How To Find Emotional Healing through Bodywork, Vulnerability, and Core Energetics, with Kellie Newton

zach-tucker_1_09-13-2023_145928: .[00:00:00] 

Do you struggle with feelings like you're not good enough to be around other people? Do your closest relationships sometimes bring more stress than joy causing you to isolate yourself in order to feel safe? 

Track 1: Today we'll explore how you can safely practice new ways of being in relationships with others. That can help you relax into the total acceptance of your messy, imperfect self.

zach-tucker_1_09-13-2023_145928: Messy. Are you talking about me? Uh, you can't be talking about me. 

Track 1: mess man.

zach-tucker_1_09-13-2023_145928: I am a fucking mess. We're all a mess. It's all a mess. 

Track 1: Zach, I don't know if you know this about me, but, uh, I am an expert and one thing probably above all else,

the shit outta myself and feeling like a completely unworthy [00:01:00] asshole.

zach-tucker_1_09-13-2023_145928: Well, that's not good in any way, shape, or form, but do you at least beat the shit out of yourself with a light saber? 'cause that would make 

Track 1: Sometimes. Sometimes, yeah. Although I did, I recently had to give my light saver away. It's a whole thing. We won't get into it today, but I have spent the majority of the last year working on getting worse at this. Trying to get really bad at the negative self-talk and beating myself up and coming up in just a few minutes.

I wanna share an interview I did with somebody who has helped me to almost completely dissolved the negative self-talk that used to dominate all of the space in my head. Leaving me with this like, Quiet and silence that I still don't quite know what to do with, , but it kind of starts with a story. So

zach-tucker_1_09-13-2023_145928: So one, one thing I just wanna interject, like all that quiet space now, it's kind of like throwing a whole bunch of shit away in your house, right? You have a whole bunch of room in your house now. So I just want to, I just wanna reassure you. Don't worry, other shit will take its place. 

Track 1: I know and I have to be careful about which shit I bring in. I don't wanna just clutter it back up. Right? So a few years ago, my friend slash neighbor slash massage therapist came to me with this [00:02:00] crazy idea. She was involved in this sort of group therapy work and there was a, a, a filming of this activity that was going on in California.

And so she thought I might be interested in participating in such a thing. So I thought, what the hell? You know, I'm, I'm nuts. Let's give this a shot. Applied and actually got in and along with her and several other people, we ended up at this palatial resort in Malibu for three days doing this just like intense group therapy work in front of cameras for H B O.

And it was supposed to be a pilot for what was gonna end up being a series. Very strange, very bizarre situation. But the crazy thing about it was the work that I did in that three days. Totally eclipsed like years and years of talk therapy and all the other crazy stuff I was trying to do to take care of myself because it was, it was all about moving, stored energy out of my body and not just like reliving traumatic stories and telling you know about how it, how it made me feel.

So fast forward a few years and my, again, friend slash neighbor [00:03:00] slash massage therapist, uh, invited me to a similar activity only this time. It wasn't gonna be this intense three days of isolation. It was gonna be once a month over the course of, I think it was like eight or nine months.

And because that first experience was so great, I thought, of course I have to do this. This will be amazing. Because one of the things about that first experience was it was so intense that when I came out, , and returned to the real world, I was, I was like floating, like I was invincible. I had this power that I didn't know was possible.

three days, I realized all the potential that I was always told I had and believed it wholeheartedly. You know, time goes on, you go back into reality and life starts to, to kick your ass and beat, beat it back out of you.

So this new experience, to go a little bit over a long period of time was really intriguing to me. 'cause it sort of spoke to what we talk about all the time, like taking small steps toward, toward big goals. And so for months I would drive to Seattle every, you first Saturday of every month or whatever it was, meet with this group of 10 people.

Who were strangers to me, right? We, I didn't know them going in. Some of [00:04:00] them sort of knew each other, but we were all on similar, you know, journeys, trying to heal, trying to feel better about where we are in our lives.

And there we would share like these pains and, and whatever the things we were going through in these just incredibly like raw and vulnerable ways. It wasn't just sitting around holding hands, talking, telling stories. It was about shutting the fuck up and moving that energy out of our bodies in ways that truly processed and healed all of that pain and trauma.

zach-tucker_1_09-13-2023_145928: So like pain, like my knee hurts or something else. 

Track 1: No, like I'm not good enough to take up space in the world. Like I suck at everything. I'm a terrible human being. I hope I don't interact with anybody today because boy, if I do, they're gonna see what an imposter, what a fraud, what a piece of shit I am. Like that was, you know, that was the identity that was being played in my head all the time.

zach-tucker_1_09-13-2023_145928: That seems way worse than knee pain. 

Track 1: It's, yeah, it's a little bit more debilitating than, uh, actually not being able to walk sometimes.

zach-tucker_1_09-13-2023_145928: Yes, but nobody would know [00:05:00] it. 'cause your knee, like you wouldn't be limping. Right? You don't limp from that 

Track 1: No. We get really good at wearing the mask and not, you know, showing what's really going on because if we did, oh my God, I imagine if people saw the real you, right? Like what an outcast. You, you wouldn't even be, you'd be lucky to not get locked up.

zach-tucker_1_09-13-2023_145928: I don't know. I feel like my story's entertaining enough that like people would, me roses and stuff. I. I don't think they'd lock me up. They'd throw a quarter in my, you know, in the bucket that I've got in 

Track 1: Right, exactly. 

So here I am now, months later, and for the most part, the negative self-talk, all the beating myself up is almost entirely gone. It still creeps up every now and then, but I can identify it, I can shut it down, and I can function almost more like, kind of like a normal human being. It's, it's really weird.

It's a weird thing for me. I haven't replaced the negative self-talk with a positive self-talk, but its absence has been really beneficial, , since doing this work.

And I give a lot of credit to my friend and the facilitator of this group. Her name is Kelly Newton. She [00:06:00] has tons of titles, but to me in so many ways, she is a healer. She's helped me recover from physical pain, emotional pain, and

I just, I just feel really lucky to, had her be a part of my life.

So when we got on the call, I had to start with the obvious first question of, you know, getting rid of that negative self-talk, beating myself up. That is gone. How in the world did she make that happen?

Kellie: How did I eradicate your inner critic?

Jeremy: Yeah, how, how'd you do it?

Kellie: to know about that. Actually. That wasn't me, Jeremy. Uh, that's the power of group, , being held and surrounded by peers, people all interested in really looking at. The blocks that they feel totally stymied by , in a supportive setting.

So you're surrounded by people who are interested in the same thing and willing to hold each other in this same, in inquiry. That was the power of it, 

Jeremy: [00:07:00] let's get into that. Like what that looks like though, right? Because it's not just, we're not just holding hands, we're not singing kumbaya. We're not just giving each other hugs, although, you know, there's some of that. , what does this typical group session look like?

Kellie: Right. So, a typical group session, you know, people come and we gather and do a quick little check-in. I, I like the one breath check-in so that you, it's whatever you can say in one breath, and then we move into some.

Waking up your body to bring the body into the experience because we all live way too much in our heads. And, , this group really prioritizes checking in with all the different levels in which we operate, which heavily includes our body. In addition to our emotions, our thoughts, our actions, and our sort of greater sense of the cosmos that we occupy.

Then I will lead the group in a [00:08:00] prescribed activity, usually designed to, evoke, uh, curiosity and possibly frustration or possibly show people where they're limited. And then from there, there's process work and people bringing what is alive for them to be seen and known and more deeply explored.

And that's often a really dynamic, body-based. Fully lived experience. It's kind of hard to specifically describe that. How would you describe

Jeremy: yeah, I, I would say that like in many cases it started with, you know, waking the body up. So dancing, no matter how much I hate it, but usually some form of dancing to get going, but

Kellie: Not always dancing. I, I try to make sure that there's plenty of different access to the body for people such as yourself who just don't wanna go there.

Jeremy: That's right. Uh, so then there, there was often, there was some sort of a writing activity where it's like, you know, we respond to these 10 [00:09:00] prompts or write for 10 minutes and, and just sort of get into that space. And then from there it would typically unlock something in one or three or all of us it was, it's hard to know where it's gonna, where it's gonna come from, but then that would take the form of.

You asking really insightful questions about like, where do you feel this in your body? Is it in your chest? Is it in your legs? Finding it physically, whatever that response is, and finding a way to move it. And so that took different forms from, uh, you might have to help me with the, the terminology, but there's like a big foam block and like a, like a mallet I guess.

And he just beat the hell out of the thing and scream whatever. Instinctual, you know, response comes up if it's, you know, daddy issues, mommy issues, girlfriend issues, whatever the thing is, it just comes out in just this. From the outside, I guess kind of looks like rage, but it's really just moving that stored energy through some sort of physical activity, pushing, pulling, in some cases it was just laying down and crying.

 It's a [00:10:00] safe place where permission is given to fully feel, whatever the thing is that we otherwise store in a little box and, and don't deal with.

Kellie: Yeah, yeah, you definitely have your finger on it. , we all learned to contain ourselves. We all learn to put ourselves into boxes, and we learn this at a very young age because children are so perceptive and they can see what causes their primary caregivers to move towards them and what causes their caregivers to move away from them and pull their love away.

And so from a very young age, we learned how to adapt and mold ourselves so as to ensure the love. Of the people who were in charge of our survival and that we carry that adaptation, that defense system, how we defend ourselves against life, against, , being unloved. We carry that into adulthood.

And in adulthood is where we [00:11:00] really start to feel how those strategies don't work and they. Impede our ability to fully experience life, If we can only act a certain way, if we can only have certain feelings, express certain feelings, but we all know we, we experience so much more. And if we're not allowed to express them based on concepts about what makes us lovable or unlovable, then we walk around in this box of not.

Being fully alive and not feeling fully seen. , and that causes deep isolation. And so what you described, I mean, it's funny for people who have any, , awareness of core energetics or somatic therapies. It's funny that the foam block with the bat is always like the focus and the attention, but is just like, One method in a whole toolbox [00:12:00] of methods to encourage people to move past their inner blocks, so to speak.

So for someone who has difficulty expressing rage, yes, that is a really great way for them to experience that. But for someone else who has no problem, , Showing, hostility, rage, aggression, but a lot of problems showing the vulnerable side and , their tender side. , for them the, the edge of expression is going to be held in scene in, , that softer state.

Jeremy: Yeah, I think the block gets attention because we don't see that normally, right? Like, I think it is probably more common to see, I mean, especially like just in movies, tv, like, you see people cry, you see people hold each other and like show love and, and vulnerability. You don't see somebody just completely lose their shit unless it's like for dramatic purpose, like if that's what happened in the story or whatever.

Kellie: And I wanna say especially 'cause [00:13:00] I, I know that , your show really targets men, like in your same position of like, how do we make our lives better? And it's a thing for men in our culture, like, , where is it okay to show rage? Where is it okay to show strength?

You know, it's really okay to go to the gym and work it out. It's okay to like get into sports and yell, , but to be seen and fully accepted in that expression of just balls out rage. , our culture doesn't actually accept that. and so like group work, especially, you know, the group that you did, it's just like anything goes, as long as you don't harm yourself, you don't harm another person and you don't harm the space, It's a place where people can really experience what it is. To let themselves fully feel everything and in the feeling, the deep [00:14:00] feeling of it. Finally find out what's underneath it, because rage is always on top of something else,

Jeremy: Yeah.

Kellie: you know?

Jeremy: Have you ever seen, or do you know of it going too far? I mean, I, I imagine it's rare, but does it happen, like, do people hurt each other? I mean, like beyond accidental, but like, does it, does it go too far?

Kellie: I've never experienced that. I've been in a lot of groups. Is that possible? Sure. That I have never experienced it. I've been both a participant group and assistant of multiple groups , and facilitated groups, I mean, There is a curation process around who is allowed to sign up for group. There are no, nobody with a, a personality disorder that is not well regulated, that it's just not, it's not for people who are on the verge of, , a mental health break.

It's not, , it's for high functioning garden variety neurotic people. Who are, who

Jeremy: I've stolen that line so many [00:15:00] times. That garden variety mental health problem. I love that line so much.

Kellie: yeah, I know. I mean, we're all walking around like high functioning people. We're all walking around with just general neurosis and we get her in our, in our own way and we, we create our own hell and, , Group is a really great way to help people break out of that and why that's different. I wanna say like, this is the key point, like why do group as opposed to therapy, right.

One-on-one therapy. 

Jeremy: you're stealing all my questions,

Kellie: Oh, okay. Well,

Jeremy: but go.

Kellie: Yeah, one-on-one therapy is great. Like I do one-on-one counseling sessions, coaching sessions with people, and it is really powerful because you have this person who's trained to track you and trained to help you dive deeper into seeing yourself. It's wonderful, but the problem is there's an inherent power differential, right?

You have the therapist who's trained to see you, and then you have the client it's a really unique relationship that [00:16:00] only exists within the room there, And, while there is so much juicy stuff that can come out of that, there is this power differential which necessarily impacts what happens in there, You come to your therapy session or your coaching session with your therapy or coaching game face.

Jeremy: Mm-hmm.

Kellie: right? You, this person is paid to help you and you're just going through and, , recounting all the things that you think are the, the issue with you. And it's great. Again, you can move so much stuff.

I'm a big fan, but. Our trauma happened in relationship. Okay. Any you think about it. I mean, unless, you know, you were in a, a major accident, but , for most people, our trauma happened in relationship and so the way to best and most efficiently heal it is in relationship in. [00:17:00] Peer relationships, and so in group you get this amazing experience of de doing deep personal work in the presence and because of peer relationship, because past the initial honeymoon phase where everybody's falling in love with each other, then certain people in that group becomes your dad, your mom, your sister, your boss.

They start to remind you of people that you have personality. Hangups with, and the group process necessarily slows those dynamics down, allows people to go fully into the experience, fully witness what's going on, fully feel the depth of their resistance or rage to the person and move through it with permission.

Jeremy: Yeah,

Kellie: Right?

Jeremy: That has now a couple of times that I've done this, been the most profound part of this is the connection that you have with these people based on those past relationships and [00:18:00] based on knowing, in many cases, nothing but their first name. And after a few hours, all of a sudden you know more about that person and what makes them function the way they do than people you've known for 20 years.

Because you have that permission to just be like, here's the stuff, here's what holds me back. Here's why I operate the way I do. That bond is so unique and, and I on like just full disclosure, like I sort of struggle coming out of it. And interacting with people in normal life where all of a sudden it's like, oh, did you watch that TV show?

I don't care. Tell me your pain. Tell me what it's like to struggle. What, what happened to you when you were eight? Right? Like, like that. That connection is so unlike anything because I feel closer to people from that group that I still am texting with today and sharing pain and holding space for each other.

Then people I've known my entire life, because there is no. There is no wall, and that permission just allows for you to just share fully.

Kellie: [00:19:00] And this is the thing, Jeremy, that just sort of like, Stops me is like what you described that you experienced with group members, and I'm so glad to hear that you're still texting and connected with them because that is my goal with these is to break through what is the cultural norm that is, which is isolation, which is a flat land.

Of interpersonal interactions where we stay at the level of, oh, what about that show? How about that sports team? Or like, oh, oh my God, this person in my office, like b, the hell outta me. , that is considered the norm of interpersonal relationships, and that is deeply unwell. We are all unwell, we're all isolated.

We're all feeling deep lack and disconnection. In our lives, and it's because we stay in this flat land of interpersonal relationship with others and also with ourselves for a lot of time. You know, for the [00:20:00] most part and group, I think, I mean, I, the reason why I am so passionate about leading it and continuing to lead groups is that it's a way to start healing that and showing people that It's important to have deep, deep, powerful relationships that lift us up, that help us heal, that help us see ourselves better, , where we also feel a contribution to the other person's health and wellbeing.

And in that way, a contribution to the collective consciousness of wellness

and connection.

Jeremy: It's funny, one of the texts that I sent the other day was, you know, we hadn't, we hadn't texted and it'd been a couple weeks or something and I, I was holding back. I wasn't texting 'cause I didn't want to dump on them. I felt like every time I text I'm the guy that's whining and complaining about my problems.

And I told them that. I said, Hey, I, sorry I haven't checked in, just didn't want to dump and whine and complain. And one of them said, oh my God, no, stop it. Like, I'm so sick of normal friendships. This is what I'm here for. Bring it. And I was just like, that's, you don't get that [00:21:00] in, in just, , day-to-day life with normal friendships for the 

Kellie: know. Yeah. And that I think too, the difference. Yeah. There's this thing of like, I don't wanna just whine and complain because in that flatland arena of social interaction, there's no change happening. It's stagnant, and so the whining and complaining stays in the loop. Right. But you are in a relationship with these people from group where you're all committed to transforming it and moving it forward so , you're not whining and complaining.

You are daylighting some shadow to be seen so you can move through it,

Jeremy: Yeah, and it

Kellie: what my argument

Jeremy: it's, it's crazy. Like I'll be in the depths of it and I will text them and just say, it's one of those days. It's, it's just, it's a dark day, and it can be that simple and, and just them saying, I, I feel that I see you. I'm sorry. Like it landed somewhere. It didn't just play on a loop in my head.

So it's, it's just incredibly powerful. [00:22:00] Um, I, so I'm curious, how did you discover this work? I, I imagine that it was transformative for you in, in some personal way that made you go, oh my God, I need to bring this to the world. So how did that all come together?

Kellie: Oh yeah. So, , I had done a lot of therapy work, just one-on-one therapy for my own personal growth work, like back when I was in college and then here and there, I'd try to start up therapy again, and I always would hit the same place where I'd go into session. I'd be like, I got nothing. I. Because, like my brain wasn't aware of anything I needed to work on.

So unless I had like an emotional thing up that happened to coincide with the timing of my individual, , therapy session, it just wasn't beneficial for me. So I kept starting and stopping therapy and then scient tech with it. Then what happened is, uh, in 2008 I gave birth to my daughter.

And within the first year of her life, it became clear that she had a really, she had a fatal genetic [00:23:00] disorder that required, , a life-saving skull surgery and bone marrow transplant to cure her of. and like I gotta tell you, my personality, it was an edge for me enough to become a mom.

Because I was really self-absorbed. And then for me to be the mom of a special needs child, when I had like taken an amniocentesis test to like ensure that I wouldn't have one, it rocked my world. It broke me and it was a really good thing, right? It was the best thing to ever happen to me, and I needed help.

I was Losing it on multiple levels. And so, , I heard about this woman, Joanne Labio because a few people I knew in Seattle were doing one-on-one sessions with her. And then one of them started a group with her. And, , I found out that she had an opening in a women's group [00:24:00] and I was like, I need it.

And I signed up for it. I'd never met her. that started a profound healing process for me. So I did a year in a women's group, and then that group disbanded, and then I joined a co-ed group that she had , Shortly after that, I started training, , to become a co energetics practitioner.

I also started, , apprenticing with Joanne to learn how to lead groups because the schooling I went to for, , co energetics to become a practitioner, it taught me nothing about leading groups , So all along, like with my involvement in group and doing one-on-one and then going through school and learning it at the depth of the theory and , how to hold that space for people. It was profoundly transformative in a way that I had never experienced before because whereas with, , talk therapy, I would go in and if my brain couldn't think of anything to say or work on core [00:25:00] energetics, I could go in, my brain could be offline, and the practitioner would be like, what's going on in your body?

What do you notice? Track it and. Invariably that would open something up. so I learned through all of that, the power of, transformation when it involves all aspects of ourselves, not just our brain. Our brain is so good at lying to us all the time,

Jeremy: Uh, I have a lot of questions about how people can, , go through this work with you. I wanna get to that in a minute. I actually asked some of the participants that I'm still texting with. What would you ask Kelly if you were interviewing her today? And I got a really good one , that I still, , walk the line with.

And it's this idea of if you, uh, are someone in a, in a relationship, married or otherwise, whatever, and you struggle to be open and vulnerable with that person, I. How are you able to be open and vulnerable with strangers when you can't be with the person that's closest to you?

Kellie: Oh, [00:26:00] I think it's actually easier to be more open and vulnerable with strangers who. In the framework of group where people have agreed to be open and vulnerable with each other or available for that because the intimacy of the primary relationship is so reminiscent of our primary relationship with our original caregivers, and in fact, we tend to choose our partner because they remind us of a primary caregiver and usually the one that we have the most healing work to do around.

Jeremy: Hmm.

Kellie: And Yeah. And so it's easier to be open with therapeutic group members because they are not in direct control of your feelings of survival, right?

Jeremy: Yeah.

Kellie: Unlike if you're married or you're deeply enmeshed with a partner, [00:27:00] your survival is at that point really interlaced with them.

Jeremy: It's higher stakes. There's, there's more to lose if, if you're not allowed.

Kellie: So the good thing about group is you get to practice

writing an edge, you know, pushing an edge and seeing that you don't, , disintegrate.

And it can give courage to start bringing more transparency to your more intimate relationships.

Jeremy: Yeah.

Kellie: I'm not gonna guarantee, but it definitely has that potential.

Jeremy: Yeah. Um, and then one last question. Anything that you witnessed as my facilitator, leader, whatever, whatever title we wanna throw on it that you think, , is relevant, that might be helpful for someone to know about what you saw me go through?

Kellie: Oh yeah. Wow. I mean, Jeremy, , We go back beyond group, right? So, I, I've known you around the neighborhood before you moved and, uh, we had that crazy experience together down in Malibu [00:28:00] with this, , filmed group that never actually was aired. , and so I have a long time exposure to your negative self-talk.

Right, and how deeply you got on your own case. And I watched that for the first half of group too. It was really strong and it was so powerful to witness that relax more and more and more as it went on. And I really do credit, like the power of group, you

Jeremy: Oh yeah.

Kellie: How deeply it touched you for certain group members to just come and physically hold you, right In a deeply platonic, deeply nurturing, deeply supportive way.

Just put their arms around you and like that. We all need that. Our nervous systems are just longing for physical [00:29:00] holding in a nurturing, supportive way That doesn't lead to anything else. and just watching your system go from beating yourself up to just relaxing and going like, I still don't always know the answers, and that's okay.

Jeremy: Yeah, it's wild that that scene from the outside because you know when, when you live in your head, you just feel like, oh, nobody sees, nobody sees the demons, nobody sees the darkness. But then, you know, clearly it's fully on display and as as apparent as it melts away.

Kellie: Well, this is the thing. Our bodies don't lie, right? There's that book. The bodies keep the score. They don't lie. Like they are really transparent about what's going on with us and. When you're in group, you get to know people well enough that you can see what's going on with their body and how they hold themselves and whether they're relaxed and whether they're on guard and everyone over the course of the eight sessions, it's just they relax and deepen.

Jeremy: It's powerful work. How do we do it? Tell us [00:30:00] more. Do you have, uh, any, uh, upcoming workshops or, or more, , I guess courses. I'm not, I'm not sure. I'm not sure what the language is. So tell me how to, how

Kellie: Yeah, yeah, no, thank you for asking. , I have a new group cohort starting in the end of October, and there's information about timing, dates, cost. On my website, kelly newton.com. That's k e l L i E N E W t o n.com. it's eight sessions and they meet for half of a Saturday, once every, usually about five weeks.

, I've already scheduled those dates. Those dates are online. And I made sure to miss the major holidays and school holidays in the Seattle area. if you're interested, reach out. There's a way to contact me through the website and then I also do one-on-one work with people.

So if you're interested in a deeper dive doing, , body-based coaching and looking at how you block yourself, I'm a avail available for that.

Jeremy: And that's all. Um, [00:31:00] especially for group work, it's important to be in person. There were, I know in some cases people were, had to come in online 'cause they were traveling or whatever. Um, but do you offer, I mean, group online would be weird, but do you 

Kellie: I mean, people do offer group online at this time. I don't, I, I think pandemic made me really resistant to living online, uh, because I just really saw that I. It's important for us to be in each other's electromagnetic fields and when we're online, I'm talking to Jeremy, but the electromagnetic field I'm interacting with is my computer and it's a really jarring, kind of contradictory experience.

Because there's a huge power and touch and holding and contact and, and direct witnessing the in-person is where it's at. And so yes, they're in person in north Seattle. , people have traveled such yourself to come in for group, , and it was a stretch for you, but I got that it was worth it. I

Jeremy: Oh yeah. Uh, I mean, I've, I've only done this work a a couple of times [00:32:00] now, one in this , extended session and once in a, you know, deep weekend retreat. And in both cases it's been some of the most transformative work I've ever done. And every time I don't do it, I'm like, why don't you just go do that some more?

Really helps. So get on 

Kellie: Mm-hmm. Yeah. No, I so appreciate hearing that from you, Jeremy. Yeah.

Jeremy: Uh, is there anything important that we did not touch on that you wanna make sure gets in there?

Kellie: Yes.

A lot of people experience trauma in group dynamics. Okay. there is a collective consciousness that comes on board whenever there's a group of people, that collective consciousness is powerful. And when there is a lack of intention or a lack of awareness that shadow exists in any group of people, , that shadow and that unlighted unconscious intention [00:33:00] can cause harm, And so I just really wanna be explicit that. The group work I do. And lead is about bringing consciousness to everything and setting the intention that the, , collective consciousness is, , on a mission for the highest good of all people involved. And, There is always the, , message that I tell people is like, ultimately you do what feels best to you.

Provided doesn't harm yourself, harm someone else, or harm the space. So if there's something, an activity that I bring up that doesn't feel right to you and you don't wanna do it, you don't have to do it. This is not about creating group think, this is not about. , indoctrinating anyone. This is about using the power of the collective to learn about yourself, heal [00:34:00] yourself so that you can bring goodness to the collective and help heal our greater , collective, which is in dire need of help.

So I wanted to say that.

Jeremy: Yeah. That ability to say no when, when it draws a line for me was also a practice in setting boundaries and just saying, you know, it is okay that that's not okay for me. Like I, I am a different person than that person who's getting the most outta that? That's not for me. And so I've been able to take that into my daily life too, and just say, this feels like that.

That's a line. That's okay to have that line. You're you.

Kellie: Mm-hmm. 

Jeremy: Cool. This is great. Anything else that, that, uh, is missing?

Kellie: oh God, there's so

Jeremy: there's so much.

Kellie: But I, I like what to encapsulate is like, this is one thing I noticed and this is why I'm so excited to come onto your podcast today 'cause you got a, a large male audience, right? Is personal growth seems to be dominated by females and , non-binary, gendered people.

You know, it just, for whatever reason, our culture makes it [00:35:00] more okay for women to do the deep dive into the personal growth Whenever there's a space, like a group space and it's heavily weighed in one gender, I think we lose something. There is so much collective healing to be done between men and women and people of all gender, , expressions.

And so, so the question to you like, what was it like for you as a guy to be in this group?

Jeremy: You know, it's interesting, the, I remember the first day I showed up and I sort of, you know, was taking, taking a role around the room, looking around, seeing who's here. There were at least two, maybe three women who I made eye, eye contact with, and I. I mean, just literally looking around the room and they looked down and, and they had these like sad scared, like that was my impression was they were uncomfortable with me being there and me seeing that.

Even like in the opening minutes of, and my, what I took in from it [00:36:00] was, shit, there's men here. And it felt like I was not welcome. And I was like, oh, that's, that's gonna be something to work on. What's wild is. The two that stand out the most. One was the one that reached out to me the most through, we had, uh, what's the, Marco Polo sent me the most, like, just, Hey, just checking on you.

Thinking of you. And, and the work you did was really just really connecting, right? Like really reaching out more than anyone else. And the other one, also just super, like connected, really bonded. , and it was so, it was just wild to have that lesson in. , you know, judging a book by its cover, right?

Like that, that first look, we were all uncomfortable. I, who knows what my face looked like, but my, what I took from it is, there's something wrong with your existence in this space.

Kellie: As a man,

Jeremy: yeah, well, I mean at all, 'cause that's sort of where I operated, but I took it as, because you're a dude, you shouldn't be here.

, but. Beyond that, I've, I think maybe I'm weird that, that [00:37:00] I've always sort of been more comfortable with women. Uh, maybe because I am more vulnerable, maybe I'm more sensitive and maybe there's just something that allows me to feel more comfortable in that way. , so I think, I think I struggled more with what are these?

There were only two other, I think there originally there were three other guys and there were two.

I struggled more with what do they think of me?

Kellie: Interesting.

Jeremy: they am, am I man enough? Am I good enough? Am I doing this right? Like, do I, you know, am I, do I fit the club? You know, I think that was probably the harder edge for me.

Kellie: Uhhuh. And then what was your takeaway at the end of that, of the eight, uh, session experience in regard to relating to those guys? Um,

Jeremy: I. We still text each other on a regular basis, and they're the ones that are like, bring all of it. I, I'm, I'm not here for small talk. I'm, I'm here to, to hold the space and to, you know, have you reciprocate when it's my turn, so.

Kellie: yeah. I mean, I just remembered looking at when you guys would cluster together and doing some of the smaller group work and just seeing [00:38:00] how deeply you supported each other in a vulnerable yet very masculine way. It was like, Oh my God. It was just healing. Just watching that and, and I remember so many of the women in that group too, like talking about that and just like how healing it was to have you guys in the group, and this is what we're needing in the greater collective consciousness is like deep witnessing and holding by men and women of each other and for each other, you know?

Jeremy: That was one of the wildest parts is, is when I felt like I did open up share. Like when I, when I went to my edges and, , would, would actually kind of get lost in it. When I would come out of it, I would have this feeling of like, I. Uh, oh, did I, did I mess up? Did I go too far? And, and to hear women be like, oh my God, I needed to see that.

Like how, how doing your own [00:39:00] work in a group setting is the work for other people. It's it like, you forget that when you're there, you're like, this, how do I fix me? What broken part of me can I address today? And sometimes just going through whatever you're going through is what someone else needed even more.

And that, that, that part is just incredible.

Kellie: There's like quickly, so like if you imagine two circles, right? And then they overlap here and then there's that like almond 

shape in the center that's known as either a Mando, which it means almond and Italian, or the veca pikes. And it's a sacred geometry, , formation. But I love thinking about that in terms of group, because you have, you, you have the other person, you have all these different people, but then there's this consciousness that's created.

When your fields overlap, like in the center, that's group. Okay. The, you still exist as a whole incomplete person. They still ex exist as a whole and complete person, but like this consciousness in the center [00:40:00] that helps heal every, everyone, like you're, you're bringing something to that consciousness and you're all gaining something from that consciousness.

It's amazing.

zach-tucker_1_09-13-2023_145928: Our thanks to Kelly Newton. 

You can find out more about the next group session she has coming up by visiting kelly newton.com or head over to The show notes for this episode@thefitmask.com.

So people may have noticed that I wasn't there for that interview and it was kind of specifically because I know you had a personal connection 

but it was because you've had growth and you've been vulnerable and you have a human connection with that person. Like, and it just reinforces what what was said on the interview and what we've said all the time, like growth truly does happen when you're vulnerable and you have a human connection, if you can get that information out there.

People who can help you through that, that situation will show up for you.

Track 1: The thing that surprises me even. Now having gone through the work that we described is, you know, we talk so much [00:41:00] about trauma, garden variety, trauma, whatever, whatever issues we're all still dealing 

zach-tucker_1_09-13-2023_145928: I love that she used that. 

Track 1: best term, it's my favorite term ever. , but this baggage, these stories that we carry around about ourselves are born so much from our interactions with other people, our relationships with other people.

And so, We tell ourselves that someone else thinks a certain way about us or believes a certain thing because it, it just reinforces that story for us. And when I was in that group setting, it did, it took a few weeks, but eventually I was able to look around the room and go, that guy's, my brother, that guy's, my dad, she's my mom, she's my kindergarten teacher.

She's like, you can just identify like the, the issues you have with that person or, or whatever stories you tell yourself about that person are because of these other connections. And when you see them. You have the ability in this space where permission is explicitly given to work on those issues and to physically move that shit out of your body?

It is. It is unlike anything I've ever done. I can sit there and talk to my therapist for [00:42:00] hours week after week about, you know, my daddy issues or whatever, and it helps for a short time, but they don't go away. 

zach-tucker_1_09-13-2023_145928: Yeah. 

Track 1: when you get that shit, the physical energy out of your body, man, that is powerfully transformative healing.

zach-tucker_1_09-13-2023_145928: Yeah. I mean, dude, that's why I go to the gym every morning, . It gets a little bit of the energy 

Track 1: It does it. I was just talking to my brother about this and I was, you know, everything comes back to Star Wars for me. He was talking about how sometimes when he's struggling, , it just beats him down and he can't go on. And I'm like, dude, that's when you gotta dip into the dark side. You gotta get, you gotta reach for that anger.

You gotta reach for that pain and use it as the fuel to keep going. 'cause that's, that's the shit. That's it. Just, it's gonna keep winning. If you don't use it as, as the fuel to move forward.

zach-tucker_1_09-13-2023_145928: It does serve a purpose, but you have to use it in a responsible way. 

Track 1: right. It's all about balance. Gotta balance the light with the dark

zach-tucker_1_09-13-2023_145928: There's way too many Star Wars references on the show 

Track 1: All right. Well, I can't say enough good things about the work that Kelly does. I highly recommend you check out the workshop that she has coming [00:43:00] up, if you're anywhere near the Seattle area. And she does do some individual work online. So feel free to reach out to her through her website to learn more. Uh, again, her link is kelly newton.com, or you can find that link in our website, the show notes for this episode@thefitmess.com. And by the way, if you found any value in this episode, I know someone else who needs to hear it, please share it with them or just share this in your favorite social media channel.

That might be just the nudge someone needs to make a big change in their lives for the better. We'll talk to you next time@thefitmess.com. Thanks for listening.

zach-tucker_1_09-13-2023_145928: See everyone.