220. Feeling Anxious About the Future? This Nostalgia Exercise Could Help You Find Gratitude

[00:00:00] Jeremy: You spend way too much time worrying about what might go wrong in the future or regretting some stupid crap you did when you were in middle school.

[00:00:07] That leaves you feeling anxious, feeling depressed, feeling like everything is completely out of your control, and you have nothing to be grateful for.

[00:00:14] Zach: There are so many tools and techniques that you can use to help yourself get out of those moments, but today we're gonna focus on how a trip down memory lane can help you get out of those funks

[00:00:26] For anyone who's been listening for the last couple of months, both of us have been having, our struggles with, you know, ups and downs and in mental health and I had a moment over the last couple of weeks that like really [00:01:00] helped me kind of, I think, dig outta the last little bit of that funk.

[00:01:03] Jeremy: It's odd how that has happened for you because it also happened for me. But first, I want to hear what happened with you, Zach. Tell me a story. 

[00:01:10] Zach: So my daughter's 12 and she's grown beyond all of the toys that she has, and now she just wants to have like a hangout

[00:01:16] spot in my house. So the basement was this playroom with all of her toys and Barbies and American girl dolls and like just stupid, ridiculous amounts of things that I spoiled her with over the years. 

[00:01:27] Jeremy: But you're aware of it, that's the 

[00:01:28] important part. You're aware of the spoilage that happened there.

[00:01:31] Zach: Oh,

[00:01:31] very aware. Very aware. I overcompensated. 'cause you know, my mom would leave me alone for four days when I was four, so I would just make sure to buy her two American girl

[00:01:39] doll dolls a week. Anyway, so like,

[00:01:42] Jeremy: Like any good father 

[00:01:44] Zach: I mean, I don't think it's

[00:01:45] overboard, you know, if it was three dolls

[00:01:48] Jeremy: That's excessive. Let's, yeah, calm 

[00:01:50] down. Calm down, dad. 

[00:01:52] Zach: Exactly. So, She's 12 and she's at that mode where she's like, all those kids stuff is like going, all the kids stuff is going away [00:02:00] and she wants a place for her and her friends to hang out. So I was like, well, this is a perfect opportunity. Let's get rid of everything in the basement and like redo it and we'll get some couches and chairs and we'll get a mini fridge, you know, so you guys can have soda and water and like, you know, I'll put a cupboard over here for snacks

[00:02:16] Jeremy: Sure, so you're going to make a man cave that you're going to allow her to hang out in every now and then. 

[00:02:20] Yeah, 

[00:02:20] Zach: So like, I'm gonna, and I like, I'm getting like a short throw, laser projector, 150 inch

[00:02:25] Jeremy: What every 12 year old 

[00:02:26] girl needs. It just makes sense.

[00:02:28] Zach: I mean, I, I, it's like, you know what, if we're gonna do this, we're gonna do it right. I'm gonna enjoy it, she's gonna enjoy it, her friend, like, it's all gonna be good. so we went through the basement and we have a basement that's the full footprint of the house and it's finished. So we've got a ton of stuff down here. and I literally just, we spent an entire weekend going, throw it away, give it, donate it to like a local charity or maybe somebody we know would like to have these things. So, and we put everything in those piles. And one of the things was the baseball cards that I [00:03:00] collected when I was nine, 10, and 1112, like in

[00:03:02] that, that age range, age range. I've got like 12,000 cards all in boxes that I wrote on and tried to organize. and like misspelled words and like, you know, baseball cards.

[00:03:14] So like I wrote Strike three, you're out on one of them, but it was strict three, like misspelled and, and you know me and like how like when I'm into something, it's like detailed and

[00:03:25] I wanna be organized and I want, I want things in place. I had one of the boxes like, I must have used for something else.

[00:03:32] So I wrote special, important papers in it. Like, you know, a 10 year old has

[00:03:36] special important papers. 

[00:03:38] All 

[00:03:38] Jeremy: time, you know, you're going to need, you need, 

[00:03:40] those 

[00:03:40] Zach: All misspelled. And I know what it was though because in the boxes I found, I found a couple of receipts for the Columbia House. Get 12

[00:03:47] Jeremy: for a penny. 

[00:03:48] Zach: for a penny. I was like, those must have been my important

[00:03:51] documents. 

[00:03:52] Jeremy: Right. 

[00:03:54] Zach: going through all this and like looking at these baseball cards and this nostalgia and like we've talked about, the fact that I have [00:04:00] a picture of myself as a, you know, at that age range in my living room and the like, pain and suffering that kid went through. Yeah. I, you know, looking at these baseball cards, I was just like, my God, I had so much fun with these cards, trying to organize 'em, and like you can see on one of the boxes, I had everything organized in the box and then I changed the organization, so that's crossed out. And then there was a new organization and, and then on the side I got a label maker.

[00:04:29] So then I, it's a label maker all along the side. And I'll never forget that I was playing with these cards when my brother-in-law gave me my first computer. And then I was like, oh, I can put all this in a database. And then I never played with the baseball cards again ever, because I was like, oh, a computer can do all these other things too. And it was just amazing for me to be like this nostalgia of this really special time in my life where I like had this really great thing happen to me as a kid. And [00:05:00] again, all the pain that surrounded it. and it really just put me back in that moment and reflecting on how far I've come and how much I've healed and all the work I've had to do over the last 35 years of carrying these fucking baseball cards around. I haven't looked at them in 35 years and like pulling them out and like opening the boxes and looking inside and one of 'em was a converse box and I remember getting my first pair of Converse, like all these things, but it just flooded me with all the work that I had to do to heal from all the trauma that I had in that, you know, around that time period. was, it was a very sobering, humbling couple of moments for me where I just. You know, we don't do it often. We, we, we constantly beat ourselves up. We're not good

[00:05:50] enough. We're not doing enough. We're not, we're not there. And I just looked back and was like, that kid that was so happy with these baseball cards, that was so happy getting his first [00:06:00] computer should have been dead or in jail,

[00:06:03] Jeremy: Mm hmm.

[00:06:04] Zach: hands down.

[00:06:04] Like

[00:06:04] that was the path

[00:06:06] Jeremy: Yeah.

[00:06:07] Zach: and that didn't happen. And I'm happy, healthy, mostly healthy Everything is good. So I just really had this moment of reflection of like, this shit takes years

[00:06:18] to get to a place where you're good. Like when I was collecting these cars, I had another 10 years of suffering ahead of me,

[00:06:25] That just like built onto it. So, 

[00:06:28] Jeremy: I wanted to ask you about this because this is so weird that you went through. I had literally, literally yesterday, I had something similar, not, not quite the same way, but I'm, before I tell my story, I wanted, I wanted to find out like, Was it gratitude? Did you look at that and go, Oh my God, I can't believe how abundant my experience, like how much I have looking back at that kid.

[00:06:51] Zach: It is gratitude. A lot of it's gratitude. 'cause like I said, I, you know, I talk to that picture of myself as a boy all the time. Like, Hey man, it's gonna be okay. [00:07:00] But I have not put myself in his shoes in

[00:07:07] Jeremy: Yeah.

[00:07:07] Yeah. 

[00:07:08] Zach: I mean, it's been a long time or ever, right. I haven't had that moment where while I was looking at these cards, while I was kind of reliving all these memories that I had in that moment. I was back in those shoes and I remember, you know, playing with the cards and organizing them for hours and hours and hours because I was in pain,

[00:07:27] you know, 'cause mom wouldn't come see me. It was six months since I'd seen her last. all of these things, I was just super grateful that I've made it this far and that I survived it and that I was able to put the work in to be, as successful as I am today.

[00:07:41] Right. Which, you know, again, the bar's low, but I am good,

[00:07:45] Jeremy: That's okay. I'm holding the low bar over here for you. I got it. Don't worry about it. I got that low bar covered.

[00:07:52] Zach: but yeah, just like looking back and, you know, we, like I said, we beat ourselves up. is a long game. This is a marathon. This is not a quick [00:08:00] race. Like, you know, I want to eat better this week. That's such a short term goal. That's like a five K. But looking at this long race, I was like, wow. Like I am super capable of massive change. And it wasn't easy, but it can totally be done. So in that, again, after that moment, like having that moment, I was like, I went right back to like, ah, I should eat better this week. I should do this better this week. I should do that. And

[00:08:26] I was like, no, no, no. You're okay

[00:08:28] man. we'll, we'll, we'll tackle those goals and we can get there because we have evidence that we can get there. But you're okay. just sit in this for a minute.

[00:08:37] Jeremy: Yeah. 

[00:08:37] Track 1: ad 

[00:08:38] Jeremy: So, my story is a little different, not quite as detailed. Yesterday, my daughter played in her first competitive volleyball game. And I was there to watch, and of course she won, because she's my kid, that's what she does. Uh, um,

[00:08:52] Zach: All I

[00:08:52] Jeremy: all she does is 

[00:08:53] Zach: win.

[00:08:53] win.

[00:08:54] Jeremy: But there was this moment, and it's, so, there was just this moment where I'm, I'm sitting in this middle school [00:09:00] gymnasium, watching all these kids having their middle school experience.

[00:09:04] And seeing the stress on some of their faces and some of them got their game faces on, they're ready to rock and, but just like watching her, watching all of them, I was, I sort of took myself back to that awkward middle school kid that didn't feel like he fit in, that, felt like a loser, like all this stuff.

[00:09:19] And I did, I had a similar moment of like, I am now, a relatively successful, fully functioning human dad, watching his daughter play this game. And, you know, of course, just like loads of pride, just felt like, this is awesome. And she played, like, super well. It's like, I was stoked. Like, everything about it was awesome.

[00:09:42] And, so there was sort of this, just like the, the flame was lit of like, Oh, you've come a long way. Good job. And then she had this other after school activity. I dropped her off, ran some errands, and then I was like, I've got an hour. I'm just going to take a beautiful walk, you know, in the park.

[00:09:56] And so I, I did, I walked for like an hour along this, [00:10:00] just incredible river that we live next to. And I just like every, every five, 10 minutes just kept going like, my God, look, look where you live. Look what you've done. 

[00:10:11] Zach: mm-hmm. 

[00:10:12] Jeremy: like this. Normally the sentence in my head is just like, Oh God, is this over yet?

[00:10:17] Or like something like, like that's sort of where I live. Most of the time I kept catching myself thinking. It just literally doesn't get better than this. Like this, like you've done it. Like if you do nothing else with your life, this is like, wow. And I'm, I'm, I'm not the photo guy. I kept taking out my picture, like taking pictures of everything, taking a couple selfies.

[00:10:39] I was just like, man, this is just incredible. And, and all of a sudden it just hit me like a truck. It was like, Oh, this is gratitude. This is what this feels like. Wow. Like you actually feel good about something, which is, you know, I think also hit me so hard because, you know, as we've documented here, the last like six weeks have been rough.

[00:10:59] [00:11:00] Like I literally was in what my therapist described as A severe depressive episode, which technically is anything longer than two weeks, you're in a severe depressive episode. I could not shake it.

[00:11:12] And I kept telling myself every day, go to the gym, you'll feel better. That's what you need to do. Go push, go do something. But it was the way I described it to my therapist.

[00:11:21] It's just like, it's like telling me to, to cross the street, but in the middle of the street is this giant glass wall. Where there is nothing to hang on to, there is nothing to climb over, there is no door to open, there is, like, you cannot conceive of a way to actually do it.

[00:11:36] Zach: Mm-hmm.

[00:11:37] Jeremy: It doesn't make logical sense, even saying it now, I'm like, that's ridiculous, that's insane, but I just, I just, there was no way to do it.

[00:11:45] Which, I know, sounds like an excuse, but that's the story my brain was telling me.

[00:11:50] Zach: Oh, I know.

[00:11:50] Jeremy: And so I just kept trying to, like, do the little things, take a walk every day, do something every day, and just, And at the end of it now, you know, so the, the, the fog has [00:12:00] lifted, I'm feeling better. And instead of looking back at, you know, what it would normally be a couple of days of, of that and looking back at the six weeks, I don't have the same shame because I'm like, I didn't fully give in.

[00:12:12] I didn't just give up. I did what I could. It wasn't enough. It didn't get me out of it. And it was probably the longest episode I've ever had in my life.

[00:12:20] Zach: Mm-hmm.

[00:12:20] Jeremy: But I never gave up. I kept trying to do something every day. I had my list of all the things to keep track of, make sure you took your vitamins, make sure you got outside, make sure you took this many steps, like all of the things, checking them all off.

[00:12:31] And it all just sort of exploded into this massive experience of gratitude yesterday, walking along this river on what just felt like a perfect day. It's just like, 

[00:12:40] man, So much gratitude for as for how far I've come and it's so easy to get lost in that when you're like, Oh, I haven't eaten the way I want to for the last week.

[00:12:49] Oh, I haven't gone to the gym as much. So like all these little things that feel so important.

[00:12:54] Zach: Yep,

[00:12:55] Jeremy: But in the big picture, it's like you're doing your best.

[00:12:58] Zach: you're doing your best. And look what [00:13:00] you fucking

[00:13:00] Jeremy: Yeah, 

[00:13:01] yeah. 

[00:13:02] Zach: to date. Like we're, if you're still here, it's a success story.

[00:13:07] Jeremy: Yeah, 

[00:13:07] Zach: and it's interesting that you like the way you brought that up. So, last night was open house for my daughter, um, at her school, at middle school. So, you know, a, she's in seventh grade now and I gotta say, Thank fucking God. She is in a grade where they have normal sized chairs. Do you remember going

[00:13:24] to open house in kindergarten and you had to sit in those little chairs That was so dumb. Anyway, same kind of thing, like I was there, like she wasn't there, but I was in her home room.

[00:13:35] I was looking at the desks and the lockers outside and they were talking about like how the kids are doing X, Y, and

[00:13:40] Z, and I just like had this, this moment where I was like, oh man. school sucked for me.

[00:13:47] Like she, uh, I, I can't believe she's here going through this struggle and she's having such a horrible time here and blah, blah, and the, and like it hit me again.

[00:13:58] I was like, no, that was, that was your story. [00:14:00] She's fine. She's got friends. She's roaming these halls, like owning it, like

[00:14:08] she's fine. , So similar kind of thing

[00:14:11] happened in that moment as well. So, you know, lots of, again, tons and tons of gratitude. But now I just wanna give it all back. And I know like the baseball cards, I'm gonna donate to a friend's kids who love baseball.

[00:14:25] Jeremy: You're gonna check it and make sure there's nothing valuable in there first, I hope, after all these years.

[00:14:29] Zach: Oh, I know. There's valuable,

[00:14:30] valuable stuff. I know it's valuable. I'm just giving it away. Like I don't.

[00:14:33] Jeremy: Yeah.

[00:14:35] Zach: I don't want the money. I don't need the

[00:14:36] money. Like there's King Griffey Jr. Rookies in there. There's Ricky Henderson,

[00:14:41] rookies, Don Mattingly rookies, Darrell Strawberry, Dwight Gooden. Like I had, I had a good, good set of cards. I've got a bunch of cards from the 1950s, but I don't, if I sell it, it'll go to some collector. It's gonna put it on a

[00:14:58] shelf [00:15:00] or it's gonna go into a shop and he's gonna pay me this and like, you know, and he'll dole out and like make money and do all these things. But if I give it to some kids who like truly love

[00:15:09] baseball, maybe they'll have just as much fun with that shit as I did.

[00:15:12] Jeremy: Yeah, that's cool, man.

[00:15:14] Zach: but if anyone's listening and wants to make me a really generous

[00:15:17] Jeremy: Right, of 

[00:15:18] Zach: baseball cards, I mean, I will listen.

[00:15:20] I mean, for the right price, of course I will, I will make sure they go somewhere that with a nice home.

[00:15:25] Right? But at the end of the day, like, this is just part of it for me. Like, I just have so much, like I feel gratitude, I feel whole, I feel complete. I wanna give these away to somebody just because hopefully, like maybe they'll have some kind of similar impact that that they had on me. I. Right. Maybe not. Maybe somebody will just have fun with it. It won't change their lives or anything like that. But, 35 years from now, that might be a different story. So I, if you're gonna take anything outta the show of baseball cards and man cave slash teenager hangout places [00:16:00] and walks by the river and volleyball, it's, don't discount the journey you've been on. Really take a look back at where you came from and the progress you've made, and be thankful for that. Be grateful for that. Really accept that because you are okay. You've done well, you've survived. Go you, you mean something to somebody. You're successful like you've done the thing. Yes, we have goals, but just take that moment and live with it and sit with it. That you're good right now. Like it, it truly means a lot, and we forget about it every day.

[00:16:36] Jeremy: And I just, I want to add just quickly, tactically, part of the reason that I think I was able to tap into this. We've talked about how I'm incorporating yoga and trying to do these things to deal with stress issues to deal with some chronic pain stuff. I, I've noticeably in the last week have become aware of the space between, stress and response.

[00:16:59] I'm [00:17:00] already just doing a little bit of yoga every day, taking a little bit of time to meditate. I'm able to better identify. How I was allowing stress to just completely take over and not have gratitude, not become aware of these amazing moments I'm in, because I'm just constantly focusing on what's next.

[00:17:19] What am I missing? Whatever. And so integrating some sort of practice every day to just gratitude, journaling, yoga, meditation, something that just helps you become aware of where you are right now so that you can look back, uh, are some tactical things you can do, I think to help identify those times better.

[00:17:38] So that you can measure your progress and really acknowledge how far you've come and develop a lot more gratitude for it.

[00:17:44] All right, well, that's enough of our trip down nostalgia lane for this episode. We hope you've enjoyed it. And if you think there's somebody, you know, that, uh, struggles the way that, that we have with seeing that gratitude, seeing how far they've come, maybe this episode would be helpful for them. So feel free to share this with them, either through social media, whatever way works for [00:18:00] you, sharing this episode will really help us grow the show and have a greater impact on people that struggle with the same things that you struggle with and the same things that we struggle with.

[00:18:08] , so you can find the link to this episode at the fit mess. com and that's where we'll be back with a new episode in just a few days. Thanks so much for listening.

[00:18:15] Zach: I see everyone,

[00:18:16] seriously, if you wanna send an offer for the baseball cards, I'm listening.

[00:18:20]