we forge when we open up, and
the healing that can occur when we share

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our stories.

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So whether similar challenges or know
somebody who has, this episode promises

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insights that will stay with you long
after you've finished listening.

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So settle in, and prepare for conversation
that might just change the way you see

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yourself and others.

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And just a quick note before we actually
get into the interview, the audio may

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sound a little funky.

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Life gets messy sometimes, and in this
case, it did.

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So I had to record this interview from my
car.

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Luckily I let Matt do most of the talking,
I hope,

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the reason we're having this conversation
is for one, we connected a while back.

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You had me on your show.

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I'm very grateful for that.

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But I follow what you post online and I am
always amazed at how open and vulnerable

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you are about everything, about the show,
about your life, about your pains and your

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struggles.

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There's one that you wrote recently that I
could have written.

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And if you don't mind, I'll read it.

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You just said, if you see me in a hoodie,
there's a deeper reason than to keep warm.

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We keep the house cold so I can wear a
hoodie because a hoodie keeps me covered

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up and hidden.

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I've gone through waves of body shame
since I was 12 or so and bullied for being

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overweight.

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I was bullied about my body by kids and
adults that I so desperately wanted to

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like me.

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Nowadays it comes and goes.

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When I'm not at my fittest, I feel a sense
of disgust.

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When I look in the mirror, it's not
rational.

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I understand, but it's real.

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The hoodies feel like protection.

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I can hide parts of me that I struggle so
much to like at all phases.

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I'm currently in one of those phases, so
until I figure it out, you'll probably see

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me in a hoodie and then you ask for people
to share if that resonates with them.

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I live in hoodies for this very reason.

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And I almost wore one today in solidarity,
but I was like, it's too hot.

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I will just be dying in this thing.

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But man, when I read that, was like, I
know exactly what that feels like to

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feel like you need to hide.

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It sounds like you've won and lost battles
with weight in your life.

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Talk me through where you were when you
wrote that and what's going on with

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Yeah, it's...

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It has been a lifelong battle.

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I think you know when I was a kid my mom
died and I don't want to blame everything

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on that, but I think it was part of me
wanted everyone to like me at that point.

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I didn't want people to like leave and I
needed to impress people and I think what

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came with that was like this obsessive
control and at the time like 90s.

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I feel like 90s everyone was you know the
perfection was all in the magazines.

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It wasn't social media.

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It was more

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like what you saw on TV and what you saw
in the magazines.

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And I was never that.

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And at one point, like when I was a kid,
adults and people around me were just like

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bullying me for just being overweight.

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And I think maybe food was my comfort.

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I don't know.

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Sometimes I just want to eat all the food
and sometimes I don't.

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And sometimes I can be really controlled.

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But in this most recent moment, I'm like
in this phase in my 40s now where being

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fit is harder.

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And I hear you talk about this all the
time.

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know how to do it.

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I know how to go to the gym.

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I know how to work out.

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I know how to eat properly, but sometimes
I just can't because it's going to pull me

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into an eating disorder again or it's
going to pull me here and I'm trying to

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find this grace within myself.

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But at the same time, I realize that I'm
always in a hoodie, whether it's hot,

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whether it's cold, and it's just because
if not, I'm going to walk in front of a

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mirror and then I'm going to like shame
myself.

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I mean like, ugh, why did you eat that
today instead of eating this?

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And so that's where I

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and I feel like I'm still in that space.

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And at the end of the day, it's okay.

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But, you know, like, have to honor the
fact that that's just how I feel right

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now, and I don't know how I'm gonna get
out of it.

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But, you know, shaming myself for shaming
myself is just not, the way that I want to

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go.

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It's interesting, I was talking to my co
-host, Zach, who's usually here and he's

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in a similar spot right now, right?

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You know, the routine's falling off, all
the things, everything feels like it's a

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mess, everything's in chaos.

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To some degree I'm dealing with that I've
had some injuries and some stuff that have

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thrown me off and I'm still just eating
like you know Like the dumpster in the

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back of a 7 -eleven just like emotionally
eating whatever is in front of me put it

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in my face So I can definitely relate to
that.

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I'm curious about the the weight loss I'm
not sure how much weight you lost in your

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journey

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I mean it's been up down all

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was about 12 was probably this weirdly my
biggest and I was like five feet tall and

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165 pounds or so and that was when like
adults were like oh you're fat like here

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try and that's like the first jumping into
slim fast and jumping into like just not

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eating and just just really poor nutrition
just like moving through the world and

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just like not healthy state and that kind
of went on until like up and down just

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like the whole calorie

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and then it became this obsessive thing
and like how low could you actually go

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while still eating and it became
unhealthy.

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So in my 30s, I like got a trainer.

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I got like the macros.

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I figured all that stuff out and for like
two and a half years straight, it was like

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no cheating down to the exact macros every
single day.

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But I got like, you know, the desired six
pack and I got the the fitness that like I

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never could have imagined.

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Yeah.

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Right.

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that becomes part of the cycle now too is
like well your body can clearly do it but

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you're not doing

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Yeah, during those phases, when you look
in the mirror, do you still see the

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heavier version?

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Even when you were jacked, when you had
the body you always dreamed of having, did

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you still see the one you were trying to
fix?

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I don't necessarily think I saw like the
fat kid anymore, but I did see the flaws.

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I did see where I wasn't yet to the point
where I

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Somewhere in that journey.

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I started as a vegetarian when I was in
that journey and I got down to a hundred

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and twenty two pounds at like five seven I
was eating 2200 calories a day, but my

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body needed like Meat protein it needed
all the amino acids.

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It needed all those pieces and so but even
at 122 and like on Uncomfortably getting

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into a size like 26 pant and having it be
loose

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I still saw like, well, you know, like,
what is this when really it was probably

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skin or, whatever it was, you know, so I
didn't necessarily see the fat kid, but I

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saw the flaws.

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I saw like where I wasn't yet.

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And now I look back and I'm like, probably
should have eaten more.

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You know, like I probably should have done
all these other things.

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But in the moment, it's very, there's a
lot of like self hate kind of things that

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just kind of bubble up always.

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Yeah, I'm at a weird place where despite
being far from where I would like to be,

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I've developed more self -compassion and
patience with myself than I ever thought

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possible.

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And I'm at a point where I can look in the
mirror, not be happy with what's there,

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but know that I know how to fix it and
just need to do the work.

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Especially when I'm doing the work, I can
be like, I can allow this because this is

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part of it.

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I'm on my way.

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But when I'm grabbing

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crackers out of the pantry, it's a little
bit harder to be kind to myself.

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How do you cope with this now?

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I mean, obviously you're hiding with the
hoodie.

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Is this still kind of a daily situation
for you?

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I would say that I'm like part way to your
journey of trying to show compassion and

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trying to what I don't want to be is
obsessive controlling because I know my

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tendencies will get to an eating disorder
eating.

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I won't necessarily say an eating
disorder, but I would get to a point where

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I was controlling everything and that's
not healthy either.

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And I know that for myself.

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So I'm trying to find this way where you
know, find the clothes that you feel

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you know, honor yourself and know that you
are still going to the gym five days a

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week.

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You are still, you know, generally eating
properly, maybe a couple Oreos here and

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there that are extra.

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But I think I'm on that road to self
-compassion.

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I don't think I'm there yet, obviously.

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I still feel the need to hide or there's
always like, I don't know, if you do this,

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too, sit on the couch and like, you want
to hold a pillow or you want to hold like

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a blanket over you or something.

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And I don't know if that's

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40 years of doing it or if it's something
where I'm trying to protect myself.

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But the goal is to find this balance zone
where I'm not out of shape.

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I don't think I'm out of shape right now.

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I'm just not in the shape that I know I
can be.

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And sometimes the work that I put in the
gym doesn't feel like it's visible.

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So, you know, that's frustrating too.

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the gym the work in the gym always feels
like it's not visible no matter how hard

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you work.

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It's never enough.

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hardest part.

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mean, food is truly the hardest part.

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And having such a trauma as a child, a lot
of my comfort came from the adults around

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me.

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Like, here's extra dessert.

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know, here's, we want you to be happy.

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And so I kind of just gravitate towards
sweets and snacks and things like that.

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I'm not like, I can't wait to have a bag
of broccoli right now.

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Hmm.

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and now a nine -year -old daughter and
it's so easy to reward with ice cream,

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reward with dessert, reward with some sort
of food because that's what they like.

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They're kids, right?

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They want to eat sweet things.

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But every time I do it, I'm just like,
what am I building in their brain that

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tells them when you're good

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You can put all the junk in your, like,
it's such a hard thing.

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I know I learned it as a kid.

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I'm sure I'm passing it on to my kids in
some way.

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And it's something that is constantly
haunting me that I need to figure out what

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is a better reward system.

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Because they'll ask, you know, when they
do well, can we go to Dairy Queen?

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Can we go get the pizza?

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And if I say no, then I'm punishing them
for wanting what they want as their

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reward.

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It's a tricky thing to reward yourself
properly in a way

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honors what your body needs, but also
rewards that part of your brain that wants

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the cookie.

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Well, and also just,

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When we grew up in the 80s and 90s, the
portion control was totally different.

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We didn't have the awareness, I think.

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It was just like, you had to clear your
plate or you couldn't get up from the

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table.

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If you wanted seconds, you better finish
the seconds.

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There was a lot of that and I feel like we
were just conditioned.

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So I can imagine trying not to pass that
off.

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But also if you're like, well, you can
only have one cookie, then is there some

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kind of absorption of shame that comes
with like, well, what happens if I have

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two?

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Right.

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Right.

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Totally.

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I don't envy you.

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I don't have kids, so.

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It also it's I also just wanted to say
that I think it's very brave of you not

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only to You know to share so much of what
you do publicly but as a man to talk about

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body shame That's not something that men
do often I like I said, I relate to it

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00:13:01,255 --> 00:13:06,897
very closely and one of the ways that I
think I've been either developing my

227
00:13:06,897 --> 00:13:08,108
compassion or

228
00:13:09,214 --> 00:13:13,775
Getting more comfortable in my own
imperfect skin is, I've been cold plunging

229
00:13:13,775 --> 00:13:17,506
for years, but I recently joined a group
that does it together every Sunday

230
00:13:17,506 --> 00:13:18,387
morning.

231
00:13:18,387 --> 00:13:22,828
And there are some people there that are
absolutely jacked and older than me and I

232
00:13:22,828 --> 00:13:23,808
hate them for it.

233
00:13:23,808 --> 00:13:28,589
There are people that are in worse shape
than me, seemingly from the outside.

234
00:13:29,009 --> 00:13:33,281
But taking my shirt off in front of other
people has never been something that I

235
00:13:33,281 --> 00:13:34,491
look forward to.

236
00:13:35,383 --> 00:13:39,807
the exposure therapy of it, not only of
the cold, but of the, everyone, here I am

237
00:13:39,807 --> 00:13:44,610
in all of my imperfection, and having
nobody ever say anything about it, because

238
00:13:44,631 --> 00:13:46,362
ultimately nobody cares, right?

239
00:13:46,362 --> 00:13:51,275
We think people are disgusted by what they
see, and this poor person has to look at

240
00:13:51,275 --> 00:13:56,620
me, but all of them are so wrapped up in
what do they think of me that it doesn't

241
00:13:56,620 --> 00:13:57,431
really matter.

242
00:13:57,431 --> 00:14:02,845
And so it's been an interesting experiment
for me to put myself through that exposure

243
00:14:02,845 --> 00:14:03,920
therapy of

244
00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:05,693
If I do this, are they still gonna like
me?

245
00:14:05,693 --> 00:14:08,077
Are we still gonna be able to do this or
am I gonna be banned?

246
00:14:08,077 --> 00:14:11,042
And as it turns out, nobody gives a

247
00:14:11,232 --> 00:14:11,754
No.

248
00:14:11,754 --> 00:14:14,120
Well, and I think it's the same thing as
what I do.

249
00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:18,030
I try to put my imperfections online.

250
00:14:18,352 --> 00:14:19,152
for a couple reasons.

251
00:14:19,152 --> 00:14:22,964
Selfishly, think it helps me get it out of
my head, and it's a lot less scarier.

252
00:14:22,964 --> 00:14:26,935
I mean, it's a lot less scary when it's
just, like, not in my head.

253
00:14:27,076 --> 00:14:31,458
And also, to your point, like, I can't be
the only one feeling this way.

254
00:14:31,458 --> 00:14:35,279
Like, even if I'm a guy and I shouldn't
feel this way, guess what?

255
00:14:35,279 --> 00:14:37,801
I'm a human, and I do feel this way.

256
00:14:37,801 --> 00:14:41,102
And it's not, like, reserved for women or
men or...

257
00:14:41,102 --> 00:14:42,542
It's, you know, it's...

258
00:14:42,583 --> 00:14:47,315
It's just a human experience, and we
absorb what we absorb and manifest in

259
00:14:47,315 --> 00:14:48,465
different ways,

260
00:14:48,500 --> 00:14:50,524
I've always been well now.

261
00:14:51,126 --> 00:14:55,278
I've tried to be in my adult life since
I've kind of gone through therapy and

262
00:14:55,278 --> 00:14:55,748
whatnot.

263
00:14:55,748 --> 00:15:02,171
I feel like it's important for me to put
those things out there because I mean, to

264
00:15:02,171 --> 00:15:08,063
your point, you saw it and you kind of
felt seen in a way like, I do that too.

265
00:15:08,083 --> 00:15:11,785
So maybe it's not like totally weird or
maybe I shouldn't be ashamed of it or,

266
00:15:11,785 --> 00:15:13,345
whatever it may be.

267
00:15:13,426 --> 00:15:17,117
I just feel like we're going to connect
more if we kind of share the valleys of

268
00:15:17,117 --> 00:15:20,468
our lives more so than like, hey, I just
won this award or

269
00:15:20,986 --> 00:15:24,893
Yeah, yeah, all of that has been proven
over and over again to just make us all

270
00:15:24,893 --> 00:15:27,928
feel much worse about ourselves because
we're not always on the mountaintop like

271
00:15:27,928 --> 00:15:31,734
everyone seems to be according to their
social right.

272
00:15:31,885 --> 00:15:35,217
They have their bad moments, they might
have a terrible life, right?

273
00:15:35,217 --> 00:15:37,439
But they're just trying to show you the
shiny parts.

274
00:15:37,439 --> 00:15:44,333
And I used to be that way, and it's a lot
harder to be that way, I think.

275
00:15:44,333 --> 00:15:47,594
It's harder to exist in the world as that
all the time.

276
00:15:49,002 --> 00:15:49,702
Yeah.

277
00:15:49,702 --> 00:15:52,265
One of the pains you've been sharing
recently I also relate to.

278
00:15:52,265 --> 00:15:56,449
I just published an episode a couple weeks
ago where I was kind of struggling with

279
00:15:56,449 --> 00:15:59,782
mortality and the meaning of it all and
the purpose and all of that.

280
00:15:59,782 --> 00:16:03,035
And I know you're going through a struggle
that many of us have been through with

281
00:16:03,035 --> 00:16:04,176
your dog.

282
00:16:04,817 --> 00:16:06,744
Do you mind sharing a little bit about
what's going

283
00:16:06,744 --> 00:16:12,644
Sure, He's, Mikey is, he's about 14 and a
half and I got him when I was 29.

284
00:16:12,644 --> 00:16:15,524
And so it feels like I've grown up with
this dog.

285
00:16:15,524 --> 00:16:21,024
And in the last probably like six weeks or
so, he's starting to show his decline and

286
00:16:21,024 --> 00:16:23,184
I'm really struggling.

287
00:16:23,244 --> 00:16:24,984
Like I lost my mom suddenly.

288
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:28,724
I watched my grandmother die and I was
super close with her.

289
00:16:28,724 --> 00:16:33,944
This is really hard in a different way
that I didn't expect because, and I think

290
00:16:33,944 --> 00:16:35,304
it's cause I can't have the conversation.

291
00:16:35,304 --> 00:16:36,730
I can't,

292
00:16:36,730 --> 00:16:41,584
talk to him and have him respond and how
he's feeling and is he really in pain?

293
00:16:41,584 --> 00:16:43,245
Is he sticking around just for me?

294
00:16:43,245 --> 00:16:46,998
And so all these things are kind of just
going through my body and I've shed so

295
00:16:46,998 --> 00:16:52,612
many tears and he's still here, you know,
and just thinking about having to make a

296
00:16:52,612 --> 00:16:53,343
decision.

297
00:16:53,343 --> 00:16:58,527
And I love what you said or what your vet
told you is like better a month too early

298
00:16:58,527 --> 00:17:00,128
than a minute too late.

299
00:17:00,128 --> 00:17:04,471
And so that's really like swimming around
in my head because, you know, I sit here

300
00:17:04,471 --> 00:17:06,606
and I'm like, am I keeping him

301
00:17:06,606 --> 00:17:10,508
because like selfishly I need him here.

302
00:17:10,608 --> 00:17:12,129
Is he enjoying his life?

303
00:17:12,129 --> 00:17:13,199
Is that painful?

304
00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:14,109
Like what is he doing?

305
00:17:14,109 --> 00:17:15,920
And so it's been quite a journey.

306
00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:20,042
The last couple of weeks have really
escalated, if you will.

307
00:17:20,042 --> 00:17:25,314
So I've brought some friends over to say
their goodbyes and just in case we have to

308
00:17:25,314 --> 00:17:27,055
make the call sooner rather than later.

309
00:17:27,055 --> 00:17:32,618
But I never ever imagined that this would
be as hard as it is.

310
00:17:32,778 --> 00:17:34,905
But I guess it's part of life too.

311
00:17:34,905 --> 00:17:41,205
Yeah, yeah, mean grief in general when you
have so much time to pre -grieve and be in

312
00:17:41,205 --> 00:17:47,025
it, it's agonizing because you, especially
if it's a pet, like you said, because they

313
00:17:47,025 --> 00:17:50,445
can't communicate what they need, you have
to sort of interpret based on their

314
00:17:50,445 --> 00:17:51,385
behaviors.

315
00:17:52,805 --> 00:17:58,265
My first dog that I got as an adult lived
for 14 -ish years.

316
00:17:58,565 --> 00:18:02,745
And for the last couple of them, his back
legs didn't work very well, but his body,

317
00:18:02,745 --> 00:18:04,404
the rest of him and his mind,

318
00:18:04,404 --> 00:18:08,067
He was in it, living life, still trying to
chase frisbees with the two legs that

319
00:18:08,067 --> 00:18:08,927
worked.

320
00:18:09,167 --> 00:18:11,289
And I wrestled with that same thing.

321
00:18:11,289 --> 00:18:15,552
Like, is this a fair life for him to have
half a body that works?

322
00:18:15,552 --> 00:18:23,497
And at the end, I mean, I still remember
the night before we said goodbye to him,

323
00:18:23,897 --> 00:18:27,630
laying with him on the floor and just
feeling his fur because I I wouldn't

324
00:18:27,630 --> 00:18:30,341
again, you know, much longer.

325
00:18:31,182 --> 00:18:33,603
And it was the hardest thing.

326
00:18:35,067 --> 00:18:39,430
in his situation his his entire body was
giving out to the point where like he you

327
00:18:39,430 --> 00:18:44,152
know was losing control of his bowels and
things and and I remember talking to the

328
00:18:44,152 --> 00:18:49,835
vet and he was just like and and at a
point he did and still just laid in it and

329
00:18:49,835 --> 00:18:53,657
I remember talking to the vet at that
point and he said even a paralyzed dog

330
00:18:53,657 --> 00:18:59,450
will find a way to get away from their own
mess so I think I think it's probably time

331
00:18:59,450 --> 00:19:03,302
and that was when he did suggest like You
don't want to be a minute late on this

332
00:19:03,302 --> 00:19:04,783
like you don't want to wake

333
00:19:04,879 --> 00:19:08,660
and find him there, having him gone on his
own, alone.

334
00:19:08,660 --> 00:19:10,110
Like, how is that gonna make you feel?

335
00:19:10,110 --> 00:19:11,411
That sucks for him.

336
00:19:11,411 --> 00:19:13,761
And it still haunts me.

337
00:19:13,761 --> 00:19:18,582
Like, losing him, I lost a cat literally
on the way to the emergency hospital, and

338
00:19:18,582 --> 00:19:19,473
it's heartbreaking.

339
00:19:19,473 --> 00:19:27,634
It never, there's never anything good
about it other than on the other side,

340
00:19:27,634 --> 00:19:33,146
that twisted relief that comes from
knowing they're at peace now.

341
00:19:33,146 --> 00:19:34,626
Like, they're not hurting

342
00:19:37,368 --> 00:19:38,639
I'm sorry that you had to go through that.

343
00:19:38,639 --> 00:19:42,570
just don't, I don't want to get to that
either, you know, like it just feels like,

344
00:19:42,570 --> 00:19:45,261
but then I'm like, am I not giving him a
chance?

345
00:19:45,261 --> 00:19:52,004
And now he's got a dementia type thing
going on where he will pace for five hours

346
00:19:52,004 --> 00:19:55,906
at a time, forgets to lay down, gets stuck
in corners.

347
00:19:55,906 --> 00:19:58,637
I think it hurts maybe to go from standing
to laying down.

348
00:19:58,637 --> 00:20:00,958
So I have to physically like lay him down.

349
00:20:00,958 --> 00:20:06,120
But then when it's food time, he's like so
excited about eating or when it's time to

350
00:20:06,120 --> 00:20:07,274
go out for a walk,

351
00:20:07,274 --> 00:20:10,434
Even though he can't really walk, he's so
excited.

352
00:20:10,434 --> 00:20:12,734
So we go, you know, just a couple steps.

353
00:20:12,994 --> 00:20:18,574
So I'm in this space where I think the
time is coming soon and I hate it.

354
00:20:18,574 --> 00:20:25,154
But to your point, I know that, you know,
it's kind of the right thing to do and I

355
00:20:25,154 --> 00:20:27,174
can't be selfish about it.

356
00:20:27,174 --> 00:20:32,234
And I have to think about him and whether
or not, you know, is he enjoying 20 of the

357
00:20:32,234 --> 00:20:35,031
hours a day or not?

358
00:20:35,031 --> 00:20:38,817
And so it sucks, people are like, he'll
tell you.

359
00:20:38,817 --> 00:20:40,119
And I'm like, I don't understand that.

360
00:20:40,119 --> 00:20:41,481
I don't know what you mean.

361
00:20:41,481 --> 00:20:44,734
But maybe I had that conversation this
weekend.

362
00:20:44,734 --> 00:20:49,718
yeah, and I do think just based on my
experience, there's absolutely no

363
00:20:49,718 --> 00:20:53,951
literature that I'm referring to in this,
but in my experience with a cat, it's very

364
00:20:53,951 --> 00:20:54,311
obvious.

365
00:20:54,311 --> 00:20:57,273
They'll do things like basically live in
their litter box.

366
00:20:57,273 --> 00:20:59,244
Like you'll look for them and they're just
sitting in it.

367
00:20:59,244 --> 00:21:01,776
You're like, okay, you even think it's
time for you to go.

368
00:21:01,776 --> 00:21:03,027
Like I get it.

369
00:21:03,027 --> 00:21:07,800
Where that, you know, a dog, they'll be
like, pardon the pun, dead asleep and you

370
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:10,212
have to like shake them to see if they're
even alive.

371
00:21:10,212 --> 00:21:10,992
But

372
00:21:11,092 --> 00:21:14,045
offered to take him for a walk or chase a
frisbee and boom, they're back in those

373
00:21:14,045 --> 00:21:16,676
little glimpses of the dog they used to
be.

374
00:21:17,177 --> 00:21:20,210
Make the decision so hard and it's all on
you.

375
00:21:20,210 --> 00:21:27,306
And there is no right time other than when
it's just either too late or just

376
00:21:27,306 --> 00:21:28,896
painfully obvious that they're

377
00:21:28,896 --> 00:21:32,948
Yeah, yeah, you know, but I think how
lucky are we to

378
00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:37,842
love something so much that we have to
grapple over this and not just like

379
00:21:37,842 --> 00:21:40,633
dismiss, well, you know, it's that's not
what it is.

380
00:21:40,633 --> 00:21:42,234
And so I look at that.

381
00:21:42,234 --> 00:21:44,565
try to to honor that as well.

382
00:21:44,565 --> 00:21:49,617
And you've seen in this last couple of
weeks journey, I'm just like telling

383
00:21:49,617 --> 00:21:54,779
people just like this is the worst thing
that I've gone through recently and I

384
00:21:54,779 --> 00:21:55,750
don't know how to handle it.

385
00:21:55,750 --> 00:21:59,271
And I think that's OK because none of us
really do.

386
00:21:59,271 --> 00:22:00,352
We're just trying to figure it out.

387
00:22:00,352 --> 00:22:03,433
But in the the in the in the sense of it

388
00:22:03,433 --> 00:22:08,428
me to put that out loud, but also I think
other people might feel that same way.

389
00:22:08,428 --> 00:22:12,882
And so maybe if they read it, they don't
feel, I don't know, maybe I'm just making

390
00:22:12,882 --> 00:22:15,045
myself feel better by saying that.

391
00:22:15,045 --> 00:22:21,020
I do, I do try to think about other people
when I do post my vulnerabilities as well.

392
00:22:21,020 --> 00:22:26,334
Yeah, and I think that's super important
that more of us need to do.

393
00:22:26,334 --> 00:22:29,056
And I think that, you know, between all
the things we talked about here with grief

394
00:22:29,056 --> 00:22:33,680
and body shame and all this stuff, like if
there's a takeaway from our, you know,

395
00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:38,764
sharing this conversation, it is asking
for help, putting out your struggles

396
00:22:38,764 --> 00:22:41,987
because there's so many, especially, I
mean, again, we try to target guys and we

397
00:22:41,987 --> 00:22:44,298
end up getting a lot of their wives and
girlfriends to listen to the show because

398
00:22:44,298 --> 00:22:46,149
they're trying to figure out what's up
with guys.

399
00:22:46,455 --> 00:22:47,666
because we don't share enough.

400
00:22:47,666 --> 00:22:48,696
Cause we don't share enough.

401
00:22:48,696 --> 00:22:53,408
And that's the thing, like whatever you're
going through, whatever body shame, grief,

402
00:22:53,688 --> 00:22:58,870
career struggle, relationship struggle,
keeping that stuff inside, having that one

403
00:22:58,870 --> 00:23:01,341
way conversation doesn't solve the
problem.

404
00:23:01,341 --> 00:23:05,693
It doesn't invite your God, your universe,
whatever you subscribe to, it doesn't

405
00:23:05,693 --> 00:23:07,684
invite those solutions to come into your
life.

406
00:23:07,684 --> 00:23:12,396
It just takes up space in your head and in
your heart and eats away at you.

407
00:23:12,396 --> 00:23:13,858
And the more, no.

408
00:23:13,858 --> 00:23:15,705
you stronger, either.

409
00:23:15,705 --> 00:23:19,478
No, We have this false belief as guys
growing up that you bottle it up, you put

410
00:23:19,478 --> 00:23:21,910
it on a shelf and that's where it lives
until you die.

411
00:23:21,910 --> 00:23:24,903
And that's, yeah, tough guy.

412
00:23:24,903 --> 00:23:25,453
You can do it.

413
00:23:25,453 --> 00:23:26,684
Look at you, you never cry.

414
00:23:26,684 --> 00:23:30,898
can, and that's just not the human
experience.

415
00:23:30,898 --> 00:23:36,072
I mean, and if it is for you listener and
that's how you're getting by, you know,

416
00:23:36,072 --> 00:23:38,544
I'm not here to tell you that you're
living your life wrong, but I will tell

417
00:23:38,544 --> 00:23:42,897
you that when I have put out into the
world that I need something, the world

418
00:23:42,897 --> 00:23:45,189
delivers in one way or another.

419
00:23:45,189 --> 00:23:48,380
the more that I talk about my feelings,
the more I process them openly.

420
00:23:48,380 --> 00:23:51,261
You know, don't have to get on the
internet and process my feelings.

421
00:23:51,261 --> 00:23:54,272
I can do it with my wife or my friend or
my therapist.

422
00:23:54,373 --> 00:23:59,435
Working with that stuff, getting it out
just makes you lighter, makes you freer.

423
00:23:59,435 --> 00:24:02,736
It allows you to show up better for
yourself and for the people around you

424
00:24:02,736 --> 00:24:06,478
because you're not carrying all that
baggage into every situation in your life.

425
00:24:06,478 --> 00:24:10,269
So I would hope that, you know, I would
hope that this conversation was helpful

426
00:24:10,269 --> 00:24:10,849
for you, Matt.

427
00:24:10,849 --> 00:24:13,270
I know it's helpful for me to have these
conversations.

428
00:24:13,420 --> 00:24:17,894
But I hope that for the people listening
that they can just hear the message of ask

429
00:24:17,894 --> 00:24:21,927
for help, put out there your struggles,
share because you're gonna find other

430
00:24:21,927 --> 00:24:25,180
people going through the same thing and
it's just gonna help you find the answers

431
00:24:25,180 --> 00:24:28,002
that you're looking for by bouncing them
around in your head over

432
00:24:28,197 --> 00:24:32,710
and I also just think that it builds
connections more so because now you have

433
00:24:32,710 --> 00:24:36,653
more things that you can relate to with
other people, even if they're tough

434
00:24:36,653 --> 00:24:37,043
things.

435
00:24:37,043 --> 00:24:38,995
I think there's value in that.

436
00:24:38,995 --> 00:24:43,738
And so I would add to that that not only
is it going to help you, but I think it's

437
00:24:43,738 --> 00:24:46,544
going to build more connections to other
people in the world.

438
00:24:46,708 --> 00:24:51,119
All right, well, Matt, thank you so much
for sharing openly and vulnerably here as

439
00:24:51,119 --> 00:24:54,467
you do on your social media accounts and
you do on your podcast.

440
00:24:54,467 --> 00:24:56,490
Tell folks where we can hear you and your

441
00:24:56,666 --> 00:24:59,066
Sure, yeah, check out the Life Shift
podcast.

442
00:24:59,066 --> 00:25:03,446
is, I think I'm 140 -something episodes
now, so I'm chasing you guys to see if I

443
00:25:03,446 --> 00:25:04,886
can ever catch up.

444
00:25:04,886 --> 00:25:08,646
But on the show, I have candid
conversations with people about the life

445
00:25:08,646 --> 00:25:10,126
-changing moments in their lives.

446
00:25:10,126 --> 00:25:12,566
And so I had the opportunity to talk to
you as well.

447
00:25:12,566 --> 00:25:16,026
So they should start with your episode, I
think would probably be the best.

448
00:25:16,026 --> 00:25:19,166
So I'll give you the link to that, and you
guys can put it in the show notes to check

449
00:25:19,166 --> 00:25:20,729
out the Life Shift podcast.

450
00:25:20,729 --> 00:25:22,981
That's where you'll find that in the show
notes for this episode, Matt.

451
00:25:22,981 --> 00:25:24,431
Thanks again for your time.

452
00:25:24,471 --> 00:25:26,192
Best of luck with your dog.

453
00:25:26,493 --> 00:25:29,434
Rough seas ahead, but I know you'll get
through it.

454
00:25:29,434 --> 00:25:33,106
It seems as though you have a good support
system and I hope they're there for you.

455
00:25:33,106 --> 00:25:36,034
And if there's anything I can do, feel
free to reach

456
00:25:36,034 --> 00:25:36,755
I appreciate you.

457
00:25:36,755 --> 00:25:38,408
Thank you for just wanting to talk about
this.

458
00:25:38,408 --> 00:25:41,643
think it's super important that we put it
more out in the public.

459
00:25:42,967 --> 00:25:43,886
Thank you.

460
00:25:43,886 --> 00:25:47,339
All right, my thanks to Matt Gilhuly for
sharing all of that very vulnerable,

461
00:25:47,339 --> 00:25:49,881
powerful message with us here on the show
today.

462
00:25:49,881 --> 00:25:53,775
You can find the episode of his show that
I appeared on by visiting the show notes

463
00:25:53,775 --> 00:25:56,206
for our episode at thefitmass .com.

464
00:25:56,277 --> 00:25:59,290
And I appreciate you sticking around all
the way through here to the end of this

465
00:25:59,290 --> 00:26:00,031
episode.

466
00:26:00,031 --> 00:26:02,924
If you did find value in this
conversation, please do share this with

467
00:26:02,924 --> 00:26:04,375
somebody who could benefit from it.

468
00:26:04,375 --> 00:26:08,459
Visit our website today, thefitmess .com,
hit that share button, and share this

469
00:26:08,459 --> 00:26:12,283
episode with anybody who you think may,
again, benefit from hearing this

470
00:26:12,283 --> 00:26:13,288
conversation.

471
00:26:13,288 --> 00:26:16,603
Thank you so much for your time and for
helping spread the word about our show.

472
00:26:16,603 --> 00:26:20,429
We will be back next week with a new
episode at thefitmass .com.

473
00:26:20,429 --> 00:26:21,169
Thanks for listening.