How To Feel Better About Getting Older And Confront The Fear Of The Unknown

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Hey, what's up?

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Thanks so much for taking a few minutes to
hang out with us here.

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And by us, I mean me because Zach is off
today.

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And I just wanted to share something with
you that I've been struggling with lately.

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Maybe it sounds like something that you've
gone through recently or dealing with

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yourself.

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And so I thought, you know, together sort
of working this out in real time, that we

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could lean on each other, share this this
pain together.

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And maybe by the end of my rambling here
for the next few minutes, we'll come to

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some sort of a solution or resolution.

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to deal with this problem.

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And the thing that I've been dealing with,
the thing that I'm having the hardest time

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with right now is...

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Not so much my mortality, but just getting
older.

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And I say that as a 47 year old guy in
2024, right?

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Like live longer than ever for the most
part.

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I mean, we have, I have a long life ahead
of me, but my body seems to want to

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constantly remind me that I'm getting
older.

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My eyesight wants to remind me, my ears,
my pain in my knees, the frequent visits

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to the doctor.

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They're all reminding me of how much older
I'm getting and how quickly it's coming.

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And I think, you know, when I look back, I
think it started a few weeks ago when I

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was in the gym, I was doing what I
normally do, throwing heavy stuff around

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by myself because I go to this gym where
there's never anybody there, which is

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pretty amazing.

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I'm going to be honest, but I'm sitting
there, I'm lifting stuff and I look in the

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mirror and for whatever reason, man, the
face I saw in that mirror showed me all 47

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years of the life that I've lived.

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I just felt, I just felt it, man.

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Like in my bones, I felt old and part of
it might've been,

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you know, I'm sitting there doing this and
I'm fairly new to a regular gym routine,

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right?

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So I'm like, the weights aren't huge.

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I'm not super impressed with what I'm
doing.

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But, you know, it's it's growing.

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It's getting better day by day.

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But while I'm doing it, the playlist
that's on in my head is, you know, the

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fucking super hits of the 90s, which was,
you know, my my youth, my teenage years,

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my early 20s.

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When I was a much younger, you know, a
much younger man just just felt better in

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my body.

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in some ways, but you know, I guess
psychologically and others, if I'm being

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honest, but but from a health perspective,
I you know, I did, I just felt younger.

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And I look back on it now with with some
grief with first with some grief for that

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time being gone, and not being able to do
it again, right, not be able to relive it.

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But it's not like, you know, those were
the good old days, man, like, those were

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the times it's really just more like, I'm
kind of sad that I only got to do it once,

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right?

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I only got to do this first half of my
life once I won't get to do it again.

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It's, it's like when you when you lose a
friend when you lose a loved one, and you

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just wish you could get a little bit more
time with them or do one more thing with

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them or just have one more experience
like, I don't know, it's a weird thing to

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put into words, but it's

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It is a form of grief, I think it's it's
feeling a loss of who I once was.

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And don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade
who I was for who I am now.

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I'm a much healthier, better version of me
now than I was then.

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But it's just kind of this reminder of the
impermanence of all of this and how how

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short this trip really is.

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And if that's not enough, you know, I'm
looking at my daughter's getting older,

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I've got a teenager now who's in full on
teenager mode, which sometimes is great.

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And sometimes fucking pisses me off.

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But in all the ways that it appropriately
should, I think, right.

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My eight year old is getting more
independent, her vocabulary is growing,

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her sense of humor is getting really
dialed in.

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So that relationship that I have with her
is getting more sophisticated.

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Which again, is great.

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It's awesome.

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I'm very happy about that.

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But I'm also sad for the little baby, the
little girl who day by day drifts farther

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and farther into my past.

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And I already mentioned, you know, the
body shutting down today, I was at the eye

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doctor, doing all the tests, looking at
all the different letters, trying to pick

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them out, which ones are blurry, which
ones are clear.

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And it's just, you know, that's a reminder
of time just slipping away.

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And I'm doing it with a bad knee and a bad
foot and a bad back, like all these age

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related problems that I didn't have, I
don't think as much in my 20s.

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Maybe I glorify it.

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Maybe maybe I'm glorifying my youth and
maybe I was in constant pain then to

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Certainly emotional pain, but maybe not as
much physical pain as I think I deal with

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now.

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But again, just reminders of the
impermanence of this experience.

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And it's not like I'm worried about death.

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It's not some morbid fear of my mortality.

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In a lot of ways, I'm kind of OK with it.

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It's something I've never experienced,
something you've never experienced.

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So it's scary.

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Who knows what happens?

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Who knows what that's going to feel like?

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It scares me, I think, in all the normal
ways that it scares anybody.

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But I think the thing that bothers me
about it is the not knowing.

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the not knowing of what part of this
continues, if it does, right?

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I mean, there are those that believe that
you do sort of maintain some sense of who

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you were here.

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And what bothers me about it is...

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how when it ends, it's the end of my
family's story.

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Like, I think sometimes about the whole
past life idea.

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Like, what if we do live other lives?

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What if we go on to something else?

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What if this is just the latest in a
series of lives I've lived in some form or

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another?

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What if I've had other families, other
kids, other pets, other experiences, and I

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don't remember any of them?

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How fucking sad is that?

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Like, if that happens with this, right?

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If I, if I,

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go on to whatever happens after this, if
there is an after this, and I don't get to

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bring any memory of what this experience
was with my kids, with my wife, all this

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stuff that I've spent the last 47 years
doing, and however long I have left,

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what's it for?

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Like, if you don't get to hang on to any
of it, it's just, it just is really sad to

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me.

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It just really, it breaks my heart to
think about not having this because I've

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had it for so long.

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And maybe it's that.

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I don't know.

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Again, I'm working this out in real time.

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Help me out here.

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So yeah, if you can't tell, I think I'm
having a bit of a midlife crisis and I'm

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living it out here in real time for you to
enjoy.

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I hope you're enjoying it.

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But look, some of this, again, these just
little sort of reminders that pop up.

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The other night I was watching an episode
of Queer Eye with my family and there was

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this great line with the woman who was
being made over.

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She was an older woman with gray hair and
you know, she's in the salon getting her

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hair done and she was adamant that they
not change her hair color, her very, very

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gray hair color.

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she said she didn't want to change her
hair color because she'd lived long enough

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to earn it.

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And I thought that's that's fucking
beautiful, man, to be able to hang on to

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that and to wear your age with pride and
to know that you got to this point.

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And you want to celebrate it?

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How many people do you know that haven't
had that experience like I have tons of

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loved ones that died much too young that
would love the opportunity to grow into

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gray hair and grow into knee pain and back
pain and all the things I'm sitting here

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whining to you about and They never got
that chance and that's also heartbreaking

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So I guess where I'm landing as we work
this out together is, you know, the

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ability to or the or the attempt I'm
trying to make here to have some gratitude

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for the pain that I experienced for the
sadness that I experienced, the grief that

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I'm carrying around, the questions I have
about what's going to come next after all

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of this.

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With all of that, I have to have a little
bit of gratitude to be able to even have

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this experience because I've had plenty of
people in my life that know what happens

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when it's all over.

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Unfortunately, they can't really tell me
because they've already lost their lives.

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So I guess the piece of advice I'm trying
to give myself in recording this for me to

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hear, for me to say out loud and hopefully
for you to hear and to somehow benefit

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from is that if you are in any way dealing
with what I'm dealing with in this weird

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midlife, what's it all about stuff and all
the pain that comes along with it is to

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try to have a little bit of gratitude for
having the gift that is this experience

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all the way through.

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Now, does that put a smile on my face?

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Does that make me happy?

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Does that solve the problem?

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Honestly, right now, no, it doesn't.

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It's but yeah, it doesn't.

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It doesn't solve the problem.

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But it's something for me to work on and
perhaps something for you to work on too.

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So that's it, that's what I've got for you
this week.

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I'm going to go put some heat on my knee
and on my foot.

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Probably take a little vitamin A.

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I know Advil's bad for you, but I'm
probably gonna take it anyways, because

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I'm in a lot of pain.

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And I'm going to try to stop being mad at
my kids for a minute and give them a hug

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because again, gratitude for the pain in
the ass that they can be sometimes is the

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thing I need to focus on.

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The gratitude for the literal pain in my
ass that I'm old enough to experience.

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And the gratitude I need to work on having
just a little bit more for the life that I

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have and all that I get to experience.

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It's all, it's all homework for me.

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It's all stuff that I need to work on.

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Maybe you need to work on it as well.

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So yeah, that's me shouting into the void,
shouting into this microphone, hoping that

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you've heard it.

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If any of this resonated with you, I would
love to hear if, if you're going through

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the same thing, if you're feeling the same
feelings, if you've asked yourself these

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same questions and dealt with the same
stuff and how you got through it, or maybe

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you're still getting through it now.

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You can always comment on any of our posts
and social media about this episode or any

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other.

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Feel free to email us.

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You can always send an email to info at
the fit mess .com.

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But reach out, we'd love to hear from you.

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And if not you, if you know someone who's
going through this kind of thing and maybe

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they're lonely in that struggle.

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Maybe share this episode with them.

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Maybe they need to hear someone else
working through these feelings in real

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time, just like they're probably doing.

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You can do that by going to our website,
thefitmass .com, And that's where we'll be

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back next week with a new episode.

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Thanks for sitting through my one man
therapy session so that I can try and sort

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some of this out in my head and hopefully
help you too.

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Thanks for listening.