How To Overcome Past Conditioning and Believe In Your Potential, with Jared Ganem

Jared Ganem

[00:00:00] So my business is tanking, I'm significantly in debt, my marriage is going to hell, I'm stress eating like crazy, I end up 80 pounds overweight, I end up close to well over six figures in debt, I'm divorced, I'm broke. That's Jared Ganim. For years, he scratched and clawed to achieve his goal of becoming a professional WWE wrestler and sports entertainer.

After getting rejected when his dream was within reach, Jared's life spiraled out of control. He hit rock bottom and saw no way out. Today, Jared runs a thriving business teaching men the principles of self mastery and empowered purpose. He discovered ways to heal trauma, shift limiting beliefs, and unlock higher levels of potential.

And now he teaches others. Personal growth, or you changing, is the rate at which you can accept something different about yourself. By the end of this episode, you'll understand how to heal conditioning from your past trauma and emotional wounds. And how to rebuild your identity and align with your true purpose.

And Jared will share the framework he teaches so you can continually [00:01:00] upgrade your mindset and access higher human potential. So if you're sick of your own shit and ready to make a change, stay with us. Boy am I ever. So, Jeremy, one of the things I like to do to manage my anxiety is I will sit at the end of the day, watching TV and do like a gigantic Lego set, preferably a Star Wars Lego set.

You just follow the instructions. You put this piece there, you put that piece there. There's order. There's things like there's a way to do it and then you get the successful ending every now and again. I don't read the instructions right or I do something wrong or somebody will help me and I have to literally tear the whole thing [00:02:00] apart and build it back up again.

It's so annoying. And every time that's happened, I've always looked at it as that's just life. Sometimes you just tear it down and rebuild it. Okay, but it also might be a little, uh, a little OCD. I mean, come on, you don't have to tear the whole thing apart. Usually, it's usually like some critical thing that I didn't do at the very beginning.

It's going to change the whole thing. Changes the whole structure of everything you had going on. How much of your identity do you put into that Lego set that you build in every night? Do you just beat yourself up because you were such a failure at doing it right the first time? No, and it never bothers me because literally I pulled apart and I rebuild it.

And the first couple of times where I lost my identity in life. It really bothered me, right? It was very, very hard. And now, like, I kind of look back and it's like, I have just rewritten my life so many times. Like, I, now I'm at the point where, like, I, like, Ah, it's not working, something's not right. Well, I'm gonna do a whole bunch of stuff and tear it [00:03:00] down and change everything.

And, you know, rebuild it. But man, those first couple of times where it got torn down and I didn't want it to be torn down. Yeah. It was painful. That sucked. It's still scary though. I mean, I just went through this a few months ago where not so much my identity, but a lot of the safety and security and beliefs I had about the way my life was going to go were drastically changed because of an external force, right?

Like something happened that just changed everything for me and I had to really reevaluate. Now what? Who am I now that I don't have this? That is a scary thing. I know you've been through that a number of times. Yeah, I think the first time it happened to me was like, Oh my God, it's coming up on 10 years where like I had a job where I had a whole bunch of people and a whole bunch of responsibility.

And it was like a worldwide thing. And I decided to take a new job, you know, like a different, like a change. It was. I decided to take a risk and I went from like having this gigantic team to being just me [00:04:00] and my influence was very, very small and it, I didn't realize how much of my, my identity was tied up in that job until I imagine like a lot of people purpose, right?

It's really easy to have the attaboys, the accolades that you get for doing things well at work. All of that starts to become not only your, your. Identity, but your purpose. I need to do this well, or what am I that and like, but once it all went away, like I was like, Oh, who am I? What's left? Yeah. And that was a, that like led me to yoga school.

It led me to meditation. It led me to like exercise. And that was, you probably remember that year where I got like, like I 12, like health and exercise certifications, my master's degree, my yoga teacher certification got us a house in the path of totality for the eclipse. Like that was a year of like bonkers for me because I was just looking for who I was.

[00:05:00] Yeah. Yeah. And so many people, I don't know if, I don't know if they find it right. I think they, I think it's really easy to sort of catch the next thing and throw your identity into that and then have that ripped away. And again and again and just keep repeating that cycle because I think a lot of us lack that underlying purpose that that thing that drives us more than the promotion, the raise, the whatever it comes from a job.

Yeah, I mean, at the time it was really, really hard for me. But it absolutely changed my life and like got the ego out of the way and introduced me to things and tools and techniques of managing me and my anxiety that I never would have found if that hadn't happened, I would have just kept going the way I was going and burnt out.

I'd probably be dead from a heart attack at this point. That, that burnt out wishing you were dead, sort of feeling that many people would describe that as rock bottom. You've been there. I've been there. We've all been there a number of times. Our Ganim. He has [00:06:00] figured out a way to get around some of that.

After hitting his own rock bottom, he's a former professional wrestler who now runs a program called self mastery for men. And I had a chance to talk to him earlier today and we started by talking about how even he had to hit rock bottom before discovering his true purpose. So when I was a kid, I loved pro wrestling.

It was my dream. Like everybody's got a purpose. My purpose was to headline WrestleMania. That's what I wanted to do. Um, cause there was a book that I read. It was by a guy named Mick Foley. Uh, he's a pro wrestler and basically he was kind of the guy that everybody overlooked. Everybody kind of made fun of him.

He was a kind of a geeky kid growing up and he main evented WrestleMania won the world heavyweight championship and he wrote an autobiography. I'm like, that's so cool. Like that's what I wanted to do. Now, what I didn't realize is I didn't actually want to be a pro wrestler. I actually just wanted to.

Help a lot of people and be an inspiration and kind of write my own autobiography type of thing But wrestling was my thing. So I did everything that it took. I I worked super hard. I went to the gym. I [00:07:00] Showed up early to the wrestling shows. I stayed late I did everything that you could do and I think also wrestling aside I think a lot of guys do this too, right?

They with women they give everything they Give gifts and flowers and all this stuff and it's kind of like the nice guy syndrome I was doing nice guy syndrome for for wrestling If that makes sense. I just really wanted to be there. And I go all the way to WWE. I had tryouts and everything like that. And then the head of talent development called me in the office like, Hey, kid, we could hire you today.

We'd make you a superstar. And like this was I'm telling you the short version. This went on for like almost a decade. I was trying to make it, I could hire you today. I'd make you a superstar. And I go, awesome. I'm so excited. He goes, but I'm not going to do that. Cause life's not fair. And he kind of like slammed the door in my face.

And I was like, what just happened? Because all of a sudden picture this. I liked wrestling since I was five years old, seven years old, I decided to do it. Spend like a decade or more of my life trying to get there. I got all the way to the front door. WW start getting in the front door. And then they say, [00:08:00] Hey, sorry, kid.

Life's not fair. See you later. Like it was, it was crushing. Do you know what I mean? And a couple of things happened right there, Jeremy. It's kind of what I came to realize. Cause wrestling became almost like a, like a microcosm for my whole life. I lost, I lost my purpose. Cause my purpose was to be a wrestler.

I lost my identity because my identity was to be a wrestler and all of a sudden my beliefs and all that stuff, I just believed I wasn't good at anything and I really crashed for a little while, but I sympathize so, so often because a lot of guys have the same thing where it might not be wrestling, but they identify with a career or they identify with being a husband or a father and then, you know, their wife breaks up with him.

So I can really sympathize like when you lose your purpose and your identity and your mission and all that stuff, it's really difficult to come back from, if that makes sense. Absolutely. And I love what you're saying there. And what I'm hearing is a common thread in your experience and those are identifying for other guys.

We're always looking for that purpose externally. There's it's the title, it's the thing on the door, the name on the [00:09:00] desk, what the other person thinks of me. Yeah. How do you see that as, as a common mistake for the guys that you work with? Is there something deeper inside? Is, is that where purpose should really be, uh, searched for?

Yeah. I, I think the whole concept of purpose, um, it kind of gets misconstrued. People think it's, I'm gonna end world Hunger or, or Crate World piece or something, uh, really noble, right? But I, I think there's a difference between a, a purpose and a mission and then a really high level goal or outcome. It's like a really high level goal or outcome is something you can achieve.

But I feel like a purpose is just you being who you really are on the inside. The way I look at it is if your purpose is tied to a career, an identity, if it's tied to something that can be taken away from you, it's not, it's not a good purpose. If it's external, it's not a good purpose. It's got to be something that comes from inside, and it's related to your values on how you show up every day.

Does that make sense? Yeah, we had a guest on a couple of years ago that she said it really well. She said your purpose should be something you can do before you have your first [00:10:00] cup of coffee in the morning. There you go. It should be something that simple, right? Yeah. So you were crushed. The dream was shattered.

Uh, I understand life didn't get a whole lot better real quick, but it did. How did you claw your way out of that rock bottom situation? Man, I like to say it got better really quick. It did. And it was like a series of, it was a series of unfortunate events. You know, I tell it to you and it's like a cool five minute blurb on a podcast.

This was like so long in my life. Uh, so what happened was I lost this wrestling thing and when it rains, it pours. I'm like, I'm trying to figure out what I really want to do. Uh, my aunt Charlene, she was super into Tony Robbins, and so she gave me, she didn't even give me the full cassette series, she just gave me like the one that she had in her car, and it was like, Tony Robbins, tape seven, track five, and I'm like, okay, cool, listen to it, and I'm like, that's pretty neat, so what he was saying is like, the thing that you think that you want to do, it's not because you want to do it, it's because you think it's going to get you something, you think it's going to meet certain needs that you have, and I'm like, oh, well, Well, what did wrestling meet?

[00:11:00] Wrestling was, Oh, it's creative. It's a cool thing. I can travel. It's like not a desk job. So I go, if, as long as I'm using my creativity and it's not a desk job and I can travel, then I pretty much got my needs met. So, uh, I ended up creating a video production company that helped live sporting events in arenas.

I did really well. Um, I was doing like UFC fight pass. I was doing arena MMA events, arena wrestling events as well. Uh, if you ever heard of AEW, I did their first event all in, in the production truck. So I did really well for myself, uh, then COVID happens, everything goes to, goes to crap. My biggest client stopped paying me and I got production equipment.

I got, you know, camera cranes, I got static. So now I'm significantly in debt, like more than you'd want to even imagine. And so every event I'm doing is paying for the last one. My wife, at the time, she had serious addiction issues. So she's addicted to alcohol, and she's also, on top of it, taking anxiety medication.

So she's mixing them, and she's, like, going into another planet. And she was hiding it, so all of a sudden, she's [00:12:00] just, like, passing out, and, like, what is going on? So she's going in and out of rehab now, and You ever read No More Mr. Nice Guy, the book by Robert Glover? I'm saying this hypothetically, like, the book was written about me.

You know, not really, but, you know, figuratively. Um, it was written. It was written about a lot of us. Let's feel like for sure. Right. But so what, what happened was I was so codependent, but also like, I never wanted to abandon anybody. I'm like, well, I got to go down with the ship. I never want some try, like I'm trying to save her, but it's not working.

And then, so my business is tanking. I'm significantly in debt. My marriage is going to hell. I'm stress eating like crazy. I ended up 80 pounds overweight. I end up close to well over six figures in debt. Um, divorced, um, broke. Here's the worst part, man. Uh, I had no place to stay after my divorce and I did not have any money for anything.

My parents go, Oh, stay at our condo in Florida. Cause they had a condo there. It was over 65 community. So I had to live in the dark because if the lady knew that I lived there, the, uh, the [00:13:00] HOA president, she'd evict my parents. So now I'm broke, I'm fat, I'm depressed, I'm divorced, I'm living in the dark, like it was not where I wanted to be in my thirties.

So it got way worse, right? But uh, hopefully it doesn't have to get that bad for you guys. But I liked what you said, um, on the tagline of your show. It's like when guys are sick of their own stuff. And they want to turn it around. Like, that's what happened to me, but it went a little bit further because I found a woman that loved, she loved me for me.

It wasn't for my looks. I didn't have any. It wasn't for my finance. I didn't have any, but she really, she really liked me and she was going to move in with me and we're going to like start a life together. And it was my like light at the end of the tunnel. And then I realized I had no idea how to be a masculine leader at all because of all the stuff I had been through.

And now she's like, what am I getting myself into? And I feel her pulling away and I'm like, Oh, like if I lose her, I lost everything. Like there's no, there's no more light at the end of the tunnel if I lose this woman. Right. So that's when I finally got the moment or the motivation to make the shift. I go, something's going to change right now.

And so what I did. [00:14:00] And I think maybe this is going to be helpful for a lot of the listeners here when there's so much you got to change. Like, like I said, maybe you're not nearly as bad as I was. Maybe there's like one or two things you want to change or something like that. And you just want to get more results, but I had to change everything simultaneously.

I mean, it's insurmountable, right? Like if I got to fix my health, my finances got out of debt, change my religion, everything. I'm like, if I do all of that through to do lists and habits, I'm going to have a nervous breakdown. So I go, what's the one thing where, if I focus on that. Everything will change almost simultaneously.

Does that, does that make sense? Absolutely. I can relate somewhat. I've been going through, we have a mutual friend, Joe Villegas. A few months ago, I called him at my rock bottom. I just lost my job, which was largely an identity thing. I was in a bad spot. And it was just like, dude, I need help. Like, I'm gonna, this is not gonna end well.

He basically helped me figure out, like, just a workout program, right? Like, let's start there. Let's just, like, just start moving your body. You've got some time now. You don't have a job. [00:15:00] Just start doing that. In doing that alone, the structure of that and, and the challenge that I put myself through almost every day, there's been this incredible level of confidence that is spread out to other areas of my life.

And it's just incredible. It's, it's, I love this quote by Alex Hermosi. It's a, you don't build confidence by shouting affirmations in the mirror. You do it by building a stack of evidence that proves that you are who you say you are. And it is by starting with that one thing, whatever it is for any guy in whatever situation.

There's one thing you've got to tackle and when you tackle it, all of a sudden you realize I can do hard things and it just starts to get easier. Yeah, that's exactly right. And actually, so studies show now like, uh, when you get into a workout regimen. All of a sudden, other things in your life start to get better as well.

What they found is because of the dopamine of lifting weights and stuff like that. Um, it has a, has a, um, like a ripple effect. And I guess your neurons connect differently and it makes it easier to create habits. It makes it easier to do better in business. There's actually like a processional effect of getting [00:16:00] into better shape.

Or at least start an exercise program. So that's always a great first place to start. Uh, for me, that's where I started as well. I started I started one level deeper though. I go, well, everything there, there's one common thread in all of this. And I go, it doesn't matter if I changed relationships. I tried to change relationships.

Didn't matter if I changed jobs, like wherever I go, I'm going to end up following myself, right? Like my own internal mind is going to keep creating this. So I go, it's got, it's gotta be me. It's gotta be my idea. I can't blame anybody anymore. It's gonna be my identity. So I'm like, who the heck do I believe I am?

And it's like, I believe I'm a failure. I believe I'm no good. I believe I'm washed up. I got, I got to change this internal stuff first. So I interrupt you there real quick because the story you told about the guy slamming the door in your face and saying, sorry, kid, uh, it's not for you. And it's because of you did that, did that, uh, did that really become your identity, like what he told you, did you own that as you're, you're right.

I'm not. And no, I, I, yes, yes. And no, I took that as I'm going to [00:17:00] prove you wrong and figure it out. And that got me into personal development, but also that really hurt because he wasn't saying no, because I wasn't a good wrestler. He wasn't saying no, because I wasn't, you know, big enough, strong enough, whatever, or talented enough.

He was just saying no, because of like me as a person. So I'm like, man, it's, it's gotta be me. So that, that did stick with me. And I took that as well. I shook his hand and said, I'm going to prove you wrong someday. Yeah. Right? Uh, I never ended up getting back there, which was fine, but I took it as a challenge and that's what got me into person development.

But I go, well, I think here's what I think the common thread is. It happened in wrestling. It happened in my business is happening again. I'm like, no matter what I do, this thread of like me not getting what I want keeps showing up. So I go, it's got to be in the operating system of what's going on inside of me.

So I did a deep dive into my conditioning, a deep dive into my self worth. It all, I don't need to tell you guys this, but like everything comes back to like what happened when you were a kid, zero to seven or seven to 14. I'm [00:18:00] adopted, right? I was given up at birth. I had all these, so it's like, oh my God, nobody wants me around.

So now I got like I got to go deal with all of this stuff first before I handle any of this. Um, that took a little bit longer, but, um, I decided I'm like, I'm going to change my identity, meaning change what I believe, change what I value about myself, change how I talk to myself, and then I'm going to start making and keeping very small promises to myself.

I, I was an athlete. I wasn't anymore. I wasn't going, I was super overweight. I couldn't control my finances because it required people to pay me or acquired a job. I couldn't control my girlfriend suddenly falling in love with me again because I could do stuff but she would have to kind of get on board with that, but I could control if I went to the gym.

I could control what I put in my face. I could, so like that was my first level back of getting control of my life. And just like what you said, once I did that, everything started changing. Um, that was like the foot in the door, the childhood stuff. Uh, we kind of glossed over how you got through that. I've told this story a bunch of times about how I had this big, um, um, Uh, [00:19:00] recognition of that very recently at a family event where, you know, a parent had gone way overboard and made this just incredible Thanksgiving for everybody and was just like downplaying it before anyone could even dish it up so that to like manage expectations and listening to them do this, I recognize that voice is the one that's been in my head my whole life, like, like setting the bar low so that just by showing up, I'm already a hero.

And I was like, wow, this deep belief that I have about who I am is something that I heard someone else saying as a child and owned as me also because I, I hadn't separated yet that we were different people. And so that is some deep, difficult work to start untangling that and figuring out who's the real me versus the one that at three, four years old, heard things and owned them as their own identity.

How did you, how did you work your way through that? And are you still working your way through that? No, that, that's actually the basis of the work that I do now is because I figured most of that out. I mean, there's always another level, [00:20:00] obviously, like I'm not saying I'm some perfected enlightened being, right?

But by any means, I'm still doing my own work. Uh, I've turned everything around. I've completely out of debt. I got a six figure business again. I'm in the best shape of my life since college. My relationship keeps improving. Like it's great, right? So things are good. Uh, I'm not saying that because I wanna brag I'm, 'cause I figured some stuff out, at least for myself to help other people.

Um, but I got really obsessed with that because I, he, and I think this relates to a lot of guys as well. You know, there's a version of you that you have inside of you and you know the potential it's there and for whatever reason, like you just can't get it out. You're trying to, you're trying to do habits and morning routines and all this stuff, and you start one way and then it goes the other way.

And you're two steps forward, one step back. There's an internal conflict and you keep kind of doing groundhogs day. That, that was happening to me. And I go, it's gotta be something with, there's gotta be a thought loop or something happening. And I got so frustrated. I go, what is going on here? And, uh, I got obsessed with finding out, well, what.

Is really me. What [00:21:00] did I get from somebody else? Because here's what I thought, like I had this epiphany, I go, wait a minute, I'm adopted, right? And not everybody's adopted, but it kind of created like an identity crisis for me because I go, wait a minute, if I would have grown up with my birth family, I would have been one way.

I grew up with these people, my, my adoptive family, they're great, but, um, that way, so how much of that would I actually be if I was here versus there and it almost created like not a split, not a split personality, but almost like it put like a little, um, like a foot in the door kind of gave a little crack where I'm Oh, I like identity is subjective.

Do you know what I mean? It's based, it's based on conditioning. So I go, what if I condition myself? And I got really upset. Like I put on a piece of paper, everything I thought I believed, everything I thought that I got from other people. Like, what is this true? Where did it come from? Is that even me?

Cause I did not want to respond out of just like Pavlovian conditioning. I want it to be in charge of my own reactions. [00:22:00] So I got obsessed with figuring out what's mine. What's not mine. Um, and I go through this whole process where I found it out, found out what it was. And I mean, I'm into NLP, I'm into hypnotherapy, I'm into coaching techniques.

I just went into my brain and just rewired as much as I could, as much as possible. I love how you said, is this true? The other one I like is, do I agree with this? Particularly if it's somebody who, you know, some negative comment on the internet or something. Yeah. The power of just asking yourself, do I even agree with this?

And, and how, when you find that you don't suddenly it has zero power, but if you agree with it on any level, if there's any level of self doubt where that person calls you, whatever they call you on the internet or that customer you deal with it, you know, it gets pissed off about something. If you agree with them on any level, it's, it's a deep wound.

It's hard to recover from, but if you can just ask yourself, is that true? Do I agree with that? It just loses all power. 100%. They brought, um, for one of the companies I worked for, they brought in a Bob Proctor coach. [00:23:00] It wasn't Bob Proctor himself, it was a Bob Proctor, uh, Bob Proctor coach. His name is a tongue twister.

Uh, but he said one concept, it blew, it blew my mind. He goes, He's like, just say a goal out loud. And then he's like, well, say one that's even bigger and say when it's even bigger. And actually he didn't even say, say it like I said, say, say a goal in your own mind. And he goes, get to the point when you feel uncomfortable.

And some people were like, well, it's when I make 20, 000 a month. It's 50, 000 a month. It's when I have a family, I have created business. And he goes, this is what blew my mind. He goes, why did you get uncomfortable? You didn't tell the goal to anybody out loud. It was just you thinking your own thoughts in your own mind.

And I'm like, wait a minute. And so here's what he says. He goes, your entire identity is based on what you either decide to accept or not accept about yourself. And I'm like, Whoa, I'm getting chills just even telling you that. And he's like, so really just personal growth or you changing is the rate of which you can accept something different about yourself.

And I'm like, that is crazy. And so I, I've kind of taken that on as well. [00:24:00] There's this awesome, uh, Homer Simpson quote that I've adapted into something else. For he, in an episode, he says, alcohol, the cause of, and solution to all of life's problems. Yeah. I've adapted that to, I am the cause of and solution to all of my own problems.

Like if you can own your own role in your limitations and, and the way you hold yourself back, it gets a lot easier to overcome those limitations because you realize. There's nothing in my way. That's 100 percent right. People ask me, they go, well, how did you actually make the change? Was it you did more stuff?

I kind of did what you just said. I, it, it is an external result, but I did all of it by going internal and getting rid of the stuff that was no longer there. I read a book. I, if I had it here, I show it to you. It's called, uh, uh, 10 X is easier than two X. Have you read, uh, heard of that book? I, I saw you posted that on Instagram recently.

Yeah, yeah, 10X is easier than 2X. They tell a story about David, the, the sculpture of David. He go, they're like, well, how did you make David? He goes, I just took the marble and got rid of everything that wasn't David. [00:25:00] That's what I did. I, like, I went internal and got rid of everything that was holding me back from being a certain version of myself.

That's amazing. I know in your program you have seven levels of mastery. I want to get into those, but I do. The timing of this is interesting. We just had a comment in our Facebook community yesterday from a guy. He's a new community member. And I did sort of my usual, Hey, welcome. How'd you find us? What do you need help with?

And his response to that was really timely because of the work that you do. And he says, as for help, I don't really have a clue where to start. I thought I was doing okay getting by day by day. And last week I hit rock bottom. Not so bad as to hurt myself, but bad enough. I think that is so many guys right now at different points in their lives that just feel like they're, they're doing the thing, they're going to work every day.

They're doing the chores their wives tell them to do. They're taking their kids to soccer practice and they're there for him on the weekends. And all of a sudden one day it just hits them that like something's missing. Like it's just not enough. They're, they're not enough, whatever it might be. What would you tell that guy if he showed up at your desk tomorrow?

[00:26:00] I tell him, first of all, I was like, well, what would, who, who's the real version of you if you, if you could be anything you want it to be. Right. And so you mentioned the seven levels of self mastery. Usually if I had like a visual aid, I'd show it to you, but I'll say it out loud and it'll make, and if you write it down, you'd be able to see it.

Um, write down the numbers one through seven in a vertical line. And it goes like this. So number one would be your purpose of your mission. Number two would be your identity, which is who you believe you are. Number three is your worldview or your psychology, meaning your beliefs and values. Number four is the state on how you show up every day.

So, so your state would be your dominant emotions, what you're feeling. It could be your masculine versus feminine energy. It could even just be like your energy levels in your body. If you have like a hormonal issue or, you know, something physiologically wrong with you. So number four is your state and your energy and your emotions.

Number five, people get stuck here. They think it's like [00:27:00] skills and resources and learning more stuff and what you have access to. Uh, the number six is going to be your actual behaviors. And your actions and your habits. And then finally, seven is your environment and conditioning. So at the bottom is your environment and your conditioning.

So it's purpose, identity, psychology, you know, worldview beliefs. Uh, then it's going to be your state, how you show up your energy emotions. Then it's your skills or resources. Then it's your actions, behaviors. Then finally it's your conditioning or your environment. Does that make sense? Now, what most people do, what most people do is they go from the bottom up.

They allow their conditioning and their environment to control how they act. Or the habits they do, because it's just conditioned habits and responses. And then that controls what they believe they have access to. Money, time, whatever skills, you know that what they have access to resource wise, which controls how they show up in the emotions that they feel depressed.

I'm kind of lethargic. I'm not really owning myself, which then [00:28:00] controls, you know what they believe about themselves, what they believe is possible about themselves. The conditioning controls what they value highly, and that controls your identity. Who you believe you are. So then when it comes time to actually achieve a purpose, if they even have one at that point, you've got like these six other layers of conditioning that's like solidified and calcified.

It makes it really hard for you to get your outcome. Does that make sense? It does, and it's interesting because I feel like what you describe, I've been working backwards. Um, to the point where I feel like, like I mentioned, reaching out to a coach to get some help. I feel like I, I recently, three years ago, I immigrated from the U.

S. to Canada. And it was just like a completely new environment. It went from city to like very rural living out in the middle of nowhere in the mountains. With that, I was like, okay, cool here, I get a reset, I can change my behaviors, I can learn new skill. Like I'm literally working backwards and I got stuck at four and that's when I reached out for help.

It's like, I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. And so now by doing these new [00:29:00] habits, I'm starting to have different worldview. Like I am doing it backwards and it certainly is, I think, harder because if you start with the driving force of what is the point of all this. The rest of it just sort of falls into place, right?

Yeah, yeah. If you have a really strong purpose, and that's what got me through. My purpose was, even when I was a kid, the whole McFoley thing. It's like, well, I want to go be a wrestler, uh, be a success story, and then help a whole bunch of people. Well, it was never to be a wrestler. It was the purpose was to go help a whole bunch of people.

So it doesn't matter if I'm doing that as a wrestler. It doesn't matter if I'm doing it as a coach for men. As long as I'm doing that, I'm serving in some way. Even just talking to you, I'm helping somebody. So this is achieving the purpose, right? Um, but then if the purpose is so strong, the whole world can be falling down around you, you'll find a way to at least keep moving, right?

So that's, that's what at least kept me going. But then it's like, well, who do you believe yourself to be? And who do you have to become to get the purpose? Now you can say that, well, I'm a confident guy and you can like try to do affirmations for yourself. Like Hermosi said, that's not the way to do it.

You can do that and it'll work [00:30:00] temporarily. But the reason why it doesn't last is because you still get internal conflicts and it's all going back to your conditioning. So what I do is how I help guys, I help you create first of all, what your purpose is, what your mission is, and who the real version of you is your identity is.

And then once you have that, now you have a true north, but now there's all of this layer that's holding you back from being able to actually get that. So instead of just like, Hey, go do a bunch of skills, go do a bunch of new habits, which aren't going to last because the conditioning is there. I go straight to the conditioning, root up all of the root causes and all the patterns, all the unconscious beliefs.

And then we wipe them out as fast as we can, uh, using some processes that I know. And then once you, once you're clear of all the baggage, then all of the habits, then all the actions, then all the, then all the new stuff will actually take root because you don't have the internal conflict anymore. So that's how I help guys move forward.

If that makes sense. Do you find this to be a uniquely male? Problem. Is this something that guys deal with more than, than women, or is that just your experience? And so that's sort of where you [00:31:00] lean in your coaching. It's my experience. So that's kind of where I lean. I I've worked with women as well. Uh, what I find though, is guys, we like to fix things.

We like to fix problems and we like to do them as logically as possible. So if we, uh, if we see a problem, we end up doing them backwards. Like I've been doing for the first thing we do, right. We're, we're a guy, we want to fix something and go, okay, what am I not? doing and you start to like New Year's resolution or you do a new habit, you do new morning routine.

I'm gonna go to the gym five days a week for three hours and you do it for a week and then you burn out and then you stop, right? So that's the first thing we do. Then we go, well, we don't know enough. So we need to go get more knowledge or skills or information. And then you buy books or courses or hire a personal trainer or something that works for a minute.

And then you have all the knowledge, but it's not being applied fully. And you go, wait a minute, I got to work harder. So then you go back to the habits and actions and you go back and you keep looping those, those two, right? Like resources, skills, and actions until you burn out. Then you go, wait a minute, it must be the environment.

I got to change my job. [00:32:00] I got to change my relationship because she's obviously the problem, not me. You got to change the location that you're in and then you move and then you're super excited, right? I'm saying myself included. And then you're like, well, wait a minute. I still feel the same way. Why did that happen?

It's because all the conditioning is still there, right? So I think that falls right along with you, right? Yeah. I think that's a, I think that's a human problem. And I think, especially cause guys, we try to like bang our head against the wall and fix stuff and work really hard. I think it's especially true for men.

So the other one, and I'm trying to find the right way to ask this because I know there are a lot of women that listen to us because we often hear from them saying, I wish my husband would listen. I wish my, my boyfriend would listen. So there may be the more enlightened of the, of the group, but I can also, in the back of my head here, Oh, poor men.

Men have all the privilege. Men have all the power. Is there, is there anything to that? Is there anything to sort of men bellyaching about their problems in relation to people, you know, in marginalized communities? No man, I think in general it's a human problem. [00:33:00] People talk about toxic masculinity, I think that's unconscious masculinity.

There's just as much toxic femininity. There's unconscious women, right? There are women that take advantage of men. There are men that take advantage of women. I don't think it's men are the problem or women are the problem. I think it's unconsciousness in general. If that makes sense. Right. So, uh, I think everybody, everybody's doing the best they can, what they have available to them.

I think women need help, especially, you know, you said, is this a uniquely male problem? No, it's a, it's females have the same problem. I'm a guy. So I, you know, I can't talk about specifically female problems cause I don't have the personal experience for it. I can talk about men's stuff, uh, but I've helped women before.

And, uh, likewise, I mean, I don't think. You know, men are the only ones with problems. I think everybody does. It's just a matter of helping people get conscious, helping people overcome their stuff and like finding ways to get together, uh, instead of just blaming and separating so much. Yeah, so much, uh, tribalism, division, whatever, whatever we can find to divide ourselves against each other is, uh, toxic to bring that word back up.

Yep. Cool. People want to work [00:34:00] with you. They want to get in touch with you. Where do we learn more? Yeah. Cool. It's a couple of different ways. So I got a free Facebook group for men. It's called, uh, self mastery for men. So it's facebook. com slash groups slash self mastery for men. One word. Um, I also got a YouTube channel.

So it's self mastery for men as well. You can find my Instagram. It's my name at Jared Ganim. You can find me there too. Our thanks to Jared Ganim from self mastery for men. You can find links to his program in the show notes for this episode at the fit mess. com man. I wish that I knew the first time I hit rock bottom.

That was a starting point for me. Where I could go and do anything I wanted to, I wish I had known that because while it still would have sucked, there still would have been fear, uncertainty, doubt, blah, blah, blah. There would have been a little bit more hope, right? The last time I hit it, I think I did recognize it more probably because we've been doing the show for so long and talking about these things so, so often.

But I [00:35:00] had that experience of both the fear and the terror of man, what now, you know, I've got a family to take care of and all of the things. But I did have this, this sense of I really can do anything. And so I sort of threw a bunch of ideas out there and just started kind of creating. I started a blog in one place and another one in another place.

I just started sort of putting content out to try to figure out, like, what, what really gets me going here? Um, and ultimately something landed and I, and I blew up all of that cause it didn't, uh, it didn't go in the direction I wanted because I didn't focus on one thing, right? Like it's really tempting to just go, I can do anything, so I'm going to do everything.

But if you can pick that one lane and focus all of your energy on it, odds are, it's going to pay off pretty well for you. Don't do what I do. I found a dozen things I want to try this month and I'm going to try them all. I'm going to go get certified in everything by March. The other bit that I know I've always struggled with is like that childhood conditioning that I had that just, [00:36:00] you know, my, I mean, my childhood wasn't horrible.

It was bad, but you know, we've had guests on who've had it way worse than me. And they were able to get through it and I've been able to get through it, but like that conditioning, that programming is just, it's solid. Like it's really well written code that you're not getting out of there. Um, and you got to put, you know, other bits and pieces on top of it to counter, you know, those, that, that condition in those beliefs.

And it's just, it's so uncomfortable to do. But it's so worthwhile, it's uncomfortable to do to do. And I think a lot of times we don't even realize it's there until there's some strange epiphany, some strange moment like the one I described where you just see it clear as day in front of you. We're like, wow, that's the voice in my head.

That's where that comes from. That's not just me thinking I suck. That's just something that was built 40 years ago. That's crazy. So until you can really identify where. Those beliefs and those ideas come from, [00:37:00] it's, it's even harder to do that work. Cause you don't even know what rocks to start turning over to find the solutions.

Yep. Well, I don't know about you, Jeremy, but I think that might have to do it for this week because I guess I have some rocks. I got to go over and turn. You got to go turn some rocks over. All right, well that will do it for this week, but if you did enjoy this episode or got anything from it at all, please do share this episode with someone who needs to hear it.

We would love to be able to help as many people as possible, and you are the key to making that happen. So hit that share button today and come back next week to the fit mess. com. For a brand new episode. Thanks so much for listening. See everyone.