How To Fight Back Against Your Fear And Ignore Your Biggest Critics With Dana Sardano

[00:00:00] Jeremy: up today on the fit mess. 

[00:00:02] Dana: I learned to tell fear to fuck. And I, and every time I did that, I landed on my feet and something even better came along. 

[00:00:10] Zach: That's 

[00:00:11] Dana Serano from uniquely you an author of the 10 recomme commandments for personal empowerment today. We'll talk to her about why it's important to question what you believe to be true about yourself and why those beliefs may be holding you back

[00:00:24] 

[00:00:45] Jeremy: All right. The interview, we're about to share with you guys. It really drives home a point that Zach you've been making on our show over and over again lately and on all the other shows that we go on talking about this stuff, really questioning what you believe to be true and being open to the idea that you might be wrong about what you believe about yourself.

[00:01:01] Zach: Maybe wrong. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I okay. Yes, I can be wrong.

[00:01:08] I was wrong twice today

[00:01:09] Jeremy: Oh, oh, only twice. It must be a must be a, an up day for you.

[00:01:12] Zach: in, in the last hour. Yeah. I don't know. I I've, I've met people and I spent a lot of my life just like, you know, I wouldn't raise my hand in class because I had to have the right answer.

[00:01:26] Right. And I had this questioning. Piece of me that if I didn't have the right answer, I shouldn't raise my hand. , and it took me a long time to realize that like, you know, it's okay to be wrong. It really is okay to be wrong in, raising your hand and having the wrong answer or, you know, being wrong on a personal belief that you have, or even like a decision that you've made at work. I actually had one, , this month where I made, a $40,000.

[00:01:50] Jeremy: Oops.

[00:01:52] Zach: I spent $40,000. I shouldn't have spent at work, but you know what I manned up and I was like, you know what? I made a mistake. Here's how maybe we can try and fix it or recoup a little bit of it, but I was wrong.

[00:02:03] Jeremy: How, how much weed did you buy for $40,000? What was, what was the deal there?

[00:02:08] Zach: no weed, definitely no weed. It was, it was something very different. , but yeah, no, like, but when you take all of that and like, look internally, have all of these things that we believe about ourselves, all of this stuff that like was ingrained in me as a child when I had no fucking idea what the hell was going on. all of these things could be wrong. They might not be right. And I just think for me anyway, it's been so powerful to question all of those beliefs and actually say, is this really right? Is this really what I believe? Or is this just something that stuck with me for a long, long time and be able to say, you know what, I'm wrong.

[00:02:42] I'm gonna choose to be a different person. I'm gonna choose to have a different belief. I dunno about you, but that's changed my entire.

[00:02:49] Jeremy: This is something that has been relatively new. I, I guess the awareness of it, I don't, I feel like I've kind of been doing it accidentally, but the awareness of questioning the stories I tell myself and the beliefs I have about myself and sort of the origin of them. And when I really focus on a lot of the stuff that.

[00:03:08] I think is the most painful and, and is the darkest. It's not even my voice and it's it's stuff I heard as a kid from people saying about themselves that has become the narrative in my own mind. And so, especially, especially when times are darkest, I hear things that I heard as a kid, people saying about themselves and.

[00:03:33] Somehow that just planted a seed that, oh, well, if, if that's true for that person, that's true for me too. Not consciously, of course, but I have to constantly try and tell that voice to shut its mouth to go away. It's not, it's not me try and replace it with something more positive, something more true about myself.

[00:03:54] Something that I hear from people that you know are around me now. , but yeah, for, for way too long, I've. Other people's beliefs about themselves guide who I am and, and the actions that I take. And , this is no easy climb out. , this is not just, you know, control alt delete, reboot the thing, at least not yet.

[00:04:15] You know, I haven't found, I haven't found the magic pill, the magic formula, the, the.

[00:04:20] Zach: Well, there are mad, potentially magic mushrooms that

[00:04:22] Jeremy: This is, this is something I'm I'm I may be reading. I may be reading some things on, on the internet to learn more about things like that. But so far in 45 years, I haven't figured out how to quiet that and how to stop believing that voice, because it is a powerful driving.

[00:04:40] One that I know has held me back from a lot of things. And there's days when it still slows me down, but the fact that I keep getting up every morning. Gives me another opportunity to keep searching for whatever it is that's going to help me, you know, reprogram that messaging that has guided me for far too long.

[00:04:59] Zach: That's really what it's all about, right? Reprogramming the messaging, because again, like a computer. It will do exactly what you program it to do. But what if you wrote the wrong program,

[00:05:12] Jeremy: mm-hmm

[00:05:13] Zach: ? You gotta put a new one in.

[00:05:14] So what do you believe about yourself that may be holding you back? And are you willing to question it, to learn more about how to do that? We've partnered with Dana Serano from uniquely you and author of the 10 recomme commandments for personal empowerment. We started by asking her how she stopped believing in old stories that weren't serving.

[00:05:33] Dana: There's no easy or streamlined way to answer that question, but I will tell you that it came in layers. So, you know, people often talk, especially in a spiritual community, they often talk about like the dark night of the soul, you know what I mean? Or like rock bottom or when things just get really super shitty, however you wanna look at it.

[00:05:50] And then there's this grand epiphany and take action in life is wonderful. And for me, it looked a little bit differently. It looked like. On the outside and I'm sure a lot of people can relate to this on the outside, everything looked great. Like I had the great job and I had the nice car and I lived in the condo by the beach and I was single drove a motorcycle and I was, you know, whatever, athletic, whatever all of it was.

[00:06:11] And on the inside, I was dying in my late thirties. So at 38 and 39 years old, I, I had two babies back to. and when I had those children and prior to that, it was like, why can I meet the right guy? And why am I so lonely? And, and again, there were, there were drug issues. There there's all sorts of stuff going on.

[00:06:32] Behind closed doors. , but I had my first child and for the first time felt unconditional love and just saw the world differently. And then I started seeing the players in my life very differently, started seeing my mother very differently. I started seeing what I understood what motherhood felt like, and that was like probably the first real Dom.

[00:06:52] There were a couple things that led me to having these children that were shifts, but that was the first domino in my perspective. And what happened for me was now my kids are 11 and 13. So over 13 years I began to, as I saw the world differently and then saw myself differently, I began to start making decisions based on my own worthiness instead of.

[00:07:16] Again, all the patterns that we carry and all the toxic belief systems, I don't matter. And nobody cares about me and I'm never gonna be lived and all of those things. And I started making decisions that were for my best and highest good, and it just became gradual. And the, the momentum you'll say the car was going in this direction, it was turned and the momentum began to grow in the other direction.

[00:07:36] And you just align with better and more fruitful and more wonderful situations. And, you know, yada, yada, yada, here I sit with you today.

[00:07:45] Zach: Hmm. Wow. You make it sound so easy.

[00:07:47] Dana: Oh, yeah. Piece cake, piece cake.

[00:07:51] Zach: I guess then, then let me follow up with this. I mean, you know, making those decisions and making those changes and making that adjustment, , comes with a, a place of fear and a place of, , risk. Right. , how did you manage some of that, fear and managing that risk?

[00:08:05] Dana: You know, it starts with. Your worthiness, everything goes back to that. And when you really truly realize that that you're worthy or when I really truly began to understand that it wasn't me. Right. And really had to make a decision that I was going to let go with a fear and let go of, you said it perfectly it's fear.

[00:08:29] It's the only thing that holds us back. And I often hear myself talking about like, you know, the two camps that we reside, we reside in love or. And even though they're extreme, you know, they're polarities, they're, they're everything that feels good. You know, pleasant, emotions fall in love and everything that is unpleasant falls in fear to some degree.

[00:08:49] So when we have something that speaks to us, we have an emotional guidance system, right. We have something that speaks to us. It feels good. And we do more of that. Right. And then when we have things that feel icky, we try to steer away from. However, what we do as human beings for the most part is we have an idea, an inspired thought or feeling, and we wanna do it.

[00:09:07] And then immediately the fear sees in, and we have these negative emotions, or I shouldn't say negative, but like emotions that don't feel good. And then the ideas that go with them and vice versa. And then we tend to go towards Zach. That's what we believe. I learned to tell fear to fuck. And I, and every time I did that, I landed on my feet and something even better came along.

[00:09:30] So I got better at it. Now I'm like you fear, like at every turn at every third people tell me I can't do things. I'm like, yeah, hold my beer. Watch.

[00:09:39] Jeremy: Okay. I have, I have what might be two questions, but maybe they're the same. I want to, I want to find out, first of all, how do you tell fear to fuck off that's? That's a huge lesson that a lot of people I think could, could benefit from, but I think, and maybe this is the same question you talked about starting to make decisions for yourself

[00:09:58] Dana: Yeah.

[00:09:58] Jeremy: someone who has spent 45 years being a people pleaser and feeling like I need to make sure that everybody loves me

[00:10:03] and that 

[00:10:04] Dana: Oh,

[00:10:04] Jeremy: I'm a bad guy.

[00:10:05] Not, not to put on your, uh, your therapist hat here for a minute or. But I think, you know, and to some degree, I think maybe it's a guy thing where you're supposed to be the provider that, you know, sacrifices, everything, and, you know, sits in a dark room. And as long as everybody's fed and happy, then you've done your job as the provider of the family.

[00:10:22] Dana: Yeah.

[00:10:23] Jeremy: It's I think the idea of, well, I'm gonna do something for me. I'm gonna choose my own happiness. That, that is scary as shit for a lot of people. So how do you tell that fear to fuck off.

[00:10:38] Dana: Well, I mean, I just got good at it. You know what I mean? That's why I'm flipping birds all over the place, but really it, it, it starts with. again, understanding. Okay, let me go back E it a step further. We carry the beliefs we carry because of whatever our conditioning was, whether it be implicit or explicit as we're growing up.

[00:10:59] Right. So your belief as a man, it doesn't matter how miserable you are, as long as everybody's fed. Right? My belief as a woman, it doesn't matter how exhausted and frazzled I am is long as everybody's got everybody's lunch boxes match. Right. You know what I mean? And they get to soccer on time or whatever, whatever it may be.

[00:11:17] Well, where does that belief come from? Well, clearly that was somebody else's belief. Somebody else's belief, whether it was explicit. I was told I had to be that way or whether society says I have to be that way. So I need to now look at my beliefs, , and see how rational they are and what I have come to believe is that. I am worthy of, of love and, and, and happiness and joy and peace and freedom. And not because I achieved a certain degree or because I make a certain amount of money just because I am, and it takes a lot to get to that. But when you start to think like that, then you start making decisions that are best for you.

[00:12:00] And there's the old expression about putting the, the. Oxygen mask on first and then put it on the kids or whoever else. It's the same idea if I don't, if I'm not well happy at whole, then my people in my immediate sphere of influence aren't well happy at whole. So it's first understanding that. So understanding what my beliefs are.

[00:12:19] Are they rational? Are they toxic? And do they serve. Because that's what it's all about. And once I get settled there, then the decisions are easy to make and then it gets easier and easier to go. Oh no, no, that's just fear. That's just the, how bad do you want it response? Right. You decide something. And then like a monkey wrench comes in and you're like, fuck.

[00:12:41] And it's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's fear. That's fair. Just keep, keep on the path. And I, every step of the way it gets scary. But every step of the way I keep landed on my feet and going, Hmm.

[00:12:54] Jeremy: Yeah.

[00:12:54] Dana: Seems to work.

[00:12:55] Zach: We're, we're really talking about personal empowerment here. This is this is you making decisions for yourself and putting your mask on first, if there was only like some kind of a guide personal empowerment or, you know, maybe even a book. I don't know. It, it could be really helpful.

[00:13:11] Um, no, I'm just kidding. You actually do have a book around, uh, personal empowerment called the 10 recomme commandments. Right?

[00:13:18] Dana: Yes. Yes. You're super cute. You're super cute. Zach uh, yeah. Yeah. So the 10 recomme commandments and, you know, the obvious question is why would I call it that, uh, all a, because there's 10 of them. , and also because nobody is making anybody do anything. You know what I mean? I'm recommending it. You know what I mean?

[00:13:39] Like, you know, I suggest if you do this, your life may suck a little bit less. And I say that tongue in cheek, because this is kind of how I live my life. But, um, the book is really, I comprise, I do, I own a, an artist gallery and intuitive lounge in Stewart, Florida. It's called a BTU fish gallery. And, , I do intuitive guidance here.

[00:14:00] So we paint, we do all sorts of stuff and I do groups and stuff, but I do intuitive guidance and I hear the same things coming outta my mouth all the time, the same analogies, the same, you know, principles. And, , I took the 10 pearls and I created, you know, I created a list and did a little write up and I realized, oh my God, this has been my guide.

[00:14:19] From my dumpster fire to this, what I call now, my magical existence. And so, you know, I'm a, , Retired or veteran school teacher I taught for about 25 years. So I take that educational component, my intuitive component, my life experience. And I've created this book, , again with anecdotes, my, again, my own dumpster fire, as well as the teachery stuff.

[00:14:42] Howtos, you know, uh, exercises, uh, little, , activities, whatever it is to get, give people the opportunity to figure. What their story is. And then rectify, whatever's not bringing them contentment in their life.

[00:14:56] Jeremy: And it seems like that's sort of a unique take because so often in, in self-help books, self-development books, whatever you wanna call 'em, it's do this, do this, do this, your life will be better. And you're trying to encourage the reader to really like, find that answer in themselves. Am I right?

[00:15:11] Dana: Yeah. Yet in the first page, I'm actually like saying, it's your story? It's your story. I have my story, but what happens is, and as you know, because again, the rule is you have to be in a cave and your family has to be happy. And as long as you know, it doesn't matter. If you're miserable, we keep looking outward for the answers from other people.

[00:15:30] I'm not a guru, you know, I'm not like, you know, my ivory tower, I'm telling you, you read the book, it sucked, and this is how I made it. Unsuck and you have to figure out what your suck is. And then. I maybe CRA suck it. I'm sorry.

[00:15:52] Jeremy: I love that. I love that.

[00:15:54] Zach: I might, I might actually borrow that, that, that is just AB I mean, that, that just that'll snap someone occasionally like

[00:16:01] Dana: Oh, bumper stickers. T-shirts hold on.

[00:16:04] Zach: oh man, can you tell us about like what a few of these recomme commandments are?

[00:16:09] Dana: Of course, of course. . So I'll share with you the first three, because the first three are the foundation to all of it. And then everything else is just, you know, adds another component, another layer, , and brings the whole thing, uh, to completion. But the first recomme commandment is, , I shall not claim victimhood. And then it proceeds or, you know, rather I shall, and I'm not gonna try to quote it because they're, they're like little blurbs and I, I will misquote it, but the first one is I shall not claim victimhood. The second one is I shall not become entrenched in my emotions. And then the blurb again, I'm paraphrasing goes on to say, because I recognize that my emotions are a guidance system for me, and they help me navigate through life's trials and tribulations.

[00:16:53] And the third one is , I recognize that, , I could have obtained, , deserving beliefs and patterns, you know, toxic beliefs and patterns. And I will recognize that they're irrational and reverse them. Clearly. That's not what it says in the book. something to that effect. So what happens is if we recognize and truly understand that life is all, it's all inform.

[00:17:17] It's just happening, right? Because everybody's got their own brand of, you know, boo boos or suckiness or dysfunction, and we're all bumping up against each other. And if we could remove ourselves and look at it objectively and say, it's all just information, we just have to decide what we want to do with that information and our emotional guidance system.

[00:17:35] Is what helps us. Ooh, feels yucky. Ooh, it's that good for me? Oh, feels good. I'll do more things like that. Right. And then the patterns and the beliefs, like I mentioned earlier are what we pick up along the way and having the ability to look at them, recognize them. And, , toss with no longer serves us.

[00:17:53] Like my daughter, no, she's 13 when she was like, she just now understands there's no Santa, like just now, like I finally had to 

[00:18:00] Jeremy: spoiler alert for anyone listening. Spoiler alert. No Santa We don't have a big kid audience. I think 

[00:18:07] Dana: I hope, I hope not. I hope not. Especially with the whole unsuck yourself. I'm hoping you don't have a large community, but, um, but yeah, like I just now, like just the other day, my 11 year old, a 13 year old I'm like, what do you guys expect in this December? Like, they're a middle school, like, come on, you know, like I'm tired of hiding that stupid elk.

[00:18:27] You know what I mean? So, so, but when you really think about it, when Nala was about and Nadia, when they were about four years old, right. Even younger, but they began to understand that there's this jolly fat man. He comes through the chimney travels a world. He brings you gifts when you're good, when you're naughty, not so much and all that.

[00:18:46] Right. And at 11 years old, at 12 years old, she never went back to that

[00:18:51] four year old version with the 11, 12 year old mind and said, wait a minute, none of

[00:18:57] this makes sense. How come it has price

[00:18:59] tags on it, or how can, you know, whatever it is. She never, with that logical mind, she accepted something up for and just continued until it became so ridiculous.

[00:19:08] She had to look at it right. Or until I was in her face going, he's not coming girls. Let's just be clear on that. Right. Okay. So think about that. We all from early childhood, as we develop things happen again, implicit or explicitly, like they happen and we accept these truths. Like if I'm in preschool and my mother shows up late every day to pick me up sometimes even an hour.

[00:19:32] And I'm the only kid left. All I know is my mother doesn't care about me. She's abandoning me. What? But I don't have a mature enough brain. As I would have maybe at 15, 20 years old to say, oh wait, she worked three

[00:19:44] jobs. Oh, wait, my father wasn't around. Oh wait. You know what I mean? She, she was there. You know what I mean?

[00:19:50] But I'm carrying that abandonment. And then I develop patterns based on that belief that I'm not worthy. Cuz my mother doesn't love me. She doesn't show, I can't trust the adults in my life. 

[00:19:59] Jeremy: Yeah, 

[00:20:00] Dana: So that's the core of all of it. My husband will always say, he's like, oh you and your root causes. I'm like, that's all it's is R I'm getting excited.

[00:20:08] Forgive. 

[00:20:08] Jeremy: no. And I think a lot of times, a lot of the, you know, for lack of a better term shit that we carry around with us is. It's an awareness of it that I think helps dissolve a lot of it. There's obviously, I mean, you know, I've fought depression my entire life. There's some shit that I will probably never resolve in this lifetime, but I guess that's, that's sort of, my question is, you know, you had this epiphany with your child where all of a sudden it was like, oh, I get so much just by looking at you being alive right now. 

[00:20:42] Dana: Yeah. 

[00:20:43] Jeremy: A lot of people, you know, either they don't have kids or they have kids and they don't have that. So, what is, you know, we always talk in, in this realm about, you know, uh, doing the work. So what, what is the work? How do you, is it just creating an awareness of the root causes of these things that helps dissolve them or, or is there is something more concrete that we can do to, to physically do the work?

[00:21:02] What does that mean to you? 

[00:21:04] Dana: Well, I love how you skillfully, uh, transitioned us into re number seven 

[00:21:09] Jeremy: we go. 

[00:21:11] Dana: uh, because rec seven is talked about awareness and willingness, right? And here's the thing. Many of us don't have the awareness. So we kind of walk around we're uncomfortable or discontent or whatever it is. Right. And then some of us do have the awareness, but then we don't have the willingness that's when you beat yourself up, like every Monday I'm gonna start my diet.

[00:21:32] Right. Like I know I need to, and I don't. And then, and 

[00:21:34] So there's that discomfort. So what do I tell people who haven't had a child and get to see the world through the child's eyes? Again, I go back to. This understanding that we don't have to suffer. You have to believe it though. You don't have to 

[00:21:48] be miserable.

[00:21:49] Life can be pleasant. So when you're sitting in your life and you assess the components of your life from either your finances to your job, to your relationships, you know, your, your, your physique, whatever it is, and you look around and it's unpleasant, there's your awareness. Now you have to stop and say, okay, I want this to change. How do I do so? And there's your willingness and what happens is soon as you decide. Soon, as you say, this is what I want when I had my children, uh, my, I was resolute. I am breaking the cycle. My children will not grow up with abuse and abandonment issues. and it was pretty shady. It was sorted in the beginning.

[00:22:29] It looked like it was going in that direction, but I, I stuck to it and I managed, even though I took this route, I managed to get myself to a place where they will not suffer from those things, cuz I decided, but what happens is the opportunities to over. Whatever it is you need to overcome will present themselves when you mentally declare it.

[00:22:51] We just have to be able to recognize that those opportunities are, and not become entrenched in our emotions and so on and so forth.

[00:22:59] Zach: , so what would you say to, as, as you were explaining all of this, I, I had this, this moment where, , I've. Those that awareness, that uncomfortable feeling of, you know, I don't like the way I look or I should be eating better. I should be, I should be, I should be. And in a couple of those scenarios, , I was actually okay.

[00:23:18] Like, I, I, I, I didn't have a problem. Like the awareness was false. Have you ever experienced that? Where like, my physique is O my, I thought that my physique was bad. 

[00:23:29] Dana: Yeah. Oh yeah, my whole life

[00:23:31] Zach: but there was nothing wrong with my physique. And have you, is there ever an opportunity where you see where you don't have to go from awareness to taking action where you can go from awareness to accepting it as it is? 

[00:23:45] Dana: That is really a good question. That that was a good one. , here's the thing, it's, there's always something in your awareness because if you're having the thoughts that my physique, isn't what I want it to be. Just use that as, as, as an example, there is something going on with you. That you are focusing on that now to have the thought, once we all have a day where maybe again, I don't know about how it works with men, but your hormones are off or you're tired, or you ate something that you didn't feel good about.

[00:24:14] And you're like, ah, you know, Hey, you look at yourself and then the next day, oh my God, everything is perfect. And you don't know how that changed in the day. The only thing that changed is here. Right? So if you're continuing to look at yourself and trust me, when I tell you nobody relates to this more than I

[00:24:29] do, where you're beating yourself up in the mirror every day.

[00:24:31] Right. And then I look back 10 years ago, I'm like, oh my God, I was freaking stunning. What the hell was wrong with

[00:24:35] me? Right. So what I try to do now

[00:24:38] is convince myself, okay, 10 years from now, I'm gonna think I'm stunning now. So let's just do it 

[00:24:42] Jeremy: Right. 

[00:24:42] Dana: and

[00:24:42] just be done with the

[00:24:43] middle man, you know, 

[00:24:45] Well, if you keep having those things, it's not about your physique.

[00:24:48] It's about whatever your self image is, whatever your belief

[00:24:51] is about yourself. So somewhere along the lines, your self worth,

[00:24:56] I'm just guessing, right? I'm not here to

[00:24:58] diagnose, but your self worth was in became enmeshed with the, the way you looked somewhere, you learned. So somewhere there's that because I've had that belief system.

[00:25:09] So I recognize it. Right. So, so anytime you're not feeling good or something is slightly off, it goes back to well, if I looked such and such a way, even though, so it doesn't have to be to answer your question action necessarily, but it has to be now even a deeper awareness. Right? Why do I keep doing this?

[00:25:28] What is my problem? Where does this come from? And then they, and then the action. 

[00:25:32] Jeremy: Right, right. Some of this is, uh, I imagine the teaching that's that you, uh, offer the, the resources that you make available, uh, through uniquely you tell us about uniquely you. 

[00:25:43] Dana: Ooh. So, so uniquely you is a platform that was developed from an actual college friend of mine. She and I, uh, we went to a university of south Florida about 30 years ago, reconnected within the last 10. And just in the last two, she had this beautiful idea to 

[00:25:59] create a platform where people have an opportunity to come together, rediscover themselves and uplift and inspire one another. Okay. but to do it in a way it's like the opposite of some of the social media we see where people go on just to like rag on each 

[00:26:17] Jeremy: I 

[00:26:17] was literally in my head going, so it's the, anti-Facebook

[00:26:20] Dana: Yes. Yeah, I didn't, yeah. I didn't know if I could shout up it's the anti-Facebook for sure. The anti Twitter, you know what I mean? Totally. So this platform right now, it's up and running.

[00:26:29] We actually have an open house on October 1st, which I'll talk about in a minute, but it's up and running and we're offering workshops. Um, we're offering 

[00:26:36] events. Um, but yet we have all these things in the hopper. We have these cool things. We have like the lighthouse and these are for experiences and events for people to, again, rediscover themselves, um, a library for people who maybe don't wanna teach a class, but they have like a meditation that people 

[00:26:52] can, uh, download or, or books, or like I have my book 10 rec on audiobook offered and I 

[00:26:59] narrate it, uh, offered exclusively on fine uniquely you.

[00:27:04] And so. The core of the community is people I'll use myself as an example, like me that have done the work that are over that have overcome And have something to present. We have a program where we train them to teach on our platform. So we, they could be you instructors, right? And then the people in their class, the 

[00:27:25] community are people that are like on that path and can learn something from.

[00:27:31] So you have people who could 

[00:27:32] come in, just be a part of the community and learn something and pick something up and then those, and then they could be a part of the community and then become a you instructor. That's just one component. But the whole idea is let's lift each other up. People we're giving you a platform to do so.

[00:27:47] Like I partnered up with. With Angela, like Angela, it was her brain child and her making all of it. And I have partnered up financially, energetically, emotionally. Uh I'm her co-founder and, uh, we have Kristen, who's amazing. She's Like the other Angela calls us her angeling she's like one and the other and we are just creating, , we're just trying to make the world a better place really, when it comes down to it,

[00:28:10] that's really what it comes down.

[00:28:12] Zach: Why does is the world not a good place? Trick question there 

[00:28:19] Dana: Mo Zach

[00:28:23] Zach: But you mentioned the open house, uh, that you were having on October 1st. Can you tell us more about that? 

[00:28:28] Dana: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, so. Just to go back to the workshop. So the workshops that we have are anywhere from like one, two hours to several weeks. Right. And you know, there's, there's a fee for the workshops. The open house is a little bit different. It's $8 and 62 cents a ticket. And the reason it's an odd price is because I have a book of angel numbers that goes from one to a thousand.

[00:28:51] So we're like somewhere under 10 bucks, just so people could commit and show up and be a part of it. Oh yeah. We have other things that are like $7 and 42 cents because we. Ridiculous at heart. So, so it's $8 and 62 cents. The event runs for the entire day so it's a six hour block. So it's really like three, two hour block.

[00:29:10] So I'm not sure it's, it's in the it's, uh, written. On the website when you go to the website, but it's like nine to 11 and then like one to three, and then we'll just say like five to seven. And in each of those two hour blocks, it's like a, a, a short board. It's like a

[00:29:26] variety of different things. Like one thing there's like a Reiki share.

[00:29:29] We're given away prizes. I'm doing like a 30 minute, uh, like mini class, cuz I teach workshops based on 10 recomme commandments on the platform. So I'm doing a mini workshop so people can get a feel of that. Then we have a nice two hour block in the middle. That we have six of our, you instructors doing round Robins or each doing like 20 minutes of their workshop.

[00:29:50] So, and so everybody could get a little taste of everything to really see what's going on. And then, um, Angela and I, we are creating, and I mentioned this to you, Jeremy. We we're creating a show. Called cuddle talk and it's, you know, like a podcast, but the idea is that it's just to kind of disarm people and be chill.

[00:30:09] So you gotta be in your pajamas, you know, you can

[00:30:11] bring your blanky, you can't be at your desk. 

[00:30:13] Jeremy: what if I sleep naked? 

[00:30:16] Dana: You sleep naked, then the show is gonna be something to be watched for sure. Yeah.

[00:30:22] so but it's that sort of vibe. so we're gonna have cuddle talk, um, In the set in the third set in

[00:30:29] like the, the, the last two hour set.

[00:30:31] And we're, whoever is at the

[00:30:34] orientation, not excuse me. the

[00:30:35] uh, open house is going to be a part of our show. So we're gonna call it a

[00:30:39] SL party. So we're gonna, like, we're gonna do that. And then, uh, and then

[00:30:42] again, give away more prizes. so it's an opportunity to get a sense of what the community feels like.

[00:30:48] It's an opportunity to get a sense of what the workshops look like, what cuddle talk

[00:30:51] looks like. And just, uh, and see if it's your thing for $8 and 62 cents, rather than, you know, investing in something that you don't really know about or understand yet. You know what I. 

[00:31:02] Jeremy: that makes a lot of sense. Uh, as we're wrapping things up here, uh, we'll find out a little bit more about the, the website and, and where to get the book and all. , but just in terms of sort of going back to, to sort of doing the work and, and the lessons that you've learned over over the years and, and the things that you've done, what are some things that somebody hearing this, you know, this is hitting home for them.

[00:31:19] They wanna do the work. They want to explore what's going on. Find that awareness. What's a couple things they could start doing today that are just super simple, that can start creating those habits that help them to, to start making those choices, to, , create their own self worth. And, and, and to find, you know, that, that passion that they're, they're trying to find. 

[00:31:36] Dana: , Okay. So the first thing that I would suggest is to find the joy in the moments, um, and to, to realize that it's, it's okay to have fun. Like again, we've learned about self-sacrifice and stuff like that. So find the joy. And when you find the joy and you do things that really speak to you, like I was an educator for 25 years, I picked up a paintbrush in 2015 and was like, Ooh, this brings me joy.

[00:31:58] I'll do more of this and I couldn't stop. And then the next thing I know, I leave my job. And the next thing I know, I own a gallery. And the next thing I know, I'm a writer like. I mean, I taught English in history. Like this is all just came out of the, you know, come outta nowhere. So find the joy. It's like, it's like following a trail of breadcrumbs and just keep following that joy.

[00:32:16] The other thing that I would suggest is at every single turn, I'm gonna get real close to the camera at every single turn. Ignore your critics, ignore your critics. Cause when somebody is criticizing what you're doing, if it feels good, right? If you're doing something that feels good and somebody criticizes, all they're doing is projecting their fear onto.

[00:32:36] And also you wanna ignore the biggest critic of all and that's your inner. Oh, your critics just do what you love. Do what feels good. And lastly, as an actual cause those are, that's kind of nebulous as a concrete action plan. I would, I don't know, just one day, just for ha's just for, ha's get a piece of paper and notebook a journal, whatever it is.

[00:32:57] And every time you hear the words come outta your mouth. Oh, I should do. Or right. Or something being the right thing to do. But I should, every time you hear, I should write down what that. Then at the end of the day, see how many 

[00:33:10] times you think in those terms, or you do things that you should do and then really assess, do I really have to inlaws for Thanksgiving?

[00:33:22] No, I should. I 

[00:33:25] think so, Those, those little things, these things that this, this, external pressure or that we, that is self infl, That it's not necessary. Life can be beautiful. And then what happens? this is the best part. The people that are not positive, , influencers. No, that, that, that don't add to your life begin to disappear because you're no longer living by their agenda and it makes room.

[00:33:56] I call them unicorns for these new magical people that are in a, that are now aligned with your new boundaries and your new self-worth and your new self-expression. And the more you bring these special people into your. the better your life gets. Right? And then you keep doing more cool things and the momentum, it's like a train at high speed.

[00:34:16] It's I, I can't, well, you know, I mean, I'm coming outta my skin. Life is beautiful guys. I, I don't know what else to say.

[00:34:23] Jeremy: that's awesome.

[00:34:24] Zach: Man. I, I could probably talk to you for the rest of the afternoon. You are ever like full of energy. And like, I just, I get a, such a great vibe talking to you. Um, but we do need to start wrapping up. So if anyone has, , an extra 8 62, they wanna spend, or they wanna find out more information about you and your work and what you do, or your book, where can people find you. 

[00:34:45] Dana: Basically the book is easy to find. I mean, it's in a few locations, but Amazon's always the easiest way to go. amazon.com 10 recomme commandments. For personal empowerment by Dana Sarno.

[00:34:56] , the cover is really obvious. It's blue and it's a girl like in a Tutu busted out of her, her high top, her boots, her duck Martins. It's a painting that I actually created and she's like this. So it's really, really easy to find. Um, but also I narrated, uh, the audio book and it's offered exclusively on fine uniquely you, you like the letter.com?

[00:35:17] , the book, , If you register for a workshop, uh, you could get the book for the audio book for free. Uh, but it's also in the shop on, um, on fine uniquely you, so you could purchase it there. If, if you were ready to take a workshop, , you could find me. Also, I find uniquely you.com, but I also, my website is Ubuntu U B U NT, U ATU fish gallery.

[00:35:42] And that's where you'll see my gallery and, you know, the books and my art and all those things that I do. And, uh, and again, social media, I'm sure feel LA card enough. You'll youll find the start nano somewhere. 

[00:35:53] Jeremy: And the, uh, the open house, where do we find that? Is that also find finally 

[00:35:57] Dana: If you go, thank you. If you go to Findley u.com, it comes up right on the landing page. So it will ask you to create a free account. And it truly is a free account when all of our, , things that are in the hopper, like in the spark lab, like the library and, and these other things, , there will eventually be a membership.

[00:36:17] Coming down the pike, but right now, register for free, you could see what the workshops are. You could come to events and be a part of this community and right on the landing page, it'll say, I think it says like the super duper ultimate workshop experience or something, but it's yeah, because again, we're children, but it's clear.

[00:36:35] It's clear that it's the open house. 

[00:36:37] Jeremy: Our thanks to Dana Sarno from uniquely you and author of the 10 recomme commandments for personal empowerment, you can find links to her and her work in the show notes for this episode@thefitmess.com.

[00:36:47] Zach: So I never really gave victim mentality a whole lot of thought until, talking with, with Dana. I know I spent a lot of years, you know, saying, why do I have anxiety? Why do I have these mental hurdles? Like, why am I the victim of this thing? I didn't use that language when I changed my mindset around my anxiety, but once I stopped, , being the victim of my anxiety, things really changed.

[00:37:08] So I, I really, I really do like this. I know, you know, somebody like shoots me in the arm, I'm definitely a victim of a shooting. Like I'm definitely there, but like from a mental perspective, like you get you, I understand that you really need to make that shift in order to heal. And in order to, you know, recover from things like that.

[00:37:25] Jeremy: It's all of those challenges that we face that we have to. Be able to reframe them and find a different perspective and, and learn the, the lesson that we're supposed to learn from it and, and take it forward to, to living a stronger and better life. And that's where, you know, she talks about the idea of saying, fuck you to fear.

[00:37:40] I think a lot of times that is a lot easier said than done. I'm, I'm picturing myself, uh, on any, uh, ride at any amusement park. I know this comes up for us a lot, but you know, the there's just, there's, there's fears that we all have about a, a variety of things. And if you can. Practice in small, safe ways saying, fuck you, to that fear, it becomes easier.

[00:38:03] I think as the, the bigger fears are faced and, and you're able to push through them to discover what you really can about yourself and, and how far you really can go. If you're able to find ways to move past that fear.

[00:38:16] Zach: Yeah. And what better way to like, get past your fear than to like, literally just say, fuck you, like in a room by yourself, out loud fingers up.

[00:38:26] Jeremy: Really loud.

[00:38:27] Zach: Yeah. And just scream at fuck you to whatever it is. That's holding you back and moving forward. I like to do it in my car. , because if anyone sees me it like just doubles as road rage, so I'm good.

[00:38:40] Jeremy: right. It's a much, much, uh, a much more normal interaction to see than some guy just screaming in his bedroom.

[00:38:46] Zach: Yep.

[00:38:47] Jeremy: Uh, but I also liked how she talked about how becoming aware is one thing, but having a willingness to do something about it is something else. And it's something that I think a lot of people struggle with is that once you do discover this is the root cause, this is the thing that the, the, the voice, the challenge, the fear, whatever the thing is when you are fully aware of it, but still don't take action to change it.

[00:39:12] That's when suffering, I think really takes over because you've now found the problem. And you've, you've discovered the, the giant weight that's tied around your neck that you're dragging around and you just keep dragging it around. Now, you're just, you're beating yourself up. You're like, I guess I just have to live with this rather than figuring out.

[00:39:31] Is there some way I can let this go and try different things to see if there's a way to, to release that and to move forward much more freely and happily with your.

[00:39:39] Zach: I'm just picturing you now with like big rock chain to your neck, dragging it around and like, what's wrong. Why is this

[00:39:45] Jeremy: What's the big deal. Doesn't everybody do this. This is how I live.

[00:39:50] Zach: don't see anyone else with it, but they must have invisible ones. It's over

[00:39:54] Jeremy: Well, if you're looking for other people that are also walking around with big rocks, tied around their necks and carrying big, heavy weights, perhaps you'll find them in our Facebook group. We hope you'll join us there along with, uh, other fellow fit mess listeners. You can connect for monthly challenges, accountability to reach your goals and connection with others who are on a similar journey.

[00:40:09] You can find that link on our website@thefitmess.com. That's where we'll be back next week with a brand new episode. Thanks for listening.

[00:40:16] Zach: say everyone.