How To Find Purpose And Meaning When You Get A Little Lost, With Charlynne Boddie

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Are you struggling to find your true
purpose in life and feeling lost or

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unfulfilled?

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Many people, especially men, find
themselves feeling disconnected from their

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deeper sense of purpose and meaning, often
focusing solely on the external markers of

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success like careers and material
possessions.

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Today we'll share practical tools you can
use to identify your authentic calling and

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create a vision for a life that aligns
with your values and your passions.

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So stick around to learn some new tools to
begin living a life that truly fulfills

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you.

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So I have a couple of dogs and
occasionally I will look down at them and

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envy them for how simple their lives are.

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I don't think there's a minute of their
day that goes by where they sit there

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thinking, what does it all mean?

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What am I doing here?

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What is the end of my life?

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All they want to do is eat and take a nap
and then maybe eat some more and maybe

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take another nap.

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But I envy them because of the simplicity
of that.

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But that envy doesn't.

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Erase the fact that I do have to struggle
with figuring out what is my purpose.

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typical role models that a lot of people
look up to have accomplished something

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have done something that inspires the
person behind them to follow in their

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footsteps to some pursuit of glory or some
pursuit of happiness purpose, whatever it

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might be.

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In my case, I was exposed to things that
made me run away from the target, to run

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away from repeating the mistakes of the
people before me, to not be or not end up

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like the people that I should be looking
up to, to guide me to some better life,

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some better purpose, some better way of
living.

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And I've had glimpses, right?

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Like I've had goals that I've
accomplished.

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I've had things that I set out to do and
did them.

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but I don't know that they fit into an
overall purpose as much as solving a

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problem that faced me immediately.

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So here I am again, wrestling with what
does it all mean?

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What is my purpose?

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What am I doing here with this life?

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And with that in mind, I recently met a
woman named

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Charlene

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of different books, worked for a couple of
different presidents, and had an

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incredibly impressive career coaching
people for decades on top of being a model

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and working in broadcasting for most of
her life.

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But the conversation we had was about how
men in particular struggle with finding

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purpose because we're so driven to
accomplish tasks.

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We're so driven to check the box, to do
the thing that means we accomplished some

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priority, got something done purpose to
really drive us toward a bigger, grander

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vision.

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And the first solution she offers,
honestly, is one that you've heard before.

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It's one that I've heard before.

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this space, sometimes it's not about
hearing the new idea, it's about hearing

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the same idea a different way or hearing
stories about that idea that make it make

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sense for you right now.

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But I needed her idea to make sense for me
right now.

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conversation begins with me sharing
something a little personal about a recent

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conversation I had.

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And I'll start with a little context, a
little vulnerability here.

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I was recently talking to my therapist
about my own purpose in life.

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Couple of years ago, I moved with my
family.

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We moved to a new country, a new town,
where we knew nobody, knew nothing.

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and just took a chance at a better life,
mostly for our kids.

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And while they're establishing their
community and their friends and all the

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things, I am not.

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I'm working from home.

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So me and my wife, we're home alone, you
know, all day.

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So it's taking longer, right?

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It's a post covid world.

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I don't have an office full of colleagues.

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And so my therapist very astutely pointed
out, he said, you left your purpose in

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your hometown.

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You don't have one now.

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So that's why you're struggling.

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Wow.

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And it is, there's just like, there's a
sense of loneliness, there's a sense of

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like, what now?

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And I've realized, like in sort of my
health journey, that I've sort of run away

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from the actions of one role model, and
I'm running away from the end result of

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another role model.

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So I've never really been running towards
something, it's always running away from

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something.

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So knowing all of that, that's a big batch
of stew to work through.

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Yeah?

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Where do I work now to find something to
run towards?

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Where do I work to find that purpose that
I should be striving to achieve every day?

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and I would say with that I would say, you
know, get a piece of poster board and I

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would say do a vision board with pictures
and words first and everything is on the

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table, Jeremy.

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Nothing is stupid, nothing is outdated,
nothing is impossible.

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Start creating what sometimes I call it
the treasure map because it's really

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what's in your heart.

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That's where your real

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that unseen part of Jeremy, bring it out,
put it on the board, and don't give

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yourself any restraints.

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Everything is great.

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Grab some newspapers, grab some magazines,
cut, cut for a good hour.

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And then at the end of that hour, put it
all together.

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It is shocking what comes out because the
vision board speaks.

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Now, when I'm doing that kind of thing
with clients, I've had CEOs from all over

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the world, all these different people
saying,

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really Shara, it looks like something I
would have done in kindergarten.

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I said, oh, but it speaks.

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It speaks and you get real because you get
lost in the moment of just creating.

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Do that.

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And then I have people take the pictures
they see on that.

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And then we start planting them in what I
call the vision grid.

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And that's where I come in as a coach.

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I'm looking at your next 30 days, Jeremy,
this important to you.

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And it's all from all three parts of you.

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I think every single person.

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has three parts to what I call the anatomy
of their vision or their true self, their

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real self.

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What are you here to do?

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What are you here to be, whether you're a
man or a woman, but especially for heads

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of households like yourself.

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So we look at the overarching thing you
want that comes out of that vision board

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and then we put it into words.

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We look at the next 30 days in your life,
Jeremy, and all three parts of you, body,

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soul, spirit.

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Then we look at the next one to six
months.

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in bite-sized doable chunks.

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Then we look at the next one to five
years.

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In a perfect world, where would Jeremy
like to be?

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Where would you like to be?

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Now, if you're with a partner or you're
married, I would say, let's do what I just

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told you for you.

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Let's do what I just told you for your
wife or partner.

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And then let's do a joint vision grid for
you together as a couple.

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Mind-blowing what comes out of it.

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You know, the body part of you looks at
the hardcore things that are natural.

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The soulless realm of you is different
from your spirit.

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The soulless realm is your mind, will and
emotions.

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What drives Jeremy emotionally?

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And your partner, you know, we look at
separate grids, but we're just talking

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about you right now.

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And then that overarching plan, you know,
in a perfect world chart, I would like to

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be a world-class photographer.

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Okay, great.

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Well, let's look at that in the next 30
days.

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What would it take for you to scratch the
surface on that?

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in the next one to six months, where would
you like to be with that idea and that

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dream?

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And then the next one to five years, when
you're saying to me, oh, I wanna be

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published in Life Magazine or Time
Magazine or Vanity Fair, I'm like, okay,

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great, let's talk about that.

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Let's talk about how that happens.

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How do you get published in something like
that?

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And we take these bite-sized doable chunks
so that every step of the way, I'm also

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coaching my clients, I'm saying to them,

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you need to be celebrating every
milestone.

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I don't care if you took one picture and
another professional photographer said it

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was great, then go out and get an ice
cream cone, do something.

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Take a walk around the block and say, wow,
I did that.

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Celebrate every single moment.

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So that's what I would say to you
initially because I have been in a foreign

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country for the last 20 years and I had to
start from scratch.

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and I had to find a place to live and I
had to figure out how am I going to pay

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the light bill and everything else and did
all that from scratch with nothing, sold

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everything in America, went to Europe and
had to learn a lot of things new.

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Every single thing was different even
though we're supposed to speak the same

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language, which we don't.

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Brits and Americans do not speak the same
language.

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I can relate only that we only move to
Canada but there are enough differences

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and there's enough like it's just it's
kind of bizarro Superman right like it's

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like it's just slightly different it's
like how to figure out how to speak the

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language it's the same language but words
are just said a little differently with

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different tones and things like that but
something you said in there was

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interesting to me because

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particularly for men, I hear this from men
all the time, I know this is something I

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struggled with, is you went to the job in
that vision board, you wanna be a

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professional photographer, what is that
gonna take?

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Is that purpose though?

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Like, isn't purpose a little deeper,
right?

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it doesn't have to be.

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I've had young men because 90%, I think
when I first met you, I told you about 90%

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of my clients are men.

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So I have men bringing me their sons in
their 20s and 30s to help with vision and

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purpose.

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I have men coming themselves saying, Char,
I used to be this, I used to do this, now

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what, I've hit this wall.

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So let's go back to what you said.

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Would being a world-class photographer be
a dream or purpose?

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It can be, but if it's not, then you wanna
think about what that purpose is.

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And when I'm looking at someone's dream
board, Jeremy, I'm also looking at the

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words.

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So let's think about a young British guy
that came to me and we sat on his parents'

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sailboat.

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He did not want to be in a closed room.

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He said, can you do extreme dream, which
is the name of my seminar?

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Can you do this vision and purpose seminar
on a boat?

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I said, I could do it anywhere, it's
portable.

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So you want me to meet you on the
sailboat?

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I'll meet you on the sailboat, which I
did.

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And we sat floating.

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Well, yeah, exactly.

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He wanted to think outside the box.

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I said, great, let's go to the big yacht.

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Let's go to the yacht, let's sit on the
yacht, and let's talk about your dream and

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purpose.

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Well, he decided to do the vision board on
the boat, and some amazing things came out

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of that, you know, picture for him.

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And I was looking at the words and a lot
of times it wasn't just the pictures but

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it was the words.

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And I found out that this young man really
wanted to help people.

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He wanted to help people and that was his
purpose, was helping other people.

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And yeah, coming from the financial
viewpoint, his dad was an investment

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broker.

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So you know, he knew that money was a
tool, but he didn't want to do it the way

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his dad had done it.

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And so he ended up going with a best
friend to Fiji.

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He ended up buying property in Fiji off
some of the local tribes people.

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He ended up putting together like a travel
venue for people to come to Fiji and stay

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on his property.

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And he became a guide.

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But what he realized is that people that
go to places like that are really trying

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to escape and get away.

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So he decided to learn how to help people
by listening to the tourist, finding out

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what they needed.

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And then he came back to London and just
blew it out of the ballpark.

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and created a couple of companies.

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And his mother was calling me every day
saying, he's never gonna come back from

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Fiji.

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Oh my God, he sailed away.

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What's he doing?

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Is he just fritzing around in the beach?

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I said, no, I don't think so.

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I said, you need to take a look at that
vision board.

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Well, the parents were kind of freaked
out.

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And you know what?

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He came back and he did it, but he
practiced while he was away.

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And I said, let's, you know, this was all
on his vision grid.

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He took the pictures from the board.

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He then planted it on the grid.

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00:12:11,501 --> 00:12:14,863
He looked at the body of himself, his
soul.

232
00:12:14,863 --> 00:12:19,406
He looked at his spirit, which is really
that overarching intangible thing he

233
00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:20,606
wanted to become.

234
00:12:20,606 --> 00:12:22,747
And he came home, Jeremy, and he did it.

235
00:12:22,768 --> 00:12:26,950
But he tried it out in a faraway place
called Fiji.

236
00:12:26,950 --> 00:12:29,471
And I'm not worried, I never am worried
about him.

237
00:12:29,471 --> 00:12:34,954
What happened to him was so good that then
the baby brother came to me.

238
00:12:34,954 --> 00:12:37,936
Baby brother's totally different than the
older brother.

239
00:12:38,196 --> 00:12:38,936
And...

240
00:12:39,581 --> 00:12:43,842
He didn't have to go to Fiji to find out
what he wanted to do.

241
00:12:44,882 --> 00:12:46,382
And everyone's different.

242
00:12:46,382 --> 00:12:48,783
I really look at those two tools.

243
00:12:48,783 --> 00:12:50,964
They work well for every single guy.

244
00:12:50,964 --> 00:12:52,784
I don't care how old you are.

245
00:12:53,024 --> 00:12:54,865
It really is your time.

246
00:12:54,865 --> 00:12:57,805
There is no right answer to the vision
board.

247
00:12:57,886 --> 00:13:03,767
There is no right answer to the grid other
than it takes something visual and it

248
00:13:03,767 --> 00:13:09,108
funnels it into something concrete in bite
size doable.

249
00:13:09,135 --> 00:13:10,814
actionable items.

250
00:13:11,567 --> 00:13:16,831
Have you worked with somebody and the
result was not something they ended up

251
00:13:16,831 --> 00:13:17,792
doing for a living, right?

252
00:13:17,792 --> 00:13:21,835
Like I talked to one coach and she put it
really in a way that's always stuck with

253
00:13:21,835 --> 00:13:21,955
me.

254
00:13:21,955 --> 00:13:24,578
She said, your purpose is something you
can do before breakfast.

255
00:13:24,578 --> 00:13:27,420
It doesn't have to be the thing you do
from nine to five.

256
00:13:27,740 --> 00:13:31,844
Have you worked with somebody where it
didn't change like their day to day life,

257
00:13:31,844 --> 00:13:34,807
you know, in terms of function, like they
kept the same job, kept the same house,

258
00:13:34,807 --> 00:13:39,125
life was whatever, but they found the
thing that got them out of bed every day.

259
00:13:39,125 --> 00:13:41,485
Yeah, and like I said, it can be either
or.

260
00:13:41,485 --> 00:13:45,026
It really depends on who you are, how you
operate.

261
00:13:45,026 --> 00:13:47,667
Also, I look at your gifts and your
talents.

262
00:13:47,707 --> 00:13:52,628
I also look at what motivates you, what
motivates you to make certain decisions.

263
00:13:52,628 --> 00:13:58,030
So I'm looking at the internal part of you
as well as the external part of you.

264
00:13:58,150 --> 00:14:00,290
And I want to look at seven different
areas.

265
00:14:00,290 --> 00:14:01,871
Are you a server?

266
00:14:02,111 --> 00:14:06,292
Are you someone who likes to show people
like you said to me, how to do things?

267
00:14:06,672 --> 00:14:08,992
Are you someone who's a huge giver?

268
00:14:09,589 --> 00:14:13,312
One guy said to me, I don't think I have
any gifts, Shar.

269
00:14:13,312 --> 00:14:14,753
And I said, that's a lie.

270
00:14:14,753 --> 00:14:16,735
So we had to refute that right there.

271
00:14:16,735 --> 00:14:20,318
I said, every single person on the planet
has gifts.

272
00:14:20,318 --> 00:14:23,340
We are made in a multifaceted way.

273
00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:26,263
Let's just go a little bit further and
explore that.

274
00:14:26,263 --> 00:14:28,164
Let's look at your internal gifts.

275
00:14:28,164 --> 00:14:34,269
Let's also look at your external gifts,
because there's a marriage of that in your

276
00:14:34,269 --> 00:14:36,951
life and every single person's unique.

277
00:14:37,165 --> 00:14:43,967
So, you know, whether you're a girl or a
guy, the purpose and then what you do and

278
00:14:43,967 --> 00:14:47,749
what you are can be quite different.

279
00:14:48,829 --> 00:14:51,210
And yet sometimes they come together.

280
00:14:51,210 --> 00:14:53,651
So I look at every single possibility.

281
00:14:53,651 --> 00:14:58,473
What, you know, I've had geniuses that
people have brought to me and said, okay,

282
00:14:58,473 --> 00:15:03,495
I've got a real rocket scientist, but we
can't understand him.

283
00:15:03,495 --> 00:15:05,376
What would you do with someone like that?

284
00:15:05,376 --> 00:15:06,496
And I said, well,

285
00:15:06,541 --> 00:15:11,322
I work in one of the world's top
scientific agencies on the planet, and I'm

286
00:15:11,322 --> 00:15:17,284
the girl next door who takes all their
scientific verbiage and I put it in man on

287
00:15:17,284 --> 00:15:18,504
the street terms.

288
00:15:18,504 --> 00:15:22,025
I said, bring me the rocket scientist that
nobody can understand.

289
00:15:22,390 --> 00:15:26,514
And in his case, I said, hey, would you
just bear with me here?

290
00:15:26,514 --> 00:15:32,299
Could you go do the beginning acting class
and totally step away from the rockets for

291
00:15:32,299 --> 00:15:33,120
a minute?

292
00:15:33,761 --> 00:15:38,084
And he lifted me like, okay, I'll think
outside the box.

293
00:15:38,685 --> 00:15:39,846
I'll do that.

294
00:15:39,846 --> 00:15:40,687
It changed his life.

295
00:15:40,687 --> 00:15:43,409
I said, you know, there's things that you
would like.

296
00:15:43,409 --> 00:15:45,170
You wanna meet the right girl.

297
00:15:45,239 --> 00:15:46,759
You want to have a family one day.

298
00:15:46,759 --> 00:15:49,340
He was not married when they brought me to
him.

299
00:15:50,301 --> 00:15:52,421
And all of those things in one grid.

300
00:15:52,421 --> 00:15:55,723
The grid I work on is just one sheet of
paper, just one side.

301
00:15:55,723 --> 00:15:59,644
It looks at your whole life, every part of
you in one glance.

302
00:15:59,704 --> 00:16:02,125
And it so rocked his world.

303
00:16:02,125 --> 00:16:07,447
He was like, oh my gosh, I didn't think
I'd learn anything in an acting class.

304
00:16:07,447 --> 00:16:09,339
I'm a total, you know,

305
00:16:09,339 --> 00:16:13,321
He's like help me find that purpose with
just who I am.

306
00:16:13,321 --> 00:16:17,802
And he found a way to create the most
amazing global consultancy.

307
00:16:19,283 --> 00:16:20,024
Doing great.

308
00:16:20,024 --> 00:16:24,625
Yes, he found the dream girl and he's got
two beautiful sons.

309
00:16:24,846 --> 00:16:26,547
Very happy guy.

310
00:16:26,547 --> 00:16:29,067
But we had to go outside the box.

311
00:16:29,148 --> 00:16:32,749
And like I said to you, Jeremy, every man
is different.

312
00:16:33,049 --> 00:16:35,110
Every boy is different.

313
00:16:35,270 --> 00:16:37,991
And I just sit with them and I listen.

314
00:16:38,232 --> 00:16:40,177
I might use the same tools.

315
00:16:40,177 --> 00:16:45,036
but the way we use those tools in an
individual's life, always different.

316
00:16:45,879 --> 00:16:49,821
A couple of examples that you mentioned
there that I think paint an interesting

317
00:16:49,821 --> 00:16:50,262
picture.

318
00:16:50,262 --> 00:16:53,404
And it's the guy who says, I don't have
any special gifts.

319
00:16:53,404 --> 00:16:55,926
I can hear myself going, I don't really
have any interests.

320
00:16:55,926 --> 00:17:00,569
I do things because they provide a result,
but I don't really look forward to a lot

321
00:17:00,569 --> 00:17:00,969
of things.

322
00:17:00,969 --> 00:17:04,071
I just sort of do these things because I
know that they're going to help.

323
00:17:04,091 --> 00:17:06,633
So I don't have any skills.

324
00:17:06,633 --> 00:17:07,554
I don't have any passions.

325
00:17:07,554 --> 00:17:09,035
Nothing really drives me.

326
00:17:09,375 --> 00:17:13,198
And the guy that went to acting class,
who's genius, never would have considered

327
00:17:13,198 --> 00:17:13,929
doing such a thing.

328
00:17:13,929 --> 00:17:14,657
right.

329
00:17:15,159 --> 00:17:18,760
the where I think they intersect and where
I think a lot of guys struggle with this

330
00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:22,701
is that they have the job where the boss
says attaboy, here's the raise, here's the

331
00:17:22,701 --> 00:17:24,861
promotion, here's the raise, here's the
promotion.

332
00:17:24,861 --> 00:17:27,982
So they're driven by that because that's
the positive feedback they get.

333
00:17:27,982 --> 00:17:31,784
They don't have somebody saying, you know,
you're a hell of a painter, because they

334
00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:35,025
don't they don't do those things, because
there is no benefit there.

335
00:17:35,025 --> 00:17:36,465
They don't get the attaboy.

336
00:17:36,545 --> 00:17:39,826
So what I like though, is that you push
that person out of their comfort zone and

337
00:17:39,826 --> 00:17:41,306
said, go try something.

338
00:17:41,306 --> 00:17:41,843
Yeah.

339
00:17:41,843 --> 00:17:46,686
And I find that a lot of the guys that I
talk to that are lonely, lost, don't know

340
00:17:46,686 --> 00:17:47,627
what to do.

341
00:17:47,727 --> 00:17:52,611
They're doing the same thing they've been
doing since high school or whatever.

342
00:17:52,751 --> 00:17:56,094
And wondering why doesn't my life provide
more meaning and value for you?

343
00:17:56,094 --> 00:17:57,375
You have to, you have to push, right?

344
00:17:57,375 --> 00:18:01,318
You have to, you have to just put yourself
out there and fall on your face.

345
00:18:01,318 --> 00:18:01,750
Right.

346
00:18:01,750 --> 00:18:05,412
yeah, and the thing is, sometimes it's
about the conversation you're going to

347
00:18:05,412 --> 00:18:11,094
have with someone in that journey of doing
something different.

348
00:18:11,114 --> 00:18:16,717
Now the rocket scientist, we weren't
asking him to go get an Oscar or an Emmy

349
00:18:16,717 --> 00:18:18,757
or a Tony Award as an actor.

350
00:18:19,278 --> 00:18:23,359
I was just saying, jump outside of science
for a moment.

351
00:18:23,440 --> 00:18:25,840
Jump outside the genius world.

352
00:18:26,189 --> 00:18:31,270
and I sent him to the National Theater
Conservatory, which is in Denver at the

353
00:18:31,270 --> 00:18:32,030
time.

354
00:18:32,190 --> 00:18:35,491
So all the top actors are gonna come
through there and the top drama coaches

355
00:18:35,491 --> 00:18:36,811
are gonna come through there.

356
00:18:37,712 --> 00:18:38,892
And he was willing to do that.

357
00:18:38,892 --> 00:18:41,673
I said, just step outside of yourself for
a moment.

358
00:18:41,853 --> 00:18:45,774
I just want you to be with just people
that are not in your world.

359
00:18:46,194 --> 00:18:48,715
And I want you just to be yourself.

360
00:18:48,715 --> 00:18:50,295
Be yourself.

361
00:18:50,455 --> 00:18:53,576
I'm not asking you to change, I'm just
asking you to do something different

362
00:18:53,576 --> 00:18:54,936
outside of your world.

363
00:18:55,065 --> 00:18:57,146
just for a moment, just temporarily.

364
00:18:57,146 --> 00:18:58,687
And it really changed him.

365
00:18:58,687 --> 00:19:05,711
It really, it made him think outside the
box about his own reason for coming to me

366
00:19:05,711 --> 00:19:08,572
as a coach to find that purpose.

367
00:19:08,572 --> 00:19:13,815
You can be the smartest person in the
world and ace every exam out there, Mensa

368
00:19:13,815 --> 00:19:18,218
and beyond, but you need to find the
purpose and then you don't wanna do it

369
00:19:18,218 --> 00:19:18,678
alone.

370
00:19:18,678 --> 00:19:20,199
He did not wanna be alone.

371
00:19:20,199 --> 00:19:23,580
He wanted to find the right woman for him.

372
00:19:24,421 --> 00:19:26,684
He wanted to have a family.

373
00:19:27,927 --> 00:19:31,755
There were so many different things
churning in him, but he wasn't getting

374
00:19:31,755 --> 00:19:32,536
there.

375
00:19:33,879 --> 00:19:37,024
And then he did, he got it all, he got it
all.

376
00:19:37,447 --> 00:19:40,390
Yeah, there's so much research that says
and I think this is why coaches and

377
00:19:40,390 --> 00:19:46,076
therapists are so valuable is because
saying the thing out loud makes your brain

378
00:19:46,076 --> 00:19:49,640
respond differently than thinking about it
over and over and over again for 20 years,

379
00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:53,684
like saying it out loud, your body like
your mind hears it and is able to take

380
00:19:53,684 --> 00:19:54,245
action better.

381
00:19:54,245 --> 00:19:55,746
Can you tell me more about that?

382
00:19:56,330 --> 00:19:59,232
there is life and death in the tongue.

383
00:19:59,553 --> 00:20:05,717
You can say things out loud about your
purpose in life, you know, who you are and

384
00:20:05,717 --> 00:20:08,399
your vision for accomplishing certain
things.

385
00:20:08,979 --> 00:20:12,121
You can build life into that with how you
speak.

386
00:20:12,202 --> 00:20:17,805
I tell my clients to create mantras for
themselves that are just for them.

387
00:20:18,018 --> 00:20:19,938
They must be life-giving.

388
00:20:19,938 --> 00:20:23,199
It's not about, hey, that was stupid, or
you're a jerk, or anything.

389
00:20:23,199 --> 00:20:25,220
Our self-talk is so huge.

390
00:20:25,220 --> 00:20:29,771
We have internal self-talk, but we need to
do self-talk that is also verbal.

391
00:20:29,771 --> 00:20:31,772
What you're saying out loud...

392
00:20:31,772 --> 00:20:34,733
is what's been in your heart for a long
time.

393
00:20:35,053 --> 00:20:40,397
So what you say to yourself out here, in
the external world verbally, but also what

394
00:20:40,397 --> 00:20:44,459
you say to yourself in your mind, you're
gonna listen to yourself more than anybody

395
00:20:44,459 --> 00:20:45,239
else.

396
00:20:46,100 --> 00:20:52,843
What we're saying verbally and internally
is so key, Jeremy, absolutely key.

397
00:20:54,026 --> 00:20:58,568
And I think that is one of the hang ups
that a lot of I imagine this is for women

398
00:20:58,568 --> 00:21:01,329
to I'm not a woman I can't I can't speak
to the experience.

399
00:21:01,389 --> 00:21:08,452
But but the self talk, the idea of who you
are the story you tell yourself of who you

400
00:21:08,452 --> 00:21:13,134
are your entire life is very difficult to
rewrite and it's based largely in what our

401
00:21:13,134 --> 00:21:17,336
experiences as children and the people
were around and the experiences we have.

402
00:21:17,597 --> 00:21:21,138
But we have to find ways to rewrite that
story.

403
00:21:21,478 --> 00:21:24,080
And, and for men, it is

404
00:21:24,080 --> 00:21:26,160
often, are you a good enough provider?

405
00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:27,500
Is your family successful?

406
00:21:27,500 --> 00:21:30,401
Do you have the car in the driveway you're
supposed to have the house you're supposed

407
00:21:30,401 --> 00:21:31,241
to have?

408
00:21:31,441 --> 00:21:32,141
And all of these things.

409
00:21:32,141 --> 00:21:37,643
So we tell ourselves we are a failure
because we rent we don't own we were

410
00:21:37,643 --> 00:21:41,963
driving a 20 year old car instead of the
latest model, or you know, our iPhone is

411
00:21:41,963 --> 00:21:44,984
10 years old, you know, whatever the thing
is, there's all these stories we tell

412
00:21:44,984 --> 00:21:49,525
ourselves, how do we start to unravel
those stories and rewrite it to become the

413
00:21:49,525 --> 00:21:50,784
person we're trying to become?

414
00:21:50,784 --> 00:21:56,929
Well, I'll tell you about a, I suppose I
got to work with a naval officer who hit a

415
00:21:56,929 --> 00:21:59,330
wall in his 50s.

416
00:21:59,831 --> 00:22:06,336
And I said, why don't you come do my
stress buster journaling, you know, time

417
00:22:06,336 --> 00:22:07,817
at this retreat center.

418
00:22:08,098 --> 00:22:09,979
No, no, that's for women.

419
00:22:10,561 --> 00:22:11,885
one of his guy friends

420
00:22:11,885 --> 00:22:16,447
brought me the naval officer who had hit a
wall and he was so angry.

421
00:22:16,447 --> 00:22:19,708
Just things were not working the way he
wanted.

422
00:22:19,708 --> 00:22:22,249
He just could not do it.

423
00:22:22,349 --> 00:22:29,592
And so I went to see him and he finally,
after much duress on his part, everybody's

424
00:22:29,592 --> 00:22:30,129
saying,

425
00:22:30,129 --> 00:22:32,330
Why don't you go do the stress buster
thing?

426
00:22:32,330 --> 00:22:33,990
You're just wound up, you know?

427
00:22:33,991 --> 00:22:39,854
So he drove to the retreat center and I
gave him a little writing assignment and

428
00:22:39,854 --> 00:22:46,364
all the students were there, probably a
class of about 30 or 35 people And he did

429
00:22:46,364 --> 00:22:47,725
that little assignment.

430
00:22:47,725 --> 00:22:51,907
And you know, one of the things I'll say
to people, there are many assignments I

431
00:22:51,907 --> 00:22:55,248
give for writing on a fun day like that in
a beautiful place.

432
00:22:55,501 --> 00:23:02,143
But something I would say to men is write
about the things that you are proud of.

433
00:23:02,603 --> 00:23:05,084
Write about your victories.

434
00:23:05,765 --> 00:23:10,807
And I gave him a series of things to do
that day and by the end of the day uh, he

435
00:23:10,807 --> 00:23:16,649
just put a rose on my desk with a little
note saying, uh, I'm changed.

436
00:23:16,869 --> 00:23:17,770
That was it.

437
00:23:18,550 --> 00:23:23,112
He put I'm changed and he signed it with
his with his rank and everything and he

438
00:23:23,112 --> 00:23:24,712
quietly left.

439
00:23:25,065 --> 00:23:29,246
And his wife and everybody said, what did
you do to him?

440
00:23:29,246 --> 00:23:30,866
I said, I didn't do anything.

441
00:23:30,986 --> 00:23:36,808
I said, all I did was make a couple
suggestions on some assignments.

442
00:23:36,808 --> 00:23:41,214
He, you know, participated like everybody
else, but

443
00:23:41,214 --> 00:23:45,676
He really he jumped into it and one of the
things I say to men is you are not just

444
00:23:45,676 --> 00:23:51,560
what you do There is an internal part to
you And I want to find out what are you

445
00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:57,423
proud of not what your boss is proud of
Not what your mom and dad are proud of if

446
00:23:57,423 --> 00:24:02,846
they're still living But you as a person,
what are you proud of?

447
00:24:03,007 --> 00:24:04,948
Talk to me about your milestones.

448
00:24:04,948 --> 00:24:07,709
Uh, yeah from childhood till now

449
00:24:09,802 --> 00:24:10,942
And why?

450
00:24:11,483 --> 00:24:13,464
Why does that make you happy?

451
00:24:13,464 --> 00:24:18,268
Why does it check all the boxes internally
for you?

452
00:24:18,268 --> 00:24:19,509
And what are your victories?

453
00:24:19,509 --> 00:24:22,491
What are some of your victories that you
would talk about?

454
00:24:22,491 --> 00:24:25,674
And those that wanna share it a day like
that get to share it.

455
00:24:25,674 --> 00:24:31,498
Because how often do people get to share
that in a safe environment?

456
00:24:32,439 --> 00:24:34,560
It's rare and it changes people.

457
00:24:34,560 --> 00:24:35,901
Does it get emotional, Jeremy?

458
00:24:35,901 --> 00:24:36,641
Yeah.

459
00:24:36,906 --> 00:24:40,753
It gets emotional for men and women in
those situations.

460
00:24:41,104 --> 00:24:46,306
And I think, honestly, I think that is the
barrier that most men have to get through.

461
00:24:46,306 --> 00:24:51,448
Because until recently, I mean, I think
this is trending in a positive direction

462
00:24:51,448 --> 00:24:52,449
in the last few years.

463
00:24:52,449 --> 00:24:58,912
But I think for most of humanity, men were
not given that space to get emotional, to

464
00:24:58,912 --> 00:25:01,133
share why something is important.

465
00:25:01,133 --> 00:25:05,635
It was do the thing, show the results, get
the reward, do the thing, show the

466
00:25:05,635 --> 00:25:06,716
results, get the award.

467
00:25:06,716 --> 00:25:09,257
But the but the like, why do you do this?

468
00:25:09,257 --> 00:25:10,417
How does it make you feel?

469
00:25:10,417 --> 00:25:11,177
When?

470
00:25:11,478 --> 00:25:13,398
there's no room to acknowledge that.

471
00:25:13,398 --> 00:25:15,539
There's no, I mean, I see it now with
young kids.

472
00:25:15,539 --> 00:25:17,820
I see parents talking to their sons that
way.

473
00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:22,541
I have daughters, so I haven't had the
experience to talk to boys like that, but

474
00:25:22,541 --> 00:25:27,763
I talk to girls the way that I wish I had
more space to talk so that they can talk

475
00:25:27,763 --> 00:25:31,264
about their feelings and their struggles
and get it out and cry and move that

476
00:25:31,264 --> 00:25:34,165
energy that's just otherwise gonna haunt
them until they're 47.

477
00:25:34,165 --> 00:25:40,288
I'm looking myself in the mirror as I say
this, but guys historically don't.

478
00:25:40,288 --> 00:25:41,449
they're not given that space.

479
00:25:41,449 --> 00:25:45,292
And it's so interesting because I've seen
it over and over again, where you give

480
00:25:45,292 --> 00:25:47,655
them an inch and they will take the mile,
right?

481
00:25:47,655 --> 00:25:50,097
Like, but no one ever says it's okay.

482
00:25:50,097 --> 00:25:54,701
This is a safe place to do this, do this
and the growth that can happen so quickly

483
00:25:54,701 --> 00:25:56,722
just by being given a little bit of that
space.

484
00:25:56,722 --> 00:25:59,543
Can I tell you what was on the Naval
Officer's Board?

485
00:25:59,543 --> 00:26:02,805
Which kind of goes with what you just
said.

486
00:26:03,005 --> 00:26:08,968
His entire board, Jeremy, was, and he
didn't realize this when he was making it.

487
00:26:08,968 --> 00:26:13,751
He didn't realize it, because the retreat
and the board were two separate things

488
00:26:13,751 --> 00:26:16,433
that happened within maybe a month of each
other,

489
00:26:16,433 --> 00:26:22,380
when he did his board before the retreat,
he cut out all these pictures like

490
00:26:22,380 --> 00:26:23,680
everybody else does.

491
00:26:23,801 --> 00:26:27,945
And when we looked at the board, it was
all steam engines.

492
00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:30,354
Interesting.

493
00:26:30,354 --> 00:26:36,439
All the pictures were steam shooting out
and I said wow, what are you showing me

494
00:26:36,439 --> 00:26:45,547
God and he goes This guy is about to
explode And he has got to deal with this

495
00:26:45,547 --> 00:26:50,351
he didn't even get it He did not get that
he did not see that it those pictures

496
00:26:50,351 --> 00:26:55,176
meant nothing to him at the time And I sat
there as someone who coaches people have

497
00:26:55,176 --> 00:26:57,737
been doing this for over 30 years with
people

498
00:26:57,766 --> 00:27:04,811
I sat with him and I said, wow, every
single thing on his board was something

499
00:27:04,811 --> 00:27:06,492
that was shooting off steam.

500
00:27:06,492 --> 00:27:10,655
And you can see it like the old steam
locomotive, steam in a kettle.

501
00:27:11,216 --> 00:27:16,980
Just train after train, the steam and it
made no sense to him.

502
00:27:16,980 --> 00:27:20,303
And God was like, well, he has to get
away.

503
00:27:20,303 --> 00:27:24,225
He's about to blow a gasket, but he
couldn't see it.

504
00:27:25,404 --> 00:27:29,506
Yeah, see, and I love that because that
speaks to the deeper thing than the

505
00:27:29,506 --> 00:27:30,187
career, right?

506
00:27:30,187 --> 00:27:34,850
Like he's it speaks to you've got stuff
that's got to get out, move it, get it out

507
00:27:34,850 --> 00:27:35,531
of your system.

508
00:27:35,531 --> 00:27:36,475
Yeah, that's so great.

509
00:27:36,475 --> 00:27:39,837
really feel like whatever people have done
in jobs is never wasted.

510
00:27:39,877 --> 00:27:43,019
But could it be used in a different way?

511
00:27:43,039 --> 00:27:43,999
Yes.

512
00:27:44,139 --> 00:27:50,083
When you're a military officer, male or
female, you're used to regimental things.

513
00:27:50,083 --> 00:27:51,844
You're used to protocol.

514
00:27:51,844 --> 00:27:53,504
You're used to order.

515
00:27:53,665 --> 00:27:56,586
And you can't really color outside the
lines.

516
00:27:57,607 --> 00:28:03,222
So, you know, taking what you've learned,
but taking it outside of that atmosphere.

517
00:28:03,222 --> 00:28:09,769
and just saying anything you want today,
anything is on the table for you.

518
00:28:09,829 --> 00:28:15,777
It was not something he was used to and
yet he was able to do that and he came

519
00:28:15,777 --> 00:28:20,241
away from that thinking, whoa, I've got to
change some things.

520
00:28:20,848 --> 00:28:22,791
the little that I know about you the
little bit I've learned in this

521
00:28:22,791 --> 00:28:26,415
conversation, I think maybe your purpose
and it is providing peace either between

522
00:28:26,415 --> 00:28:30,861
sides or between someone and themself
trying to trying to find that piece to

523
00:28:30,861 --> 00:28:31,542
move a little forward.

524
00:28:31,542 --> 00:28:31,842
So

525
00:28:31,842 --> 00:28:35,003
I've never heard it put that way, Jeremy,
but you know what?

526
00:28:35,003 --> 00:28:36,143
I think you're right.

527
00:28:36,143 --> 00:28:38,764
That's often what I get tasked to do.

528
00:28:38,904 --> 00:28:43,045
I used to call it in my 20s, I used to
call it the dog jobs that nobody wanted.

529
00:28:43,125 --> 00:28:47,266
I like to turn them into, you know, take,
you know, the pig turn into a silk purse

530
00:28:47,266 --> 00:28:48,067
kind of a thing.

531
00:28:48,067 --> 00:28:53,788
The sow's ear into a silk purse because,
you know, there, we have so much division

532
00:28:53,788 --> 00:28:56,189
in our world right now.

533
00:28:56,189 --> 00:28:58,789
And we've got to find a way to...

534
00:28:58,794 --> 00:29:02,816
let people know we're all in the same
marble called planet Earth.

535
00:29:02,816 --> 00:29:09,081
and we have to come to a place sometimes
where we can, you know, actually be a part

536
00:29:09,081 --> 00:29:11,963
of a solution rather than creating more
problems.

537
00:29:12,022 --> 00:29:13,326
Yeah, important work.

538
00:29:13,326 --> 00:29:14,851
A lot of the lessons outlined in your
book.

539
00:29:14,851 --> 00:29:17,436
Tell us where we can find the book and
tell us where we can find you online.

540
00:29:17,436 --> 00:29:18,597
You can find me online.

541
00:29:18,597 --> 00:29:23,000
I have a ministry website, but we are
building a strictly life coaching website.

542
00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:24,001
So bear with me.

543
00:29:24,001 --> 00:29:27,805
But the ministry website is just my first
name, chardlin.com, which is

544
00:29:27,805 --> 00:29:32,288
C-H-A-R-L-Y-N-N-E, and it's pronounced
charlynne.com.

545
00:29:33,069 --> 00:29:38,634
And then the books that I've written, True
Grid is the coaching book, which has the

546
00:29:38,634 --> 00:29:43,458
vision grid in it that I was discussing
with Jeremy on this particular podcast.

547
00:29:43,458 --> 00:29:45,919
That is available at Amazon.

548
00:29:46,276 --> 00:29:48,077
Kindle and Audible.

549
00:29:48,077 --> 00:29:55,123
And so is my latest travel book that talks
about how do I deal with situations in

550
00:29:55,123 --> 00:29:56,344
foreign countries?

551
00:29:56,344 --> 00:29:58,726
So there's seven countries listed there.

552
00:29:58,726 --> 00:30:01,723
And that book is called No Appointments
Necessary.

553
00:30:01,723 --> 00:30:02,944
But those are the two books.

554
00:30:02,944 --> 00:30:07,207
Then they're both available on Amazon,
Kindle and Audible.

555
00:30:08,282 --> 00:30:10,913
We'll have the links to all of that in the
show notes for this episode.

556
00:30:10,913 --> 00:30:12,199
Charlin, thanks so much for your time
today.

557
00:30:12,199 --> 00:30:12,960
This was a lot of fun.

558
00:30:12,960 --> 00:30:14,481
wow, Jeremy, you're amazing.

559
00:30:14,481 --> 00:30:19,747
And I'm so hoping that what was shared
today will be encouraging to your

560
00:30:19,747 --> 00:30:20,187
listeners.

561
00:30:20,187 --> 00:30:23,127
too hope you found some encouragement in
the stories you heard today from my guest,

562
00:30:23,127 --> 00:30:24,388
Charlene Boddy.

563
00:30:24,388 --> 00:30:27,488
as I said, the links to her are in the
show notes for this episode at the fit

564
00:30:27,488 --> 00:30:28,705
mess .com.

565
00:30:28,705 --> 00:30:31,665
if you did find encouragement and know of
others who could benefit from hearing this

566
00:30:31,665 --> 00:30:34,375
conversation, please share this episode
with them.

567
00:30:34,375 --> 00:30:37,427
It would be us to be able to help others
in need.

568
00:30:37,453 --> 00:30:38,323
But that's all for now.

569
00:30:38,323 --> 00:30:41,993
We will be back next week, hopefully with
Zach sitting next to me, virtually

570
00:30:41,993 --> 00:30:45,293
anyways, at our website, thefitmass .com.

571
00:30:45,293 --> 00:30:46,893
Thanks for listening.