Learn the Secret to Turning Your Pain Into Your Superpower with Jill McAbe

Jill McAbe Transcript

[00:00:00] Jeremy: Success, happiness. What do they look like to you now? What did they look like to you 20 years ago? Maybe more importantly, what will they look like 20 years from now?

[00:00:09] Zach: Fuck if I know, but today we're going to talk to a really great cast who might be able to help 

[00:00:14] mcabe content - USB: in 

[00:00:14] Zach: that.

[00:00:15] Jeremy: We're joined today by Jill McCabe. She's a best-selling author, CEO and founder of boom. You and she has a brand new book that will tell you all about it's called it's go time.

[00:00:25] But first, 

[00:00:27] hello, and welcome to the fitness podcast. Thanks so much for listening to us while you're doing whatever it is you're doing. We do appreciate being a part of your day.

[00:01:38] We've got a great conversation lined up for you this week. We will be speaking with Jill McKay, but she is from boom. You, she has a brand new book it's called. It's go time. We'll be talking all about success and happiness.

[00:01:49] Which can mean a lot of different things to different people. Zach, I consider you a pretty successful person by most standards, but it took you some time to get there. It didn't happen overnight. 

[00:01:57] Zach: So my whole professional life, my whole career I've worked for companies that , are providing services that didn't really connect with. one of the companies I worked for provided, services to, insurance companies. , yes, insurance is important, but , for the most part insurance companies are there to make money too.

[00:02:18] So it. Wasn't quite as personal or helping people as much as I wanted it to be, but that was my whole career. So I was just focused on the work and that was success was the next promotion. That was happiness for me

[00:02:32] until I realized it wasn't because every time I got the next promotion, I was like, yay, this is great.

[00:02:37] And then within seconds I was like, okay, what do I got to do for the next one? It was never enough. And now I've had really good success in my career. , , I live a good life because of it, but now I've got a job where I'm actually helping small business owners thrive I'm doing the same kind of work, but the purpose behind it is different.

[00:02:59] I feel so much better here. Doing the same thing that I've been doing at other companies, but because I'm helping the little guys and helping people, , keep their businesses, thriving, totally different mindset for me from a career perspective where like, I want to do good at my job and I want to do well, but I'm also at the. In my career now where it's the same song, right?

[00:03:21] I know what to do. I know how to do it.

[00:03:23] I just got to get the people and put the teams together and go execute. , it's not terribly difficult. , but it's not about climbing the corporate ladder. Now it's about making a difference in people's lives. So it's really been a weird shift for me over the last couple of years now of realizing that what I do for work while I'm very passionate about it. And it's fun for me. It wasn't meeting that need for me, of giving back to the community and helping people thrive and succeed. And now I've got all of these skills I can offer to a job that's helping people do just that.

[00:03:58] So it's, it's interesting. I feel really passionate at work

[00:04:01] again, but for the right reasons.

[00:04:05] Jeremy: it's funny, you know, in the interview, we're going to talk about in just a minute, the idea of reverse engineering success. And in a way you sort of did that through the skills that you've acquired. You've been able to retroactively go back and start doing them in a way that felt more rewarding to you. I had kind of different experience in my job where I didn't enjoy my job, man.

[00:04:22] I was, I was in the news and my job was to pump toxic information into people's brains to scare them enough, to come back to make sure they know what's going on in the world so they can protect themselves. But I had to go into it with sort of a mindset of rather than being the guy that feeds everyone, this horrible stuff.

[00:04:39] I went into it, feeling like a gatekeeper, like don't let through what doesn't need to go through. Only let through what is important and actually will affect people's lives in either a positive way or in a way that they can actually take action. So I would go into my job. How can I best serve by withholding information, not in a censorship way, but in just like , what is actually helpful to people kind of way. That I think has even spilled over to what I'm doing now, you know, leaving that job and trying to put all of my effort into this, , I feel like we're here trying to help people.

[00:05:10] We're trying to guide people through some of the early phases of what we went through when we discuss. We want to be happier. We want to be healthier. We want to have a more, , purpose-driven healthy life. How do we do it? And we kind of had each other to get through that, but I think there are loads of people.

[00:05:26] Hopefully most of them are listening to this that are going to get some tips and get some ideas on some steps they can take to start living a more purposeful and happy life. 

[00:05:35] Zach: it's all very interesting because it's, unfortunately there a social picture of success. That I want wholly believed in and it shattered slowly over time, but it's no longer there. And I looked back at my older self chasing that picture of success. while I would never change anything about my past, it all happened for a reason. And I am who I am because of it. I do cringe. To a certain extent, , the effort that I put forth to meet that picture,

[00:06:11] And now I just, I'm happy that picture is shattered in my world, and I don't care as much about What that looks like success is very, very different for me now.

[00:06:22] Jeremy: I still struggle with that sometimes. Just worrying about what are people going to think of our life or of who we are as people based on, on those sorts of material.

[00:06:32] Things, not as much. But the thing that does still get to me is the. Fear of the future. Am I doing the things now that in 20 years when I'm ready to retire or whatever, will I have set myself up enough or am I going to be going, geez, that thing I did 20 years ago really screwed me.

[00:06:50] But not for social acceptance, just for my. My own success in air quotes, you know, will I be regretting these things because I can't help my kids enough with college or I didn't save enough or we can't travel the way we thought we would.

[00:07:04] Like those things haunt me. But at the same time, they drive me to try and do better. And as long as I sort of change that relationship with that fear or that concern and let it drive me instead of scare me, then I think it's somewhat okay. 

[00:07:20] Zach: Yeah, I'm with you on that. I, I do think about that a lot. I, I envision myself 20, 30 years from now and whether or not I'm going to be happy with a decision I'm about to make and it has actually, made me do things differently. 

[00:07:38] Jeremy: Right,

[00:07:39] Zach: So anyway, success, happiness. It's different for everyone. And I, I think the one thing that I would want everyone to know about. Success and happiness is that it's not static.

[00:07:53] It's going to change your going to let go of beliefs. You're going to get new beliefs. You're going to think about things in a different way. And again, really good to have goals trying to strive for something. But , I'll go back to curiosity, be curious about yourself, figure. What it is, you are passionate about what it is that you want to be successful at what it is your 60 year old self is going to be happy with 

[00:08:23] Jeremy: I also think it's important to remember that success maybe happiness, more than success, I think are both tempered. I think there, there are destinations. And if you got caught up on the feeling of happy, like I will be happy when both are fleeting.

[00:08:39] and so. It's great to have, like you said, those goals, but I feel like it's important to sort of focus on the journey that gets you there because that's where you spend most of the time.

[00:08:48] One of the ways that we've been trying to improve our own success and happiness is through our Facebook group well, this month, we've been spending a lot of time talking about and encouraging each other to meditate more. 

[00:08:57] Zach: Yeah, so far it's. very encouraging, to have, a place where we can post our daily wins and in my case losses and just help be accountable for other people and have other people be accountable for us. And in that group, again, we're focusing on meditation this month. right now, there is a link to a 50% discount off of Headspace in there just for joining the group.

[00:09:20] Jeremy: There's also a number of free resources available to you there. So jump on over to the Facebook group and join us and, , we'll help hold each other accountable in our efforts to meditate more. And all of the other things we have lined up. 

[00:09:30] Well, all this talk about happiness and success leads us to our interview. This week with Jill McCabe. She is a best-selling author and CEO and founder of boom. You. She has a new book called it's go time.

[00:09:41] And her passion is helping others find and achieve success. And we started by asking her who she was before becoming the kind of person who teaches others to find success and happiness.

[00:09:51] Jill Mcabe: I've actually been doing this an awful long time, but for different audiences. So if I'm to rewind back to the beginning, I thought , my first career, I really thought I was going to be in New York. And I tried my hand at being. An actor and a music. And, and then at some point I saw myself on TV and realized I was the worst I saw like everybody else.

[00:10:15] And then I saw me and I realized I'm holding , all my other cast members back. So out of, out of integrity to them, I quit and went into stage direction. And I was really good at that. But then I didn't like the hour. So I thought, oh, you know what? I'll go to a career with way better hours. I'll become a chef. 

[00:10:34] Zach: Literally one bad 

[00:10:35] Jill Mcabe: decision after the

[00:10:36] next. And so, but then I had an intern. This is actually where the story sort of begins. Um, I also realized I was a decent. Cook, but my brother was sort of world-class skills. So I finally made a really good decision. And I went into business with my brother. We actually ended up with like a world renowned restaurant.

[00:10:57] Jeremy: Wow. Well done.

[00:10:58] Jill Mcabe: Yeah. That was like, yeah, it was pretty fancy for two kids at their late twenties. , so ran that for seven years. And , during that time, we had a very successful business. We operated well, we kept our team for a long time with a very motivated staff were high-end.

[00:11:11] So we had well-heeled clientele and I think that's, that's really where my career started off two things happen there. One, , we opened a second business and it totally failed. So I, I kind of went into business thinking like, I'm so hot, right? Like, look at me with this international success. I'm the coolest.

[00:11:28] And then

[00:11:28] we opened another business and I call it my food shop flop because who doesn't love to rhyme.

[00:11:34] And I love it. And, and then it really, it was like a wake up call. Yeah. Just because you have a success doesn't mean, you know, how to reverse engineer or predictably created. And that really led. , the rest of my life, I think I remember making a vow to myself.

[00:11:48] I am going to figure out how to reverse engineer success. And at that time I thought it would be limited to restaurants, but after selling the restaurant, I just started getting recruited by clientele, insurance businesses and import export businesses and manufacturing. I I'm like, what do I know about that business?

[00:12:04] And they're like, don't worry, you know, about operations and my career. So I fell into my career. I fell into it.

[00:12:09] Jeremy: I did as well, but that's, that's a story for another time. We 

[00:12:13] Zach: I I did not fall into my career. It's been a preplan thing since 17. , and it's gone relatively to plan , with a couple of speed bumps, so reverse engineering success. I have a million questions on that, but tell me a little bit more about that. , what have you found in reverse engineering?

[00:12:31] It like what, what are the, like the high level key components to being successful? 

[00:12:36] Jill Mcabe: I think I just, what I really had to discover over the last couple of decades was what it really meant. Right. And so sometimes we can talk about something and then really not understand the depth of what is really meant by it. , I'm not saying I have figured out how to reverse engineer success also to be clear, Zack, I'm seeing I spent 20, 20 years working on that. If it's a bumpy road, I think I definitely know how to smooth that S curve. , but I still think there's each one of us has a personal journey and. I mean in my life, I've helped a lot of people make a lot of money and it's surprising to me when I've helped entrepreneurs make significant amounts of money. How many times they would say to me, I'm not happy. Okay. So we talked about reverse engineering success and I'm present to your question, but I also want to sort of, I think when you talk about what successes.

[00:13:27] Jeremy: That was going to be my next question is how do you define it? Cause it is interesting that, that your answer in trying to answer that question defaulted to. I've helped people make a lot of money. And that is particularly in Western culture. That's the benchmark. If I'm making a lot of money, I'm successful, but how many stories do you have to hear of people that have that money and have that status and have that job and that car and that house that are dying inside?

[00:13:52] It's so common. So what, how do you define success when you're trying to help people find their purpose and find success?

[00:13:59] Jill Mcabe: Yeah. So, you know, my, my career net, it used to be that, you know, As a consultant for hire that helped people, entrepreneurs make more money. , and now I'm only interested in helping people. And this does tend to be people who are a little bit older who want, and I don't think it's a choice. I do think there's a false dichotomy out there.

[00:14:17] Right. I have to choose between financial success and fulfillment. And I don't think it's a choice. I deepen my heart believe that we can have that sense of joy. So how I define it. Success and in terms of my work or the people that I work with or what matters to me in my life, , is that we just feel intrinsically good, .

[00:14:40] About what we're doing. So do we wake up and feel intrinsically motivated, intrinsically good. And by that some people get like free Saul and some people get. Oh guys, we're going to move into some science territory super fast here, by the

[00:14:56] way. I know you like that, but that's because that's actually where this is going. So I'm still actually present to,, how you reverse engineer success. So if I go back there and I'm saying, well, what is success? Well, it's feeling like, , not having any doubt, you know how they say, if you're questioning the answer's no.

[00:15:16] Jeremy: Yeah.

[00:15:16] Jill Mcabe: you're questioning it, the answer is no. And so I was doing my consulting career and there was a lot I really loved and I was questioning it. So I was on this 10 year existential crisis of after a car accident, 18 months of rehab, I was trying to figure out like what that thing was and the truth. That reverse engineering success. If you just go to, the rule book is figure out your why, figure out your vision, understand your purpose, , create a line, have values, and I'm using this sort of monotone tone of voice. Not because these things aren't important, but because the way I've seen the world talk about them is actually not understanding them. Okay.

[00:15:59] The way we're talking about vision and purpose and values is actually we're missing the point. I didn't know that until I went to do my masters in leadership. And then I did that thinking I was just gonna, , have the, the final definitive answer on how to be a great leader.

[00:16:16] That's why I went because I actually thought there was one.

[00:16:19] Oh my God. , and what I discovered. Because there is as many theories on how to be a great leader, personal leadership, right. As well as,, professional, , as there are leadership theorists. And that is to mean that there is pretty much, there are some, and that's, we're going to get to that, the answer to your questions in it. , there's actually like almost no uncontested advice about leadership. There is as many theories as theorists, which means they're like, this is how, you know, the top five things I, you know, in leadership should really be finished with, in my opinion.

[00:16:52] Jeremy: Right, right.

[00:16:54] Jill Mcabe: And then the next set of researchers will completely unwind that research.

[00:16:58] And then there was an, I was really upset, right? Because I went looking for this, these definitive answers and all I got was basically nobody agreeing on anything. Okay, except over a century of research, reinforcing that. Having a vision seem to help you outperform the market by two to 12 times. And in most cases, 10 to 12 times.

[00:17:21] Okay. So, So, this thing called vision can help you outperform the market by 10 to 12 times. And here I am, I'm 48. I don't want to reinvent myself and I'm thinking, 

[00:17:31] Zach: well, I need that. 

[00:17:34] Jill Mcabe: I need this thing called vision.

[00:17:36] Jeremy: Yeah.

[00:17:37] Jill Mcabe: What is a vision? Right? And this is the thing we can't, we can't just kind of say, like, what is the vision?

[00:17:41] And I like to call it like a blown up dream, like a giant dream long-term dream. There's a lot of rules about vision, but one of them is it's underscored by the leader's purpose. And so then I'm like, oh no, I'm never going to get a vision because I haven't been able to figure out my purpose. And so. 

[00:17:59] Zach: Oh, no, 

[00:18:01] Jill Mcabe: because I'd been trying for like five years watching all the Ted talks, reading the books, doing whatever, find your, you your difference here this year, that heck I couldn't find it. And then it turns out that I was lucky enough to meet one of the foremost researchers in the area of how to find your calling. And it turns out there's a very, data-driven scientific way of figuring this out for yourself.

[00:18:21] Jeremy: I want to dig into that, but I want to ask you something about purpose because I just read something the other day and it was a really interesting way of putting it, but somebody said something to the effect that. , you don't find your purpose, you create your purpose. Do you agree with that? And does that, does that fit with the framework you're about to share with us about purpose?

[00:18:38] Jill Mcabe: It depends what they meant. Honestly, it

[00:18:40] might, I would have to have a conversation

[00:18:42] with that person to explore because in my experience, so first of all, I did find that one of the problems with purpose is that we don't have a shared agreement about what that is.

[00:18:55] So I'm going to let's work in this conversation with the definition that I use in my work , is like something that makes you feel intrinsically good.

[00:19:02] Like really with my work, I'm looking at helping people create fulfilling businesses and fulfilling lives. I want, , everyone to be able to say, I feel great about the life I'm living. That's what it comes down

[00:19:13] to. Like, I feel great inside and out and what I've discovered with purpose and the people that I've helped. Live more purpose. Flea is, is actually that it just creates an intrinsic sense of enjoyment guys. Guess what? This is going to meld with neuroscience in a

[00:19:29] second. Like I'm not trying to be a 

[00:19:31] Zach: tease, so 

[00:19:33] Jill Mcabe: cool. I never knew this is all like, this was me right? Following the breath.

[00:19:38] Like that was like, literally me going, okay.

[00:19:40] I need a vision. Cause I need two to 12 times. I need to be a leader. Okay. So now I need a vision. Okay. So now I need this thing called purpose. How the heck am I going to get that? And then I find that, and actually it's a clue to neuroscience and reprogramming your beliefs.

[00:19:52] Jeremy: Okay. Tell me more.

[00:19:54] Jill Mcabe: oh my God, by the way, I haven't shared this way in a, in a podcast before, because that really was the journey. So the purpose piece, I discovered it creates an intrinsic feeling. Like you get free saw or you know it, and so that's why, when I say it, you create it to come back 

[00:20:12] Zach: to that piece. 

[00:20:13] Jill Mcabe: What I believe we expect , because I've helped so many people identify this about themselves. Like that thing that makes them feel intrinsically good. , we're expecting fireworks. Like, don't you think, like, there's my purpose? Like, don't you think you deserve a marching band? Because I sure did. I was hyped out. It had it had I write, I thought there'd be fireworks,

[00:20:32] but instead there's this like, huh? Is that it? It's. Underwhelming at first, but you know, it's yours because it creates this positive feeling and it's found in the data of your past, you literally go through your past and you find the moments you felt that way and you add them up and you see what's in common. It's a very data-driven approach that I use. And then Oz you create, and this is where that create word I'm into it. . purpose by the way, is not to open a chain of coffee shops

[00:21:05] or to build a school somewhere. It's something that you can do by breakfast. It's like helping people feel they belong or I'm shining a light on things, or even being a contrarian or even,, alternating viewpoints or, I like helping people, , feel fulfilled if there's so many, it's so simple, there are simple concepts you can apply by breakfast. . So you can have any job, . And still express your purpose. And so the more you connect your daily behaviors to this thing, the more you create it, because then it becomes the fireworks. And those feelings inside as they grow, actually help you reprogram limiting beliefs in your brain. , do you guys know the expression? Like it's a MacGyver, right? It's like a, it's a, it's a MacGuyver into actually helping you reprogram the part of your brain that is sort of in charge of your day-to-day living.

[00:22:00] Jeremy: Wow.

[00:22:01] Zach: I can clearly see , my entire past, there's always been one common theme and it was related to my work. Because my work involved, helping people accomplish their goals. But it was like it stuff like making sure their computer worked. Right. it took me a long time to connect that to the feeling of, I just made that person's day better. I allowed them to complete their goals, which led us actually do this podcast,

[00:22:29] which over time has been like reprogramming my brain to like, I actually can do this and I'm able to help people in a different way.

[00:22:38] I don't have to just fix computers. , so everything you just said flashed through my mind of, oh my gosh. That's kind of the journey. I was just. 

[00:22:46] Jill Mcabe: I sensed to Zach, that that was the case. When you mentioned that you'd known for a long time, as I was saying that in my head, I was like, Zach's going to connect with this. He's going to see that in his story, because you seem to have that clarity about yourself. Um, and that, but that is it. And then Jeremy, , I noticed you commented on that's cool. Right? Because that's the thing. I always know. Someone doesn't have their purpose when it's like a job description. Like 

[00:23:14] Zach: no,

[00:23:15] Jeremy: Totally. No, that totally makes sense. Cause that's, that's the thing that we're told is that you're just going to be magically plucked out of life and given this grand adventure to go on and save the world and rescue the princess and blow up the death star or whatever the thing is.

[00:23:29] And then , when halfway through your life, you're still like, when is obiwan gonna walk in and take me on this wild adventure. I'm making a lot of star wars references here. Sorry about that.

[00:23:39] Zach: I 

[00:23:39] Jill Mcabe: honestly, I, you should rescue the princess and I, I stopped there waiting for a long 

[00:23:43] Zach: time.

[00:23:47] I was like, that, sounds awesome. 

[00:23:49] Jeremy: but for most people that doesn't happen. Most of us aren't Luke Skywalker. Most of us are the guy at the bar serving the drinks.

[00:23:54] Zach: Yeah.

[00:23:55] Jeremy: So if I am the guy in the bar and I'm realizing, okay, my Luke Skywalker moment and then might never come,

[00:24:02] Where do I begin? How do I start trying to find that purpose and that way.

[00:24:06] Zach: So I'm going to 

[00:24:06] Jill Mcabe: talk a, I going to get all Agee now, cause this, and this is what I learned from super smart, distinguished professor. Who's like foremost in the world. His name is Alango kind of like Madonna. He only has one name, very cool by it. And , he's like how to find your call. And we had several dinners as I was sort of fascinated by these topics because I had all of these tools and systems that I used to use with entrepreneurs, but they were missing a depth and there was a lot of guesswork. And so in, in my buckets go time, this is a good time to mention it because I do, I do describe the activity in chapter five, but the short version is . You start thinking of the times in your life where you were at your best. And I'm going to give a couple of details about that. Cause a lot of people that needs a little more explanation, but I'm also going to say before I give this, I just want to mention a little bit about age because what he told me and it seems to fit with my experience is that harder to find when we're younger sometimes because. Perfectly normal to spend some time just going out and sampling the buffet of life. And so the activity I'm about to give , is an activity that assumes that you've sampled a bit of the buffet. And you're now going back to find your favorite dishes.

[00:25:28] That's really what I start to learn. And so , how I work with my clients is , we get them to write the stories , and when you were at your best is not always like what I was at that concert. And it was amazing. Or

[00:25:40] Jeremy: Right.

[00:25:41] Jill Mcabe: when I was lying on the beach, it usually is. I hear stories like, oh, it's like I was in university and I was like doing door to door, shoe shining, , to make enough money or, , ah, I was like visiting the Homeland, , and , I wanted to go hang out and party with my friends, but the aunt who lived two hours away was old. And I went to see her instead.

[00:26:02] So it's actually the stories where we. Did that thing that was usually a little hard, a little awkward, , or we got up on stage, we were shy and we got up on stage on open mic night and told jokes and, you know, whatever there, one of mine was simply. I was very isolated as a child because I was, I was humiliated for being dyslexic. So I actually was afraid of having friends because my teacher told me you will ruin people's lives. Cause you're like dumb. Okay. That's like a whole.

[00:26:35] And so I, one of my greatest moments was having dim sum with five people, simply because it was so exciting for me to be 

[00:26:44] Zach: like, oh my God, this is amazing. 

[00:26:46] Jill Mcabe: Because for me that was really challenging. So there is a challenge. So if we can create a list of stories like this, then we take those stories and we find the common themes. And I'm going to say to anyone, listening, please get someone to help you. I'm just going to, and you're just going to share this a couple of things I know about purpose after or whatever, this thing that makes you feel intrinsically good about who you are, that you can nurture and grow and create and expand. It's really hard to see ours. It's really hard to Sierra's because typically it's close to a pain point. And the story I tell in chapter five of my book is about this little girl who our dad said, you'll submit park. Is that how I pronounce it? I'm

[00:27:27] Canadian friend. Who's not impressed 

[00:27:30] Zach: with.

[00:27:30] Jeremy: you know, I I'm, I'm also in Canada, but more about that later.

[00:27:34] Zach: Okay, so 

[00:27:36] Jill Mcabe: Yosemite.

[00:27:37] , she was like, don't go out because there's there. So this little

[00:27:40] eight year old ran out and was like looking for bears. , and then she got, , scolded and she got grounded and, but she was so proud of herself. So that was a really good example of one of these stories. And so I said, so what do you think your common themes are?

[00:27:51] And she, and this I'm just going to say, I'm sorry if you're listening, this is what everybody says, helping others be better. No, that's really boring. First of all. Yes, of course. We're here to help other people be better. But first and foremost, and I think hers was like giving other people confident and hers is not, hers is actually adventure.

[00:28:11] She loves creating adventure.

[00:28:13] Jeremy: Um,

[00:28:14] Jill Mcabe: And her entire career turned around when she figured this out. Cause she was a health coach focusing in on sleep, helping people get better sleep. Now she's good at that. But her career was stagnating when that was her focus. She had a book on it and everything. When we discovered she wants people to live vibrant lives. All of a sudden things took a shift because it was aligned with something deeper. So that's what I'm going to say. Find those tough stories and then get a friend to help you look at the. And the key is that we never just do something for someone else.

[00:28:47] So it's like the hardest lesson you have to learn for yourself. Then we do that for others. We don't come as these fully formed things, but I help other people do whatever. It's like, no, this is the hardest hill I ever had to climb. And I held other people climb up behind me. That's more like what?

[00:29:03] That sounds 

[00:29:03] Zach: like.

[00:29:04] Now I have more questions that are more related to my own journey here, , in getting help, I spent a lot of time and I'd love to touch a little bit more on getting help and having somebody. Objective in this journey. I know for me, it's really hard Like I have things, I know things, I don't know, things I don't know. I don't know. And then my blind spot right. And other people can see my blind spot. , can you say more about having somebody help you and , how to be open to that feedback?

[00:29:36] Because sometimes that hurts and it's not what you want to hear. 

[00:29:39] Jill Mcabe: It's really hard to see there's that it's actually the way we've been built. Right. So we have, I'm sure you guys know all about this, but there's a part of the brain that its sole job is to keep us safe. And to help us have babies. So it's like more life, right? So this is a prevention and promotion goals. , and believe it or not, it's all tied up because sometimes we take getting feedback as an attack. Right. And, and typically. Yeah, I'm sure you've heard your pain. Is your superpower, have you heard your pain is your superpower, right? So here's the thing. Your pain is routed. So my whole job with people, like I work with people, I love working with people. It's already been very successful, how to dream built a dream. And now it's time for them to build another dream. I like go getters. I like entrepreneurial people. And I also like to work with people, want to make the world better.

[00:30:34] And a hundred percent of the time there is a wound in there that we have to like heal. There is no such thing as doing my job of building fulfilling businesses without actually getting to the core of something you haven't been able to see. And dealing with that. , and I think that we're constantly healing these things in ourselves, but because I work with ambitious people, they constantly have new things to heal. So I'm going to say every new level usually comes with . Something tender from the past

[00:31:06] that needs to be looked at. And by definition, your brain will have blocked it out because it's tender. Right? So clearly there's those things, you know, you know, you don't know. And then there's those things you don't know, you don't know. And that is the realm where you really need to work with someone else who you feel might know that who has the skillset to spot those things.

[00:31:32] Jeremy: When I picture, who we're talking to on this show, I picture myself about 10 years ago, no real direction, no real path, sort of dabbling in different things, but ultimately most of them are not very healthy and are not going to lead me to a long and healthy and wonderful.

[00:31:51] circumstances being what they were doors were opened to improve my health, improve my mental well-being and all of that. So I try and think of that person whenever we have these conversations and talk about purpose so maybe not for the super ambitious person who's already had success and wants some more, but for that person, who's like, I am just so sick of my own crap and I don't know how to get past what, whatever has helped me.

[00:32:13] Where does that person start? I mean, , we've talked a little bit about sort of looking back and finding purpose through your past actions, but how did they get over that hurdle that just has them repeating the same bad habits and making the same mistakes so that they can start going down that better path.

[00:32:28] Jill Mcabe: I love that, Jeremy. Thank you. And you did mention,, as I answer that we're going to come back to that bartender, trying to figure it out as well. Cause that was me for a long time. Actually, I have some really great advice for you because. , some people who come to work with me are in that younger phase. And I do think it works as well. I think, instead of trying to figure out,, purpose, , I still think those activities are really great.

[00:32:52] I call something your happiness recipe. So I, so Jeremy, if you're gonna okay, I'm gonna play along. Cause here's

[00:33:01] something that I'm really into right now. I mentioned this to you guys before we came on air. When I went to do my masters in leadership, I thought leadership was all around learning about how to boss other people around. And if you would have asked me to define a leader, I think back then, I would've said a leader has followers, right? How do you, how can you be a leader if you don't have followers,

[00:33:23] but I've totally changed my opinion on that. I actually think leadership is a lonely and solitary act because I deeply believe that the kind of people we want to follow, we're willing to. To take direction to take steps in a new direction without followers. Right. If I'm just like

[00:33:42] taking a step and then looking behind me to make sure someone's there. Is that leadership or if I'm just like, no, I'm going this way. And then eventually people find me and start coming along that's leadership.

[00:33:54] So I do believe leadership is born in a solitary act. And when I did that masters in leadership, there was so much soul searching to really figure out who we are. I think one of the crimes against humanity is that we spend decades telling people to fit in. the only thing that's going to help them feel fulfillment in their life is if they're true to their hearts and how to be true to your heart, is. Go back and write down the stories, actually write down the stories of when you felt you were your best or even the times that you had the most fun. I like to say, make a list of all the people you feel intrinsically good around. And then don't spend time with anyone 

[00:34:36] Zach: else,

[00:34:38] Jeremy: Yeah.

[00:34:40] Jill Mcabe: , and if it's a parent that's not on that list, possibly limit the time you spend with them. And even the conversations you have with them. I like to say don't spend time with people who don't believe in you more than you believe in you. , and then I do talk about, how you pick values, I don't go the cultural norm.

[00:34:59] Honestly. I really, I really want to invite any listener in that situation to look at. Um, I do give away my book for free. , and in chapter five. I actually teach. How to go through the purpose activities, but also how to choose values. I show us how a lot of the values we think we have are, we're not really being honest with ourselves and I call it your happiness recipe.

[00:35:23] Like literally make a list of the things you've enjoyed in the past. , don't just say I like music, like write down 20 songs. Don't just say I like traveling right down. Like, where are you like to go? Because you can close your eyes and imagine those things, or you can actually go and do them. And then make your decisions in accordance with that happiness recipe. Like always be checking with that inner compass and try to make a decision.

[00:35:50] You know, your decisions don't make them from a place of fear or moving away. Should I leave? Don't ask that we really want to ask questions. Like what makes me feel. Um, I do teach on decision-making, but basic things are, should I go is not a good question. Right? What would make me feel best? Even just changing our questions to things like that. And then just going back to that inner compass, I hope that will help the listeners. Jeremy, do you think? Uh,

[00:36:15] Zach: I think so.

[00:36:16] Jeremy: Yeah. It's, it's what I've had to do a lot of in the last few years. And I've definitely learned in this. Perhaps an oversimplification of the points that you're making. But I mean, the only real growth I've ever had in my life was in the pain points. I mean, it's, you don't grow when it's easy, you don't grow.

[00:36:32] And when you know, your, your feet are up and you're having a drink and sitting by the fire you grow, when you're trying to light the fire and it's not working. And I mean those challenges and those friction points, that's, that's where life happens. The rest of it is just sort of the in between, I think.

[00:36:46] Zach: Oh, I'd love to build 

[00:36:47] Jill Mcabe: on that because some I've really personally been learning about those pain points. I would invite listeners if you are having a pain point right now, what I hear a lot of is, It happened for the best. I don't love that because it sort of passive and it can lead to a repeating of that problem. So now when I have something painful happen, I actively seek out how I can manufacture a positive.

[00:37:27] Jeremy: Yeah.

[00:37:28] Jill Mcabe: So instead of sort of going like, all right, well, one day that'll happen for the best and just passively waiting for,, my 

[00:37:35] Zach: prints.

[00:37:38] Jeremy: Again, Luke Skywalker is going to bust in any minute with a lightsaber and you'll be saved. It'll be fine.

[00:37:44] Jill Mcabe: So, no, it's, it's really, um, I really set out to manufacturer. like how do I make sure? , this turns into something that won't happen again. , and that can take some soul searching. And, and why did this hurt? Because typically anything that hurts you it's because there's an opportunity to heal something.

[00:38:07] So , if we can find that curiosity okay. By all means cry. Okay. And by the way, in chapter 11 of my book, like I go through what to do. , in these scenarios, like to actually use these painful events as learning events. So that really so that we don't repeat them because that's

[00:38:26] the saddest part of all is when we're reliving the same kind of problem.

[00:38:31] Jeremy: Absolutely. You've you've mentioned it a couple of times. We haven't given it nearly the attention it deserves. Tell us about the book. What are we going to get from the book?

[00:38:38] Zach: Thanks. 

[00:38:39] Jill Mcabe: , the book it's go time . Is really a book on how to achieve fulfillment in your life. Now it is, uh, called it's go time, build the business and life you really want. It is for people who want to make money from their skillsets. But even if you're working for someone else, , I've been getting a lot of notes from people who it's helping them have better relationships.

[00:38:59] I teach the neuroscience of how to program your brain to get going on goals. Without willpower. I teach, , some behavioral science based stuff on how you can reorganize your world to make your success inevitable. There's so much powerful science that as you guys talk about, That is not broadly. Available. And the book is very much, I say at one point in the book, we're not going to fix problems at the light switch, the tools and techniques that I give are ones to actually reprogram you to have more success. , so that any tool you use works. So I say we're getting down to the power station. So I'd love

[00:39:41] anyone who's trying to figure out, uh, if, if you are not currently feeling great about where you are, it's go time is as much about creating the thing that you want to create as it is about leading the things that it's not working and figuring out what all that is

[00:39:54] Jeremy: And we should also ask you about boom, you , while we're doing this. Tell me about boom. You.

[00:39:58] Jill Mcabe: right on. , boom you is we help professionals start expertise based businesses. So it's everything to do with stop selling your time by the hour and start creating value. , so that you're not beholden to trading time for money. I don't like it.

[00:40:16] Jeremy: All fantastic stuff. I knew I was going to walk away with a thousand unanswered questions. So we'll have to do this again sometime. Where do we learn more about you? The book and boom. You, , 

[00:40:24] Jill Mcabe: I welcome your listeners to come and download a free copy of my book. They can grab that. Jill mccabe.com forward slash fitness. And my last name only has one seat. 

[00:40:37] Jeremy: And we will, of course have a link to that on the show notes for this page gel. This has been awesome. I'm so glad we did this. Thank you so much for your time.

[00:40:44] Jill Mcabe: Thank you. It was amazing being here. I think you guys have an incredible podcast.

[00:40:48] 

[00:40:48] Jeremy: Our thanks to Jill McCabe, CEO, and founder of boom. You, her new book is it's go time. You can find more about her, that book and all the work she does by going to Jill mccabe.com forward slash fitness. And if you go there, you'll actually get a free copy of it's go time. , And of course the link to that is in the show notes for this@thefitness.com. 

[00:41:08] Zach: And as soon as you're done looking up Joe McGee and all of her wonderful resources head on over to Facebook, where we have the fitness community, it's a private group where we're currently focused on a month of meditation next month, we're going to have a new topic that we're going to be supporting each other in. If you head over there now we've got a 50% off discount for Headspace, just for joining the group. There's a lot of good conversations going on in there. A lot of good support. And we can't wait to see you in there and help support you along your journey.

[00:41:39] Jeremy: But for now, that's going to do it. Thanks so much for listening to this episode of the fitness. Make sure you subscribe on whatever podcast player you're using and head over to our website where next Wednesday there'll be a brand new episode@thefitness.com.